yay! for 19

Uhh, I've lost count when it comes to my followers, but thanks to the new ones.

Think I had 15 before, so yay! for 19 - 4 new ones. :)

Gathering twigs

Yesterday turned into a crappy day.
It started off with the annoying hospital workers forcing me to eat and threatening me.
Tools!
They make me so depressed.
Luckily there was this one chap who cheered me up a bit.
Well, we just played cards and it took my mind off of bad things.

Another bad thing was that I got myself a new roomie.
The Tiia woman I've mentioned before.
She's so horrible to me.
She ate all of my sweets and chocolate.
And drank all of my lemonade.
And she ate one of my meals too.

I told the nurse about it and got a new roomie.
Ene.
She's a nice lovely quiet woman.
Tiia would get up at 3 or 4 at night and go to toilet every five minutes and wake me up with flushing.

Oh and when I confronted her about eating my chocolate she said, "How dare you give out to me about that?! I was guarding your stuff while you weren't in the room"
No comment, seriously like.

Anyways, I had quite a big breakfast this morning.
Almost two sandwhiches and some porridge.

Oh and my legs are so sore.
I cleaned up the park here yesterday.
Gathered some twigs.
Had to squat a lot.
Once I'm done here, I'm out again, gathering twigs.

give me even more freedom

Today isn't all that bad.

I get to walk around the hospital as much as I wish.

No more of that little garden business.

Oh and on the 9th of August I'll be transferred to a different unit of the hospital.

And that will give me even more freedom.

It's not about knowing your goal, it's about feeling it

23/07/2010

Hopefully today won't be fucked up and miserable.

Especially cause of some nurse.

Plus I might have a chance to go on the free walk-around.

Or just go and do things like draw and garden at the community garden.

I hope they trust me enough. I have no money, don't know how to get into the town, don't know anyone in town so hopefully they don't think I'll run away and let me get out of here for a while.

24/07/2010

Just gave some ginger pies the guys in here.

One of them said it felt like Christmas and that I was like an angel.

Speaking of the lad, he gave me flowers when we were out earlier today.

And the reason I'm mentioning it is that the flowers were blue.

I love blue flowers!

I think the plant itself was some sort of a moss.

But it looked real nice and the buds were tiny, cute and blue.

The guy himself, well... he's always singing.

He's name's Tuljo.

He travelled to France and England with no money.

Think he was either in jail or madhouse in one of the two countries and was flown back home.

He was even on some sort of TV show in Estonia.

He's a bit mad though.

As I said he's always singing.

He looks and sounds like one of the really cringe worthy contestants on those idol/pop star shows.

He's schizophrenic.

There's no way I'm interested in him, but he's not too bad of a lad. Just saying.

Oh and him and this guy called Rimmel are always fighting.

I had to step in today in the garden, cause Tuljo kicked the ball over the fence and Rimmel wanted to kick his ass for it.

Seriously like.

Another thing - is linden legal?

And smoking is sickening! (literally)

Everyone in here are always after smoking.

It's unreal!

The Tuljo guy even drank the water others put their cigarette butts in. Euww!

Some guys, on Rimmel's initiative, gathered some linden leaves and smoked them.

Is this legal?

As time went on and the smoking took place more often I got used to it.
In the end I was helping them gathering leaves and rolling the paper and all.
It was a way of bonding.

I've really liked being alone.

I do enjoy my own company but it's been fun hanging out with the men here as well.

So there was this Arno guy.

He's gone now, but he was after me and this another girl.

When he left, Tuljo started going on about how he likes me.

Then there was this old man who liked to smoke in the sunshine.

He would exhale the smoke towards the sun. He said he's been homeless and slept outside in winter and he's felt really bad frost.

And he genuinely smiled when smoking the sun.

He too liked me.

He serenaded me.

Then there was this guy among the tuberculosis people.

He asked me once if I'd fancy a cigarette.

Er... no.

With him though it's the second time I've felt a bit stalked.

One time I was rolling up the sleeves of my trousers and a woman told the guy - Toomas or Jaanus - that in Russian (the guy was facing away from me).

Then the other time I was walking around barefoot and the woman told the lad to give his shoes to me.

Well the first time this happened I was 19, playing volleyball.

There was this guy who apparently liked me.

He was hanging with two girls while I was playing.

He got one of the girls to come over and take my picture.

Then she ran to the guy to show the pic.

Stalkerish!

Well, luckily I'm all up to date with my diary business.
Hopefully I can keep coming back to this activity house and write straight onto my blog.

Speaking of men then there's one more.
I know, I know.
A buttload.

He's scaring me a bit though.
He's always after my phone number.
He used to be in jail cause he killed a man.
I'm not judging but I don't want to give my number to a person who's been in jail.
What happened though, there were three people, 1 woman and 2 men.
They planned to stage a rape and when someone came to rescue the woman the other guy would jump out a bush and attack the saver.
They would have robbed the saver and beat them up.
What happened though, the guy here went to save the woman, but the "raper" pulled out a knife and started attacking the saver.
So he got the knife in his hands and attacked the raper.
Confusing yeah...but the bottom line is I don't wanna give him my number.


In the garden yesterday, Tuljo came out with a really nice saying:
"It's not about knowing your goal, it's about feeling it"

Stories from the madhouse. Part two.

The first day I spent alone in the room.

Second day an old lady was brought in.

I'll call her Lunatic from now on.

She talked non-stop. Literally. From the first minute she woke up til the very last one she fell asleep.

Luckily I was moved in together with another old lady - Eevi.

She was nice.

Her suggestions to solve my problems was to "get the devil out of my head".

She was really nice, quiet and clever.

She used to be a nurse.

She was at the madhouse cause she told the police where to go cause they didn't do anything when she reported a theft.

Then I met this tall, big-boned woman Tiia.

She always had something to say. Sometimes funny.

She said, "100 kg is a woman, 102 is fat."

A very colourful character.

Then I was left alone in the room. And Tiia got out. And she came back the other day.

The other night was quite odd.
There was this folk festival near the hospital.
I felt so weird being stuck in our little garden and hearing all this loud music.
I so wanted to join all the fun.
Although the thought of a big crowd of people made me anxious.

There have been quite a few men that have made it quite obvious they're interested in me.
I'm quite sure it's not cause I'm incredibly attractive or nice, it's just that they've been cooped up in the hospital for too long.

One day this chap started hitting on me. He gave me his number but I binned it.
He's called Arno and he's 40.
He looks alright, but he seems too horny.

And to take my current health and situation into consideration I'd be as good as a fork when you need a spoon when it comes to romancing.

My eyes have been really bad lately.

Everything goes fuzzy when I try to read, dunno if it's the medicine or crying.

Had to stop taking the antidepressants.

Went on anti psychotics, which are a lot stronger than antidepressants.

Then went off those as well. Taking some neuro-somethings.

It's just supposed to relieve my phobia and change the way I think.

I guess I need them cause apparently I might have  schizophrenia.

There's this lad around my age here aswell and he's diagnosis is F20.

That's  schizophrenia.

I so hope the psychiatrist is wrong about my diagnosis.

It's pretty weird being here with all the really crazy people. I mean, no wonder I legged it the second or third day from here. Had to come back though. It's such an emotional rollercoaster, more so a low ride one.

Feels like the hardest battle of my life.

22/07/2010

Well, this was an odd experience. Never did I think
I will do some certain things infront of a man.

Like, shaving, for instance.

Maybe involve pubic hair shaving into some sexy time.

But legs and armpit hair I'd like to keep to myself.

Over here, people are not trusted alone with a razor.

You might hurt yourself.

So I was accompanied by a man when shaving.

He kindly offered to shave for me and held my towel in place while I was working on my armpits.

Today was a big old crap of a day.

Cause of the cunt of a nurse.

She wouldn't give me my medicine.

One of my problems is that I feel too sick to eat.

And she wouldn't give me my reliever.

The day got better once I talked to  my psychologist.

I calmed down and came up with an idea to work out a bit.

So after the session (during which I got to use the computer for a bit), I went out and ran a few laps.

Oh I haven't even told about what glorious conditions there are here.

It's a closed unit so we only get to hang out in a little garden. 

It is closed off with this high fence.

And even smaller garden next to ours is for peeps with tuberculosis.

And the other garden is for people who are mad forever.

Seen a lot of different people here.

Some are doing a lot worse than me but my own life still gets me down.

Oh well.

A few days back this man made a move on me.

A man in my ward. He's 40 and quite handsome.

We hugged a few times and he tried to kiss me, but I'm too busy with myself and my life to have an extra person in it.

Besides the main reason, well the second main reson, is my "bf".

Who knows how things will go when he comes over to visit me in Estonia.

In August hopefully.

Speaking of the 40 year old.

He owns this little sports radio.

I'm listening to it at the minute.

Money For Nothing, Dire Straits is playing.

I've given out about rock music and people who like it before, but I adore Mark Knopfler. And my "bf" said they're - Dire Straits - aren't really rock anyway.

Or maybe he said it about Bruce Springsteen.

He called it indie-something.

Well, I'm just trying to squeeze in my third sandwhich today.

The working out helped a little.

Oh I even got "shorts".

They're just man pants.

Right so, off to read an old Glamour mag.

Fri/23/07/2010

What a night it was!

Slept a few hours only.

Was up mostly cause of my stomach.

Then I couldn't lie down on my sides cause my hips got sore.

Being on my back gave me pain in the pelvis aswell.

Then this annoying bright streetlight kept shining on my bed.

And then the weather!

I've never seen so many strokes of lightning in such a short time.

I mean like, fequent intervals like.

I was hoping for an ear breaking thunder and mad rain and wind, but we only got loads of silent lightning and a few drops of rain.

Oh and it says 34 degrees for Sunday!!!

Whole Estonia's a madhouse on Sunday!

And at one point two police cars brought in a new mad person around 12 at night.

My roomie here was overlooking the whole thing and telling me what was going on. A doctor from a different unit was called in.

Anyway, once the cops were gone I went to look out the window.

Saw a fox.

Apprently.

It was this a lot bigger than a cat animal.

Wasn't a dog, was too slender and weird, yes too weird to be a dog.

I know dogs are weird too.

Oh I talked to my Mum.

Once I get out, I want a kitten. I love cats and it would be such a nice little thing after my horrendous adventure here.

I was gonna name the kitten Ronny, after my "bf"'s name.

Think it's better for a dog.

Then thought of Rona.

And then Brady.

Might go with the last one. Just need a kitten now.

To be continued...

TS27072010 

Stories from the madhouse. Part one.

So, I'm still in the madhouse.
And as I said earlier I've been writing stuff down.
I'll type it all up here now so... if it sounds a bit weird at times then I must have felt really sick or something. I'll try to change a few things as I go along to make the story better.

I planned to go to Tartu by bus on the 11th of July.

I only lasted til the first stop.

I just started panicking cause the flight to Estonia freaked me out too much so now everykind of travelling freaks me out.

I got off the bus so and started walking away from my hometown along the motorway.

Long story short, I was left in the middle of nowhere and had my dad come and pick me up and take me back home. Then I must have had some sort of nervous breakdown, cause I felt sick forever.
And on Monday, I think, I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance.
Was put in the psychiatric part.

And well, besides all the crying, drama, breakdowns and sickness, it has been quite interesting.

To be continued....

I wanna eat

So, in short, I'm in a madhouse.

I'm kind of keeping a diary so once I get time I'll type it all up here.

Nothing too interesting, just depressing.

I wanna normal happy life.

And I wanna eat.

I cannot eat.:(

Boo hoo hoo....

Shitty day

Shitty shitty shitty day!

if I do then I won't

Ahh.

So tired.

Spent most of the day "na datchu".

Think it's correct.

Yeah, I was weeding all day.

I only got one bed done.

It was like a jungle, seriously.

I thought Robin Williams will hop out any second.

My back's pretty tanned now, but legs are still white.

I tried just tanning my legs but yeah doesn't work like that.

I started reading a book on ecology today.

Very interesting, totally something I wanna do.

Will write down more important things.

Oh and I found a saying - "bed hop".

I love it!

I gotta start bed hopping. :D

Haven't met any men over here yet.

Well, mostly cause I don't know hwo things are with me and the "bf".

It would be kind of weird having him come over in August when I have a new man.

I just have to wait.

Right, I gotta go and take a shower again, cause I'm in a very bad state.

Dirt, dirty, dirty.

Oh and I might go down to Tartu tomorrow if I feel like it.

Health wise.

The bus goes at 8 in the morning so... if I don't freak out I'll go, if I do then I won't.

If I do go though then I'll be staying with my mum.

And they have this little lake about 5 mins away from their house.

So I can stay at the beach all day and swim. And sunbathe.

Yeah, shower now and then read my ecology book.

All summery

I went gathering strawberries today.

It was around noon time so it was well hot.

Gahh, those bastard flies and mosquitoes.

They pissed me off so much what with the flying in my face and the biting me.

Anyway, it was me and IR.

And the field was some old lady's.

My clothes actually had wet patches on them cause I was sweating so much.

Then I looked at all the courses I'll be applying for.

Dang, I don't know how to apply.

That damn SAIS thing isn't working for me.

Then a few hours ago we went weeding in our own garden.

I love weeding.

I did potatoes and onions.

The problem was though that half of the garden was in shade cause the sun started to set.

I know it was a problem in the morning, that the sun's hot that is, but I'd rather it shine than set, cause then I have a hope for a tan.

I have a bit on my shoulders and chest, but I think it looks more like I'm dirty. And IR said, "Oh come on, look at your shoulders, they're all yellow!" when I complained about not having a tan. Right.

I'm about to have my thrid shower today.

Just need to get a few phone numbers off people via email.

I took the charger for my camera with me, but left the camera behind.

Took the phone with me, but left it's charger in Ireland.

Stupid!

Anyways, I bought a new phone and have an Estonian number now so... yay!

Oh oh, I also went to the library.

Some of the courses I want to take require a test.

I don't know what sort of a test, but I want to study something.

I got maths books, biology books, biochemistry and just chemistry books.

And some environmental books aswell.

I so hope I will be able to do something.

I must get into something.

And my "bf"'s talking about going back to studying.

He wants to become a science teacher.

Interesting.

Oh and he will most likely come and visit me in August so.. that should be fun aswell.

Right, off to shower and eat!

Power belonged to the best fighters

First off I'd like to say that this post is not a copyright ingringement.
I'll be posting stuff from a book and nicked photos off of Google, but it's all for entertainment.

Anyways, I went down to the library yesterday and got a book called Tell Me Why.
And it's a rather interesting book.

Gold is so easy to hammer and shape that less than one gram of gold can be beaten into a sheet nearly two metres square.

A 0,3-metre cube of Uranium weighs over half a tonne. Uranium is the heaviest element found in nature. A kilo of Uranium contains as much energy as nearly three million kilos of coal.

Foil is any metal sheet that measures 0,1270 of a mmm or less. Aluminium is so malleable that it can be rolled into sheets of foil as thin as 0,00508 of a mm.

What is a coral? A chunk of coral is made of the skeleton of tiny marine animals called coral polyps. The polyp's skeleton grows outside its body. When the polyp dies, the skeleton is left.

How are seashells formed? As said earlier the shell is a part of an animal, a mollusc. It's the mollusc's skeleton and it is attached to it by muscles. The soft animal can never leave it's shell. The shell is made of a form limestone and is built by the mollusc itself. Certain glands in the mollusc are able to take limestone from the water and deposit it in tiny particles at the edge of, and along the inside of, the shell. As a mollusc grows insize, its shell increases in thickness and size. You can see the lines of growth that are marked by the ridges that run parallel to the outer edge. The colouring of the shell comes from some glands of the mollusc that contain colouring matter.

Neon lights. The fact is not all of them are lights made by glowing neon gas. Other gases, such as helium, argon, krypton and xenon, are also used in lights. Each gas gives out a different-coloured light when electricity is sent through it. The colour varies depending on the temperature, pressure and electric voltage. Neon gives out a red-orange light; argon gives out reddish-blue light; the light from helium is white, yellow or sometimes violet; from krypton it is yellow, green or pale violet; and from xenon it is either blue or blue-green.

What is the Sphinx? Actually, it is a monster that was common in the myths of ancient people. The Greeks thought of it as having the head of a woman, the body of a lion and wings. The Egyptians thought of it as a wingless lion with the head and breast of a man.

Who were the knights? They were the highest class of fighting men in Europe during the Middle Ages. The high position was partly due to the fact that during the early Middle Ages kings and governments had very little real authority. A knight did as he wished, because no one else was powerful enough to stop him.

There's a lot more in the book. That's just what I found interesting.

Yestrday was a bit of a crappy day. Felt sick most of the evening and today aswell.
Haven't been able to eat anything. Think it's getting a bit better now though.

I'm gonna install Sims 3 on this computer now cause the brother wants to play aswell. I hope the computer can take the game.
Anyways, I'm off so.
Oh and it rained yesterday! Whoop! I saw lightning and heard thunder and all. First time in a few years. Although I think I heard the thunder once in Ireland aswell.

Don't make what is not your problem your problem

So, today we tried going swimming again.

I think I kind of got motion sickness so I told my father to pull over so I could get out the car.

So I did and told him to drive on and take the others swimming.

Said I'd walk home.

It was nice and sunny so I didn't mind at all.

So my father and his wife started going on about how I can't walk along the motor way all alone.

Like, seriously.

It was day time and not a long way at all.

And then the wife came out the car and said how I set a bad example to the kids in the car.

Said if she lets me do what I want then her little son sees it and thinks he can do whatever he wants.

Like, whatever.

I'm twenty fucking four!!!

I don't need anyone telling me if I have to be in a car or not.

Hell, will she come and stop me from having sex aswell cause I might set a bad example to the 11 year old boy?! I mean if she says it's okay for me to do it then it must be okay for the 11 year old boy aswell!

Anyway, I don't understand what the big fucking deal is.

I felt sick, I got out the car and started walking back home.

They could have just minded their own damn business and go swimming.

Well, that just means that I won't be telling them anymore of my business and I will definitely not go anywhere with them.

Other than that I got a bite today.

My first one.

I meant to write about it yesterday but forgot.

There's so many damn flying things over here that want to suck your blood.

Seriously.

One little fucker went throught with it today. On me. I killed the fucker.

What else.

Oh yeah, I think I know where my love of trees came from.

There's so many trees all over the place in Estonia.

Like in Ireland if you looked over to the distance then all you could see was hills.

Here it's trees.

Oh and I saw a house today that used to be a doctor's office when I was about 3.

I think it's just a residental building now.

Was weird.

Another thing, before swimming I was weeding with dad's wife IR.

She said that when I was younger I loved weeding with her.

She said when I was younger than 10 I used to make up poems and stories when weeding.

Then when I was about 12 I sang all the time and after a while that got annoying. :D

Well she said when you have to listen to someone sing half the day it gets annoying.

Well yeah, that's that.

Oh and last night I started missing Ireland.

I texted "bf" and told him to call me when he's finished.

He did.

I was asleep though and had to whisper the "hello" cause I'm sharing room with dad at the minute.

I think the "bf" didn't hear me though.

He didn't say anything back and hung up.

Then texted saying that he didn't mean to call when I was asleep.

Have no credit to text him now.

And my battery's dead and I cannot find my charger.

Boo!

Yeah... off to Facebook now.

Had to make an account.

A lot of Irish people are on it.

Okay, dad's wife is calling me for tea

What a day it was.
Went swimming and played a bit of badminton.
Badminton sucked cause the rackets were so crappy.
These rackets here make the Tesco ones look professional.
Then went for a walk.

Took some pics aswell, but they're on my dad's camera.

Oh and I love the tress and forests here.
They're all over the place.
Maybe that's why I like trees so much.

Also met a girl who will send me links of colleges and courses.
Woohoo.
Not bad for a first day.

Plus, the last time I was on holiday here I had been gone for year and a half.
When I came backthen everything looked so different.
This time though, after being three years away everything feels like I've always been here and never left the country.

Okay, dad's wife is calling me for tea.
Laters.

Several

So after several nervous breakdowns I managed to get to my home country.

And what a glorious country it is.

I changed my mind several times on the night of the flight.

I was too scared to fly.

Then some kid got sick when we (me, a woman and her son) were waiting for the plane after going through the gate thing that detects metal or something.

So, like we were very much ready to go on the plane and the kid got sick.

I was so disgusted I decided to leave, go back to my Ireland home.

The woman got a hold of me and wouldn't let go, that's why I boarded the plane.

I told the plane people that I'm super nervous and if they had anything for it.

I got a pill off them.

Think it was a tranquiliser.

During the take off I just closed my eyes and held on to the woman.

I was scared through the whole flight.

I started to feel better when we were landing.

Loads of other stuff happened but it's just too negative and depressing I don't want to talk about it.

Well, it's all about me being scared of flying.

Anyways, here I am now and here I will stay.

I was collected by my mum, her man and my brother L.

We drove out the capital and stopped at a place that served food.

I had two cheese-tomato-cucamber sandwiches and some of my brother's chips.

That was the most I'd eaten in days.

Then we headed out to my father's house.

On our way there we passed my father's workplace.

Well, I kind of knew he worked at a place called something like it.

I went it and asked for him.

Luckily, it was his workplace.

He was at a meeting when we got there so we had to wait for him a a bit.

I talked to a man there and said I'm my dad's daughter and haven't seen him in years.

All went well.

He came out, we hugged, he asked how I was doing, I said I was tired and hadn't slept all night, then he said to go home and relax and I said see you later then.

So we arrived at my dad's place.

My other brother was out, the one that lives with my dad like.

He recognised us straight away.

There's also a young girl here aswell.

She has the same name as me and is my father's wife's sister's daughter.

Later on her brother will come here aswell.

Just for summer holiday.

And once everyone leaves, the family will be me, my dad, his wife IR and my brother A.

I'm just gonna stay here for a while.

I planned to go with my mum, her man L and my brother L, but everyone told me to stay here and relax.

I also planned to goto the nearest biggest town to get a haircut and buy my own computer (I'm using my brother A's computer. He's on it non-stop). (I only got on it cause IR told him to go out, cause it's too nice out to be inside all day.)

And yeah, so I planned to go with my mum cause my mother lives closer to my hometown.

Before going off to Ireland I used to live in a town called Tartu with my mum and co.

But they moved houses.

Now they live outside the town.

Yeah I wanted to go to Tartu to see my friend and her baby.

I guess I'll do it one of these days.

Tomorrow I should be going to Viljandi to get a haircut and buy my own computer.

Like what the hell is going on with the prices in Estonia?!

I bought a facescrub for 80 moneys and a computer costs 150 moneys.

I mean that is totally normal in an abnormal country with abnormal pricing system.

Whatever, I'll just wash my face with a soap and buy an even more expensive and better computer.

I just need to play the sims!

Other than that.

I'm absolutely wrecked.

I slept for like an hour and a half.

Then me and IR went to see if a woman needs us to collect her strawberries.

She said someone else was coming today but we can go tomorrow.

Was good though, cause it's very hot today and you wouldn't want to be gardening more than a few minutes in this weather.

And that's quite a climate change for me.

I mean it was nice and sunny in Ireland but the wind was so high and cold.

And it kept showering several times throughout the day.

I think we might go swimming today when my dad gets back from work.

I told him I'll just sink to the bottom cause I'm too tired to move myself in the water.

I'll just go along anyway.

Strut around in my bikini and scare the locals with my pale bubble butt.

Yeah...I'll just leave it at that.

Have to be quick before my brother comes back inside and wants to play one his games.

I think it was something like Alexander or Some Run Thing.

I dunno.

Oh and another thing.

I cannot find my camera and I'm so bummed about it.

I'd be pissed off but I'm too tired to feel that kind of amount of a feeling.

I absolutely wanted to take pics of the place we had our little breakfast.

It was like a shop-caffe type of place, we ate outside.

Alright so.

I'll wrap it up.

Hopefully I can take loads of pics with my phone and upload some. :)

Oh and just in case any moderators or admins of my forum are reading this - I had my username and password on the automatic login thingy in Ireland so I never had to sign in manually.

And I have no clue what my password is and I can't sign in til I remember it.

Gah, everyone's a bastard today!

Well, today has been an old crappy day.

Very depressing.

I dunno what tricks the "bf" is pulling it's not working for me.

And I can't recall one time I broke a promise.

If he wants it this way, he gets it this way.

I'm gone tomorrow so whatever.

I just have to buy another suitcase tomorrow.

I'm so all over the place at the minute.

My room is so messy and I'm so so so depressed.

And I asked my mother yesterday to give me a call today.

She hasn't done it yet and I'm sure she won't.

Gah, everyone's a bastard today!

I'm just in bits cause I'm dreading the flight so much.

And there's no one I can caomplain to. No one to express my worry and fear to.

Damn bastards.

Gutted.

Alright, I'll try to get my things together so...

The thing is K works with U's husband C

Well, unfortunately the woman never got here today.

To collect one of my suitcases, but hopefully she'll be here tomorrow.

I even found a bit of my own money, like my homecountry's money.

It's not much, but that's all I have left from the last time I was on holiday over there.

267 moneys. That's like 17 euros or so.

I also got a hold of my psychologist.

The thing is I can take out only a week supply of the antidepressants.

The psychologist talked to the psychiatrist so instead of me or one of the people I know picking up a letter at their office the psychiatrist will come to my house tomorrow.

Well, there's one letter for my GP in my homecountry saying that I'm on the tablet and been on it for this and that long. And one letter for the pharmacy here so I can get a monthly supply of the tablets.

Hopefully I can talk to him and he'll give me something for flying aswell.

I just want something that knocks me out. Completely.

I'll be sleeping downstairs tonight so I'll hear the door bell in the morning.

And then I also talked to a girl I've mentioned earlier.

She's the one I went out with one night last October or so.

I got a skirt off her and a top and shoes.

I left my trousers and boots at her place so hopefully we'll get the chance to swap the things.

And I'm gonna see my mother's friend U tomorrow aswell.

We didn't talk for quite a while.

Well since my birthday and then December.

She wanted to come over to my place on my birthday and I said I can't stay up long cause I needed to get up early the next day to go to Dublin to hospital to see a doctor.

And she got all offended and said it was a "nice" way of telling her not to come.

Er...

Then in December when I had my scope done I called her to see if she could take me home but she started all giving out to me and shit so I didn't bother talking to her.

Anyways I texted her the other day and she never got back to me.

I told K about it aswell.

The thing is K works with U's husband C.

And she said C's always going on about me and said I definitely have to tell them I'm leaving.

I said I texted the woman and if she doesn't get back to me I'm not gonna tell her anything.

K asked me if it was ok if she told C about me leaving.

I said whatever.

And today U rang me and I'm going over to their place tomorrow evening.

So... I dunno.

I feel kind of weird.

Kind of sad.

Feels kind of weird going back to living with my parents and being dependant.

I'll be looking for volunteering in my homecountry aswell.

I wouldn't want to sit at home all the time.

And possibly badminton aswell.

Hopefully some of the kids living in the small town my dad lives in like badminton.

Mh, talked to "Bf" today aswell.

He told me to do as much as possible during the time I have left here.

Er... I just sat at home all day today.

Well, to be fair, I had period pains most of the day so...

Yeah...Hm..think K's downstairs.

Will go and see if she wants to play cards.

Kevade

Had terrible nightmares last night.

Mostly about flying.

I cannot wait til I'm done with it.

I just hope I won't have some crazy panic attack.

Gah, it's so crappy I don't have money.

I wanna text/call people before I leave to meet up with them, but have no credit.

And I'd like to have a little get together, but have no money for that either.

Haven't finished packing my suitcase yet.

Have way too much stuff.

Blah...

Oh and how fit is mister McSex?

I'll tell you. Totally fit.

Just watched a film called Kevade (Spring).

Loved it! :)

It's on Youtube.

No review on it cause it's a classic.

Oh, just got a call from the woman I'll be flying with.

She'll call over later so I can give her my stuff.

Said I can put my things into the black bin liner.

That's good cause I don't have to worry about an extra suitcase then.

Well, I was gonna put some things into a suitcase and then buy another one.

Well, I'm gonna go and play the violin now.

Got a playing bug cause of the film and I might send the violin with the people who are leaving on the 3rd of July.

TS300610