FUCK!

Ughhhhh...my father is totally doing my head in again.
Everything I do or say is just wrong.
Like when I say I want a job I like he says I'm like a little baby.
He says that people really do think and live like he thinks is right.
Seriously, you're not a fucking god or anything equivalent.
You're just some average man doing something you hate.
And when I say that if life is so goddamn miserable then I really should have killed myself cause apparently there is no chance ever to be happy then he starts going on about how life is a struggle and you have to live with depression.
Like, what the fuck is his problem?!
He's not happy when I want to study and not work.
He's not happy when I'm looking for a job and want to live my own life.

Not every fucking person in the world works in a goddamn sawmill, for Christ's sake!!

There are people out there who enjoy what they do very much and are happy.

Jesus...parents are totally there to be hated.
There's no other use of them.
Fucking cunts!

I will find a job, get my own place and my father can fucking kiss my ass.
FUCK!

planning on moving to a bigger town

Phew, thankfully I didn't have to travel today.
Seriously the nervous breakdowns and panic attacks I get when travelling are interfering with my natural healthy menstrual cycle so I cannot afford to travel. It just costs me money, health and sanity.

Anyway, to avoid travelling in the future I'm planning on moving to a bigger town.
Either Viljandi or Tartu.
Have to find a job first and then move.
And I seriously don't care about any economy crisis or no-available-jobs-gibberish, cause I need a job and I need to get on with my own life.

Oh and I planned on buying this really nice black bra but the damn shop has been closed for about 4 days now.
How annoying!?

Ahhh....I just feel so happy for not having to travel today.

Last week I didn't go to the belly dance practice nor the violin lesson.
I'm not sure whether I'll be going to belly dance today either.
I'm just lazy and...need to find a job quickly.

I just don't. Wanna. Do. It.

Gah..have to travel today again.
I cannot even sleep cause I'm so nervous.
I just don't. Wanna. Do. It.
Ugh..half an hour on the train.
I will go mad, I'm telling yous.
Blahh.... I just hate travelling soooooo much!

It's what you like most

So I added the new feature Popular Posts to my blog.
Oh Glee!
I mean it's rubbish as a TV show but it works superbly as an attention attracter.
I was just thinking abou the whole Glee thing the other day.
I don't even know why I write about it cause I don't like it.
I mean I watch That 70s Show everyday and hardly say a word about it.
Well, I had a little Jackie moment when I realised I like Fez.
Well, I don't like him as a man, just as a character.
He is such a sweet character and the Michael-Jackie-Laurie thing is so charming.
Yeah, I'm watching seasons 1-3 and then 8 cause I don't have them on DVD.
Oh and I was looking for a website with streaming movies. It took me absolutely forever to find something decent. Anyway I found it and it's quite good.
blinkx Remote - Make Your TV Jealous
Check it out for TV shows and movies. I suggest Loombo network. Megavideo is good too but it has limited time only. If you're internet connection/computer/router savvy you can work your way around it but... I stick with Loombo.
I've been watching loadsa films - mostly animation and comedy/family but nothing has struck me as amazing.
Well Up and Titanic are good but... I've seen them a hundred times.

Oh and I gotta advertise some amazing sites.
Or a site.
Cool Text - Logo and Graphics Generator
That's where I get all of the buttons for my forum.
I love making them cause they're so cute and colourful.

Yeah..I was gonna write more but I got distracted by Titanic.
Right, off to watch it properly.

Did John Tucker die?

I watched the film John Tucker Must Die online and the clever people cut the end out.
Boo!
I kinda can guess what happens anyway.
I bet the three girls will show some sort of a video of the Kate girl and John will be ever so hurt.
Yeah and the "other Tucker" - ie "ugly guy" will be like the best friend at some point but obviously the "fit lad" and the popular girl will end up together.
John will always be popular adn so will the girl.
Or they will both be unpopular.
Oh and one of the three girls will go out with the brother.
I'm so sure of it that I'm ready to bet on it!

Anyway, off to bed now.... antidepressant's doing it's wicked (read drowsy) thing on me!

Glee Furt Review

Ahhh. I love it when I'm right.
And boy have I been right about Glee all along?!

First of all - the wedding scene was exactly how I expected it.
Totally copied off the video on YouTube and they all looked like a bunch of eejits.
So well done, Glee in "its own juice"


Now, the main point.
How the fuck do they have parents hanging out at their school all the time?
This does NOT happen.
And seriously, you can be as biased as you want but please be real.
There is no way a parent can come into a school and start shoving the pupils around and not get punished! Okay there were "no witnesses" when the "bully" was threatening Kurt but there was a whole hallway full of people when the dad assaulted the kid.
And why in the world did the big guy's dad turn against his own son. Parents stick to their kid's side and that's the way it is. But the people of Glee obviously don't know anything about kids, school or parenting. If they did, they wouldn't write such shit.

Oh and all those teenagers having drinks in their hands?!


Oh dear and Finn singing the "ultimate song for a girlfriend" to Kurt was a winner.
I mean, there's no better punchline in this whole cheesy Glee mess.

A very weak episode.

Pre Glee Furt

Oh dear, just seen a promo/introduction clip to Furt.
Ugh, the wedding scene.
What a way to ruin a sincere moment of somebody's!
Seriously, make up something yourself.
I don't even know what I'll be like after watching this episode.

generally I don't feel like it, so negative, it's just written on the spur of the emotion

Okay,  the following is a bit embarrassing but meh.
I tried to find songs to listen to but couldn't find anything.
I looked up new songs by Kelly Clarkson but there was nothing to be found.
Then I listened to some Celine Dion but I have heard my fave songs by her about a million times and I just wanted to hear something new.
Then I thought I'd listen to The Saturdays but I came across this video of Frankie sining in the studio and got the creeps. Seriously her "singing" would give me nightmares. And so I was put off of The Saturdays.
Then I searched for random non professional singers doing covers of pop songs but didn't find anyone overly good or exciting.
Oh and I even listened to one of Lady Gaga songs - yeah her own fault her videos are so goddamn long - I couldn't be arsed to wait til the song starts so I moved on. (On a side note - who seriously would take it seriously if a person in 3-year-old's Halloween costume made a statement about people being "monsters"?! Oh and just imagine Mark Knopfler for example appearing at some event wearing an outfit made of meat - you'd think he was coocoo so when Lady Gaga does it how come it's such a "Wow, what an artist!" moment?)
Yeah anyway I was so out of ideas what to listen to so I randomly thought I'd listen to Glee songs.
Yeah...the shame. Well, the songs are actually good, but the rest.... ugh.
And I know I said it before but you can never have too much of admiration, especially when most of the times I'm super negative about the show.
Anyway, Naya Rivera is t h e bitch!
She is so good.
I mean, not letting her sing more totally shows the crappiness of the show.
And like what the hell are Quinn, the Finn character, the goth thing still doing on the show?
They're useless characters and therefore just a waste of money as actors.
And whatever happened to the black guy that was in Glee club? He said like two words in the first season and totally disappeared in season 2. I bet he was the best singer out of them all.
Anyway, my point is that Naya should sing more cause she is super good.
Yeah, Lea Michele was good but kinda boring now. Mark Salling's a great singer but the character is a waste aswell. The only characters I like in the show are the new sports teacher, the main teacher and... that's it.
Oh and the actress who plays Will's wife - Jesalyn or something - saw an interview with her - she was super lovely but her character's irritating.
Yeah and since Kevin is all smeared with and dipped into all that Jenna-girl business is making me feel icky so he should just sit there and look as pretty as he can without that girl hanging off of him for once.
Okay, this turned out to be quite a negative post but whatever, I like Naya Rivera.
Go, bitch!
Yeah and generally I don't feel like it, so negative, it's just written on the spur of the emotion.

And so is his girlfriend

Ugh, I feel like a total failure today again.
Just talked to my super clever friend.
He's studying like a mad person and is naturally so intelligent and bright.
And so is his girlfriend.
She's from South Africa (I think) and she went to study in China.
She did physics first but changed courses and now she's doing biochemistry.
I really want to talk to her about studying and the subjects I'm doing now and just...everything.
I so fucking hate the fact that I'm so damn lazy.
I want to be clever and successful and all but I cannot be bothered to work for it.
It's unreal.
I just have to get into the studying zone and when I'm in the flow it'll be easier to go with it.
Damn! Damn!
I totally wanna go and study in some foreign country now.

Yeah, I don't like the neighbours who live above us.

Yeah, I don't like the neighbours who live above us.
I was just having my dinner and some bastard was vomiting upstairs.
Ugh.
And I'd be sympathetic if they just had the flu, but there was loud music and lots of noise earlier which leads me to think they are having a party.
And I just loathe smoking.
Those bastards upstairs are smoking their lungs black and the sickening stench is all over our appartment!
Hm, come to think of it no wonder that person got sick cause the smell is so disgusting.
Eughhh, I just hate drinking and smoking.
Seriously, everyone who does either one of those things deserves cancer.

If I was naturally beautiful I'd be a stripper

Oh and this one portal offered a job as a stripper.
The salary was 24000 - 140000.
How amazing!?
You just dance around half naked and get paid so much money.
I thought I would dance for a couple of months then get a boob job with the earned money and then dance some more. And then get a few more operations and so on.
Although I'm thinking it would be too much money and too many operations.
If I was naturally beautiful I would totally go for it.

I want to live and die in an English speaking environment.

Mother came to visit me today.
Was okay.
And I will totally go live in America after my studies business is sorted.
Anywhere but in Estonia is the best place.
I like Estonia and all but the economy totally favours the filthy rich and I will never be one so I will get the fuck out of here.
I bet the country will be thriving with its' 100 millionaires and the rich Estonian culture that those few people create after the rest of Estonians have died of hunger or moved to some normal country. Good luck with it. Or good "Ha ha - you screwed yourself over so hard!" to you, Estonia.

And I picked America cause I saw a couple of job offers there today.
I won't be doing anything that was offered today but I will do something there.
I want to live and die in an English speaking environment.

Oh and the other day it was announced that Glee will be touring UK and Ireland next year.
Damn, isn't this perfect timing?!
I mean instead of that Jenna-girl feeling up Kevin on the beach and some nightclub they could've been performing while I lived there. *loadsa rude words about the Jenna-girl* I mean it totally is her fault!

Yeah, off to dry my hair and ride my bike.

bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I'm 60 kilos, bitches!
And I've been so bitchy recently it's unreal!
I have such evil thoughts that I think they won't be appropriate even on my blog.
So I'm keeping them to myself.
So to make this blog anything like my thoughts I'm just gonna say "bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!!!!!!!!"
Yeah, whoever said the bigger the person the bigger the heart, well you were wrong.
See, I'm gaining weight and becoming bitchier. Proves my point - the skinnier the person the less negativity fits into them.

Over and out.

When and how did you lose your virginity?

In English?
Okay.
The first time with a man was for all the "wrong" reasons: drunk, a douchebag criminal with a woman and a child, knew him for about 2 hours beforehand, out of spite. On the 12th of March :) But I totally felt like my virginity was a burden so I'm glad I got rid of it and I'm glad he got all the crappy sex from me. Oh and I got an STI off him and he totally blamed me. Shithead.
:D Anyay, losing my virginity was one of the best things I ever did for myself. I recommend it.

Ask me stuff :)

Nature's the bitch, bitches!

Oh and just a quick yay!
Nature's the bitch, bitches!
I mean it is a must for me that it is snowy out on my birthday and yes! it is snowing and the ground is a bit white.
I feel like such a lucky bitch cause nature is favouring me.
I mean, it obviously is!

I wish myself a happy birthday

Just got off the phone.
Talked to my ex. He wished me happy birthday.
Ha! He said he will be singing in his band! :D
Hahaaa, ooh well I know he can play the guitar but singing...erm..maybe. :D

Oh and I spent most of the day in misery and shit.
Feeling a little better at the minute.
Anyway, I kinda missed my birthday party.
We had guests I'm not even friends with! I don't even know people in this town!
I got a bit of money and a candle.
My dad and his wife gave me a bag/case for my laptop and a belt.
Hahahaaa, I remember when I was younger I used my mum's man's headphones and he didn't like it.
So for my bithday he gave me headphones.
This year, I used my dad's belt nd he gave me one.
Okay, I seriously gotta start "using" someone's house/appartment and other fancy pants things.

And I saw Glee today aswell. The Substitute.
Yeah, was kinda so so. Have nothing to say about it.

Oh and the violin class won't be on tomorrow.
The teacher's going to some concert.

Anyway, since it's been such a crappy day I wish myself a happy birthday.

Crappy birthday

Blah. What crappy birthday.
Think Iäm either coming down with a cold or the antidepressants are making my head sore.

Little mama is a dime

Something fishy is going on.
And you know what? I don't care.
I'll get by just fine.

Boy power

Oh dear.

I've been listening to some boyband songs and feel depressed now.

Oh and this Tim Benson guy is rad:

 

http://www.myspace.com/timbensonmusic

Oooh, hello hillbilly!

Just seen 17 Again.
Well, back when I lived in Ireland one of my housemates had a crush on er... Zac Efron?
Is that what his name is?
I can see why girls might like him, but... meh.
The film wasn't too bad actually.
Very predictable! But it wasn't overly cheesy.
And I think Zac Efron (if that is his name) did a great job in the film.
I liked the bit where the daughter went to kiss him. :D
Oooh, hello hillbilly!
Yeah that is about it, didn't really spring any severe emotions or thoughts.

Oh yes!

Oh yes! I have finall found a brilliant website that has working links to streaming movies.
Now I just need to think of films to watch.

Why in the world do people need to drill all the time?

Okay, I wanna kick someone's butt.
Why in the world do people need to drill all the time?
Let me live in peace and quiet!

my dad would probably walk in to my room in the midst of the sessions and be like, "I'll just close the window"

Today was a waste.
I totally had time to go to school but I just didn't go cause I'm a lazy fuck.
I felt like such failure in the morning.

Although I did go to the violin practice.
Went quite well. I actually payed quite a bit and we talked about written music and all.
Got some scales to practice.
I might actually post a video of me playing Edelweiss. :)

Mh and I have a really sore lower back. Think it's from the belly dancing on Tuesday.

Anyway, my main point in this post is men and what is going on with them.
Erm... what the hell is going on with men?

Like I tried to get this guy to agree to sleep with me and he was like, "Oh I want to get to know you better".
Pfft, well I don't.
And then he was like, "How can it be so that you come to my place, we have sex and then we act like nothing happened".
Duhhh! It's very simple - I go over to his place, we have sex and then act like nothing ever happend.
Seriously, am I dealing with men or children here?
And why in the world do men need to drink before sleeping with someone.
For one, I don't drink alcohol. At all!
Second, why in the world do men think it's fun for women to wait around til they get their business hard or when they decide to come after about three hours of humping, in one session?
Having sex with a drunk man is tedious and boring.
And he was like, "Oh that's good, it makes me last longer".
Seriously, in the three hours that you have tedious sex with a drunk man you could have three, four exciting and fun rides with a sober man.
Like, I'm not going there to be all romantic and lovey-dovey with him. I just want him to be hard and be able to finish off at a normal time, that's all.
10-15 minutes is enough for one session. Maybe 20 -25, not longer than that cause then it gets boring.
Oh and men are always saying they're small.
I mean yeah, a big dick is nice to look at but an average one will do just fine. As long as it's hard. So..alcohol is a man's biggest enemy when it comes to sex. Ugh...we'll see what happens. He's kinda blond anyway and I don't fancy blond ones.
Hm, I'm thinking of looking up this one town and see if there's any hotels in it cause if he doesn't want me to go over to his place we'll go there.
Yeah when I was younger I totally hated the idea of sexing it up in a hotel but now I don't really care. The only place I wouldn't bring a man is my place cause my dad would probably walk in to my room in the midst of the sessions and be like, "I'll just close the window".

Yeah, have to play more violin tomorrow and get studying for once.
I'm so behind in all of my stuff cause..as I said in the beginning of the post I'm lazy as fuck.

Old woman

Oh I'm gonna be an old woman in less than a week.

Tweet, tweet twitter-like

Tweet, tweet.
Just had my first evening shower in about four months time.

I don't like Twitter. It's for attention whores.

And I just remembered that I almost got myself banned off of a support forum on the server my forum is on.
God, those people have turned into major bitches!
And no one can give a straight answer to your questions, all they do is fuck about and mumble something about me being rude to them.
How the hell am I rude when the fuckers don't know what they are talking about?
The bitching!
The admin/mod hasn't responded, maybe they calmed down or maybe they're just not online and ban me later on.
Pfft, whatever. I'll just delete my forum and get the hell out of there.

And about Twitter I do have an accoun there, but I'm only following one person. Hm, who?
Yeah, I'm like super anonymous there and can bitch.
Yeah. Bitch, anonymous.
And the funny thing is, I looked at some piece of paper and put down some weird-ass username.
And I was just looking at some videos on YouTube the other day when I saw a user with the same name on YouTube as I have on Twitter. How is that possible? I have the randomest username!
And truth be told, I don't really go on twitter and this year I've tweetet like 3 times and not about myself, to the person I'm following.

Yeah and I'm totally gonna name my blog Bitch, Anonymous!
Cause I bitch so much on here.
And I know I'm being a total cunt towards the Jenna-girl but it's totally justified on my end.

San Jose

Okay, who is looking at my blog from the confirmation page? You're creeping me out.

Glee Never Been Kissed review

Okay, I thought I wasn't gonna write about it but whatever.

Glee - Never Been Kissed.

Hm, I don't actually have that much to say.
Okay, the whole Kurt situation...
Just because the new school was fancy and some kids happened to be open minded doesn't mean there are no bullies in there. I believe there's a bully in everyplace you go, even one in a fancy pants school uniform.
And that guy kissing him...hahahaa..oh this sooo happens in real life. Not. Some people are homophobic cause they strongly believe in being straight and the thought of same sex business is enough to make them sick and there's no way one would kiss a guy cause they're actually gay themselves or something. And Chris Colfer...Golfer? Something something? is quite a good actor. I like him. And the new gay dude is quite decent so far.

Erm as for Finn and the blonde guy, erm...since when do schools have baths? And people who run baths for you or put ice in it? Damn, why was I never in that kind of school?! Ugh and Quinn is such a boring character! Okay she was pregnant, that's gone now so why do we need her again? And whatever happened to the baby? Just disappeared with some stranger woman and that's it? Of course, it's Glee I'm on about - it's only natural that something that doesn't make sense makes sense when in the context of Glee.

And from the boys to the coach. Oh dear, I'm sure every woman dreams of pitty fuck/snog! And the whole thing was strangely personal and unproffessional. Although I have to agree with tsome things in the scene - wonder if the writer was sober for the first time or maybe the other way round, under some sort of influence? - the one where Will said that high school is a crazy place and that teachers are crazy for going back into that invironment, something along those lines. (Ugh I cannot believe that I actually just typed high school instead of secondary school). Oh and the line "You're beautiful inside out"... I could see it coming a mile off.

And onto the Asian couple horny scene.
One word - gross.
Explanation, 1 word: Jenna-girl.
I definitely didn't wanna see her in her randy mood cause now I know what she's like with Kevin.
Ughh, think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
"Oh I'm so turned on right now" *shudders*
And about that - a recent magazine issue said that they both have been strongly denying their relationship and... yeah, how does that go? "We're so close and best friends" ? I'm convinced!

Onto Artie and Puck.
Yeah, Puck's not as tough at all as he's meant to be.
And whatever was going on with those cheerleaders.
I didn't get it.

Well, that was quite a bit actually.

Anyway, I just remembered something my belly dance teacher said and broadened her idea with my own opinions. Here goes the preaching: it's okay not to have any natural talents cause actually learning to be good at something with hard work makes you feel like you've really achieved something and since it came to you with such hard work you appreciate it more.

Kevin McHale's way prettier than his Jenna-girl

Yeah, Kevin McHale is too pretty.
He's faaaaarrr prettier than the Jenna-girl.
Er...

He's beauty doesn't make me want him more, it makes me want to be him.

Ehhh, weird feeling.

really want to bitch but I won't

*whine*

Yeah I'm so not happy about some things and really want to bitch but I won't cause I'm nice.
Plus, I've gone to school the last two days. It's not my thing getting up so early, not used to it.
I'm so tired and sleepy at the minute but have belly dance at five.

I think I don't have any classes tomorrow but have to get up early anyway.
Have to go and do some blood test cause my haemoglobin was too low the last time.
I think it was 117 and it's normal 125 and up.
But my mother said she has always had it low, around 108 and maybe that's why mine is low aswell.
So tomorrow I'll go and check the iron level in my blood.
I hope it's not down, I hate having anemia.

I had it really really bad once, felt soooo dizzy, too dizzy to lay down and too dizzy to stand up. Nightmare!
Felt like passing out all the time.

Yeah, I actually have stuff I want to talk about but I'm too tired.

Out.

Biogeochemical

*sigh*
Well, I dunno why I torture myself but I've been watching some videos.
And they make me feel like crap.

Seriously, why is all this shit necessary?

I think it's so pointless working on preventing bullying or trying to stop it. I mean, violence is a part of human nature. You cannot deny nature. But humans are totally capable of adapting themselves into their surroundings. I think it would be a lot handier and pracical to teach people how to cope with tricky situations that they don't know how to deal with. I think people need to be taught how to deal with things reasonably and calmly, how to control and protect themselves and how to act with someone who isn't in control of their emotions and life. And more so when it comes to the "victims". I mean, I'd rather this than say, "Stop the bullying" to the "bully". And the reason I think that is that to me things aren't quite as white and black - like, one person is a victim and the other is a bully. I think everyone's a bully and a victim at the same time. Well, if not everyone the most of them anyway. I mean, there's hardly anyone who is mean just for the sake of being mean. I believe people have reasons why they're being a bitch. I know that doesn't justify their actions when they're horrbile to others but I don't think the "bully" is to be blamed instantly. I believe all this negativity is just rooted somewhere deep in the humankind and it just pops out it's sprouts here and there every now and then.

And I think that is why this whole thing cannot be prevented and stopped cause you never know where it comes out and how severely. And I think it would be wise to concentrate more on individuals so that the people who are saved from it all get saved properly and securely. Quality over quantity.

Saying that though, I think it is okay to organize school shootings if some person finds it necessary. Seriously, being mocked most of your life is way worse than being killed in a second. And I believe this girl in the video had something to prove to the rest of the school to keep her popularity and acceptance but does it look like a fair end to it all? A boy is dead and one of the reasons that amounted to his depression is on TV and giggling saying how terrible it all was? This is a classic case of "Poor boy...oh well, life goes on". Now if the boy had gone and done a school shooting people would have been like, "What a retard and perv. He probably raped the girl and was a douchebag anyway". And he probably would have gone to jail and all. So why do people like the girl get away with stuff? Murder by far is not the worst thing in the world. Violence is a lot worse. Violence is what makes people evil and violent, murder is just another aspect of violence just like bullying.

And after reading the comments on the film Klass I'm quite appalled. I mean, how can people say that it's exaggerated? Are they really so lucky that they haven't been exposed to such raw human nature or are they just blind? And a lot of people don't actually wanna know stuff like that and randomly judge the one who kills. I mean if you really want to be in denial when it comes to nature then don't eat, sleep, go to toilet, talk to anybody, breathe and socialize and see what a great intelligent mind you are? I mean, if you don't experience these thing it means they don't exist, right? If you don't experience bullying and the hurting and anger that comes with it, it doesn't exist, right?

And how does putting down your peers put you on a higher pedestal? It means you're at the same spot alone.

Anyway, here's another disturbing video:

 

Oh dear. Some people really are ignorant. Like, there's a person dying right next to you and you do fuck all? Especially if you're a hospital worker? I mean this goes to show that doctors and the likes of them are idiots.

The only doctor I can think of that is half arsedly normal is this doctor who works with my stepmother.

She said that he had said that when he was an intern he knew everything. He knew where things were, what to use and how much medicine should be given, but when he became a doctor he said he realised he doesn't know anything at all. And me and my stepmother came to a conclusion that a clever person is a person who doubts in things not says, "I know this is right, this is the only true thing".

I think it would be only humane and logical that doctors say, "I don't know what is wrong with you" rather than "take this random pill and you'll be fine". Like my personal experience is that I felt nauseous for forever.

Eventually the doctors said, "It's all in your head and here's a prescription for your tummy medicine". Very believable. Why give me a tummy medicine when the problem is in my head, you fucks?

Doctors are not to be believed and trusted cause they work by quantity not quality. They think that a hum,an body is a machine so they treat it like a machine, like if your symptoms tick all the boxes in the book you get the treatment the book suggests.

And another woman that was a patient at the hospital my stepmother works as a nurse in - she was brought in with liver failure. She had had very bad headaches and the doctor prescribed 8 painkillers a day for her.

And the stupid woman took all of the 8 tablets a days for a few months before her liver gave in. I mean how stupid does one have to be to actually prescribe something like it and then another doofus actually acts by the prescription!? Oh god.

Anyway..I think I'm done ranting now.

Ugh..my forum has been quiet for a while, wonder if it's gonna be over soon.

Oh well....it's hard work anyway :)

Oh and went to two classes today, chemistry and geography.

Oh, I heard of my new favourite word today - biogeochemical.

So cool! :)

It has all of my exam subjects in it, only physics is missing.

Kevin is just gross

Some Kristy girl - "Kevin is just gross"

*gasp*
*goes cries eyes out*

Totally on the edge of my seat here!

Bhahahaa, oh shit I cannot stop laughing at this silly video I posted in my previous post.
Hahahaaaa.
Sooo intense! :D
1:19 LOL

This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Watched The Simpsons tonight and this song came on.

Oh it totally reminded me of this guy I dated for a while when I lived in Ireland.

He totally had me at this bit he said. He said that when he was younger he would skip classes to go and chill at the art museum. And when I was younger myself and hadn't been on a proper date (well...I still haven't been on a proper proper date) I always said I don't wanna hang about in the street with some guy and giggle and shit. I always wanted to go to art museum for the first date with some guy.

And with this one guy that is exactly what we did. Plus he said he was related to Yeats the painter.

And dunno if I have talked about it before but he was the guy who accompanied me to my first Vivladi concert. When I was younger I used to say that I'd marry the guy who took me to a Vivaldi concert.

Hm, as I'm typing this I kind of remember I've talked about it before.

Anyway, we were never really going out but we hung out and stuff.

He actually sent me an email a while back but I never replied. Mostly cause I had just broken up with my boyfriend and I didn't wanna see any men or talk to one.

And that reminds me (maybe I've talked about this aswell) but there was this another lad who said he wanted to open a bookstore. And that was a winner for me.

Yeah... good old memories of Irish lads.

Mmmm, and then the fit one. Yeah, there was a really fit one but he was a bit of an arse.

Like, he was a friend of a friend and she gave him my number.

We communicated for four days only.

First day he got my number he was constantly and over eagerly texting me.

I hadn't seen him so I was kind of worried.

The second day we met for the first time - and just as soon as I opened the car door and saw him sitting in the backseat I was like, "Wow!" and to be sure that he was my date I asked my friend who was sitting in the front next to her boyfriend who was driving if this was really the guy then everybody laughed and said, "Yeah". Well, was a nice start anyway. But the evening itself was quite tedious - we just sat in the car ith the windows down. There was another car parked next to ours in some field and they were all talking shit and smoking something and groping their boyfriends and girlfriends - some got their tits out and some their dicks.

I felt a bit weirded out cause I had never seen anyone before besides my friend.

Anyway, me and the fit lad went out for a walk and he tried to kiss me but I freaked out.

And it was the same during the other two times he tried to kiss me that night.

The third day we were constantly texting again. I went over to his place. We didn't talk, just watched Nacho Libre til my friends relative came over to his plac. He then walked me to the taxi...stop and tried tpo kiss me again but I freaked out (What a bitchy tease, right?!).

The next day after mad texting I told him I was totally gonna do it with him cause I was gonna get drunk so I wouldn't freak out. And he kind of agreed.

So since I'm very lightweight, I drank three beers and was sort of tipsy.

Off I went to see him again, in his friend's car with his relative next to the driver.

And then all this shitty handjob shit happened and he wouldn't go back to my place cause he had to be home by eleven. What. The. Fuck? What kind of normal man says no to sex? Well, I guess you can't really call him a man since he was only 18 and I was 22.

Anyway, he texted me after the date that he had had a great time and that I'm a nice girl and have a nice body. And that's the last I heard of him.

What bollocks? Seriously, why the hell did I have to get out of my house for some crappy two-way handjob?

Never again! I totally told him he can stay at my place for the night and he was totally the one initiating the whole thing. Tool!

Anyway, this thing went way off topic but I just couldn't stop while I was on a roll.

Oh and I can't remember what I was looking at on YouTube, but I found this so bad it's good video:

TS04112010

Whatever, seriously, whatever, go PMS on your own.

Bahhh!
My headphones just broke.
How am I gonna listen to loud music now?
I have only a little bit of money left so I better be able to afford some new headphones.
I could probably afford earphones but those are so crappy and sore.

Oh and the father is still being an arse.
He was saying that everyone else in the house has their windows closed and that I cannot have my window open. And he told me that I cannot live my life and that he needs to tell me what to do.
Well, first - I don't give a fucking flying fuck about other people in the house or their windows.
Seriously, I bet there's no other eejit in this house walking into other people's rooms in the middle of the night saying that they know best how people have to live their lives.
Second - I've told him this before that I am not and never will be what and who he wants me to be. I might be his daughter but I'm not his fucking puppet (and by fucking puppet I mean someone who he can boss around in a non-sexual manner). Seriously, I asked him whether I have to work in a saw mill like him for him to leave me alone. I am not gonna get married and have children and do some horrible job and be stuck with my fat, my father type of an eejit husband and bastard children! If this is the right way to live life by his definition then no thanks, I see you living it and I'm not gonna make your mistakes.
And if he wanted to teach me so bad then where the hell was he when I was like 5?
He was divorcing my mother - that's where he was.
Okay, he was in my life my whole life but he never did any bringing up so...sorry, buddy, but you're waaaaaaayyyy too late. About 20 years!
And I'm soooooo over the window business and I just don't understand how he can be such a bitch about the window. If the window was not meant to be open then it would be a closed window, one you couldn't open at all.
And like, then he's going on about how I don't think about others in the house. Well, what's there to think about? You're all in your rooms, why the fuck cannot you accept that I live in this house too and I cannot sleep when the window is closed cause there's no air!
Oh and I'm totally done talking to him and it's all because it's just not possible, he's always being a dick.
And he made a fuss about that aswell.
Whatever, seriously, whatever, go PMS on your own.

You scratch my back I'll scratch yours

Sooo...
Had to go to Viljandi yesterday.
It's this small but beautiful town.

Ugh, since I still get panic attacks when travelling I decided to go there by train. Alone.
Mainly cause I can't bear to be around my father and there's no way I want to depend on him when I'm at my weakest and lowest point. By that I mean, I don't want him to take me to the town in his car when I'm having several panic attacks.
And the second reason is that I don't want to depend on anyone or have anyone to support me when I have panic attacks. I want to get over this stupid fear of mine.
Well... it didn't really work cause I did get panic attacks and I wasn't completely alone. I rang my mother just as soon as I got on the train cause I started shaking and crying like a crazy motherfucker.
And I just kept saying, "I want to get off so bad. Right! Now!" over and over to my mother.
Anyway, I lasted all the way there and back with my mother on the phone for an hour altogether.

All that drama aside it was a great day.
Was nice to leave this little village of a town for a day.

I got there in the morning around half ten and got back by five so I had enough time to hang out there.
Unfortunately I had nothing planned and don't know the town too well.
I just wandered around and came across this amazing looking place.
Too bad I didn't have a camera with me.
I did a little research and this is the place I was at yesterday:

 And here's a little video aswell:

I also went to the Museum. I was really impressed with those really delicate and sharp knife type of things. I don't think people nowadays could make something like that out of a couple of stones.

Yeah and when I got back to my hometown I went straight to the belly dance practice.
I'm not sure I can really do it. I have to film myself dancing first so I remember the steps and moves then try and get good at it.

Oh and just remembered - when I was talking to my mother on the way to the town she was at the dentist, in the waiting room. I said I'd rather be at the dentist than be on train and she said she'd rather ride a train ten times than be at the dentist. Anyway, she had to give out to me a few times so that I wouldn't get off the train and to do that she had to leave the waiting room. She was risking losing her appointment to keep me on train, but since she's scared of the dentist I was kinda doing her a favour :D

Yeah, that's about it. Have to start working on my forum again, letting things go a bit there. Oops.

Too much preaching!

I'm really starting to hate my father.
Too much preaching!