something that looks like a dandelion but is not

Had I known better I never would have been stung by a bee. I was walking in shamrock and didn't think it has flowers. Well, I was wrong. My mother loves shamrock so much she didn'tmow the lawn where it was growing (the tiny bit at the left side is the mowed lawn):

Yeah and had I known better I wouldn't have eaten strawberries that give me hives. I'm quite convinced that my immune system is a lil weak cause of the antidepressants I'm taking and that's why I had the fever when the bee stung me and the allergic reaction to strawberries.. I've quit eating the ones growing in the garden but I gathered some wild ones today and I just had to eat them:

Took the dogs for a run and saw this pretty yellow flower:

I'm thinking they're all weeds but the flowers are nice, like the purple ones. I didn't recoginse it while taking the pic but on the left side there's a flying bee:

This is an old farm building I believe.

That's our old shed/garage. My mother's (ex-)man says it's only matter of days before the thing collapses:

I dunno how my body will react to all the berries you can eat in the summer butI'm gonna eat them anyway. These ones here will go red soon:

And then something that looks like a dandelion but is not:


Yeah... so July is gonna be a bit boring since my doc is on her holiday. I don't really have any reasons to go to Tartu now. Although I'm thinking of meeting up with some girls on my forum. Dunno whether I'll go or not.
Speaking of... ugh, I cannot wait to be done with the pink look for the forum cause I've been doing it for forever. At least I've been able to stay away from the place for quite a while or... for limited activities.

Ughhh, I feel so uncomfortable cause of all the drama in the house.
I totally feel like getting away from it all cause I can't handle any kind of unnecessary negative emotion at the minute.
I didn't even feel this depressed when my grandparents died.
I need positive energy from somewhere.
Think I will ring my stepmother later on.

The ever so beautiful cornflowers

Well, other than crazy drama and man-hating that went down yesterday, it was a lovely enough day. I totally miss going to Tartu on bike so I thought I'd just go down there for no reason one of these days. I went for a bike ride yesterday so. I came across these little cuties:

Snail baby


Frog baby behind


Frog baby front

Oh my god, the lil frogs are so cute.

And I managed to get a half decent pic of the "labrador" we have:


And here's the pup in front of this pretty bush

And here are my fave flowers:


The ever so beautiful cornflowers

I wish all of this could be solved quicker

I'm really uncomfortable with the whole drama going on in our house
Damn men!
I wish all of this could be solved quicker cause I'm too scared to go anywhere here.
And I know from here on out the man will treat me like shit aswell.
I so wish I wasn't on my pills and didn't have the anxiety cause I'd move to Tartu right away - literally, get a job and live alone or away from here.

Anyone who thinks otherwise can suck dick or take it up their arse

Ughh.... I loathe it when men put their women down in public.
Men are dicks. End of. Anyone who thinks otherwise can suck dick or take it up their arse.
I hate hate hate hate hate men.

Obama got seriously Gagad

Oh jaysas!
Mister Obama got seriously Gagad.

Obama:
“Ever since I entered into public life, ever since I have a memory about what my mother taught me, and my grandparents taught me, I believed that discriminating against people was wrong. I had no choice. I was born that way. I believe that gay couples deserve the same legal rights as every other couple in this country.”
Original article

Wow, such humongous generosity and fairness from someone whose army uses depleted uranium weapons on other nations and ruins the offspring and the current life. And the kicker is, American scientists say depleted uranium is not dangerous. Here's an idea for a new business for yous: depleted uranium pacifiers for your babies. See for yourselves how innocent the stuff is.

You gotta love America.

roll around on carcases

So apparently it's Saint John's Day. I don't really celebrate it. Never have. But I do remember it always raining. I'm not doing anything today or going anywhere for that matter but I actually did go yesterday. For a few mins. It was my first social thingy since my anxiety got so bad. I didn't even take Valium.
I didn't wanna stay for long though cause there was a lot of drinking and shit. I'm not into it. Here's a few pics from last night:

With my mother's man


Hahahaaa...this looks really... "interesting"


Smiley


My mother on the left

Yeah, just got in from a bike ride with the dogs running along. Okay, I love Donna and everything but she has a quite a gross habit. She likes to roll around on carcases. And she ends up smelling really bad.
Just today there was a dead mole in our yard and while the other dog just played with it and threw it up in the air, Donna literally rolled and wriggled on it.

So itchy!

Ugh, I'm allergic to strawberries!
So itchy!

Get to work people!

Just what the heck are the paparazzi of England up to today!? Apparently Kevin's been in the country for 4 hours already and still no pics.
I want pics! Now! Get to work people!

Ahhh, the man is f u c k i n g gorgeous!

Oh man how I wish I was back in Ireland right now!
I'd be in the same fucking country with Kevin McHale! I think if I actually was back in Ireland I'd be charged with sucking too much dick :D
Ahhh, the man is f u c k i n g gorgeous!

Drama never ends!

Oh my god! Drama never ends!
So last night my brother spent the night at one of his "friends".
Turns out his mother never allowed my brother and another boy to stay over. But she wasn't home.
She thought the boy was with his father but he was actually home alone and he's like 11.
Anyway, around 7 this evening the boy's mother calls and gives out to my mother (cause my stupid brother left his phone behind).
She was saying how 5 litres of petrol had been used up to start a BBQ fire at their place and how the boys had "broken in through a window". Well, the truth is the fucking 11 year old asked my brother and his friend over and he started everything and my brother and his friend just went with the flow. And today the fucker says everything is my brother and his friend's fault. The 11 year old has been home alone for quite a few days now cause his mother is a drunk and at his new man's place.
Yeah and then the neighbour boy was over at our place andmy mother and her man had a fight over it cause he is still pissed cause his syrup was stolen.
Oh dear...it felt so weird not being part of an arguing. Cause when I lived with my dad and back when I was a teen and lived with the current family I was the centre of all misunderstandings.
I was downstairs in the kitchen when they started off and I had to come upstairs cause the atmosphere was... unpleasant.
I was there to get cold water for my foot and put the icepack in the deep freeze. My foot hasn't got any better and I have fever again.
Anyway, one of these days I wanna have a long chat with my brother about how bad bad friends are. It's not only that they're dragging him down with their problems but it's also about how strongly it affects my brother's parents' relationship. Well, the thing is,my mother has to be the one to deal with all the problems, the man just switches himself off and when he doesn't like something he blames it on my mother. I just told my mother not to listen to him cause he is a man after all. But if he was man enough he would solve the problems himself.
Anyway, I will not get into that fight.

I will never walk barefoot again

Ugh.
So I got stung by a bee yesterday around noon.
In the evening my whole foot started aching and I got fever.
I dunno now if it't just a cold or if it's cause of the stinging. I really hope I won't get the fever again cause I felt like shit.
I've never been ill during summer before nor have I ever got fever cause of bee sting before. Ugh, I will never walk barefoot again.

so much for walking around barefoot

Well, so much for walking around barefoot. I stepped on a bee and got stung. Ow.

I'm home alone now, waiting for the neighbour boy to come stealing.

I could have sworn I heard my brother crying. I dunno if it was just hallucination or he actually did cry somewhere near the house.

some things that some people experience mentally, I go through physically

Oh dear. Yesterday was such a drama day.
First the whole familylooked for my mother's man's syrup and never found it. Then we started planning the payback to the neighbour boy for stealing.
Then we couldn't find the key to the sauna/garage (they're the same building). Then the whole family was looking for the key. I worried I might have left the thing somewhere myself cause I went to sauna in the morning to find a cap. But it turned out my brother had left it upstairs.
He just doesn't know how to lie. At first he said he hasn't been to the garage but if he did go there he'd leave the key in our house. Then he said he cannot remember whether he's been in the garage or not. Then he said he just opened the door and then locked it but he didn't go to the garage (the point wasn't really about using the garage, it was about whether he touched the key). And then he proceeded to say contradictive things. Anyway, I was glad I hadn't lost or misplaced the key.

Yeah, so I went to Tartu yesterday. And I guess I had known it all along but never really acknowledged it - some things that some people experience mentally and emotionally, I go through physically. So basically, any emotion I feel, it shows physically, mostly through my stomach and nausea.

I can torture and scare him

So we're planning on catching the neighbour boy in the act.
We discovered my mother's man's syrup was gone and while the parents were working and I was in Tartu my brother went swimming and didn't lock the door cause he couldn't find a key and we have a feeling the neighbour boy has been in again.
So tomorrow, the parents will be at work and my brother will go and hang out with the boy and tell him he needs to go to the shop cause he was left home alone and has to buy food. And then he'll ride off.
And hopefully the kid will come in and I'll catch him. Oh god if I do!
My mother told me to go straight over to his mother and make a scene but I'll just keep the boy in our house and won't let him leave til my mother gets home and gives him a bollocking.
That way I can torture  and scare him and make him wait for even bigger giving out than I'm gonna give him.

Creepy!

Heh, something weird happened yesterday. :D
I was in the kitchen making a peanut butter sandwhich, I was alone.
Then as I walked out, when I was just stepping out the kitchen, the microwave oven beeped.
It beeps a few times when it stops heating up something and when you don't take it out immediately it does one beep after every minute or so. And I heard one beep. I immediately thought my brother had something in there and had left it. I turned around and went back. It all happened really quickly so I know no one else had been in the kitchen while I was there making sandwhiches and when I left the kitchen for a couple of seconds.
I walked over to the oven to get whatever was in there and I saw that the microvawe oven's door was open and there was nothing inside. Freaked me out!
I just got off the phone with my mum and I asked her if the thing makes noise when the door is left open and she said no, it doesn't do anything at all when the door is open, for safety reasons.
Creepy!

It's so fundamentally itself

Ugh.
So I don't know what the deal is but I've been insanely drowsy the past few days.
I'm thinking it could be the weather cause it's been mostly raining.
Then I'm thinking it could be Cipralex.
But I've lost a whole lot of weight, I weigh less than 55 kg at the minute so I'm thinking it could be the Mirtazapin I take in the evening. Cause I've had this before, that when I lose weight the Mirtazapin really kicks in and makes me weak and drowsy during the day.
The weight issue is really starting to worry me, I know it's summer and I swim and move more, ride the bike to Tartu and sweat more but I also eat less and I'm thinking it's catching up with me. And when I start looking underweight I might go to hospital as the doctor said and I don't want that. And then I'm thinking maybe I feel so weak cause I cannot eat properly, although it seems I can eat better than say a week ago.
Health business aside, I started watching Home Improvement. I just gotta say this show has the best damn pilot I've ever seen. It's so fundamentally itself. It's refreshing to see such a strong yet seemingly effortless pilot. I've obviously seen the show before on TV so I know how true to the show the first episode is, the storyline, characters, mood, , humour, everything.

she can tell for sure whether I pulled out the weed or the veg

Well, thank you Mr. Rain for saturating the ground that was still wet from your last visit and for making me stop weeding and ruining my further weedng plans of today cause of the few minutes you were present.
Very helpful.
Oh and the Cipralex is making me feel so... dizzy, drowsy and hazy. And the rainy, grim weather isn't helping. Maybe when my mother gets home she can tell for sure whether I pulled out the weed or the veg.

Damn, I didn't take my camera with me today.
The whole family took the dogs swimming today. And it was the first time our pup swam. At first he was scared but when he saw his mum swim he went after her. He could swim right away. He was such a brave little thing.

Did quite a bit of weeding today. Only carrots are left now but mother said she'll do it in the morning. Ahh, I love how lush our garden looks right now. The peas are coming out all nice and healthy, so hopefully we'll get a lot of sweet peas. The beans are nice aswell. Oh and we have one half-red strawberry!
Plus, the cornflowers are in bloom. I love cornflowers, they're my favourite. I'll try and take pics tomorrow and post on here.
Oh, one morning I was woken up by this knocking. I have three explanations to it:
1)It was the neighbours knocking on the wall
2)A ghost :D
3)A bigger flying insect flying into the window repeatedly
I thought it was the first, until I heard a dragonfly fly into the window today.

Speaking of flying into windows, for some reason quite a few birds have flown into the ground floor window and died. Very weird.
Plus, a few days ago I found a baby bird on the ground. It was very very small, had a couple of downy feathers on its head. It was still very much alive. I picked it up and could feel how fragile and warm it was. There was no nest to be seen so it must have fallen down somewhere further and the dogs brought it over to our house. My mother told me to ut it into a field to die cause... well, there was nothing we could do to save it.
The next day I found another baby bird but that one was already dead.
And yesterday there was a grown bird layind dead on the ground.
Plus, the dogs were barking like mad last night. I went out to check on them. And the fuckers were barking at a hedgehog. I took the thing away from them and released somewhere safe.

And I dunno if I already wrote about it but there are so many frogs around here and we have to keep saving those from the dogs aswell. One didn't make it though cause the pup was chewing on one dried one last night.

http://vyou.com/sweetd

http://vyou.com/sweetd
Ask away! :)

Why can't things just go and be?

Phew. Got back from Tartu. Yeah, it was not easy.
It took me two hours to ride a 17 km long road cause I had to stop so many times and rest in the shade.
When I got home I marched right over to sauna, filled a basin with water, went outside, strip to my underwear and poured the water all over myself. It was soooo hot.

But I'm glad I went. Otherwise I would have spent the day moderating the forum and doing it's new look. Inside.

I dunno if I have written about it but I once asked my stepmother what chemicals there are in the brain that lose balance and you go crazy. She didn't know. So I asked my psychiatrist today and she told me about it. She also gave me a little brouchure on the subject. I'm not exactly sure what a chemical is but what happens in the brain when you have anxiety and depression is that there is a substance between the neurons (nerve cells) in the brain and I think it was throughout the sustance there is an electrical discharge that connects the two cells and... the information is brought over to the other cell through the discharge and it's accepted by receptors in the other cell. Now the symptoms of anxiety occur when the information transfer between two cells slows down. I'm not sure why or how but the antidepressants people are given work for three major cell receptors in the brain. There are loads of different kind of receptors but the three are just the major ones that they make pills for.
I plan to read all about it. And try to find out what exactly causes the whole process to slow down in my body.
I also found out that a person's psyche works in favour of the person. This was talked about when I said that I cannot swallow/eat. By the symptoms it looks as if I have achalasia but the doc said to her it looks like just a symptom of something rather than a physicl disorder of it's own. And she said sometimes the psyche "doesn't understand" what is best for the body and starts doing weird shit. Although what I think my psyche "is thinking" is that if I eat I have a better chance at getting sick and if the stomach's empty not much can come out. So... yeah. I have no idea how to treat the whole thing but that's the way it is.
Oh and I also learned that it takes the body about 20 minutes to build up anxiety and after that it starts calming itself.
This is actually kinda freaky, I mean all of it. The whole damn world.
Like my stpemother said that some "greater mind" had to create it all. And I'm like, the fucking universe is so messed and fucked up how could anyone possibly create something like it. It looks like complete chaos to me. Things go how they go and that's it. Why are people looking for someone to "blame" all the time? Why can't things just go and be?
Okay, I wanna know why and how my anxiety starts but that's like.. only a small thing. And my brain's like especially tiny :D
But just today when I was resting in the shade I started thinking about it. I was just looking at some little flower and started thinking how it had become to be. Also I was looking at the clouds a lot (just to see when they were gonna block the sun so I could ride on) and got creeped out cause I realised the space was up there. Yeah, maybe it's just crazy talk but my conclusion was why even ask such things.
Anyway... I meant to post these pics quite a few days ago but obviously didn't. And while I'm already talking about old old times I have a couple pics:

I imagine these are fossilized algae bits. Found them when me, my brother and his friend went swimming in the local lake. Like snowflakes!

Can't be arsed

Ugh, I really don't feel like going to Tartu today.
Was up til two last night cause of my anxiety and now I'm so dizzy. Can't be arsed to ride to Tartu, too tired.
Called the doc already and she told me to come.
Oh well, I guess I'll just jump on the bike and try going. Will put some smaller tools in my bag, maybe I'll go and fix up my grandparents' grave.

I'm so not ready for it health wise

Oh no. I got a bit giddy when texting my ex-boyfriend. Hopefully it doesn't mean I still have feelings for him. Cause... he's all like... living in Ireland and shit. I haven't really thought about him that much but just today I remembered when he was sick and at his mother's place and when I got off the phone when he told me he wasn't gonna come... home home, to me like... I remember how right after hanging up I ran to the shop to buy orange juice and strawberry yoghurt for him cause that's what he eats/drinks when he's sick. And he's just told me he's moved to another town and I asked him if some girl was the reason. Gahhhh, I hope not. And damn my anxiety. If I didn't have it I'd ask him to come over and we could travel all around Estonia and... fuck.
I dunno what boyfriend sex I'm after. I just told my psychologist I can jump anything that's alive and I'm fine with it. And I really am. Ugh, hopefully this doesn't mean I want a bf cause I'm so not ready for it health wise.

Yeah and hopefully my forum break lasts. Just have to finish the pink dream, or disaster.

TE09062011

you have so much positivity in you but it's very very deep down inside of you.

So all sorts of shit has been going down lately.
I mean, I've obviously had anxiety and what not but I've also been able to enjoy the summery weather.
Been swimming a lot. And eating a bit.
Saw the doctor. She said as long as I don't look underweight I don't particulary have to go to the hospital. Apparently everything else can be worked out with pills. So I'll be taking a buttload of them. Have Cipralex (some other brand but the same active ingridient) in the morning, Mirtazapine in the evening and I'm allowed to take Valium when I have the need (I normally take like 5 drops a day and that does the work. The doc said that in the pill there's 28 drops, so my dosage is quite small). And she said she can prescribe some other drops aswell. Just for the time being til my anxiety gets better and I'm able to eat.
Yesterday I went to Tartu, to see the doctor and the psychologist. Went to see my friend. Went swimming. And just hung out at parks.
I obviously used the bike to get to town and back. Think it was cause of the hot weather that I was so incredibly tired. My legs, wrists, neck were aching from riding the bike. But I could eat so I was happy.
I'll have to go to Tartu again on Friday, hopefully it'll be easier. I also wanna go down to the graveyard and work on my grandfather and grandmother's grave. It looks a little... weedy.
Oh and then I have to get back to weeding at home aswell cause the bastard weed grows quicker than the productive plants.
Anyway, here's some pics from nice nice times:

My brother's friend and me

Well, the deal with these pics is that the pup is cute and sleeps anywhere. He's the last puppy out of five we had. He needs a little operation before we give him away. The first pic though, was taken when I was weeding. He's such a messer! He won't let you do anything. He saw me digging and pulling out weeds so he started digging and was playing with a bunch of weed I had pulled out. And I guess he got tuckered out from working. :)
The second one.. odd. The rake was just lying around and and he decided to sleep next to it. He's still very clumsy so maybe he stepped on it first :D
And the third one... well, we had a BBQ and he was the first one down.
Oh we used to call him Songi but now he's called Jossu. Or Joosu. Or Joss. And I call him Kuts.

This our guard dog. Donna. Or Madonna. Or Donna-Manna. I dunno if I already posted about it but a while ago, she kinda like laid down next to me and I was like babying her, all lovey-dovey and my mother scoffed. She said Donna never lets people pet her, more so when she is laying down. And then she said "you have so much positivity in you but it's very very deep down inside of you". :D I mean... I guess it was a compliment. Well, she said animals can feel when one's a proper professional bitch. Then she told me to "clean out the drawers in my head" to get the positivity out. She meant sort out my head. You know, all this anxiety business.

This pic is taken..through a window actually but of our front lawn (and some porch). Recently my mother's brother.. erm uncle came over and I dunno where he got the stuff but hw brought near 10 bags of hand-me-downs. There were a lot of purses which were quite an interest of my brother's. He called himself Zenja Fokin or someone like that. I think it's some stereotypical fashion-crazy gay dude. But there were also loads of toys. Stuffed toys. And the white bits you see in the pic are the guts of all the toys. :D Our Labrador-Collie hybrid likes to chew them. I dunno if I've mentioned it before but my childhood elephant apparently was her best friend, shagging partner and a chewing toy. There are actually bits of it laying around, still. I don't have any good pics of the dog herself cause I don't like her. She is too fucking friendly. And yes, I don' like that fact that I don't like the dog cause of it but that's the way it is.

Speaking of hybrids (Okay, I know I used the word like 5 sentences ago but still), this is my bike. I have given my brother quite a few bollockings for using it. He breaks everything he touches.

Heh, this looks like something out of Back To The Future trilogy. Well, it's an oven/a grill that my mother's man made himself. Steampunk au naturel!

So I cannot remember again whether I have talked about it or not but I've been trying to redecorate and "anew" the house. I wanted to throw out or give to library a whole bookshelf-ful on books but my brother grabbed two bible-like books and said "you're not taking my bibles". Um...
Yeah and I tested my mother by picking out random books and asking what they were about and who the authors were. My statement was that they're just there to collect dust, my mother wanted them there cause it made her feel or look to others as smart. And my brother's defense was that the bookshelf half covers the window and hides our loo and he said I cannot empty the thing cause then people will be able to see inside and see him go potty. I have no idea why he cant just close the bathroom door. Anyway, this one thing I have been able to work on:

Ideally I wanted a lovely light colour or just varnish or something but my mother's man got the colour green. At first he suggested red cause there already is a red press and apparently the paint covered well.
So... we'll see how it turns out.

instead of knocking he threw stones at their door

Okay, so today we went swimming, me, my brother and his friend Silver.
About like an hour and a half later the neighbour boys came aswell.
Later on, we came home and when I went to unlock the door, it kind of was already open. I couldn't tell really, cause I was talking to my brother at the same time. And he asked me wether I had actuslly closed the door. I knew I had done it. It was cause one of the neighbour boys is a retard and lurks around our house when nobody is home. He usually gets my brother's key cause he knows where he used to keep it but my brother lost his key, so now only me, my mother and her man have keys.
Anyway, today I locked the door. Fact. We got back, it was open, it wasn't just unlocked it was actually open. Fact. Since it all seemed illogical I didn't think about it and let it slip.
Now about half an hour ago my mother asks me why I have a ladder under my window. And I have no idea about any ladders. So they asked my brother about it and I confirmed he had been with me the whole time. When they mentioned the ladder was under my window I went to check it and then I saw it! All of our windows have like... nets in front of them so the gnats can't get in and mine was torn off.
And it was very obvious the neighbour boy had been inside, came in through my window and left through the front door and left it open.
Well, as I've mentioned before we have three dogs and they DO NOT let strangers in. Plus if it had been some random thief they would've taken something but nothing was taken. I mean we have two desktop computers, two laptops, a buttload of every kind of video and audio devices.
Mymother's man went straight over to the neighbours and instead of knocking he threw stones at their door. Well, the fuckers obviously said they don't know anything and started saying how our dogs ONCE took their watering can and brought it over to our place. Well, the shitheaded kid has been to our house several times before, he's always spying on my mother and her man when they're in sauna.
Plus one time when he had been inside our house he ate my brother's crisps. Then the other day I had a bottle of drink out with me but when I went in for a while the bottle went missing and it definitely wasn't my brother or the dogs cause we would have at least seen the empty bottle somewhere.
Plus, the neighbour's cats are always on our land mooching for food, plus their three dogs are always out, even when it's like fucking -30 out in winter. They let their damn dogs rape their cats and the things are so sick looking it's disgusting.
Anyway, I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo mad and upset when we realised it was the shitface who had been in my room. I shouted, and I mean I screamed on top of my lungs that when I get my hands on him I will kill him. Then I ran inside and banged the fuck outta myself on the wall and screamed again that I will kill him when I see him next.
And I swear, I know he is only 11, but I will physically assult him when I see him next. I will do it.
My mother says he is a special needs boy. Well, what the fuck!? I 'm fucking sick aswell, I fucking have to take 5 tranquillizers a day to function even on the minimum level but you don't see me spying on people or breaking into other people's homes. That shitty jizzface is the luckiest son of a cunt in the world that we haven't gone to the police with the whole thing.
Well, if he gets away with everything cause he is special then I will fucking hurt him, I willlllllllll dooooooooo ittttttttt, and then claim I'm fucking special aswell and cannot control my emotions. I wanna fucking see them call the police when I bust his hairless babyballs and ram them down his damn throat!
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I will forever and ever loathe him and I will make him pay for it. I will make him pay for it!

Little Miss Wants The Devil

Okay, seen two films recently and I haven't been impressed.

What A Girl Wants is quite a crappy film. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It's really dull and the music is weird.

Another film I saw and didn't particulary like was Little Miss Sunshine. It was just weird... and uncomfortable. Toni Colette might just be one of my fave actresses but the whole film was not for me. I had heard it was a good film but always thought it wouldn't be so good and unfortunately I was proven right. I guess everyone in the family had potential as characters but they kinda remained empty shells. Although Toni was quite perfect, well... they were all good enough actors but the film just didn't bind to me. I mean yeah it had the point "Fuck the life that's like a beauty contest" but... meh.

Oh and as well as What A Girl Wants, also The Devil Wears Prada - I'm not feeling the whole "You've changed, I like the old "real" you". And I don't like it how they make the changer be the bad guy. Okay, the universe is dynamic, you cannot change it. While there are times when people knowingly change themselves or situations then most of the times you cannot control the stuff that happens. Life around you changes and you change to adjust to it. So I don't fucking understand why they're promoting the stagnant lifestyle. If you do stuff, stuff happens and things change, for better or worse. If they wanted to tell a story of something stagnant then they should create a character who doesn't do anything but even then the person would change. It's unaviodable. Or they could create story and characters where people accept the change and realise that everything is real and needs getting used to not changing it back to the way it was and expect it to stay the same for the rest of their lives.

Oh and another thing - been watching Ice Age 3 and I cannot stand the whole Scratch business with the female squirrel. Um... oh poor men. Women take your nuts and lure you to fly with them and then dump you and then they make you do all the chores and are never happy with what you do!
Fuck! Men never do any chores, they just scratch their nuts while lazying around on the couch. I just loathe the stupid chauvinism exposed to little kids, I mean the one that makes women look evil.

TS02062011

the day has been quite great

Well, I dunno how the day will end and despite the fact that I'm still very much unable to eat, the day has been quite great.
The vet came over to check our dog. She has same weird dry patches and is shedding hairs. But she should be okay in no time.
Then my brother wanted to go swimming again today but he didn't wanna go alone to the nearer place cause there are some boys who are picking on him. So I said I'll go with him to straighten those boys out. When we got to the lake there were no boys and I actually went swimming. It was a little cold at first but it was quite okay in the shallow water. The water was also warmer far where it's deep but I can't really swim so I stayed near the shore.
On our way back my brother's bike broke so I peddled home quickly in hopes to get my molther's man to go and pick him up but my mother went instead on my bike and took some tools with her.
Anyway... later on, well just nowI finished playing badminton with my mother and her man.
Ws fun. Although all sorts of insects kinda tried to ruin it all.
Ahh, I cannot wait now to go to sauna and hopefully I'll be able to eat the pea porridge my mum's cooking.

Card Of The Day - Ixchel & Green Tara

So I was hoping for a good day but by the looks of these cards I'm not gonna have one. Gah, it's so lovely out and I wanna enjoy the weather, maybe go swimming. Damn anxiety!