my two girl crushes

Okay, I don't wanna end my year on my blog with such a negative post. So here's my two girl crushes:

They look so alike, don't they!? :)

thank you very much!

My mother's man just got mad at me. Hahahahaa!
I gave out to my brother for disconnecting the net and he got mad. He told my mother to disconnect it entirely. I can use my own internet stick thank you very much!
It gives me a weird thrill to have got him mad. :D Men, pffftt.

Oh brother

Oh brother please refrain from listening to Wrecking Ball! It's doing my head in. He's right in the next room and yeah he has his headphones on but I can still hear the horrible song. He's been listening to the thing all day.

so yesterday

Aaarrghh! My borther's watching Wrecking Ball parodies and he keeps on singing the damn song. So annoying!!! The song and the parodies are so yesterday!

a bitch to live with

Okay. I have an account on this sexy dating website. I uploaded a topless pic of myself (which is not that big of a deal as I have nothing there). Anyway... I got quite a few compliments. The thing is, there are some pretty awful pics on the website and the men say all kinds of positive things. Just goes to show that horny men are senseless men. Think I'll take down the topless pic. Ugh.

I talked to my dad on the phone yesterday. Found out he's on antidepressants aswell. What is happening!? I'd never wish emotional and mental issues to anyone cause they're a bitch to live with.

As per usual my family didn't celebrate Christmas. We were in our forest burning twigs for two days. No presents either. And no Christmas TV shows/films/music.

Oh actually, my brother made gingerbread biscuits. But he only made them cause he likes sweets. And we totally failed at putting icing on them. I was gonna add some pics but my computer won't reckognise the SD card.

sliding down this banister

Tim: Remember sliding down this banister guys?
Marty: Oh yeah. I also remember there was only one of us dumb enough to go down facing forward.
Tim: Anybody can do it backwards. Mum was wrong too, I was still able to have children.
Jeff: Yeah but look at them.

I See Fire

Ahh, such a chill tune! Love listening to it.

I know I know, I took Valium before leaving home but still

Yay! What a great day it has been. So far anyway. Went to the psychiatrist and I didn't get anxiety. I know I know, I took Valium before leaving home but still.
I managed to go to a couple of souvenir shops to buy a present for a girl on my forum. We're doing this thing where girls give each other presents. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything for the girl. I have one thing bought but I wanna buy something more. Maybe I'll just buy a chocolate and it'll do. Hmm...dunno yet.

Kaffee bonbons

Blahahaha...Have to go and see my psychiatrist tomorrow. Not a happy bunny about it. I just hope I won't get major anxiety.
Yeah, came back to town yesterday after spending nine days at my mother's place.
Will go back there next Monday, for Christmas.

Yeah, I've been eating these like crazy:

Yum! Super good.

my poor little baby

Here she is, my poor little baby, on our basement floor:

My mother's man changed the cogwheels and the chain. I took it for a quick spin after fixing and it felt normal, like it was fixed. I hope it really is. Cost me 30 euros and a hug for the man. :D
Hm, looks like men are useful sometimes.


TS10122013

My trusty little trooper

Aw, my bike broke :(
My trusty little trooper.
Am stuck at my mother's place til it gets fixed.

I just love

Ahhhhh.... I just love Home Improvement so much!!!

Tim Allen is the man!

skinny bitches have such big tits

How do those skinny bitches have such big tits? I've been skinny and had small boobs. Now I'm fat and still have small tits.

the hardest time

Oh man. Had the hardest time biking back to town today. Was going against the wind, it was cold and slippery. It took me three hours to go through about 17 kilometres.

Ilme, my apartment owner, will be coming home from hospital tomorrow. Yay... I know it may sound mean but now I have someone to buy me food. I missed her. Although it's quite nice being home alone. I can do the dishes when I want to and shit.

Yeah, Christmas and New Year's are coming. Think I'll spend the Crimbo at my mother's place since she may have quests over. I just love the food. And I'll probably be alone on New Year's Eve.

Sick women

Okay! My apartment owner went to the doctor today cause she gets pains in her hip and legs. Turned out she has trombosis. So she's gonna be in the hospital for about a week.
And then... Talked to my mother on the phone today and she said she had been to the A&E again last night cause of her high blood pressure.
What the hell!?

so full of cabbage

Oh my goddess, I'm so full of cabbage.

Yeah yeah I know I've been 28 for a week now. Got leggings from my mother. Um... yay?

maggot

Okay, there was a maggot in my tea. What? How? What!?

at the A&E

Well, mother was at the A&E. She had really high blood pressure. She will go to her GP tomorrow to sort it out. Gahh, hopefully the weekend will go smoothly. It's my birthday afterall.

Called the brother

Called the brother. He said mother and her man went to a doctor. Gah, something is wrong! I really dislike not knowing what has happened.

Oh no, now I'm worried

Oh no, now I'm worried. Called mother and she said she'll talk to me later, that something had happened. Scary!

Oh glorious!

Oh glorious! Now I get anxiety when chilling with my family. Well done, body, well done. I don't wanna hear about it next weekend though cause it's my birthday and I wanna sit down and enjoy a great family dinner.

Ahhh..those were the good times. And I'm having even better times now

So yesterday I got this pain in my stomach. Thought it was weird. And today when I was biking to my mother's place I got a tummy ache. Thought it was weird. And voila - my period started. Never realized it.
Anyway...I read some place that Glee is making Kurt go to Russia. Oh god..... I don't even wanna know what kind of hate against Russians the episode will have, what with the anti-gay thing. I'm with Russia on this one... Like, enough is enough. Nobody cares who you love or fuck, so stop preaching.
I also learned there will be a spin-off show. Hmm...maybe if they get better writers I will watch it. If Kevin's in it. My old flame. Ahhh..those were the good times. And I'm having even better times now...mmmm...Jonathan.

TS08112013

about 12 years left to do it

Okay, I just realised how scary pregnancy and giving birth are. *shudder* Nevertheless, I don't support abortion.
Man... I dunno if I'll ever have my own kids. If I do then I have about 12 years left to do it.

Let her go

Woah, had the weirdest dreams last night. Dreamt I killed off some girls cause they were bullying me. And then I had to give a present to Niall Horan. I gave him a white T shirt. Ha!
And then some nights ago I had a dream where I went on a date with Harry Styles. What is this One Direction nonsense!? :D
Anyway...this song is the bomb!

on TV

In town. I don't feel as nauseous as the last few days. Could be cause I took a lot of Valium drops when riding to town. Dunno. I don't care as long as I'm feeling okay.
What got me writing though is the fact that my mother was on TV today :D
She found it very funny. She was on a show called Reporter. They ask questions from the people off the street. She was asked about some alcohol business. Yeah...okay then...I'm off.

In 2010

Still feeling like shit but a little better. No jinx now!!!
Anyway.... the other day I found out that J.D. Salinger had died. In 2010. How come I only found out about it just now!?

very sad face

This'll be another whining post.
So since the night I couldn't sleep I have been feeling like crap. The nausea is back, big time! I'm taking all of my medication (10mg of Escitolopram, 30mg of Mirtazapin and Olanzapin) again and it's not helping. Blahhh, I feel so sick and dunno what to do to make myself feel better. *very sad face*

Plus my laptop had a virus. Took me three antivirus programmes to get rid of it. Ugh. Couldn't sign onto my ask.fm account and my blog, plus a few other websites.

I couldn't sleep

Wow, what a horrible night I had. I couldn't sleep. I mean I was unable to sleep. Every time I was about to fall asleep I'd wake up with this horrible feeling in my head and body. I thought it might be anxiety or something so took a bunch of pills and shit and t didn't make it better. I didn't feel sleepy or anything either. Was super weird. I hope it won't happen again.

my favourite role yet

Oh gosh! I'm back in town and I'm totally craving sweets and savoury. Dunno what it is about the town that makes me wanna eat so much. Anyway...was surfing Twitter when I came across this:

How lovely of her!

Ouch, I have a tooth ache.

Ouch, I have a tooth ache.
:(

Don't be such a pessimist!

Mike: The relationship is at a crossroads. You know, maybe it's run its course.
Vanessa: No no no, they're gonna work this out.
Mike: Don't be such a pessimist!

Hahaha, how true though!

CHICKEN! DELICIOUS!

Wow! What a great day it has been. Saw some Jonathan earlier today and then came to my mother's place. I didn't plan to come here this weekend at all but changed my mind. Raked some leaves and then had CHICKEN! Mother had put mayonnaise and cheese on top of it aswell and it was DELICIOUS!
Blessed be all the chickens in the world. You guys taste yummy. Love ya!

TS11102013

what the future holds for me

Blah, had such a crappy day. I was supposed to have this test day for this janitor position and I totally failed at it. I only lasted five minutes before I had to leave cause of my anxiety. :(
If I can't do a janitor's job then I can't do anything. I absolutely dunno what the future holds for me.

The good thing is I got my internet connection back. It was cut off cause I didn't pay for last month. And I'm gonna see Jonathan on Last Man Standing soon. Yay!

Gathered apples and picked tomatoes

Nothing interesting has happened. Came to mother's place this weekend. Yesterday I helped mother take down the greenhouse. It's some made in China crap, only lasted for two years or so. Then raked leaves and cleaned some shelves. Gathered apples and picked tomatoes. Yeah...so not looking forward to winter :(

Who is this Bieber

I have Jonathan Taylor Thomas as my desktop background. Brother saw it and said, "Who is this Bieber on your screen?".
Yeah...wonder if you can ever be too old for celeb crushes.

two more hours

Ahh only two more hours and I get to see Last Man Standing's season 4 episodes.

Plus, I nearly slept with a guy today. He didn't come over. Luckily. Gotta keep it in the pants til I get a boyfriend. It's a bit harder than I thought.

I was kinda getting off my olanzapine pills but have been feeling shitty so have to take 10mg of them now. Again.

Plus on Wednesday I have a job interview at this car wash place. The pay is pretty good but the work hours kinda suck. Ten hour shifts.

Blah..okay I'll go and surf the net til twelve o'lock. Then it's LMS time!

Why why why!?

Gahh! I'm so smitten! Why a celebrity though!? Why why why!?

a fancy word

So what have I been up to? Not much. I stay up til 3 or 4 am and wake up at 3 pm. Then stay in bed all day, surfing the net. Super fun and exciting. Well, sometimes it is. Well, it's gonna be soon. Jonathan's gonna be on Last Man Standing again and I cannot wait! Squee!!!
Also, I cannot wait til the first of October cause that's when my internet's gonna be fast again. I have so many youtube videos I have to watch and stuff.

And yes...realistically, I have to find a job for myself. I want some part time janitor position. I don't need a whole lot of money.

Yeah and summer just...totally ended about a week ago. I could see the summer evanesce right behind my window (okay, I used a fancy word, don't know if it fits the sentence :D).

what's more important than love

How do women function when they're on their period? I properly started today and the cramps are not so bad but I spent the whole yesterday in a haze. There's nothing I could have done.

Plus, I think it's kinda sad how eagerly I check my mail for Jonathan Taylor Thomas Google alerts but dread it when there's a response from a job offer. But I mean... what's more important than love, right!?

I've been playing so much Sims it's unreal. Can't be arsed to update my sim blog though, I'm so behind on my blog. Generations.


TS15092013

Scary shit!

Well...it's a good thing I'm a little sick and can't go to my mother's place today. Mother called in the morning and said her man is sick. Apparently he collapsed a couple of days ago and vomited for seven hours. She called the ambulance and the paramedics said he has to go and see a neurologist. Scary shit!
I think he still can't walk or get up...without vomiting. Ughhhh...horrible.

Dear car owner

Dear car owner, please SHUT UP YOUR FUCKING CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't tried going to sleep yet but if this damn alarm doesn't shut off I'm not gonna get any sleep. This thing has been on for over an hour and nobody...the owner..hasn't shut it off. Damn, I'll go and steal your car.. you wouldn't even know.

I'm sick

I'm sick. Surprised so early into autumn.
Normally I get sick around Christmas. Think I just have a cold, got a runny nose, sore throat and a ... weird headache thingy going on. Or it might be a virus since my brother had the same symptoms when I was at the mother's last weekend. Dunno. it sucks. Don't feel my best and don't think I'll be able to go to my mother's place this weekend. Boo!

Plus! I've meant to point this out several times...
 Notice how it says 25? :D Yeah, I just can't bring myself to change it to my correct age. I'll be twenty five for forever.

comfort eating

Okay, I'm totally comfort eating when I'm in town. Today, I had four packs of dehydrated fish, two ice creams and two Dime chocolates. And I know I'll be getting a packet of crisps tomorrow and chocolate again. Ugh. Luckily it doesn't do anything to my weight but I'm just thinking about my health.
And it's only eleven right now and I'm so bored. Actually thinking of going to sleep. Oh I took a nap around 6 o'clock and had a dream of me being pregnant with Jonathan's baby. :D Good times!

Veronicaville

Okay, I only just now discovered Kyle Gallner and Jonathan Taylor Thomas both have been on Smallville and Veronica Mars. Great shows lol!!!

Oh and I didn't get the position at this school. Nw I'm totally jobless again.

not a good day

Oh dear. Today is not a good day for me and my appartment owner. She keeps over reacting about stuff. Like, she so randomly came into my room and started giving out to me about crooked fork. She says she has seen me trying to open a jar with it. I dunno what she saw but it sure wasn't me trying to get the lid off of a jar with that fork. :D I obviously stood up for myself and denied everything and she said it was impossible to get things sorted with me. Yeah, of course when you accuse me of thing I haven't done.
And before, she came to me and complained about there being water on the floor in the bathroom. Of course there's gonna be water on the floor when I have to hold the shower head and wash myself at the same time. I told her there's gonna be water on the floor as long as the shower head doesn't get fixed. She says it cannot be attached to the wall cause then the water would run against the wall. Yeah, that's not my problem anymore :D

Ahh and I've been so nervous about my test day tomorrow. Will go to this school for a job. I hope I won't get anxiety.

butt in everywhere

Why does America feel the need to butt in everywhere!? I must say though, it wouldn't surprise me if it was America who started world war 3.

like a dork

Ha! Just told my mother about my crush on Jonathan. Showed her a pic of him. She told me he looked like a dork and that I have weird taste in men.

Two sweets

Ahh...so for the last two weeks I've been sleeping like crazy! I have no job or other responsibilities. Well okay, I do have to look for a new job. But it has been so nice to sleep in in the mornings.

I got a few callbacks but I've decided not to take those jobs. Got a few janitor spots. One in my old secondary school. :D Definitely couldn't take that. Then had a chance to work in this kiosk but it's the kind of place where people can walk in and I would have had to make hot dogs and burgers for people. Yeah, no more burgers in my career please!

Yeah...have had a lot of time to daydream. Mostly about my new crush, Jonathan.

Two sweets

Ahhh...me likey. But I think Kevin's time is over. Which is actually good cause now I don't have to watch Glee anymore. I kinda have a feeling I'll watch the few first season 5 episodes cause I wanna see how they handled Cory's death.

Oh and...I actually started this post off with something else and then deleted it cause I didn't wanna address it but I kinda feel like I have to say something. Why do Hollywood people think being a grown up means singing about drugs and acting overly, desperately sexual? Not once in my life have I ever come across an older person talking about drugs and sex and sticking their tongue out non-stop. Pathetic.

sexy dream about Jonathan

Wow. I went to bed at two last night and woke up at 2 today.
Was up for three hours then went to sleep again. And woke up at six o'clock. What the hell!?
The good news is I had a sexy dream about Jonathan Taylor Thomas :D

gone with them

Aahhh, father's family just left. I soooo wish I didn't have anxiety. I would have gone with them back to their place.My brother Andrei is sooo big! :D And I think his voice has broken. Anyway, was nice to see them and catch up.

Apple juice

Oh dear. We've been making apple juice for days now. So sick and tired of it. I wanted to take pics and upload them here but I left my camera behind, in town. My phone aswell.
The upside of the week is, my father's family are coming to visit us tomorrow. Yay!
Next week I'm going to have to start looking for a job though. I have no idea what I want to do.


TS14082013

Stuffs

Growing up 

What is your fondest childhood memory?
Well, the one I can think of off the top of my head is when I was about three or four years old. I was playing in this field as per usual when I came across these mushrooms. I guess we went mushrooming enough for me to know/remember which ones were edible. I had my little red plastic bucket with me so i gathered the mushroom into it. Took them home hoping my mother would cook them. Unfortunately there wasn't enough for the whole family but she did make me mushroom gravy out of the ones that were good enough. I felt very responsible, like I was providing food for my family.

What was your favourite childhood toy?
Green plastic beaver.

What was your favourite childhood book?
I liked to read a lot but I didn't really have a favourite. I liked fairy tales about princes and queens etc.
I also liked poetry a lot.

What kinds of interests or hobbies did you have when you were a child?
I was into nature and animals. Can't say I was a tomboy or a girly girl, although I liked playing boys' games and with Barbies and stuff.

What did you want to be when you grew up?
A vet or a writer.

If you could relive one day of your childhood, what would it be?
It'd be the day my mother had alcohol poisoning. That day screwed up my life. If I could relive it I'd leave the house so I wouldn't witness all the throwing up she did.

Did you have any pets when you were growing up? What type, and what were their names?
We had a butt load of hamsters. And a few cats. Plus my snails, spiders and a crow.

Did you (or do you still) have any natural talents?
I used to be really good at writing. No I have nothing :D

About you 

Are you more of an extrovert or an introvert?
Introvert, definitely.

Where would you travel if you could go anywhere in the world?
Florida. Or go visit Jonathan :D

What is your favourite food? Dessert?
I like a regular roast beef dinner... with potatoes and gravy and some salad. And cheesecake for dessert.

What’s your favourite restaurant?
I like Thai food. And Indian.

What’s your favourite movie or TV show?
Fave movie would have to be Mononoke Hime and favourite TV shows would be That 70s Show and Home Improvement.

What is your favourite book?
The Catcher In The Rye by J.D Salinger.

What’s your favourite song, band, or music group?
Fave song would be What It Is by Mark Knopfler and the band would be Dire Straits.

Favourite clothing brand?
Dunno. I used to love the stuff in Bershka and Stradivarius shops.

Favourite perfume or after shave?
There was one I liked but I forgot whom it was by or what it was called. Any would do really, I need my own scent.

Do you have any interests or hobbies?
The Internet :)

What are your political or religious beliefs?
Don't have any political beliefs. Religions wise you can call me Wiccan. I mean I haven't had the ceremony yet where I declare myself a Wiccan but meh...

Do you believe in God, or life after death?
I don't believe in god per se but if I was to believe in something I'd believe in goddesses. Not sure about the afterlife.

What kind of relationship do you have with your parents or siblings?
When I spend too much time with them it's no good.

Do you have any favourite family traditions?
No. Cause we don't have any traditions.

What’s your star sign?
Scorpio :)

If you were stranded on a dessert island, and you could only take one thing, what would it be?
My cellphone. I'd call someone to get me out of there.

What makes you the most happy?
Great health.

What makes you sad?
Poor health.

What habits turn you off?
I hate it when someone eats out of a food dish that's not theirs. Like when there's a salad bowl and they don't take any onto their own plate but eat out of the bowl. My mother's man does it. Super gross.

What three words best describe you?
Lazy, comfortable, introverted.

Life goals 

What do you hope to achieve out of life?
Wanna help someone get their life back on track. And do something I love professionally.

What are your current or future goals?
To get a job I like - current.

Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 20 years time?
In 5 years, hopefully I have overcome my anxiety. In 10 years I hope to be in uni and 20 I wanna have adopted a child.

Do you believe in destiny?
In some way.

What would you want to be remembered for?
For helping people. Which is weird cause I don't really like people.

What are your career goals?
Wanna do something I believe in.

General Relationship Questions 

Would you move for a partner?
Within a country yes. I'd be too scared to leave my homecountry again in case I will have another nervous breakdown when moving back.

Could you have a long distance relationship?
Within a country and for a short period of time.

Do you want to have children? If so, how many?
Yes. Two adopted and maybe one of my own.

Would you adopt if you found you couldn’t have children?
Yes, it wouldn't be a problem.

Do you think couples should have joint or individual bank accounts?
Individual.

Do you get jealous?
When I know my partner is mine then no. If things aren't certain between us then yes.

Are you ok for your partner to have friends of the opposite sex?
Yes.

General Romance

What’s your idea of a perfect date?
I don't even know. Probably a movie at home and a take away.

Do you believe in soul mates or destiny?
Soul mates... yes, why not?

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done (or had done to you)?
I'm not that romantic to be honest.

Who is more romantic, men or women? Why?
Probably women cause they read those soppy books and watch those tearjerkers.

Do you believe in public displays of affection?
Yes, why not? :)

What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever received?
Probably my mother's. She told me not to sleep with men so quickly. Can't say I'm following her advice.

Can a couple be too much in love?
No. The more love the better.

Sexual Relationship Questions

What’s your secret sexual fantasy?
Maybe do it with Jonathan :D

How often would you like to have sex?
Those day were nice when it was twice or three times a day, every day.

What words do you want to hear during lovemaking?
No words. Moaning would be okay but dirty talking is not for me.

What are the most sensitive parts of your body?
My neck and chest.

Do you enjoy sex toys?
Not yet.

Do you like pornographic movies?
No.

Would you ever go skinny dipping?
Done it and would again.

What kind of clothing do you find sexy?
Clean white socks.

Would you have sex in a public or outrageous location?
As long as there weren't be any children around.

Do you feel comfortable discussing your sexual preferences with your partner?
Yes.

Would you do phone or Skype sex?
Definitely not. I hate it when men try to have sex with you on the net. :/

Beauty call

Ahh, my fave bird - Common Crane. Whenever I'm at my mother's place I can hear their call. It's so mesmerizing... and eerie at times, the way it echoes across the fields. Spellbinding.

Beauty

iRock

Hahahahaaa...this made me laugh so much.

sweet sugar muffin

Oh god, I'm totally head over heels in love with Jonathan Taylor Thomas. :D
I've seen Home Improvemnt like a hundred times and I was fine but for some reason now, I fancy him. I've been looking him up on the net and he looks like a sweet sugar muffin even now. I think it's the first time I'm attracted to someone older than me. But he's short and dark haired, so no change there. I just love his mannerisms.

wishful thinking!

So I have my job til the end of July. I thought of going to my father's place for August but I'm not too sure. I'm afraid I will get anxiety while riding there. Riding my bike that is. The father said he can come and collect me in his car but...yeah, I don't do cars.
So I don't know now... I really wanna be at my father's place but the going there is kinda blah. I thought I'd ride up to Viljandi (about 60 km) and get a room in a hotel for a night. Then ride the next 30 km to Võhma the next day.
Everyone's kinda bashing my bike. It has served me so well and I love it and I doubt it'll break down. Although, I'd like my father to be available to pick me up in his car when I get too tired from cycling.
But the problem is that the father will go on a holiday to Russia on Tuesday and won't be back til the ninth or tenth of August. And I wanted to go there right at the satrt of August. Ughh...so I dunno what will happen.
Oh and I'm off my antidepressants. I'm only taking the antipsychotic now. Will take a lowered dosage of that tonight, for the first time. Maybe I can get off all of my pills and then get by with 7 drops of Valium per week.
Ahhh...all this wishful thinking!


TS21072013

I somehow hurt

Woo, went swimming for the first time this year. I somehow hurt my thumb:

So I was pretty shocked about Cory dying... but come to think of it he's just another drug addict who overdozed. It's sad really, cause it seemed he had everything going for him. Well, to be honest it was my mother who made me look at it rationally since I myself was pretty shocked. I also found out my mother doesn't like Glee. She called it stupid. Yay, mother!

rehab is a pointless place

Wow. What horrible news to wake up to.
Looks like rehab is a pointless place.

Burn!!!

Absolutely loving this song! Ellie can do no wrong. I'm so glad she's become so popular ever since I first mentioned her on my blog.

I won't bitch

I hereby promise I won't bitch about Jenna Ushkowitz anymore and I'm sorry that I have.

More about mowing the lawn

More about mowing the lawn. LOL :D
Mother's man bought a lawn mowing tractor. I used it. I got a little anxious but hopefully driving it will help me with riding cars. I even sat in my mother's man's car today. Yeah, just sat there.

Thank you actor

Lawn mowed. Scared the shit out of my mother. She told me to leave the bushes and trees where they are.
She also said, "Thank you actor. The lawn was mowed in five minutes."

mow the fuck out of the lawn

So apparently Kevin McHale is engaged and expecting a baby.
I'm gonna go and mow the fuck out of the lawn now.
Shit! My weekend is ruined!

Wake Me Up

I had really bad anxiety and nausea yesterday. Maybe I had sunstroke, dunno.
Anyway, today has been a lot better. Plus I found this song I heard on the radio a while ago and I'm loving it:

Aaand... oh...I don't even know what the situation is with me and men. One dude wanted to give it a go but haven't heard from him for days. And I really want the one who went to army. He seems really nice.

coffee and cream

It's unreal how well coffee and cream go together! Yum!

I'm at my mother's place. Got here one hour and one day too early. Left work an hour ealry and the boss gave Friday off. Yay!

edit: oh and I just noticed that my previous post was my 1000th post :)

this weekend is pretty good

Wow. I know it's only Saturday night but I gotta say this weekend is pretty good. I mean, I get on so well with my mother and my brother is less of a smartass. Although he went scrumping for peas and didn't bring me any. :( Once I get to town I'm gonna try and buy peas. I love them peas!

That's why

I cannot begin to tell you how much this pisses me off. :/

101 Things You Don't Necessarily Need To Know About Me

I got bored being home alone so I found this and I'm gonna fill it now :D

1. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR BEDROOM? A rag... or a carpet type of thing. Don't know what it's called exactly. It's not mine, it's the woman's I live with. And a calendar.
2. DO YOU PLAY BOARD GAMES? WHICH ONES? No. Onyl cause I have no one to play with :( I'd love to though.
3. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? A lot of pop music.
4. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? Think it was at two o'clock at night.
5. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? For my anxiety to be gone for once and for all.
6. WHO DO YOU MISS? Think my father's family. Maybe I'll go visit them in August.
7. ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH ANYONE ? Maybe... besides Kevin McHale like.
8. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED? That person besides Kevin McHale.
9. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? How are those different than first names?
10. THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED? That 70's Show and Home Improvement.
11. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO? Called my mother's man to ask him where he keeps his tape measure.
12. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Sometimes.
13. THE LAST THING TO MAKE YOU CRY? I tried to cry to relief my anxiety but didn't quite succeed at it :D Couldn't get the tears rolling.
14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME? I don't have one at the minute although finding my scent is my top priority when it comes to girly things.
15. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Darker brown only.
16. WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY? Funny.
17. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS? Coffee
18. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? I like chicken, mushrooms and pineapple and lots of cheese!!!
19. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? This one potato dish my mum does.
20. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU MAD? Can't remember, it's been a while. But I yelled at a dog today cause it was attacking one of our's.
21. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE? I know a little bit of Russian. And English obviously.
22. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? I've never owned a car and probably never will.
23. WHAT IS YOUR FANTASY CAREER? A healer. You know, alternative medicine specialist.
24. ARE YOU A LEFTY OR A RIGHTY? Lefty.
25. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? River Island has some good stuff eventhough it's mad expensive. I used to love shopping at Stradivarius and Bershka aswell.
26. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR? Don't have one. I'm sooo not a car person :D
27. WHAT COLOR IS IT? If I were to have a car it'd be a green one.
28. DO YOU LIKE SPICEY FOOD? No.
29. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I'm sort of in this position right now.
30. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?By your actions.
31. WRITE A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED? 53
32. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Brunettes only.
33. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN? Probably my mother.
34. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? Men. lol
35. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF YOUR COUNTRY? WHERE DID YOU GO? I lived in Ireland for a few years. I also went to France for holiday.
36. FAVORITE FOOD? Meat and potatoes and gravy.
37. FRIES/CHIPS, RICE, OR BEANS? I'm gonna be healthy and say beans.
38. FIRST JOB? Shelf stocker at a warehouse type of place.
39. WHAT KIND OF CAR(s) DO YOU HAVE NOW? Enough with the car questions already!
40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT? Refreshing a page that didn't renew. Fun!
41. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN A MOTORCYCLE? Yes. When I was a little kid my dad used to take me for rides. It was the kind of motorcycle where I sat infront of him.
42. WHAT TV SHOWS DO YOU WATCH CURRENTLY? Rewatching Home Improvement for the 100th time. :)
43. CAN YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT? I kinda used to know how to play the violin but I haven't played for a long time so I probably can't do it anymore.
44. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? I'd be happy.
45. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT? My mother's place. Well, it's actually her man's. And I'm actually registered there :D
    
46. HOW MANY (MORE) KIDS DO YOU WANT? I'd like for for starters...
47. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?Don't think I was.
48. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Sometimes
49. HOW TALL ARE YOU? About 168 cm
50. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Dried/Dehydrated fish.
51. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? God no!
52. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SWIM? I can doggie paddle for a few meters.
53. DO YOU CHEW YOUR NAILS? I've started yes.
54. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? I like all of them. If I didn't I'd have thrown them out long time ago.
55. DO YOU GET SEASICK? I think I would but I aviod boats. And cars. And buses. And trains. And walking by myself. I love my bike!
56. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? Non political.
57. ARE YOU MARRIED? No and never will be.
58. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?In Viljandi, Estonia.
59. DO YOU WEAR A WATCH? No
60. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? I think so... not a problem though.
61. WHAT WERE YOUR FAVORITE TOYS AS A CHILD? I liked old dishes and a green little plastic beaver.
62. HOW MANY AUTO-DIAL NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR MOBILE PHONE? I don't have that auto-dial business on my phone.
63. LAST ITEM YOU PURCHASED? Groceries.
64. DO YOU GO TO CHURCH? No. Never again.
65. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? Yes and some dude whipped his long hair in my face.
66. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A PLACE TO LIVE? Rent.
67. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Don't have one.
68. HOW MANY HATS DO YOU OWN?  One or two.
69. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No.
70. WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE RIGHT NOW? It just rained so it's fresh and cool.
71. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Vanilla. Or caramel.
72. WHAT TIME DID YOU GO TO BED LAST NIGHT? Around half twelve.
73. WHAT SIZE BED DO YOU SLEEP IN? I dunno.
74. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS? Have two tattooes. A fairy on my chest and "Vivaldi" on my forearm.
75. HAVE YOU BEEN TO LAS VEGAS? Never but I'd love to.
76. DO YOU WANT TO GO ANYWHERE SPECIAL THIS YEAR? My father's place is special :)
77. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Birds chirping outside.
78. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Shutter Island.
79. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My mother's man Lembit.
80. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? A veterinarian or a horse keeper or a poetess.
81. IF YOU COULD BE WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO BE NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? A healer.
82. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? Green.
83. FAVORITE TWO THINGS TO HATE? Jenna Ushkowitz (I know I'm a jealous cunt but it's so good to bitch about her). That's pretty much all I hate.
84. FAVORITE DRINK? Bottled fizzy water.
85. WHAT'S YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Scorpio!
86. SPORTS YOU LIKE TO WATCH? None... maybe football or Formula 1.
87. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? Brownish.
88. EYE COLOR? Grey.
89. LAST PLACE YOU DROVE TO? Er... it's quite irrelevant when checking my last answers about cars.
90. SIBLINGS? 2 younger brothers, Lauri and Andrei.
91. FAVORITE MONTH(s)? May was quite nice. Maybe a little too hot.
92. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI? Never tried it before.
93. LAST THINGS YOU WATCHED? Shutter Island.
94. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? A new laptop!!! Or perfume.
    
95. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW? Les Miserables.
96. SUMMER OR WINTER?  Summer.
97. KISSES OR HUGS? Hugs. Love cuddling.
98. DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES? Yes, about ghosts and shit.
99. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES? Coraline, Finding Nemo, Requiem For A Dream and many more
100. ANY PETS? Two dogs, the male one is Jossu and his mother is Nupi.
101. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW? A blue checkered dress and my mother light blue cardigan.
     

but still, a barbecue would have been nice

Well I just learned that I won't be getting any St John's Day (jaanipäev) BBQ. :(
Not that I've ever really celebrated the holiday but still, a barbecue would have been nice.


TS21062013

Raw food diet

One of my coworkers (the same woman who gave me a bollocking for going on breaks at random times) gave me an idea to start a raw food diet.
Now, I cannot do it like it's supposed to be done but I'll try to eat healthier. No more crisps or monosodium glutamate from now on (eventhough I'm eating BBQ flavoured nuts at the minute)
*eats last nut*
Okay, I'm done! Let's see how long I can keep it up.

spoken for

Well well...looks like I might be spoken for. :D

All is forgiven

Gah! This gonna be a rant post!
So I was at the shop. Almost at the till. I put my cherries out on the counter for the cashier. Then turned around to attent my bag, to take out my wallet. And the stupid cashier skipped me and turned to the "lady" behind me. I was like, "I was first". And the woman behind me was all like "Oh I thought you were just going through your bag. Make up your mind - do you wanna shop or go through your bag!" Like how the fuck am I supposed to get my wallet if I don't open my bag!?
All in all, I don't actually give a fuck cause I was served first anyway.
And I'm already eating my cherries... so yummy... all is forgiven :D

sex is pissing me off

Okay, I think I'm ready for a relationship cause I'm getting really irate at the sexual innuendos the men are making. Grrrr! No, I'm not interested in one night stands. No, I'm not interested in sex only relationship. I'd rather be in a relationship with no sex at all. Seriously, sex is pissing me off. Ughhhhhh!

Plus this weekend has been so tiring. Have been mowing the lawn like crazy and one of our apple trees broke in half, had to clean that up.

Hopefully I can enjoy this evening that's left.

Mulch

I got a bollocking today at work. It was cause I go on breaks at random times. It wasn't even the big boss complaining, it was a woman on a lower position. She said the big boss doesn't like it that I go on breaks when I feel like it. Which is kinda weird cause I talked to the big boss and he said it was okay. I told him I can't eat when there are other people in the room. So he said it was okay if I go on a break when others are finished eating. Plus the woman herself told me about a week ago it was okay that I took breaks at random times and now she was giving out to me... what the !?
Okay, it's all very confsuing but at least I get to go on breaks when I want to or have the need to.
Here are more pics from my work:

This is what I've been doing for almost two weeks now: get the green gunk out of the pot then put mulch in it. It's a nice quiet job but it does get a bit boring at times.

Pics

feeling all poo poo

Aw, I'm feeling all poo poo. Don't know what it is. My apetite is gone and all.
Today wasn't even that hot so it can't be because of the sun or the heat.
:(
Anyways, if anyone's reading my blog, ask me questions - http://ask.fm/doowally
When I'm bored I'll answer them.

rough week, weather and sunburn wise

Gah, this sunburn is killing me. It's been a rough week, weather (too much sun) and sunburn wise. Luckily, tomorrow seems a little better. I hope it won't rain but I wouldn't mind cloudiness. No sun though!
And I have this weird anxiety thing going on now. I get anxious every time I go to my mother's place. The road makes me nervous for some reason. It's better when I come back to town but yeah...

out of respect for other people

Okay, so much for being a natural woman. I found out today that I can wear a bikini at work. All of my bikinis are at my mother's place so I called my mother at work and asked her to buy me a bikini (there's a secondhand shop near her workplace). So she got me one. When I went to collect it, the mother started preaching how I need to trim my pubic hair out of respect for other people.
Erm...okay I will do it but not because of other people but because it's summer and it seems more hygienic.
I don't tell her how to have her pubic hair! Weird.

the first day of summer and I'm already sick of these hot days

Oh dear lordess... it's the first day of summer and I'm already sick of these hot days.
Today has been a lawn mowing day. Non-stop.
And that's pretty much all I have to say. I've noticed I'm not blogging that much. It's not that I can't be bothered or don't want to. I simply have nothing to say. I guess that's what happens when your life is sort of back on track. I mean I do get anxiety and shit but not all the time. Life's getting better.

Oh and I've betrayed myself and have listened to this:

It's crazy good!

my slap kills you

Also, today I'd like to apologize to all the gnats I've killed. I'm sorry bitches but if yous come and buzz in my face and bite me then I'm gonna slap you in the face. It's not my fault your face is so small my slap kills you.

This cutie

This cutie... a girl I work with was rearranging flower pots when she found a bird nest on a table. When she found it there was only one egg in it. The next day there was another one. On the third day, a third one appeared. So did the forth and the fifth egg. Now it's the weekend so I cannot wait til Monday to see if there are anymore eggs. Doubt there will be. And I'd love to see the little birdies hatch. Trouble is I might have only one week left at the place. Oh well. Will start looking for another job then.

And I started to talk to Colette again. The woman I used to live with when I live3d in Ireland. We have so much catching up to do.

Yeah, naps are bad

Oh my goddess, finally got my period. 13 days late. I hope this never happens again, it was scary.

Got really bad cramps at work so got home early.

Oh and I start feeling really sick after taking a nap. Weird. Feel so weak and nauseous. Maybe I slept for too long, about three hours. Yeah, naps are bad.


TS22052013

so mad and riled up

Gahh. I'm so pissed off right now. Why in the world did I stay up so late to watch Denmark win the Eurovision song contest!?
That song is crap beyond belief!!!
But I'm glad Bonnie Tyler (or whatever her name is), well UK, nor Germany (Cascada) and the Netherlands (Anouk) didn't win.
I'm disappointed Estonia didn't do so well but I didn't expect us to win anyway. I voted for Russia, Armenia and Ukraine and I really hoped Ukraine would win.
Blah, I'm so mad and riled up I can't go to sleep.

just wanted to post this pic

Oh dear, it's so hot out. And as I said in one of my previous posts, today is all about mowing the lawn. Except, it's too hot to do it. Ugh. Yeah, I don't have much to say, just wanted to post this pic from my mother's man's birthday:

under the scorching sun

Oh goddess. I cannot believe the weather for next week. It's supposed to be all hot and shit. How am I gonna work? It's so hard under the scorching sun.
Plus, lawn mowing is in order for the weekend. I hope it rains.
Blah. And still no sign of my period. I'm a week late. Never happened before. Thinking it's cause of the pills I'm taking. Ugh, I just wish I had them already then I'd have another month til the next one. I'm waiting another week and if still no show Imma go to the gyno.

so not preggo

Haven't gone into work this week. I just feel so lazy and anxious. Maybe it's cause I'm taking smaller dosages of my pills. Have to go in tomorrow or else they'll fire me.
Yeah and I'm still waiting for my periods. I already started to think I'm pregnant.

Only one stripe showed up in the result though, so not preggo.

not a fan of sunny days

Ouch. I'm shedding skin like crazy! That's what you get for working out in the sun. And apparently it will get even hotter. Ugh, not a fan of sunny days.
Plus, where the hell are my periods!?

What the actual fuck!?

We're having a birthday party for my mother's man. So many things go wrong at parties with the family. The mother and her man always have a fight. The man goes into this asshole mode and picks on my mother. Plus the mother is super serious about everything. Me and the man sometimes playfully "flirt". And today the mother got jealous cause of it. What the actual fuck!? I'd never want her man, thank you very much.
Ughhh. I just feel such tension at the parties, it's not pleasant.

Urges urges!

Ugh hnnng! Having sex is not healthy cause you end up wanting more. So I tried to get the lad from last night to come over today aswell but he said it was too nice of a weather outside and he wanted to work. Why work when you can have sex!!!!!?
Then I thought of calling up another fit lad but eventually didn't.
Then this another lad wanted to hook up but I'm not interested in him.
Urges urges!
Yeah...

Been working for two straight days now. Anxiety is getting better by the day. Although I'm nervous about tomorrow cause I will be indoors with about 5 people and I don't do well in those kinda situations.

Yeah, that's about it. Oh and this song is a killer:

What is it exactly that I do

So, I've been having major shocks since I'm back in the working field. Oh if only I could work without anxiety.
Anyway here are some pics from my workplace:

Little birch trees waiting to be planted

Work in progress

Voila!

I've seen this sight like a million times. I will never forget these endless columns of planted plants.


Plus, a guy was just over. He seems pretty okay actually. Hopefully it won't be just a one night stand.

How do I keep losing money like that!?

Ugh. So the money losing thing wasn't over as of yesterday. Today I bought five euros of credit for my mobile phone and lost it. How do I keep losing money like that!? Ughhhh, seriously!
Had two missed calls from unknown number. Thinking it's the holticulture place. I won't be buying more credit so hopefully they'll ring me again tomorrow.

That's the kind of truth they've all been saying. A truth that is a lie

So there was a bit of drama today. I lost the 50 euro note I had in my jacket pocket. But then I went for a bike ride and found it on the ground. Phew! My mother already gave me such a bollocking for it though. And I already rang my stepmother and asked her to send me some money. Luckily she doesn't have to now.
Been at my mother's since Friday. Didn't go to town cause of my headache. Don't really feel like doing much when I get the pain in my head.
Watched Glee. I said I wouldn't review it anymore. I will do it once there's something good. The last one had me questioning though... that which college lets you enrol in April. I thought the show was supposed to be realistic!? That's the kind of truth they've all been saying. A truth that is a lie.
Yeah... then I've also had major anxiety. Don't know what it is but I get anxiety at my mother's place, can't eat and shit. Tomorrow I will go to town though. Ahh, hopefully this holticulture place won't ring me this week cause I like being lazy. But when they do call me back I hope I will be able to do the job. What with my anxiety and all.
Yeah so.... over and out.

Hag!

I got a bollocking from the mother for still not working. Ughhh, it's not my fault I have anxiety and can't do shit.
Then she gave out to me for not doing something about my anxiety. Like, I'm so sick of it. Don't wanna hear about it, much less deal with it. She wants me to go to a psychologist. Blah.
Anyway, will go to mother's place... today. When I wake up in the morning. It's the mother's birthday on the 13th. She's turning 50!!! Heheeehee. Hag!

And then I talked to my er...owner of the appartment I live in, I'll call her Aunt Ilme from now on. Yeah, I talked to her about my fear or vomiting. She says when she feels even slightly sick she sticks her fingers down her throat and she feels much better straight away. How do people do it!?

Yeah and I've noticed I have a reader from America coming back to my blog, so... Hello there! :)

Ions

In town. We had a lady over who wanted to sell this air clearing machine thingy. She said humans can't really tell a difference between clear and clearer air. The only difference they can tell is that the air is fresher outside. And that's because there are negatively charged ions there.
She said laptops and other electrical appliances "produce" positively charged ions and they're bad for you. Maybe that's why I have anxiety.

Anyway, I had this major anxiety attack when I went in for a try day at a gardening centre type of place. Have to go back there tomorrow. Hopefully I won't get that really bad kind of anxiety like I did today.


TS09042013

Super weird!!!

Okay, something weird has happened in my room at my mother's place.
On Monday I left the place and left a croissant on a table. Today, I came into my room and it was scattered all over the floor. If it had been the dogs they would have eaten the thing. And I doubt my brother would do it. When I let the dogs into my room today, the first thing they did was eat the croissant off the floor.
Then I had a bag of crisps on the floor, serving as a trash can. All of the trash had been taken out and crisps were all over the floor. The bag itself was standing up. Again, if it had been dogs, they would have eaten the crisps. And, again, don't think my brother would do it. Let alone my mother or her man. Super weird!!!

here we go

Oh here we go with the headaches again. Woke up with a headache this morning. Then it didn't pain me most of the day and it's starting again just now. Ugh. Just not a good start to the week.
I really shouldn't have come to town today. The roads were horrendous.
And now I have to shop for food again. Ugh ugh ugh, I live for weekends when I'm at my mother's place and don't have to shop. I really should help my mother out with the chores and all but I'm lazy.
Okay, I'm off to watch some sort of a film then take a painkiller and go to sleep. Oh and in the spirit of Monteith going to rehab I'm gonna lower my antidepressant dosage. Again. I can never quit.

What horrible news

Oh dear! Cory Monteith is in a rehab. What horrible news. Ugh, makes me think of my own situation. I so should be in hospital myself. I just don't wanna deal with my anxiety, so sick of it. Don't wanna waste any extra energy on it.
Yeah, I still cannot shop for food. I get major nausea and shaky legs when shopping. Ugghhhhhhhh....

Plus I found this song, soooo soothing:

edit: LOL, I stayed on my blog to listen to Sinead. Then went to kitchen. The old lady I'm living with asked me if I was listening to Ave Maria :D

some random homosexual parade doesn't do anymore harm than a world full of heterosex

So there's this gay marriage hullabaloo going on in my country.
My thoughts? ...Ehh... I don't even know. When I want to I can be very passionate about gay things. But for some reason I'm not at this moment. Probably because I think marriage is stupid even between heterosexuals. Seriously, why would anyone wanna get married? What good has your country done to you that you feel you have to "prove" to the country that you can make babies, "love" and be able to pay a mortgage!? It seems extremely old fashioned, narrow minded and stupid to me.
Hmm... I just got a feeling I have blogged about it before.
Anyways, let's say I support marriage. Well, then I don't care who gets married. Actually now that I think of it, I'll support (gay) marriage when they legalize trial marriage like in Wicca. That can be between a man and a woman so I don't see a reason why it cannot be legit.

Oh and it bothers me when people say gay people shouldn't have parades and shit. Oh dear lordess! How much heterosexual shit is there in everyone's life!? The world is so overly (hetero) sexual it's disgusting! The media is all about (hetero) sex. So some random homosexual parade doesn't do anymore harm than a world full of heterosex.
My two cents on the subject.

edit: I also don't understand it when people say homosexuals shouldn't be able to adopt children cause they would get picked on. I doubt it would be the homosexual parents picking on their child, it would be the intolerant people and their children doing it.

where does that leave me?

Ugghhhh, I really need new friends. And I hate to think I can find them only when I go out drinking or to a church party. Where are all the normal people!? I'm not ready to start a family just yet so.... where does that leave me? I want normal single girls. Someone I can get together with, go shopping with or just hang out without them rushing off to do their baby stuff. Argh!


Gotta have something positive in this entry so here ya go:

Yummmmm!

major headache situation going on

Ouch! Have a major headache situation going on. Thinking it might be migraine after all. None of the painkillers work.

Plus, it's our pup's birthday. He's two now. Happy bday, Jossu!


TE15032013

Titleless

Oh dear. What a horrible night I had. My head was aching so badly. I went and bought the pills the neurologist prescribed to me. Hopefully I can sleep tonight.
And my anxiety is so bad. I just cannot shop for food at all. Blah.

TS10032013

Bitch and the son of a bitch

I'm totally molesting our dogs! They're so cute and fluffy. I even put up with their lethal farts. I like cuddling and kissing them.

I'm totally not replacing men with dogs. Dogs are waaaay better!

I love you

Said my stepmother. Then I.

Other than that, been battling headaches again. And where the hell are my periods!?

Glee Girls (and Boys) on Film review

For starters I gotta say I was immensely bored so I watched like... I watched it for a couple of minutes then did something else then came back again for a few minutes etc.

I gotta say though, I really like Heather's singing.

Boring Blaine song alert!

Okay the girls' mash-up.... The Sasquatch has got some fat armpits. Gross!


Oh dear lord!!!! Why in the world are the Glee kids there when Will is seeing Emma!?

Yeah, I don't give two shits about Marley, Jake and Ryder.

Aaaaand it's over. I totally started watching it in the morning and finished it just now. Think I'm gonna stop reviewing the show cause it's so mindlessly boring for me.

making my shit boil

Blah...all this talk about nuclear war is making my shit boil! Who the hell do those people think they are launching shit like that!? Yous don't live on this planet alone you shitwheels!
Why don't they battle it out like in the old times, you know with swords and steeds. Kill your politicians, presidents and the army. Why do civilians, animals and nature have to suffer!?
And then Kevin goes and shags that Korean whore!??!

I want a burger!

Mmmmmm....have had mcchicken sandwich for breakfast for two days in a row. Not complaining. Been loving it. :D

And now, I'm about to have this:

This and that

Went to the neurologist today. With my headaches. She said there's nothing she can do cause my pains aren't brain related, they're nerve aches. She prescribed some pills for me. Two kinds. One's the kind that supposedly works for anxiety aswell. I already talked to me psychiatrist about it aswell and she gave me a go. The pills are a bit pricey though, approximately 20 euros. The prescriptions last 60 days so I still have time. Maybe next month.
Oh and I didn't get the dispatcher job. They said they reserved me. It just means when one of the new ones isn't good enough they'll call me. But I won't be waiting for their call, I'm already looking for a new job. I applied for a janitor position, or cleaning service position or whatever fancy name they have. Just to get some extra money quickly.
And! I had McDonald's for breakfast today. Chicken sandwhich. Was yummy. Plus fries and BBQ dip. Yummy! Maybe I'll go and waste some more money on fast food tomorrow. It's just so good.

Just hanging out on my blog's dashboard

Just hanging out on my blog's dashboard. I think I had a virus on my laptop cause I couldn't sign on to anything. So yeah...I was really paranoid about not being able to rant on my blog. Luckily, yesterday, I downloaded this antivirus thingy so I should be clear now. But yeah, I'm so happy I can sign in to my blog so I'm just hanging out here.... :)

Part of me wants it. Part of me doesn't

Todays has been quite productive. Went to my mother's workplace to bring her food. Plus she brought my clean underwear with her so I got those. Then I went down to the library to give back the Coraline book and got a Salinger book. Then I went to the social welfare type of place to get some sort of a letter.

I still don't know whether I got the dispatcher job or not. Part of me wants it. Part of me doesn't.

Tomat

Heh. Dunno why but this tomato at the end made me smile. It's so cute. Yet another cuteness from my forum.

On another note, today was quite good. At work like. I felt very hungry but not that nauseous or anything. I sent one taxi to the wrong address though. Hopefully it won't cost me the job. The taxi drivers will pick between me and this other woman in the following days.

sell some of them and the others I thought of putting up for a giveaway

So I went through my clothes press. I have a few itmes of clothing I don't fit anymore. And most likely will never fit again. So I decided to sell some of them and the others I thought of putting up for a giveaway.
So here's the first item, a Jane Norman top:

If anyone's interested, leave your name and email address in the comment section. :)
If I get any answers, I'll be randomly picking the winner next weekend.

a bit of a party day/evening

At my mother's place. Thinking maybe I should start taking omeprazole cause I feel like gagging when eating. Ughhhh...it's not like that just at work it's all the time, except when I'm in town. But in town I get anxiety when shopping for food. Total lose lose situation.
Anyway, tomorrow's supposed to be a bit of a party day/evening. We've got quests comin' over and shit. Everyone, except me are gonna drink and then there's sauna and everything. Oh I so hope I'm gonna have a nice weekend cause I'm back to work next Tuesday. Hopefully I won't get nausea at work. :(

At work. Feeling anxious.

At work. Feeling anxious. Should be going to mother's place today. Leavng work earlier than usually, hopefully I won't feel nausea.

I just can't live my life. At all.

Ughhh, just got a bollocking from the mother. I told her I wanna quit my job. Well, I don't officially even have it yet. But my anxiety is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. I get reeeeeeeeaaaaaaallllyyyy nauseous a work.
I want the job and all but the anxiety is making it really hard. Fuck my brain, seriously like. Why the fuck me!? Why me!?!! Why the fuck do I have to have the damn anxiety. Couldn't someone who stayed at home all the time have it instead of me? I just can't live my life. At all.

miss the good old days

Oh bother. Today has been one old crap of a day. Got anxiety at work. And that pretty much ruined my day. I just hate the feeling in my head when I get anxiety. I can feel something rising in my head and it feels like my head is gonna explode. Plus my stomach turns.
And then my bike broke. I can't even explain in my mother tongue what is wrong with it, let alone in English. Simply put, one of the wheels isn't moving like it's supposed to. So I cannot ride it, have to walk with it by my side. A man at my mother's workplace offered to give me a lift to the bike shop and I said I don't do cars. Then he offered to take the bike there on his car so i wouldn't have to walk with it and I said I don't do walking by my self. It's so hard to explain my anxiety to people. Plus the man at the bike shop said I can leave the bike there overnight and he'd fix it tomorrow. Yeah, had to explain my anxiety again. Not easy. Oh how I miss the good old days when I was normal. Seriously.

Dispatcher position

Gah, tomorrow's my test day at this taxi company. Dispatcher position. My anxiety has been really bad so I'm worried. I can't even go to the shop my anxiety is that bad. Ahhh... body, come on, work with me now!
It seems a pretty laid back job. Just have to answer the phone calls and give the taxi drivers directions. Well, the bad thing is, I don't really know my hometown. I mean they have papers to help me and all but I'm still nervous I get some kinda place that I don't know and then I don't know which taxi driver to turn to.
I hope I'll be good enough and learn quickly so I can get the job. It's not too far from home. Although it has a 12 hour shift on the minimum wage. I cannot wait to have the night shift! I hope I can bring my own laptop and spend the whole night on the internet... Mwuahahahaaa! :D


Oh and my internet connection has been painfully slow. I haven't even seen the latest Glee episode.

rather...poor

Just remembered... I lost a follower. Bye! Thanks for stopping by.

Aaannd, I just finished reading Coraline. I wanted to buy the book but couldn't so I got one from the library. It was in Estonian. I must say, it was rather...poor. The structure of the sentences was too simple and the use of words was, again, poor. Maybe it was so crap cause it was translated and the one in English is good. Dunno, but I wasn't impressed. It was so simple I thought I could write a book. Ah well, at least it got me reading. I sould do more of it. It was my only book in ages. The last book I read before it was The Catcher In The Rye.

Okay, off to bed now and swollow gallons of spit.

Feel like my brain is dying

How unfortunate! My head is aching. Feel like my brain is dying. Actually, today it has felt like I have an ear ache. Will go to the doctor tomorrow again and hopefully we'll figure something out. Maybe she'll send me to another doctor, a specialist. Oh and I have this weird symptom going on, the salivary gland is producing exessive amount of spit. It's so weird.

She does art!

Oh no! Glee's doing Ellie's Anything Could Happen!
I guess it's srot of good since it's good promo for Ellie but... her songs are waaaaaaayyy too good for the show. She does art!

My brother's fallen ill. Hopefully I won't catch it. Oh and went to the doctor on Friday. She says she thinks my headaches are linked to my periods. Hmm... well it tends to ache then but it also aches at other times.

Oh and I managed to download and "install" a crack for my Sims 3. I can play again! :)

Glee Diva review

Okay Blaine is as much of a diva as a potato.

Okay, I can't really deal with the bullshit of people randomly showing up at their old school for no reason. Although Naya's got great legs. Dodgy choreography.
Ughhh, I just hate the sing offs.

Oh fuck! More gays!

Jayma Mays is likeable.

I'm trying very hard not to say anything negative about Jenna. But gotta admit it, liked the Madonna song.

Oh dear, that Kurt and Rachel song is BORING!

Ahhhh!!!! :D THE kiss!!

LOL This needs to be documented

LOL This needs to be documented. I was just chilling out in my brother's room. Laying down on his bed, with dogs. Brother was playing Minecraft. It was all quiet in the room. And then I farted and the brother jolted. :D Hahahaa... I gave him such a fright with my fart.

I'm not a happy customer!

What the fuck!?
So I have the kind of internet connection that gives you 30 GBs of fast connection a month. When you go over that the connection goes slow. And normally it takes me two weeks to reach the 30 GB but now, just now I discovered I have reached it...now, like. What the fuck!? How is it possible to reach it in 6 days!? I will most definitely be calling up the internet provider and have a word with them. I'm not a happy customer! I have only downloaded one film and watched a couple of TV shows online. I definitely haven't surfed 30 GB worth of net.

Plus, going to mother's place tomorrow and to doctor on Friday. Have to find out the cause of my headaches. It's not normal that I get these pains around my period when I have never had them before. Last night and yesterday and the night before were totally horrible. At one point the pain was so bad I thought I was gonna cry.

Aches and pains

Ow. I had such a horrible night. My head was aching so bad. And it's still only on the right side of my head. Even my right eye is watering and aching, feels uncomfortable. And my right ear pains me. Ughhhhh...really not feeling this whole headache thing.
Feeling like shit, feel kinda hunrgy but don't wanna eat, have to take a shower but don't want to.

Why the long titles?

Patrick Stump has such an awesome voice. Literally awesome.

Mata u suck

Yes, I sometimes see cute and funny things on my forum so here's a little something:

Dunno why but it was so cute to me.


TS04022013

Quand On Cherche L'Amour

Yeah, I have no idea what the title of this post says but let's all enjoy the voice!

Glee Naked review

Where was Sugar?

Nothing too irritating in this episode, although full of cheese.

dreaming of spring

Gah, I'm in the mood to write something. Unfortunately I have nothing to say. I only have a few words springing up in my head and that's all. Nothing too inspiring.
Tomorrow I'll be going to town. Hopefully my headaches won't follow me. Eventhough they started there.
Yeah, I'm dreaming of spring. I've come to terms with winter and all but I want spring.  Actually I want summer, when the days are neverending and the nights are light as day. I miss going to bed when the sun is still up. At the minute it's like... it's dark at five in the evening. Not cool.

trigeminal

So I went to the doc today. She thought I might have trigeminal nerve inflammation. And it really makes sence when you look at this pic:

The pain totally radiated into my cheekbone, ear and jaw. Eventually, though she said I don't have it cause she rubbed my head and face and it didn't hurt. She prescribed some painkillers for me, for the time I have my period. I told her, the headaches started with my period and I'm worried about my next cause I might get really bad headaches. If I do get it and the pills don't work I have to go back. Oh and I have this weird little fever. Dunno if it's cause of the head or for some other reason.