dreaming of spring

Gah, I'm in the mood to write something. Unfortunately I have nothing to say. I only have a few words springing up in my head and that's all. Nothing too inspiring.
Tomorrow I'll be going to town. Hopefully my headaches won't follow me. Eventhough they started there.
Yeah, I'm dreaming of spring. I've come to terms with winter and all but I want spring.  Actually I want summer, when the days are neverending and the nights are light as day. I miss going to bed when the sun is still up. At the minute it's like... it's dark at five in the evening. Not cool.

trigeminal

So I went to the doc today. She thought I might have trigeminal nerve inflammation. And it really makes sence when you look at this pic:

The pain totally radiated into my cheekbone, ear and jaw. Eventually, though she said I don't have it cause she rubbed my head and face and it didn't hurt. She prescribed some painkillers for me, for the time I have my period. I told her, the headaches started with my period and I'm worried about my next cause I might get really bad headaches. If I do get it and the pills don't work I have to go back. Oh and I have this weird little fever. Dunno if it's cause of the head or for some other reason.

take the focus off the anxiety

Ow, my head is still very much paining me. Stepmother called and told me to go to doctor with my head. Think I'll go and see my GP tomorrow. I'm almost wishing it's something serious so it would take the focus off the anxiety.
Am at the mother's place. Didn't go to town today cause of the pain and a little fever.
Yeah, that's about it. Oh I watched The Haunting In Connecticut with my brother and his friend. Was weird, perving over Kyle when the little boys were with me watching him. :D

Glee Sadie Hawkins review

Okay, Rachel doesn't act like Rachel. I don't know Lea Michele but I think Rachel is more Lea than Rachel. Not amused nor impressed.

Felt uncomfortable throughout the whole Tina's song. I just don't like that person. And poor Darren Criss. Hehehee, she got turned down. :D


How odd was singing Baby Got Back to Kurt!? :D

Loved the blue dresses and shoes. It was all ruined by the Sasquatch's fat armpits. I hate armpits, especially fat ones.

What's with the odd gyrating dance moves at the prom, both for boys aswell girls?! It's ugly.

if it wasn't for Kyle

A Nightmare On Elm Street

 I meant to post this with the previous review but forgot. Well, this film wasn't scary at all. For reals. But you could see Kyle in his tiny underpants so that was a plus.4/10

Cherry

 Ahh, my kinda film. I normally don't like films with college and sex in them but this was good. Kinda different. Well acted. 9/10

Jennfier's Body

Oh dear, what a disaster! 2/10. I'd give it a one out of ten if it wasn't for Kyle.

So I have this thing going on where my head pains me

 Ouch. So I have this thing going on where my head pains me. I still can't shake the headaches. Had to take a painkiller today and took a nap and had horrible nightmares :s

so smitten

Ah, tomorro's the big day. Well, sort of. Have a job interview. It's some weird job...something to do with design. I'm not even sure what I'll be doing. Think it's fashion design. Maybe furniture :D Have no clue really.

Ahhh and I'm so smitten with Kyle Gallner. He's so dreamy. Why can't I meet guys like that in real life!?

Cherry

Aaron: Did you ever make love to some one instead of fuck them?
Linda: I mean if you wanna sugar coat it, yeah I've made love
Aaron: How'd that feel?
Linda: An awful lot like fucking

Story of my life, hence the reason I'm so loose.

no such luck

So the last few days have been full of Kyle and sleeping. Wish I could say sleeping with Kyle but no such luck.
Yeah, my internet connection is slow again so I can't watch anymore films (with Kyle in them) but I'll do a few reviews with what I have.

The Haunting In Connecticut

Okay, I really like the kind of scary films that have a strong drama subtext to it. As I discovered watching this film. I obviously liked Kyle Gallner's character cause he's so hot! :D But I also like the mother in the film. What had me questioning was the relationship between the characters. Are there really families out there that are this functional? Was nice to see but... it was rather unbelievable.
I'll give it a 7 out of 10.

Little Birds

I believe this film would be perfect for teenagers. I think I'm too old for that kind of stuff. The first half of the film I found boring but the second half wasn't that bad. I would have been a worse party pooper than the.. dark haired girl (I cannot remember her name in the film, if it was even said, dunno). Stupid kids doing stupid things. I would have just driven home and left the "friend" there with Jesse. Then again, I would have stayed with Jesse if I was Lily :D I mean, come on. He's too fit to leave behind. Oh and it was weird seeing Leslie Mann in this kind of film. I'm used to seeing her in comedies.
I'll give it a 6 out of 10.

Red State

Oh dear. Not my kinda film at all. If it wasn't for Gallner I'd never watch stuff like that. That being said though it was a rather good film. I really liked the young woman's acting. Can't remember the character's name and don't know the actress' name (Think she's in the pic above). Yeah she was really good. I loved the whole scene with her and Kyle in the bedroom. Yeah and then my Kyle fluster kicked in when the older woman burst into the bedroom and assaulted him. I was like, "No no no... he was talking about sucking his dick. Don't stop him, I like where this is going!" Oh and at the beginning when he was all like "bitch this" and "bitch that", oh god, such a turn on! I mean he was a major distraction. If there had been no Kyle in the film, I'd be bashing Christians at the minute. But I won't go there now.
8/10

Ahhh... I love these Kyle feels!

I've been in the mood for horror films lately. Seen quite a few. Among those was a film titled The Haunting In Connecticut. Gahhh, the mother in me woke! I totally have a thing for Kyle Gallner now (his eyes and hands!). Not because he experienced ghostly shit but cause he was sick with cancer. I wish the film had been more concentrated on the drama cause I was really digging it. Plus, Amanda Crew was in it. But I totally thought she was a nanny, not part of the family.
And at the minute I'm watching Little Birds and it's as awsome as The Haunting. Cast wise. I love Juno Temple! And as much as I fancy Kyle at the minute, I'd still say he was the lucky one to share a kiss with Juno. She's the bomb!
Ahhh... I love these Kyle feels!

who knows who is gonna wanna read my blog

Okay, I've been reading comments under some Estonian articles and some blogs and I must say it botheres me when Estonians write in English. Mostly so cause I cannot stand it when they make mistakes in the simplest of sentences. Grrr...grinds me gears so much, like.
I've read my earlier blog entries and found a bunch of mistakes aswell but... I started this blog when I lived in Ireland and thought my only readers would be Irish. Actually, the entries from the time I still lived in Ireland aren't as bad as the ones I've written after moving back to Estonia.
Yeah and I still haven't forgotten about my...want/dream/need to go and live in a foreign country so I'll keep posting shit in English cause who knows who is gonna wanna read my blog in the future.

just smelling flowers with my tit out

Bahahahaaa...oh Tumblr! Yes, I've been hanging out there for a good few months but I'm most definitely not changing blogs. Just reblogging sweetness that is Kevin McHale.

I need (more) friends!

Okay, I still have the headache. It's on the right front side of my head and it radiates into my ear and cheekbone. That's why at first I thought it was a toothache. Weird. Oh and my right ear bled the other day aswell. Huh?

Anyway, just a few minutes ago I went to the shop and met a girl there whom I used to go to school with. We didn't talk that much in school but I'm totally willing to heat up the friendship and give it another go. We talked for a bit but I had to excuse myself cause we were standing in the middle of the shop and I get anxiety and all. Ahh...I need (more) friends!

I could just sleep and sleep and sleep

Oh god, I could just sleep and sleep and sleep. That's why I didn't go out to town to look for a job. Oh dear, I'm useless like this. Will try to go to bed at decent hour tonight, will see how long I'll sleep then.

at first like

Okay after all this reminiscing I feel so crap about how I cannot do anything cause of my anxiety :(
I was so happy and successful in Ireland...at first like.

Today

Viime laua minu tuppa
sahtel sahtli haaval.
Tamme tänaval me kuumalt higistame,
kui suitsev lavendliküünal
lämmatab mu kollaseid seinu.

Puu on kapis, puu on lauas,
julgus minu ujeduses.
Karskes kevadvärskuses
mul vastad küsimusi.
Me minevikud su valgeil huulil.

Vahtrast viiul ja kasest unistus.
Noored vanast ajast mehed
pillavad tõe ja rahu noote.
Täna öösel lehtede kumas
ootan sädelust väsinud rõõmus.

Well, well...another poem. This one's about some great mamories aswell. The first verse is anout another day I had with Taavet. I had lived with his family for quite some time (our mother are/used to be friends). In Ireland, like. And I was moving out. It was a crisp spring day. And I remember I got his desk. I didn't move far. I used to live in The Oaks in Newbridge. I think it was 135 that was their's and I moved to...yikes,can't remember. All I know is when I moved the yet another time it was still within The Oaks and the last one was 218. Anyway, we were bringing the desk over to my new place, just across the street. And then we brought the drawers. We were carrying them as if they were briefcases. I even told Taavet, it was such a weird picture that I was gonna put it into a poem. And I did. I also got  frankincense off them. So when the everything was moved, I sat in my room, with the window open, the cold air pouring in and making the smoke of the frankincense quiver. Oh and my new room had yellow walls.

The second verse is about a poem that inspired me. It referred to trees, wood, timber as if it was the bone of the Earth. I just loved it so much that I had to have it in the poem. I was sitting at my computer (which I bought off Taavet) and totally out of the blue Stephen (the guy I talked about in my previous post, the guy I sort of dated) started talking to me on MSN after over a year long of silence. So I plucked up the courage to ask about our past. He said he "sidetracked"me cause he didn't think I was interested. Oh well. And I have brought out the crispiness of the waether in this verse. Plus, what seems like a random line is not so random - "our pasts on your white lips" - it's inspired by the feeling I got when listening to Creature by Elisa. Plus the "white" is nicked from the song's first verse. Hehee.

And the last verse...well, it's still partly about Stephen and wondering maybe something will spark up again. Plus I wanted to have my violin in the poem. And the birch tree that was standing outside my window. :)

At Taavet and his family's house

At the new house

Plus:

Am I skinny or what!? It's so surreal to think how skinny I have been for the most of my life and to think how...unfit I am now.

remember the day clear as... day

So I've been so bored being out of work and college I've caught up with a writing bug. I haven't written anything new yet but here's and older piece:

Eks silita mu talvejalgu
tarkusevalus, ebemeis.
Kord kõnnin minagi su teed
kohusetundest, ebemeis.
Kord lähen üksi sobitama
sügispunaseid juukseid,
pruuni salli soojuses,
ümmargusi nööpe
ruudulisel mantlil
ülikooli kolmnurga,
mereannihautise ja
tiirasuse fuajeega.
Küll häbenen ma väikest,
oma luist keha, talvekasukas,
Pirogovil või Temple Bar’is.
Küll värisen ma kellegi süles,
peal, all või kõrval
tudengimeelsusest, põhjatuulest
või süütust hirmust.
Praeguseks silita mu talvejalgu,
tarkusevalus, ebemeis.
Kevadeks ma olen sile,
kuid aastaringselt
jooksuajaliselt töökorras.

It's in Estonian but there is so much reference to some special memories which I'm about to tell in English so...no problemo.The poem is about two things. First thing is, I don't wanna shave my legs in winter cause it's cold but you can still do me. Not shaving my legs won't make me less of a woman. I told that to a guy I was sort of dating at the time and he said no, it doesn't make me less of a woman, it makes me a hairy woman. :D
The other thing is college/uni. I soooooooooooo longed to go to a college or uni for years. It's about this wonderful day I had with a friend of mine, Taavet or David, that's what he was called in Ireland. Oh yes, it was written when I lived in Ireland.
So back to the wonderful day I had with my friend. We went to one of his college buildings (there were three of them, hence the reference to a triangle in the poem). We were in the lobby part of the building where we played pool. God, I can still remember the day clear as... day. Loved it so much. Then we went to this restaurant where I had pea chowder and Taavet had seafood chowder. He didn't eat much so I finished his food for him. Then we went to...oh god, I can't even remember what it was called now. Steven's Green garden in Dublin? And we saw students making out (hence the reference to "lobby carnality"). And we were in Temple Bar aswell, one of my fave places in Dublin. And I brought in Pirogov cause that's where students spend time in Tartu. And now, as a student I can say I've spent time there aswell. Haven't made out with anyone lying on the grass but I'm sure I'll do it one day. Yeah, that's about it. I just love that day soooo much! Oh and here's a pic taken on that very same day and the reference to my autumn red hair, checkered jacket and brown scarf:

I want

hope to get at least a few interviews

Luckily, the head ache has subsided. Eventhough my head feels kinda weird. Definitely not as bad as before though.
So tomorrow's the big day when I'll go out on town with a friend to give in my CVs. I already applied for a job as a caretaker of old and ...challenged people. I hope to get at least a few interviews out of this.
Ahh..it feels so nice to stay up late and sleep in in the mornings. So nice!

Late Late show

Hahahaa..I just happened to see One Direction's interview on Late Late show and it reminded me of something.
I cannot remember how it was brought up but back when I lived in Ireland and was with my ex, he said the show was for old people. And the next day our landlord came over and said he had watched Late Late show the night before. I just looked at my bf and smiled. :D The landlord was an older man so I guess my ex was right. Yeah, it's not so funny now but when it happened it was really funny. Luckily I didn't say anything to embarrass my bf.
Yeah there have been times when I miss living in Newbridge and being independant. Hell, I'd be happy if I was here in Tartu and was independant but can't be cause of my illness, disability. *sigh*
Oh and this day has been hazy. Taken three painkillers to manage my headache. I've never ever had a headache before so it's really bizarre.
Oh and I'm still very much dreading shopping for food. I'd cook myself but that means I have to shop for groceries and it takes time. I just go in and buy ready meals cause it's quicker. If I stay in a shop for too long I get anxiety. And I have to go to the shop tomorrow to buy food. Waah!

What the hell!?

Oh goddess, I had such a horrible night. This terrible pain kept me awake. At first it felt like it was my tooth that was paining me. Then I learned it was my head. And I never get headaches. Took a painkiller in the middle of the night. Then one again in the morning. What the hell!? Think I started my period aswell and had tummy ache. Not a good night/day.
And I didn't meet the guy last night cause I couldn't be arsed to clean up my room.

TS06012013

bestest website on the internet

Yes! I finally finished the look for my blog. I must say Pattern Cooler is the bestest website on the internet. After my forum of course. And Kevin McHale's twitter page.

cover my ass

So I'm in talks with an 18 year old. For a one night stand. I said he's got to bring an ID with him so I can be a 100% sure he's 18 and not 17 or younger. :D He said it was humiliating. Well... I gotta cover my ass, don't wanna sleep with a minor.

Goddess, I'm so bored out of my mind

Goddess, I'm so bored out of my mind. Yesterday was sort of good though. Took valium drops and went to the shop, didn't get anxiety. I felt so super about it. When I went to the shop today, without the drops, I got anxiety. Felt so shitty because of it.
At my own place now, looking for a job. Next Tuesday I'll be going to town with a friend to hand out my CVs to places.
Might go to the bank tomorrow to get a code thingy. I want to buy a book online and have to pay with card and I'm missing a code of some sort. Yeah, the book is Coraline. I'll buy the one in English first.
Oh and I'm supposed to meet this guy tomorrow. He wanted to go out and play pool but eugh... the anxiety won't let me. Will see how the date goes then.