What is it exactly that I do

So, I've been having major shocks since I'm back in the working field. Oh if only I could work without anxiety.
Anyway here are some pics from my workplace:

Little birch trees waiting to be planted

Work in progress

Voila!

I've seen this sight like a million times. I will never forget these endless columns of planted plants.


Plus, a guy was just over. He seems pretty okay actually. Hopefully it won't be just a one night stand.

How do I keep losing money like that!?

Ugh. So the money losing thing wasn't over as of yesterday. Today I bought five euros of credit for my mobile phone and lost it. How do I keep losing money like that!? Ughhhh, seriously!
Had two missed calls from unknown number. Thinking it's the holticulture place. I won't be buying more credit so hopefully they'll ring me again tomorrow.

That's the kind of truth they've all been saying. A truth that is a lie

So there was a bit of drama today. I lost the 50 euro note I had in my jacket pocket. But then I went for a bike ride and found it on the ground. Phew! My mother already gave me such a bollocking for it though. And I already rang my stepmother and asked her to send me some money. Luckily she doesn't have to now.
Been at my mother's since Friday. Didn't go to town cause of my headache. Don't really feel like doing much when I get the pain in my head.
Watched Glee. I said I wouldn't review it anymore. I will do it once there's something good. The last one had me questioning though... that which college lets you enrol in April. I thought the show was supposed to be realistic!? That's the kind of truth they've all been saying. A truth that is a lie.
Yeah... then I've also had major anxiety. Don't know what it is but I get anxiety at my mother's place, can't eat and shit. Tomorrow I will go to town though. Ahh, hopefully this holticulture place won't ring me this week cause I like being lazy. But when they do call me back I hope I will be able to do the job. What with my anxiety and all.
Yeah so.... over and out.

Hag!

I got a bollocking from the mother for still not working. Ughhh, it's not my fault I have anxiety and can't do shit.
Then she gave out to me for not doing something about my anxiety. Like, I'm so sick of it. Don't wanna hear about it, much less deal with it. She wants me to go to a psychologist. Blah.
Anyway, will go to mother's place... today. When I wake up in the morning. It's the mother's birthday on the 13th. She's turning 50!!! Heheeehee. Hag!

And then I talked to my er...owner of the appartment I live in, I'll call her Aunt Ilme from now on. Yeah, I talked to her about my fear or vomiting. She says when she feels even slightly sick she sticks her fingers down her throat and she feels much better straight away. How do people do it!?

Yeah and I've noticed I have a reader from America coming back to my blog, so... Hello there! :)

Ions

In town. We had a lady over who wanted to sell this air clearing machine thingy. She said humans can't really tell a difference between clear and clearer air. The only difference they can tell is that the air is fresher outside. And that's because there are negatively charged ions there.
She said laptops and other electrical appliances "produce" positively charged ions and they're bad for you. Maybe that's why I have anxiety.

Anyway, I had this major anxiety attack when I went in for a try day at a gardening centre type of place. Have to go back there tomorrow. Hopefully I won't get that really bad kind of anxiety like I did today.


TS09042013

Super weird!!!

Okay, something weird has happened in my room at my mother's place.
On Monday I left the place and left a croissant on a table. Today, I came into my room and it was scattered all over the floor. If it had been the dogs they would have eaten the thing. And I doubt my brother would do it. When I let the dogs into my room today, the first thing they did was eat the croissant off the floor.
Then I had a bag of crisps on the floor, serving as a trash can. All of the trash had been taken out and crisps were all over the floor. The bag itself was standing up. Again, if it had been dogs, they would have eaten the crisps. And, again, don't think my brother would do it. Let alone my mother or her man. Super weird!!!

here we go

Oh here we go with the headaches again. Woke up with a headache this morning. Then it didn't pain me most of the day and it's starting again just now. Ugh. Just not a good start to the week.
I really shouldn't have come to town today. The roads were horrendous.
And now I have to shop for food again. Ugh ugh ugh, I live for weekends when I'm at my mother's place and don't have to shop. I really should help my mother out with the chores and all but I'm lazy.
Okay, I'm off to watch some sort of a film then take a painkiller and go to sleep. Oh and in the spirit of Monteith going to rehab I'm gonna lower my antidepressant dosage. Again. I can never quit.

What horrible news

Oh dear! Cory Monteith is in a rehab. What horrible news. Ugh, makes me think of my own situation. I so should be in hospital myself. I just don't wanna deal with my anxiety, so sick of it. Don't wanna waste any extra energy on it.
Yeah, I still cannot shop for food. I get major nausea and shaky legs when shopping. Ugghhhhhhhh....

Plus I found this song, soooo soothing:

edit: LOL, I stayed on my blog to listen to Sinead. Then went to kitchen. The old lady I'm living with asked me if I was listening to Ave Maria :D