Think I caught a cold

Went to the shop and wasn't wearing enough clothes. Was cold. Think I caught a cold. :(

Other mugs

The cube test

So the guy who was over today did this cube test on me.
I had to imagine there was a white room. In that white room is a cube. Mine was in the middle of the room, it was relatively small and white. Then I had to imagine there were flowers in the room. I dreamed there were three lilac flowers in the far right corner. Then I had to place a ladder somewhere in the room. I had a tiny wooden ladder leaning against the cube. Then I had to place a horse in the room and describe it in three words. Mine was in the far left corner and I described it as hard-working, courageous and I said beautiful but he said, it had to be a personality trait so I said nice. It was also sort of little, about the cube's size, it was brown and I could see one little black eye.
Then there had to be a storm cloud. Mine was a small little thing above the cube.

Apparently, the room represents the world and the cube me. I can't remember what the colour white meant. The ladder represents my goals which apparently are small but reachable. The flowers were meant to represent my friends... and they're sort of distant. The horse is my significant other. And the cloud is my worries/problems.

feel like the third wheel

Okay, I had a guy over. Allan. Thought it would be weird to have a guy over and not sleep with him. And for a while there it was okay to just chat with him. Til he said he had a girlfriend.
He said they were looking for a girl for a threesome. Yeah...I won't participate in any unless we're all single or it's me and my bf and another person. I don't wanna feel like the third wheel when sleeping with a couple.
Yeah...was a waste of time. I could have had someone else over and got laid.

Fatass thinks

Oh god! I'm so fat it's super ugly! We had a BBQ today and took a few pics. And my face is just so round and chubby. Ughhhhhhh! Why did I have to start taking antidepressants!? They have completely made me look disgusting. I had a totally normal skinny body before. I know I won't change my eating cause...as long as I can eat I'm happy...don't wanna go back to the days when eating felt so horrible and nothing would go down.
And I know I won't be working out cause I'm just lazy as fuck. My only hope is that when I get off the pills the weight goes down to what it used to be. Actually I don't care so much about how much I weigh, I... kinda... care about how I look. I mean I'm not obsessed with the way I look nor am I depressed about it but just realistically, I look gross.
I don't have a low self-esteem or anything nor am I particulary self concious about some body part but just...yeah realistically speaking... I need quite a lot of work to look good again.

Anyway..here's a couple of pics from tonight:

Mmmm....meat!

Here are flowers my mother got for her birthday. I thought it was a rather sad sight.

Oh and I've been looking for James Franco books online. Thought of downloading them illegally. Found this story: click
Hahahaha...one bit made me laugh out loud. So I titled this post with the line.

If I can't have one I'll have the other

Teases! I want! Both! So bad!

 Dunno how it will affect my body when I take my pills aswell but...meh. I feel nauseous as it is.

Creating Deceptions

Põhja-Tallinn has got to be one of the best newer Estonian bands. I wasn't too keen on their first single but the other four I love. And now I love the first one aswell. This song is the bomb!

Oh no! He looks like a bum!

*has James Franco as a desktop background*
Mother: Who's this beautiful man?
Me: Isn't he just?
*Mother comes closer*
Mother: Oh no! He looks like a bum!

everywhere I go in the house I can smell it

Oh god! My borther's feet smell so bad...everywhere I go in the house I can smell it. Can't wait for the mother to come home and tell him to change his socks.

I've been so bored

Remedy for my chin issues.
I've been so bored hence I had the guy over yesterday. I told him I was bored so we had sex. And that's why I'm taking pics of myself. Thought of taking pics of Tartu, especially the Kesk street. I just love the houses there. It's a pretty town, Tartu. But...I thought it would be awkward taking pics of the houses, what if some landlord came over and gave out to me.
Going to my mother's in the morning. Hopefully the weather will be warm enought not to wear a jacket.

Oh and after taking this pic I totally realised only then I had my tiny tits out. :D Had to crop it.

Mugs

Yeah I have this chin situation going on. For some reason it's really flaky and red and shit.

I confessed

I lied.
And I confessed.

Just had a man over. Kaarel. Maybe I'll have another one over tomorrow. :)
At least there are some things I want I get.

I Wanna Know What Love Is

Amazing version!!!

Plus I've been trying to get men to sleep with me. Somehow we cannot agree on the time of the day. I mean... there are random horny dudes on the internet but they're too easy to get. So... I go for something a little harder.

I just love Tartu

Ahh. I just love Tartu. It's the most amazing town in the world. I have never felt more home anywhere else.

total night owl

Fuuuck! I don't wanna go to sleep. I'm a total night owl. I have so much energy right now!
Am supposed to have a job interview in the morning but I'm not going. I went to see where the place was today, didn't find it, and got such bad anxiety. Blahhh...
And then I had the most amazing dish in the evening. Bought the most amazing tasting mayonnaise. Yum!
And I totally wanna fuck James Franco. I know he loves himself a bit too much but what do you expect, he's an actor.

pills or not

Bollocks! I cannot remember whether I took my evening pills or not. It has happened before. I'm such an old person.

it's that time of the year again

Okay...my mother and Lembit (mum's man) are listening to jumpstyle together. Before that they were listening to Kristina Bach (Lembit's a fan) and Helene Fischer (mother's fave).

Oh and Nupi (our female dog) had a tick on her last night. An when we had our BBQ the gnats were out. Ughhh...it's that time of the year again starting already.

new cute friends

So... there's this guy from last year who I sort of fancy that sort of "contacted" me. Hopefully something will ome out of it cause yeah...I like him.

Anyway...today was a pretty neat day. I even went to the local shop and didn't have to take any medicine to calm my nerves. Although I freaked out in the shop cause there were too many people. Luckily I got in the line before most of them.

Anyway...that's all bollocks. Not important.

We had our very first barbecue today. Was really nice. The day was so warma dn fuzzy. The evening got kinda cold though so I came in quite a few times to warm up.

Here are some pics of tonight:

And here's on of our lawn:

I just LOVE blue flowers!!! These ones are Scilla siberica.
And on thursday evening we made mushrooms with blue cheese again. Took a pic cause it looks so yummy. And tastes like it too:


Plus, I meant to post this earlier in the week but never got round to it. Anyway, I have new cute friends in my room in town:

That's tomatoes, paprika and some flower.

Kisses to Mr.Sex

Oof... I didn't realise it was the 19th already. Kisses to Mr.Sex!

it would be nice if for once I got who I wanted

Blah...I just found out the last real life guy I was in love with has a kid. And he posted a pic of himself on Facebook and he looks so yummy. *blub* I was really into him about 12 years ago for a couple of years. I don't think I've been so madly in love with anyone since him. I know I had a boyfriend but it was different.
Ahhh...I wish I fell for someone in real life like that again. And it would be nice if for once I got who I wanted!!! I realise it's kinda hard when I don't leave the house but still...

Well shit...I think I know myself better, thank you very much

Ugh! Complain post alert!
So I got talking to my mother about my anxiety issues. She said she thinks it's cause of my marriage stuff that happened when I lived in Ireland. I got caught up in a fictive marriage business and yes it was unpleasant but it had absolutely no effect on me whatsoever. Emotionally or physically or mentally. Well, I actually felt a little disappointed with myself since I was about to toss all of my beliefs to the wind but other than that it had no effect on me. And I know for a fact it's not why I have health problems now.
I told her I have issues cause of her alcohol overdose that happened when I was a kid. Now that had a MASSIVE effect on me. And because of that I've been terrified of vomiting, ever since that night.
And this fear is what keeps fucking with my head even now. I can't do shit cause I'm afraid I'll get sick. And the mother said it's not the case. Well shit...I think I know myself better, thank you very much.

Ugh...yeah...was outside for the most of the day working. Apparently the weather will be even warmer tomorrow so we're having a barbecue. Yay! I just hope I won't get anxiety and can eat.

Here we go again

So I'm at my mother's place. Here we go again with the feeling sick business. Blahhh, I'm so over it.
But I gotta say I'm loving my new mouse!!! Ahhh. :)

a new mouse

Ahhhh...I got a new mouse for my laptop. My mother's man bought it for me. I rang him during the day and complained about my mouse. I could only move my old one on this sticker I had on my laptop but the new one moves everywhere. Yay!

And my mother herself got me new runners:

I would have loved these Rieker shoes but these will do aswell.

a tone lighter

Well... I dyed my hair. This pic is black and white but seriously...my hair is not that blond. It's like a tone lighter.

Been poppin' pills

Blah. What horrible weekend! I started feeling really sick yesterday and it has carried on today aswell. Like, sick in my stomach sick. Been poppin' pills and shit and nothing helps. Must be the anxiety.

wanted to go blonde for a couple of years now

Right. I'm gonna dye my hair blonde. :)
IF! If my anxiety let's me sit in one place long enough. My mother already bought the dye so....yay!
I've wanted to go blonde for a couple of years now. I also want a fringe but my mother doesn't know how to cut one so...I'll have to make do with just lighter hair. Maybe I'll post the before pic...if not then I'm definitely posting the after pic.

Tule eile meile, idu

Ha! Hahaahaa, Ilme has been making me laugh today. :D
She says things like "tule eile meile" and calling people "idu". She's so hip and happening for an old lady.

Yeah...still no job. Tomorrow I'm gonna go to my mother's place as per usual. Father rang me today and wanted to come over tomorrow but it's not happening. He wanted to come over to my place in Tartu, but my room is so small and shit. And he said he doesn't have time to go to my mother's place so we said we'll do it some other time then.

And I'm thinking of watching James Franco films but...I feel they wouldn't necessarily be the kind of films I'd enjoy. Although I loved This Is The End and Your Highness (cause they're comedies).

Crazy good

No pic cause it's gross

So I'm staying at my mother's this monday. And we don't have milk or cream. I so don't wanna drink tea in the morning, but can't make hot cocoa or coffee. Boo!
Plus we don't have meat or sausage to eat during the day. We have buckwheat porridge and eggs and potatoes but no meat. I need meat!
Oh and I totally fell down the stairs today. Have a big bruise on my ass now. No pic cause it's gross :D

I'll be nice to you, let's keep that mutual

Found this cute little thing while exploring Twitter.

Two of my babes

Heh...watched Last Man Standing today. Was weird to hear the 127 Hours reference in it. And the episode was directed by Jonathan :D Two of my babes.
Although I still feel weird about James. He shouldn't be using his fame like that. I wasn't too put off by the grossness of his messages since I see it everyday on dating websites. Not that I like it though.


TS05042014

James Franco is too hot to be a paedophile! Damn him.

Oh dear. If this Franco business is real then...um... I feel embarrassed for him. And sorry. Like...people are saying stuff and I dunno what to believe. On one hand he's creepy as fuck and on the other hand...if he really digs them children then hopefully this is something that will make him think twice about his actions and he won't do such things in the future. I kinda feel bad for him since I was...am...rooting for him.
If it's a publicity stunt then... fuck. What is wrong with those people making up such shit!?
I wanna fuck him though.

some sort of an award

Have a job interview tomorrow. Anxious. Plus Ilme has found a new thing to complain about. Apparently I don't close the front door the way she likes. She should win some sort of an award for inventing the most riciculous, mindless and useless things to complain about. *rolls eyes*

Tut-tut!

LOL
How typical of him as a man to go after a young girl. Although I find it worrying that he still tried to pursue her after knowing her age and then make it seem like she was the one after him. Tut-tut!
I guess I still kinda find him attractive.

looking like Lorde

Whenever I wash my hair I end up looking like Lorde. I hate it when my hair is wet and loose, makes my neck wet aswell, plus my top on my back. So I wear it in a bun. This is what I look like when I let it loose:

Been sending CVs to places, hopefully someone will answer and I can do the job.