being nice

Haha, Ilme was being delusional again. Luckily it didn't make me mad. Like the first thing I do when I get up is go and put the kettle on for my tea and wash my cup at the same time. That's what I was doing this morning. And I've said before that the first thing Ilme tells me in the morning is to do shit for her. So when I was doing my thing, she came into the kitchen and asked if I would take the garbage out today. I was still sleepy, so I was very calm and told her I just woke up and wasn't even thinking about such things yet. Then I totally forgot about the conversation cause it was so unimportant. Then before going to work I remembered the garbage and I went into Ilme's room to tell her I'd take it out tomorrow cause I wanna have a bath today after work. And she was like okay but don't get moody with me, talk nicely to me. !?!?!?!?!? Bitch, seriously!?!?!?!?!? I was in no way moody with her lol. And I was being nice to her. The fact that she didn't think I was being nice to her was cause I didn't jump the fucking gun and run outside right then and there when she brought up the garbage. Like, no, I'm not gonna take the garbage out the second you think of it. And are we really, really really, gonna talk about being nice!? Um, what about the time you barged into my room after when I had had sex to give out to me about having sex when it's not even your fucking business?!?!? You can just shut up about being nice since you clearly have no idea what being nice is about. She thinks being nice is obeying and worshipphing her. What a hag!

healthy and responsible

Yeah I was trying to be healthy and responsible. Started feeling sleepy at 4am and went to sleep. Woke up at 5am feeling like shit. So here I am, browsing the web cause I feel too sick to sleep. Fun times.

brain and memory

Okay :D I read my this years' blog posts and I keep repeating my stories. Girl, where's your brain and memory!? So lame.

I've been nostalgic

So I've been trying to hunt down the dude who I had my first kiss with. Yeah, I went to kindergarten with him. And then I tried to find my good boy friend from kindergarten times aswell. Yeah I couldn't find them. I only remember their first names and I obviously know thename of the little town we lived in at the time. Shit. I was just wondering what they look like now. I've been nostalgic.

Crazy For You

Was obsessing over this song in my teens. Thought it was a lot older song though. Yeah, just started listening to it again. The guy has got such a nice neutral voice, easy to listen to.

so much pain and discomfort

Okay, I'm actually dying. For real. Think my crappy sleeping pattern has caught up with me now. I feel so incredibly nauseated. My stomach hurts. I really don't wanna go back on my pills. The shitty thing is I can't physically sleep. My stomach starts aching so bad when I lay down. *super sad face*
Maybe it's cause of the damn season and weather. I hardly go out and don't get fresh air.
Whatever it is, it's killing me. I'm in so much pain and discomfort. I'm so scared of going to work today. I have a feeling I won't last the whole day. If that's the case then I'm sooooo fucked.

crunch

Ugh. The last weekends have been so bad. And the work days aswell. But especially weekends. Last night was terrible.
I went to beed around 9am. And wouldn't fall asleep till about 12pm. And then got up around 4pm. My sleeping is so fucked, fuck! I dunno what to do. I definitely don't want to start taking Mirtazapiin again though.

Oh and Ilme went into her crazy bitch mode again the other day. We use paper towels in the kitchen. When I'm done drying my stuff I don't throw out the paper, I straighten/unfold it and let it dry to use it again some other time. Ilme crunches them up which makes it impossible to use them again. And the other day she told me to use one of her crunched up towels. And I said I don't want to use them (I have told her before not to crunch them). And she was like, "but they're yours, you crucnhed them!" Like, fuck no! I most certainly do not crunch them. I'm all for recycling the paper towels, that's why I straighten them and then lay them spread after using them. Ilme has forever crunched them and now she's trying to say I do it. Fuck that bitch, seriously.
Anyway, the consesus was, i stopped using paper towels. And that she will buy her own paper towels from now on. I'd like to see her try and tell me to go and buy them for her. You use them, you buy them! I dunno she's always like, "go buy paper towels/toilet paper! They're too big/heavy for me." Um, how in the world are they smaller/lighter in my arms? Anyway, I don't use the towels anymore so... I will not buy them anymore.

Think I have it

Ok, I just came across this thing called misphonia. Think I have it. I feel such strong rage and disgust when Ilme is eating and I can hear her dentures clicking. Fuuuuuucccckk!!! It's the grossest thing ever! I hate it so much! I have to leave the kitchen when she's eating cause I cannot stand the noise. I keep shaking my head when I'm in the kitchen with her, like washing the dishes or something and can't escape straight away, to quieten the noise in my ears and distract my body from reacting to it more violently (not towards Ilme, I'd like to point out). Ughhhh, I just feel so repulsed right now, even just thinking about it.

Bieber and Obama

So there was this odd day last week when I was crushing on Bieber and Obama. Wtf!?

on purpose

Ugh. Rant.
Ilme just drove me insane. She has accused me of ruining forks ever since I moved in. For some reason she thinks I'm opening jars with them and bend them. Yeah, I've never not once in my life opened a jar with a fork. She tells me she doesn't believe me and that I'm lying to her. Fuck you, seriously. Now I wanna bend all the forks on purpose just to piss her off.

temporary

Ok, my mum either has dementia or someone is using her FB. Her account keeps sending me messages she doesn't know about. Just changed her password for her cause she wants to delete her account. Can't blame her.

Yeah and my withdrawal symptoms are in full swing. Can't sleep, still clenching my jaw, chewing my cuticles til it hurts and bleeds and have no appetite. Weight is going down though. Tbh, think I'd rather be a bit fuller and not have these symptoms but here's to hoping they're temporary.

You're The One That I Want

So sensual and sexual. New fave.

coming off of it

So it's been a few days since I went even lower on my Olansapiin dosage. Yeah my body has noticed it. I'm clenching my teeth/jaw so hard constantly. Like, noticeably. The brain is weird. Or the nervous system. Whatever makes me do it. I hope it's just a withdrawal symptom not a permanent weird damage thing. I didn't have that problem when I was fully on the pill, just now when coming off of it.

Oh and mum asked me today when I was going to her place. I told her in spring. For real :D I hate even going to work in this weather and road conditions to there, let alone take a 2 hour trip to mum's house.