I improvised

That moment when you go to the shop and buy three tiny super expensive smoothies and get home to realize you have no dinner.
I improvised.
Had dumplings in vegetable puree with spinach, lots of it, on top. It was good. I will most likely eat it tomorrow too.
I wanted to eat the puree with bread but forgot to buy it. It's crappy on it's own cause I'll be hungry again in half an hour.

Also, had a super great day at work today. Worked for six hours and it was great! But I'm still feeling sick. Wanna see if or what the GP replies to my email.

it's not part of my life

Oh I just remembered, it started a few years ago now when my mum started staying at my place overnight on some fridayscause she had to work on saturdays.
So when she first started staying over so often she'd ask if I have an eyeliner pencil. I have never in my life owned a fricking eyeliner pencil!
And yesterday when she was over after the longest time she asked me again! I have always and forever told her no. Why is she still asking!? She knows I do not wear makeup, why the fuck do you ask me for an eyeliner!??! It is such a prominent thing she asks me and I always give her the same answer - no and I never have and never will and you've asked me several times already and I always tell you the same thing so quit asking!
Then she asked me, "When are you gonna wear makeup?" *facepalm* Why in the world would I ever start wearing makeup? I absolutely get by in life without any makeup at all. There is zero need for makeup in my life. It doesn't make any sense to waste money on useless makeup products that poison my body. There is literally no need or use or good wearing or even owning makeup. I literally never planto wear it cause I never think about it, it's not part of my life.
So... please quit asking me for a damn eyeliner or anything else makeup related!

"I'm humiliated!!"

Also I'm watching the Sex and The City film. I'm not gonna deep dive into the ridiculousness of the Carrie character but it was so funny when Big didn't show up. All he did was not show up. And this dumbass bitch stands in one spot and screams, "Get me out of here!" And I'm like, well why the fuck aren't you moving then!? You're just standing in one spot screaming how you need to get away from the spot, you silly dumbass. And she needs three women to escort her out of the place.
Then Big's and The Dumbass's cars pass in the street. Both people get out. Bitch runs over to the groom and starts hitting him with a bunch of flowers, in the middle of the street. Yelling at the man all dramatic, "I'm humiliated!!". Um... ??? Why the fuck you yelling then and not moving? Why the fuck you flowering the dude in the head and making a scene in the middle of the street? You're humiliating yourself! Stop acting like a fucking helpless child then! I can't believe there's people out there who actually like this character. Mindless goons.
At least it was somewhat funny.

edit: 20:56
Now she's talking about how "he couln't get out of the car!?". Bitch! You're the one to talk! You couldn't move away from the spot you were standing at! :D What absurd comedy!

eating carrots and turnips and drinking sauerkraut juice

That moment when you buy a kohlrabi and carrot mix and you discover the kohlrabi is turnip. And it tastes gross. What happened to turnip? Why is it so gross tasting all of a sudden? The two veges used to taste the same!

But anyway, I'm eating carrots and turnips and drinking sauerkraut juice. Will probably get diarrhea.

Also, just emailed my GP and asked for iron and vitamin D test plus to check if I had a cold/virus.

going on three weeks now

Okay I dunno if I have a cold still or if I'm withdrawing.
I'll go back on my regular mirtazapine dosage and see what happens. Eventhough I started feeling crappy before I started weening off. I just cannot handle feeling like this any longer. I'm done. I'm going on three weeks now. This is bullshit.

Oh I had my liver package test done. One thing came back a little higher than normal. Will do another test in a few weeks time but apparently it's very sensitive anyway but doesn't necessarily show inflammation or anything.
And will contact my GP to ask to check if I have a virus or something. I dunno what's going on.

Build Me Up Buttercup

Omg, I had recorded myself calling into a radio station and request a song for women's day for my mum. It was Build Me Up Buttercup, McFly/Busted's cover. *facepalm*

Also the other recording I sound dead. I feel so bad for the host. He's trying so hard to get me to talk. I guess I just called to get the song not chat. I distinctly remember a time when I called in and I was told to stay online, they were gonna put me on air and I said I don't want to.

the music isn't helping

So I'm trying to find this one voice recording of myself.
So I've been listening to my old tapes. My ears are literally fucking dying from this crappy usic I used to listen to when I was in my teens. It's just so shit. My head feels so bad. I mean it could still be the cold too but the music isn't helping.

Not entirely but

So I woke up this morning. Was home alone as per usual. Didn't talk to anyone for a few hours then called mum. And was like, "What the shit!?" My voice is gone. :D Not entirely but I sound fucking weird.
I don't get it though. My throat has been sore for a about a minute on several days over the week. So for a very little time. I'm so surprised as to why my voice is gone cause I hardly feel a problem with that area.
Dunno if I have to go to work or not. Just sent an email.

Feel worse now

Okay I napped.
Feel worse now.

I think I'm sick again. Fuck! Tomorrow is theatre day!

That moment when...

... a painkiller gives you a headache.

Think it's my 4th headache in life. Have taken 750mg of paracetamol 4 times in two days time for the nerve pain in my right shoulder. I have never once in my life had a natural, no outside trigger headache in my life. Only from meds. And I'm greatful for my body for that. Now... I'll go and try to sleep off this med.

All for nothing

I'm sick. Wow.
All those damn veges and seeds. All for nothing.
I have muscle pains all over my body. Especially in my torso, back and front. My head feels horrible. I asked for one sick day too from work. Hopefully I won't need more and hopefully the illness won't get worse. I hear horror stories about colds and viruses this year. No thanks, I don't want a role in one of those stories.
I don't wanna do anything. I don't wanna be online, on my laptop, I don't wanna move, don't wanna sleep. I literally just wanna lie down and not do anything.
Plus my anxiety is acting up too with this illness as per usual.
Anyway... bottom line: don't eat vegetables, you fall ill.

herbal remedies

Best. Thing. Ever.
I said, "Oh yeah, herbal meds, "just breathe" and breathing, any meditation mumbo jumbo, "choose happiness", "be positive", "change your attitude"."

seeds

That moment when you chew your seeds so long your jaw starts to hurt.

the wrong veg

Gave credit to the wrong veg.
Kohlarbi is life, yo.
They taste the same, okay!?