Ugh, what a crappy day it's been. Well, crappy two days.
Yesterday I had a bit of an argument with my mother. Over the same damn thing that has been betweeb us for years. Universtiy business.
I told her I should've gone to university straight after graduating from secondary school. In reality she wouldn't let me, her exact words were "If you wanna go to university, move out of my house, find your own place to live in, a job and then you can do whatever the hell you want. As long as you're living under my roof, you're going to work and give me half of your salary as rent". And that is
exactly what she said. And back then my father said he'd support us and stuff but my mother wasn't having any of it.
And yesterday she started telling me how I wanted to go and do an expensive course of psychology after school. The hell I wanted! I didn't know shit about psychology back then and had no interest in it whatsoever. I wanted to do English literature. I know that for a
fact! And then she started saying how she never told me about finding my own place and all that, plus she said I never told her about my dad agreeing to support us. Plus back then she said "where did you get that stupid idea from" as a response to my statement "I wanna go to a university". And yesterday she started saying how she never told that. Ugh, I know for a fact that she did cause otherwise I wouldn't have spent all these years being mad at her. And then she started saying how I need to go to the hospital and shit. And I don't wanna go. The thought of going back to hospital gives me a panic and anxiety attack, so....no I won't be going anywhere.
So because of that argument I felt like shit in the evening and through the night.
Also there were lots of plates and pots in the sink waiting to be washed. And since I felt like shit I wasn't gonna do the dishes. Thougth I'd do it this morning but!
My father so self-righteously and chauvinistically and sexistically expected me to clean up after him and my brother while they pick their noses and scratch their balls and be
men.
Things turned to shit in the morning though when my stepmoter got back from her sister's this morning and saw all of the mess. She was very pissed and I heard her talking to my father saying she didn't wanna talk to any of us. And she is totally right. I swear I have no problem doing the dishes but not when it's expected or taking for granted.
Yeah and then things turned shittier.
The reason my stepmother
was talking to my father was cause his mother died this morning at 7.
I mean I only saw her like once, when I was about 2 but it's still serious family business.
Yeah...so a couple of shitty days.
Although I've managed to study a bit of geography.
Oh and I rang my psychiatrist today and I will be getting more tablets, just for the examination and applying for universities time. The local pharmacy will get the pills on Thursday. They should take away the nausea and make me a bit happier. Yeah and I did a bit of aromatherapy today. Okay, I dunno if it's the Diazepam drops or sandalwood but I started feeling proper sleepy so took a nap. Forced myself to get up so I'd sleep at night.
Yeah so...that's pretty much it.
Oh and about my grandmother that died, her name was Galina. My father's Russian and his parents live in Russia. Well, lived.
