I have a feeling I will really like them baby cows

So the job interview went well. I kinda think they're gonna pick me. They liked that I was young and that I have never worked on a farm before (don't have any "wrong habits"). Ahh... on one hand I feel really excited and cannot wait til I get to go to work. I have a feeling I will really like them baby cows. On the other hand I just hope I will do a good job at taking care of them and that I won't get anxiety.

think I can't do it cause I'm too lazy

Waah, I'm kinda  nervous about my job interview thingy in the morning. My mother and Lembit think I can't do it cause I'm too lazy. I hope I can cause the pay is good. And I wish we get half an hour for a break so I can ride home, eat at home then go back. Ahhh...so nervous.

Will be going back tomorrow

So I got to town about an hour ago. Will be going back tomorrow. I have to go to a farm in Melliste on wednesday to see if I can wrok there. Will be either milking cows or looking after calves. Right now I'm excited about the work though. I'm thinking my anxiety won't be as bad in the countryside as it would be in town. Yeah if I do get the job it means I'd be moving in with my mother's family. Ahh, so excited!

constantly hungry but can't eat

Oh goddess... my head's going crazy. Been out of it ever since Thursday. Nauseous and dizzy. Thinking it's cause I stopped taking Mirtazapine. I'll try to wait it out now and hope I'll feel better in time. I don't understand what it is with my body that when I don't take my pills I feel nauseous. Like what the fuck!? I feel constantly hungry but can't eat. Even when I eat I still feel like I'm hungry. Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Even the thought of it gives me anxiety

Well, I got my sweet babe working again. I hope it'll last til at least next year.

Yeah and I talked to Aksel the other day. Yeah looks like when he said his friends wouldn't accept me cause I'm fat meant he thought I wasn't good looking enough for him. He said it took some time to get used to. And then we talked about me going over to his place. Argh... I want to but I'm scared. Even the thought of it gives me anxiety. Will see....

Blub, my bike broke

Blub, my bike broke. It  was bumping when riding for quite a while and now it completely broke. Will go to the bike shop tomorrow to get it fixed. Hopefully they can fix it right away cause I cannot travel to places any way else.

edit: Oh and my mother was on TV again. There was a segment on the news about tractors made in China.
Yeah and my heart is almost broken cause of my baby bike.

Did the deed

Talked to Ilme about me having sex. Apparently I cannot sleep around but one guy is okay. Had Aksel over. Did the deed. Everything's cool with Ilme and Aksel.

I sent out some CVs just now. Hopefully will get a little job.

I'm all about abbreviations

Hung out with the fam tonight, minus the bro. We played songs off YouTube and sang and danced a bit.

A really flattering pic of me but... whatevs. Yeah I'm all about abbreviations in this post. :D
Looks like things between me and Aksel are finally over now. Will see.

Will see how that goes

Ha! Ilme wants me to move out. Fine by me. She said I can stay til summer but I doubt I'll do that. Already send some emails for places. Will see how that goes.
I dunno what kind of a person can live with her. Maybe an old woman like herself. Every young woman is interested in sex.

So.... life sucks

So.... life sucks.
Got a bollocking from Ilme for sleeping with a guy. She said I cannot do it cause I have new mattresses on my bed. Fuck, I'd fuck on the floor. But she just says no sex in the appartment. So I'm looking for a new place now. Ughhhhhh...
Plus I think I still have feelings for Aksel. And I cannot have him.
Life sucks so hard!

no water in the well

Last snowless winter and dry summer have caught up with us. We have no water in the well.
Thank god I don't live at my mother's place.
Although, my mother said today that if I don't get a job there's no point of me living in town. I really don't wanna move up here cause in town I have a bit of a life, with men at least.

I'm smiling not laughing

Well, mum got back. I spent forever downstairs listening to her tales. Anyway, this what she brought back:


This weird thing is a mix of an apple and a pear I think. If any Chinese or in the know people happen to read my blog, let us know what this thing is. It's super yummy though.


Oh and she also brought this hair piece.


Yeah and today with Lembit and before with my mother, I have smiled and both of them have asked me what I'm laughing about. And I tell them I'm smiling not laughing. They think it's weird that I'm smiling for "no good reason". :D I'm just happy I guess.

so much pain

I'm in so much pain! :'( :'(

But mum will be coming home from China today. Yay! I hope she brought something interesting or yummy for me.

TS04102014