a summer like this

Okay, the summer this year sucks. I've never ever witnessed this kind of summer before. Even when I lived in Ireland. It's just so cold, windy and rainy. I leigitimately cannot remember a summer like this. I mean I know I just complained but... I hope the weekend will be all that so we can't work outside. I'm a lazy fuck.

Talking about C

Ugh, why do I do this!? I'm so early into talking with this guy and I deliberately turn the chat into sex talk. So annoying! I want a relationship not another ride. Oh well, I guess I'll just fuck him and never see him again. Talking about C.

Holding out for a hero

Where have all the good men gone?

I'm panicking

I forced myself to go out today. Wasn't gonna go but talked to mum on the phone and she said it was nice out. So I went. Didn't feel as comfortable in the shop today, maybe cause I went there around five o'clock when all the people finish work and go to shops before going home. But I spent about two hours on the town. Feeding birds and chilling at the park.
Yeah I don't know how people meet people organically cause not one man looked at me today. I know I'm not a looker but still!
Yeah and I'm panicking cause I'm afraid I won't have enough money for the week, have about 30 euros left. And then I'm worried I won't have enough GBs left, have about 20 left. I know it's enough but I still worry cause I've been spending money like crazy and watched a shitload of vids on the net.

little knots in my stomach and little shaky legs

Okay, what the hell is going on!? So now all of a sudden I can go to grocery shops? Anxiety free? I'm not complaining though. Just got in from a shopping trip. Had to buy stuff for Ilme. I mean I still get little knots in my stomach and little shaky legs but I manage to pull it off. Yay!
I'm not saying I've conquered this beast but for the last few days I've managed to get by with it.

I'm just greatful

Wow, I nearly went to the cinema today. Was gonna see Inside Out but I was too late for it. Since I got to town my anxiety has been very lowkey. Not meaning to jinx it but I'm just greatful for the last few days. :)

If I can't have the best I'm going for the second best

Omg, I'm going after a 19 year old. I kinda turned him down before... can't remember why. But because of Michael Clifford he's in the works again. My dude is only 6 days younger than Clifford so it's basically the same :D If I can't have the best I'm going for the second best.

I'm a big girl, I can take it without the filters

Ugh I need a new TV show to watch. I really wanna see That 70s Show and Home Improvement again but I've seen both of them a bajillion times. So I'm forcing myself to watch Sabrina, The Teenage Witch. It's okay I guess but... too filtered. I'm a big girl, I can take it without the filters.

On other news... Ilme quit smoking a couple of days ago. There's something wrong with her arteries, has to get them replaced, and she decided to quit it. Yay! I hope she stays off them. She can't really walk or stand at the moment so now I'm the one who has to go to shops and buy shit. Ohh, I hope my anxiety won't butt in.

TE2172015

whatever, I did it!

I was a big girl today. Went to get my new ID card done. I also went to two grocery shops and was browsing around like nobody's business. Without anxiety. I mean I took 14 drops of Valium but whatever, I did it!
Here's my old, invalid ID card:

8 in the morning

Oh my god. I'm in Tartu for the first time in about a month. Feels so weird. If I'm not a lazy ass I'll go to the ID card office tomorrow morning to make a new one. I gotta be there at 8 in the morning. Hoping there won't be that many people there at that time.

precious dick is precious

I cannot believe how precious some dicks are! I wanna ride Michael Clifford's so bad. I know he's a massive dork but... precious dick is precious. Why isn't there anyone realistic around? Like I'm actually in talks with this one guy... will see how it ends. Or starts.

opinionless bore

Oh dear. A horrible thing has happened. I remember when I was about 17 and liked a bunch of bands. I asked my deskmate in school what bands/artists she liked and she said "whatever is playing on the radio". Fuck! I just couldn't fathom it. Like, what do you mean you don't have a fave artist!? I thought she was an opinionless bore. And now... I'm one. :D For years now I haven't had a band I consistently listen to. So I downloaded a couple of Dire Straits albums and am listening to them now. I can't say I like shit on the radio cause I don't listen to the radio. But whatever is popular in pop music I like.

Siga, kits, lehm, lammas, hobune

Lembit was bending over to tie his shoes. His glasses slipped out of his jacket pocket, landing on the floor. Instead of cursing he said, "Siga, kits, lehm, lammas, hobune". :D
I wish I said shit like that instead of swearing.

I wanna be pregnant so much today

Okay these periods hit me hard. I wanna be pregnant so much today. Ha! :D Weird I know. Or maybe not. I'm old enough.

Speak of the devil...

...and he doth appear.

TS1772015

I'll get by

Why am I so comfortable with myself? Damn this age, maturity and contentedness. I know I don't look my best but I just don't care. I'm like... I'll get by. I would look so much better if I worked out though.

boring business

Ugh, bring on the periods already. It's so annoying when they don't start on time. It's like you cannot wait for it to start and once it starts you cannot wait for it to finish. Just... it's great when you do get them, shows you're body is functioning normally but it's heaven when you're off them. I hope the three day spotting thing wasn't it. Can't be arsed to go to the doctor cause of it.

Yeh... my ID card is invalid now. Have to make a new one. Totally not looking forward to it. I just don't do well standing in the line and these kindsa offices always take forever. Plus my ATM card is almost over aswell. Have to go to the bank but not before I get my ID card done. Ugh...boring business.

I really

Brother's listening to the radio in the room next to mine. I really should pick up that "habit" myself. I really need new music to listen to. I mostly skip to the next song with every song that comes on my player. Ugh... I really really want a song to obsess over.

I'm so lame

I'm so lame. The family's going on a roadtrip to Latvia tomorrow and all I'm happy about is that I get to sleep as long as I want. I'm not going cause of my anxiety. Obviously.
Mother said I'm missing out on all the fun. Luckily I don't feel like it myself. It's not like I'm missing out on spending time with the fam, been at my mother's place for about a month now.
Yeah and there's been some drama online about Ashton 5SOS and his gilrie. Makes me think I was really really lame when I bitched about the Ushkowitz chick. I can't help it... I will hate her for the rest of my life. Can't stand it when those little bitches are complaining about Ashton though. I'm such a lame two faced bitch :D

Super patriotic and shit, y'know

What the fuck!? I think I started my period. Waaay too early. That explains why I felt so sick a couple of days ago. On the day we built a new wall in the basement. Man... that was a busy day, especially for Lembit.
Then on sunday we went boating. Mostly mum and Lembit but I did get on myself too. I stayed on the shore for the most of the time. And I sat in Lembit's car!!! I haven't just sat in a car for soooo long. A couple of years I think. I felt like I could go cruising. :)
Yeah and a while ago it was jaanipäev. We hoisted a flag and everything. Super patriotic and shit, y'know.

water feels amazing

Ahhh, water feels amazing! Just got back from swimming. First time this summer. It was so warm and liberating. Wanna go again!

a bit inspiring

Just finished reading a book: Hey, Let's Make A Band by 5 Seconds Of Summer. Yeah it was pretty much saying the same thing over and over - the bands they liked and a lot of practice and shows. Got a bit inspiring at one point. But yeah, my musician days ended when I stopped having violin lessons. Maybe I'll pick it up one day again. Nowadays I'm starting to get into painting nails again. My nails are nice and long again, well except one thumb nail that broke off today. Anyway, my point is, I can't play the instrument with such long nails.
I'd give thye book 2,5/5.