I could just sleep and sleep and sleep

Oh god, I could just sleep and sleep and sleep. That's why I didn't go out to town to look for a job. Oh dear, I'm useless like this. Will try to go to bed at decent hour tonight, will see how long I'll sleep then.

at first like

Okay after all this reminiscing I feel so crap about how I cannot do anything cause of my anxiety :(
I was so happy and successful in Ireland...at first like.

Today

Viime laua minu tuppa
sahtel sahtli haaval.
Tamme tänaval me kuumalt higistame,
kui suitsev lavendliküünal
lämmatab mu kollaseid seinu.

Puu on kapis, puu on lauas,
julgus minu ujeduses.
Karskes kevadvärskuses
mul vastad küsimusi.
Me minevikud su valgeil huulil.

Vahtrast viiul ja kasest unistus.
Noored vanast ajast mehed
pillavad tõe ja rahu noote.
Täna öösel lehtede kumas
ootan sädelust väsinud rõõmus.

Well, well...another poem. This one's about some great mamories aswell. The first verse is anout another day I had with Taavet. I had lived with his family for quite some time (our mother are/used to be friends). In Ireland, like. And I was moving out. It was a crisp spring day. And I remember I got his desk. I didn't move far. I used to live in The Oaks in Newbridge. I think it was 135 that was their's and I moved to...yikes,can't remember. All I know is when I moved the yet another time it was still within The Oaks and the last one was 218. Anyway, we were bringing the desk over to my new place, just across the street. And then we brought the drawers. We were carrying them as if they were briefcases. I even told Taavet, it was such a weird picture that I was gonna put it into a poem. And I did. I also got  frankincense off them. So when the everything was moved, I sat in my room, with the window open, the cold air pouring in and making the smoke of the frankincense quiver. Oh and my new room had yellow walls.

The second verse is about a poem that inspired me. It referred to trees, wood, timber as if it was the bone of the Earth. I just loved it so much that I had to have it in the poem. I was sitting at my computer (which I bought off Taavet) and totally out of the blue Stephen (the guy I talked about in my previous post, the guy I sort of dated) started talking to me on MSN after over a year long of silence. So I plucked up the courage to ask about our past. He said he "sidetracked"me cause he didn't think I was interested. Oh well. And I have brought out the crispiness of the waether in this verse. Plus, what seems like a random line is not so random - "our pasts on your white lips" - it's inspired by the feeling I got when listening to Creature by Elisa. Plus the "white" is nicked from the song's first verse. Hehee.

And the last verse...well, it's still partly about Stephen and wondering maybe something will spark up again. Plus I wanted to have my violin in the poem. And the birch tree that was standing outside my window. :)

At Taavet and his family's house

At the new house

Plus:

Am I skinny or what!? It's so surreal to think how skinny I have been for the most of my life and to think how...unfit I am now.

remember the day clear as... day

So I've been so bored being out of work and college I've caught up with a writing bug. I haven't written anything new yet but here's and older piece:

Eks silita mu talvejalgu
tarkusevalus, ebemeis.
Kord kõnnin minagi su teed
kohusetundest, ebemeis.
Kord lähen üksi sobitama
sügispunaseid juukseid,
pruuni salli soojuses,
ümmargusi nööpe
ruudulisel mantlil
ülikooli kolmnurga,
mereannihautise ja
tiirasuse fuajeega.
Küll häbenen ma väikest,
oma luist keha, talvekasukas,
Pirogovil või Temple Bar’is.
Küll värisen ma kellegi süles,
peal, all või kõrval
tudengimeelsusest, põhjatuulest
või süütust hirmust.
Praeguseks silita mu talvejalgu,
tarkusevalus, ebemeis.
Kevadeks ma olen sile,
kuid aastaringselt
jooksuajaliselt töökorras.

It's in Estonian but there is so much reference to some special memories which I'm about to tell in English so...no problemo.The poem is about two things. First thing is, I don't wanna shave my legs in winter cause it's cold but you can still do me. Not shaving my legs won't make me less of a woman. I told that to a guy I was sort of dating at the time and he said no, it doesn't make me less of a woman, it makes me a hairy woman. :D
The other thing is college/uni. I soooooooooooo longed to go to a college or uni for years. It's about this wonderful day I had with a friend of mine, Taavet or David, that's what he was called in Ireland. Oh yes, it was written when I lived in Ireland.
So back to the wonderful day I had with my friend. We went to one of his college buildings (there were three of them, hence the reference to a triangle in the poem). We were in the lobby part of the building where we played pool. God, I can still remember the day clear as... day. Loved it so much. Then we went to this restaurant where I had pea chowder and Taavet had seafood chowder. He didn't eat much so I finished his food for him. Then we went to...oh god, I can't even remember what it was called now. Steven's Green garden in Dublin? And we saw students making out (hence the reference to "lobby carnality"). And we were in Temple Bar aswell, one of my fave places in Dublin. And I brought in Pirogov cause that's where students spend time in Tartu. And now, as a student I can say I've spent time there aswell. Haven't made out with anyone lying on the grass but I'm sure I'll do it one day. Yeah, that's about it. I just love that day soooo much! Oh and here's a pic taken on that very same day and the reference to my autumn red hair, checkered jacket and brown scarf:

I want