Fathers

Wow, this is weird.

Like, I can remember one of my grandfathers.
The one that lived with my grandmother. He wasn't my biological grandparent, but I do remember him.
The "real" one I think is alive, but I've never seen him in my life. I don't think I even know his name. Silver?

Anyway, just now I found out my grandfather from Dad's side of the family passed on 8th of January.
Yeah, I saw him like...once?
And I feel bad, I even felt bad long time ago when that grandad and his wife were both in good health and my father asked me to go over to their house. I never did. And then they got sick and my father stopped asking me to go with him.
And after my grandad died they discovered he had cancer.

Yeah, it's just weird.

Oh and my father is like a super amazing man!

Windy men

Wow, yesterday was mad windy.
My windows were closed and all but the curtains were moving all over the place so I had a look at the window.
I had never been able to close my window properly, that's why it's been so damn cold in my room.
Anyway, think it was yesterday yeah, I had another closer look at it and managed to close it properly. Yeah, I've been living here for over a year and there's only 2 weeks til the end of the winter and it was only yesterday I managed to get the window sorted. I always thought it was just broken and didn't bother doing anything about it. Oh well, better late than never.

Despite my poor health, I've been sleeping quite alright. Don't wake up as much feeling sick in the middle of the night. It's a lot warmer with the window closed and my electric blanket on. I love the blanket. Although, sometimes it doesn't feel like...natural heat, feels very...electrical.

Oh I had a dream about me stalking Kevin McHale. At one point I went crazy and tried to kiss him and he was like, 'WTF!? Get off me!' Yeah, I cannot even have him in my dreams. Rejection!

Oh and I just remembered that I tend to watch a film with a man when I first meet him.
Like with my boyfriend, the day after the day we met, we watched Superbad.
Before him I watched Phonebooth with another...man on the day I met him.
Before that, Nacho Libre on the second day with another bloke.
I cannot remember other films now, but I've been with my boyfriend over a year now and the other two have been within the past two years aswell.

Oh and I remember when I was 16 or so I never wanted to hang out in the streets giggling at some bloke's lame pubescent jokes. I always said I my dream would be to go to an art gallery for a first date and that I would marry the guy who took me to a Vivaldi concert.
Well, time came.
About three, four years ago I met up with a guy and we went to the art gallery. Very nice!
He said he used to skip classes when he was in school and go to the art gallery to look at the paintings. Mh, sounds super nice. That kind of thing works with me like a hot knife through butter.
And another time I was out with a male friend and his friends. I wasn't that interested in his friends at first but then one of them said if he could he'd wake up in the morning and stay in bed for the day reading books and that his dream would be to open and run a book shop. Knife...butter... Anyway when the seat next to that guy opened up I dragged myself quickly there and started rubbing his leg under the table. :D
At the end of the night when he walked me home he tried to kiss me, but I freaked out.
Oh well and later on when we saw again he acted like nothing had happened. Well, nothing really happened. So it's cool.
Anyway, back to the guy who took me to the art gallery. There was a Vivaldi concert coming up which I wanted to see. It was gonna take place in some church and I didn't know where it was located. So I asked him where it was, cause it was in Dublin, where he lived. He asked to be my companion so we ended up going there together. Yeah, I didn't marry him.
He was a bit too...unbalanced. I'm bad as it is, I don't need anyone like me or worse than me around. Yeah and I wrote a poem about him and translated to him. He must have been really thrilled somebody wrote a poem about him, cause he said so but the poem itself wasn't the most positive piece of writing. Oh well.

Oh this goes off topic but I went to buy more Ulcid tablets yesterday and found out my prescription was up. Luckily the pharmacist agreed to give me a week's supply. Well, I was prescribed about 100 tablets and for a few months but I had only bought about...half maybe.
I feel like that tablets are helping..but I'm super disappointed with...whatever is making me feel like that. I've never been this bad and it's scary to think I might be stuck with it all my life.

Yum! 16 Jan

Right, since I started feeling I didn't really want to think about food or write about it.
I did eat something though.

Yum! 14 Jan
I know I had the chicken kebab in the morning on Thursday and two meals of mashed potato with a slice of rye bread.
Had gouda cheese on its own.
Think I took one tablet of Ulcid.
Had a chocolate/muesli bar.

Yum! 15 Jan
For breakfast I had 6 chicken wings, egg mayonese, lettuce, cheese, cucamber, milk.
2 Ulcid tablets - one in the morning, one in the evening.
Two meals of vegetables (peas, corn, beans, paprika which I picked out) and fishfingers (cooked in the oven, 4 and 3).

Today:

• Ulcid tablet around 14:00

• Egg mayonese, cucamber, lettuce, cheese, chicken fillet, Snapple Kiwi Strawberry drink: ~14:30
• Pack of King's Cheese & onion crisps after that.