Then I was left alone in the room. And Tiia got out. And she came back the other day.The first day I spent alone in the room.Second day an old lady was brought in.I'll call her Lunatic from now on.She talked non-stop. Literally. From the first minute she woke up til the very last one she fell asleep.Luckily I was moved in together with another old lady - Eevi.She was nice.Her suggestions to solve my problems was to "get the devil out of my head".She was really nice, quiet and clever.She used to be a nurse.She was at the madhouse cause she told the police where to go cause they didn't do anything when she reported a theft.
Then I met this tall, big-boned woman Tiia.She always had something to say. Sometimes funny.She said, "100 kg is a woman, 102 is fat."A very colourful character.
The other night was quite odd.
There was this folk festival near the hospital.
I felt so weird being stuck in our little garden and hearing all this loud music.
I so wanted to join all the fun.
Although the thought of a big crowd of people made me anxious.
There have been quite a few men that have made it quite obvious they're interested in me.
I'm quite sure it's not cause I'm incredibly attractive or nice, it's just that they've been cooped up in the hospital for too long.
One day this chap started hitting on me. He gave me his number but I binned it.
He's called Arno and he's 40.
He looks alright, but he seems too horny.And to take my current health and situation into consideration I'd be as good as a fork when you need a spoon when it comes to romancing.
My eyes have been really bad lately.Everything goes fuzzy when I try to read, dunno if it's the medicine or crying.Had to stop taking the antidepressants.Went on anti psychotics, which are a lot stronger than antidepressants.Then went off those as well. Taking some neuro-somethings.It's just supposed to relieve my phobia and change the way I think.I guess I need them cause apparently I might have schizophrenia.There's this lad around my age here aswell and he's diagnosis is F20.That's schizophrenia.I so hope the psychiatrist is wrong about my diagnosis.It's pretty weird being here with all the really crazy people. I mean, no wonder I legged it the second or third day from here. Had to come back though. It's such an emotional rollercoaster, more so a low ride one.Feels like the hardest battle of my life.
22/07/2010
Well, this was an odd experience. Never did I think
I will do some certain things infront of a man.Like, shaving, for instance.Maybe involve pubic hair shaving into some sexy time.But legs and armpit hair I'd like to keep to myself.Over here, people are not trusted alone with a razor.You might hurt yourself.So I was accompanied by a man when shaving.He kindly offered to shave for me and held my towel in place while I was working on my armpits.
Today was a big old crap of a day.Cause of the cunt of a nurse.She wouldn't give me my medicine.One of my problems is that I feel too sick to eat.And she wouldn't give me my reliever.
The day got better once I talked to my psychologist.I calmed down and came up with an idea to work out a bit.So after the session (during which I got to use the computer for a bit), I went out and ran a few laps.Oh I haven't even told about what glorious conditions there are here.It's a closed unit so we only get to hang out in a little garden.It is closed off with this high fence.And even smaller garden next to ours is for peeps with tuberculosis.And the other garden is for people who are mad forever.Seen a lot of different people here.Some are doing a lot worse than me but my own life still gets me down.Oh well.
A few days back this man made a move on me.A man in my ward. He's 40 and quite handsome.We hugged a few times and he tried to kiss me, but I'm too busy with myself and my life to have an extra person in it.Besides the main reason, well the second main reson, is my "bf".Who knows how things will go when he comes over to visit me in Estonia.In August hopefully.
Speaking of the 40 year old.He owns this little sports radio.I'm listening to it at the minute.Money For Nothing, Dire Straits is playing.I've given out about rock music and people who like it before, but I adore Mark Knopfler. And my "bf" said they're - Dire Straits - aren't really rock anyway.Or maybe he said it about Bruce Springsteen.He called it indie-something.
Well, I'm just trying to squeeze in my third sandwhich today.The working out helped a little.Oh I even got "shorts".They're just man pants.Right so, off to read an old Glamour mag.
Fri/23/07/2010
What a night it was!Slept a few hours only.Was up mostly cause of my stomach.Then I couldn't lie down on my sides cause my hips got sore.Being on my back gave me pain in the pelvis aswell.Then this annoying bright streetlight kept shining on my bed.And then the weather!I've never seen so many strokes of lightning in such a short time.I mean like, fequent intervals like.I was hoping for an ear breaking thunder and mad rain and wind, but we only got loads of silent lightning and a few drops of rain.Oh and it says 34 degrees for Sunday!!!Whole Estonia's a madhouse on Sunday!And at one point two police cars brought in a new mad person around 12 at night.My roomie here was overlooking the whole thing and telling me what was going on. A doctor from a different unit was called in.Anyway, once the cops were gone I went to look out the window.Saw a fox.Apprently.It was this a lot bigger than a cat animal.Wasn't a dog, was too slender and weird, yes too weird to be a dog.I know dogs are weird too.Oh I talked to my Mum.Once I get out, I want a kitten. I love cats and it would be such a nice little thing after my horrendous adventure here.I was gonna name the kitten Ronny, after my "bf"'s name.Think it's better for a dog.Then thought of Rona.And then Brady.Might go with the last one. Just need a kitten now.
To be continued...
TS27072010
