She is such A bitch, I always thought she was THE bitch but no.

And I continue to loathe men.
Like, last night my mother's man piped up when I didn't bring down my mum's mobile phone. Like,how she has to do everything for me and I can't even bring my phone downstairs for her.

Okay, I remember very clearly a few weeks ago when they had a fight cause he put her down in public and because my mother was sick of taking care of my brother's troubles alone, without his input as a father and a supporting partner. And here he is sticking his stupid paternal nose into business it doesn't belong!!! A business of a mother and daughter whose father he isn't, a business between two women. Plus, he so fucking selfishly denies there is any kind of anxiety or depression in the world. Plus, my mother, being the pig whipped lady she is agreed that there is no such thing, it's all stupidity.
I cannot believe we're back on the same business we were at when I was 17.
And yet again my mother continues to stick with him, showingly and just today she said everything in the house, like problems, is my fault.
She is just soooooo pig whipped, total pussy.
Okay, I totally can be a pain in the butt with my anxiety and bad health cause I have zero drive and energy to do anything but that doesn't mean I'm to blame for all the misunderstandings in the house.
So the first thing is, the mother's man obviously has no idea what he's talking about. As long as he thinks he reigns my mother everything's cool, whether it's putting her down in public or putting me down for not doing what my mother tells me to.
Secondly, he thoroughly and utterly fails to understand the position, condition I'm in. And my mother fails to understand that and blaims me for the negative stuff in the house. It's only because at the minute he has more, stronger energy than me. And yeah... when they had their fight and his fucking friend was doing all the shit talking for him and when I butted in to protect my mother, she said "we'll fight this thing together. Whatever happens we will always stick together.We're thick as fucking thieves, we have such special fucking bond". Yeah, I guess she meant when shit gets tough between her and her man not between me and him.

Ugh... I'm just so appalled at the fact how weak my mother is. She is such a bitch, I always thought she was the bitch but no.
And I'm just left pondering over what makes her such a bitch. She must feed off of her man's tyranny.
Plus she says, I'm in a phase of self-pitty. Well, maybe but I've never been so deomnstrative about it as she was when she had her thing with the man.
Unbelievable.
Also, I'm still surprised over the fact that I crave some sort of a connection with my mother. It's weird. I think what attracts me is the lack of emotional bond between reality and human mind. Like, when shit gets tough for me she acts as if it doesn't matter and I'm stupid and it's all my imagination and it somehow comforts me. Not her attitute but just the chance that it really might be just my thinking about my problems that makes shit hard for me. I might be gullible, over emotional and shit but I know for sure now that I cannot depend on my mother. You can only interact with her when you're stronger than her, emotionally and most of my life I haven't been and I'm mostdefinitely notit now and not so much because of the stuff that's going on with her, her man and me butmy own shit.

*holds hands up* I don't need no man

Well, if I didn't feel like shit, still then today would be one of the best ever days of my life.
So mylaptop was on the fritz for a few days. I couldn't start the thing. And now *holds hands up* I don't need no man to fix stuff for me cause I somehow fixed it - went through all the things I had an access to and recovered my system. I lost everything I had on my computer before but meh. At least it's working.
Plus, I just found out I got into college. Woohoo!
Already had an argument with my mother cause she was already being all negative towards the whole thing. Like, I was so9 happy when I rang her and she brought me down. Flat out, like. So, I told her I know she wants me to be a baker like her and have the kind of look at life like her man, that women are stupid and whores and aren't allowed to be happy.
Well, whatever, as I've said before she absolutely defies anything womanly so...blah. I hung up on her twice cause I don't want anything to ruin this happy time for me. Even if I won't be able to go and actually study, whatever the reason then, financial or health wise, I'm just happy about the fact.
I just need to find out how much it costs so...I can get back to my stepmother and dad cause they seemed a little more enthusiastic about it all.

Ugh, I so hope I don't have an ulces or anything like it. I've felt super sick for like... about two weeks now and no medicine helps.