Well, turns out, as said on 2nd of July, I am scary.
Today I scared my little brother. Properly like.
We were on our way to the shop when I got my crazies. I had to get off the bike, cause I was unable to ride it,or even walk or talk. I managed to tell my brother to go to the shop alone. I just told him, I wanna sit on the ground and keep the money for something worthwhile.
So I sat down and had my crazy on properly.I was trying to look as normal as possible when the brother was around. He was off to the shop. Came back with a bottle of water I asked him to buy me. I said he can go home, I'll sit on the ground. So I was sat there with thoughts and head insides rumbling around in my skull.
I was desperate to get home to take my Valium drops.
When I thought I was slightly feeling better, I made my way towards home.
Half way there, my mother came to check on me on the brother's bike. I just dropped my own bike, got the hysterics and told the mother to bring my bike home.
I walked home myself. Quick.
Well, when I got home I suppose I was feeling okay.
I was just surprised the anxiety attack didn't last that long and that I was able to calm down without my drops. The whole evening I've been waiting for it to get worse but it feels quite normal at the minute.
I've just been downstairs, asking my brother for the sweets he bought himself.
He said he didn't have the time to buy something for himself.
That shows he was freaked out cause he would never not buy sweets when he has the chance and money.
Plus, the mother said he looked weirded out when he got home alone.
Oh well, I guess you cannot expect an 11-year-old to understand an anxiety disorder when even grown ups don't get it.
It's not about getting a little nervous or being completely crazy but right now it totally affects my whole life and keeps me a prisoner. And it feels like capital punishment gone wrong and I'm somewhere in between.
I've got no idea why exactly it happened cause I hadn't had a bad one like that for quite a while.
I'm thinking it could have been cause I was really excited about applying for courses or it could have been the weather change or that I messed up and took a double dose of my morning pill.
