you have so much positivity in you but it's very very deep down inside of you.

So all sorts of shit has been going down lately.
I mean, I've obviously had anxiety and what not but I've also been able to enjoy the summery weather.
Been swimming a lot. And eating a bit.
Saw the doctor. She said as long as I don't look underweight I don't particulary have to go to the hospital. Apparently everything else can be worked out with pills. So I'll be taking a buttload of them. Have Cipralex (some other brand but the same active ingridient) in the morning, Mirtazapine in the evening and I'm allowed to take Valium when I have the need (I normally take like 5 drops a day and that does the work. The doc said that in the pill there's 28 drops, so my dosage is quite small). And she said she can prescribe some other drops aswell. Just for the time being til my anxiety gets better and I'm able to eat.
Yesterday I went to Tartu, to see the doctor and the psychologist. Went to see my friend. Went swimming. And just hung out at parks.
I obviously used the bike to get to town and back. Think it was cause of the hot weather that I was so incredibly tired. My legs, wrists, neck were aching from riding the bike. But I could eat so I was happy.
I'll have to go to Tartu again on Friday, hopefully it'll be easier. I also wanna go down to the graveyard and work on my grandfather and grandmother's grave. It looks a little... weedy.
Oh and then I have to get back to weeding at home aswell cause the bastard weed grows quicker than the productive plants.
Anyway, here's some pics from nice nice times:

My brother's friend and me

Well, the deal with these pics is that the pup is cute and sleeps anywhere. He's the last puppy out of five we had. He needs a little operation before we give him away. The first pic though, was taken when I was weeding. He's such a messer! He won't let you do anything. He saw me digging and pulling out weeds so he started digging and was playing with a bunch of weed I had pulled out. And I guess he got tuckered out from working. :)
The second one.. odd. The rake was just lying around and and he decided to sleep next to it. He's still very clumsy so maybe he stepped on it first :D
And the third one... well, we had a BBQ and he was the first one down.
Oh we used to call him Songi but now he's called Jossu. Or Joosu. Or Joss. And I call him Kuts.

This our guard dog. Donna. Or Madonna. Or Donna-Manna. I dunno if I already posted about it but a while ago, she kinda like laid down next to me and I was like babying her, all lovey-dovey and my mother scoffed. She said Donna never lets people pet her, more so when she is laying down. And then she said "you have so much positivity in you but it's very very deep down inside of you". :D I mean... I guess it was a compliment. Well, she said animals can feel when one's a proper professional bitch. Then she told me to "clean out the drawers in my head" to get the positivity out. She meant sort out my head. You know, all this anxiety business.

This pic is taken..through a window actually but of our front lawn (and some porch). Recently my mother's brother.. erm uncle came over and I dunno where he got the stuff but hw brought near 10 bags of hand-me-downs. There were a lot of purses which were quite an interest of my brother's. He called himself Zenja Fokin or someone like that. I think it's some stereotypical fashion-crazy gay dude. But there were also loads of toys. Stuffed toys. And the white bits you see in the pic are the guts of all the toys. :D Our Labrador-Collie hybrid likes to chew them. I dunno if I've mentioned it before but my childhood elephant apparently was her best friend, shagging partner and a chewing toy. There are actually bits of it laying around, still. I don't have any good pics of the dog herself cause I don't like her. She is too fucking friendly. And yes, I don' like that fact that I don't like the dog cause of it but that's the way it is.

Speaking of hybrids (Okay, I know I used the word like 5 sentences ago but still), this is my bike. I have given my brother quite a few bollockings for using it. He breaks everything he touches.

Heh, this looks like something out of Back To The Future trilogy. Well, it's an oven/a grill that my mother's man made himself. Steampunk au naturel!

So I cannot remember again whether I have talked about it or not but I've been trying to redecorate and "anew" the house. I wanted to throw out or give to library a whole bookshelf-ful on books but my brother grabbed two bible-like books and said "you're not taking my bibles". Um...
Yeah and I tested my mother by picking out random books and asking what they were about and who the authors were. My statement was that they're just there to collect dust, my mother wanted them there cause it made her feel or look to others as smart. And my brother's defense was that the bookshelf half covers the window and hides our loo and he said I cannot empty the thing cause then people will be able to see inside and see him go potty. I have no idea why he cant just close the bathroom door. Anyway, this one thing I have been able to work on:

Ideally I wanted a lovely light colour or just varnish or something but my mother's man got the colour green. At first he suggested red cause there already is a red press and apparently the paint covered well.
So... we'll see how it turns out.