The cube test

So the guy who was over today did this cube test on me.
I had to imagine there was a white room. In that white room is a cube. Mine was in the middle of the room, it was relatively small and white. Then I had to imagine there were flowers in the room. I dreamed there were three lilac flowers in the far right corner. Then I had to place a ladder somewhere in the room. I had a tiny wooden ladder leaning against the cube. Then I had to place a horse in the room and describe it in three words. Mine was in the far left corner and I described it as hard-working, courageous and I said beautiful but he said, it had to be a personality trait so I said nice. It was also sort of little, about the cube's size, it was brown and I could see one little black eye.
Then there had to be a storm cloud. Mine was a small little thing above the cube.

Apparently, the room represents the world and the cube me. I can't remember what the colour white meant. The ladder represents my goals which apparently are small but reachable. The flowers were meant to represent my friends... and they're sort of distant. The horse is my significant other. And the cloud is my worries/problems.

feel like the third wheel

Okay, I had a guy over. Allan. Thought it would be weird to have a guy over and not sleep with him. And for a while there it was okay to just chat with him. Til he said he had a girlfriend.
He said they were looking for a girl for a threesome. Yeah...I won't participate in any unless we're all single or it's me and my bf and another person. I don't wanna feel like the third wheel when sleeping with a couple.
Yeah...was a waste of time. I could have had someone else over and got laid.

Fatass thinks

Oh god! I'm so fat it's super ugly! We had a BBQ today and took a few pics. And my face is just so round and chubby. Ughhhhhhh! Why did I have to start taking antidepressants!? They have completely made me look disgusting. I had a totally normal skinny body before. I know I won't change my eating cause...as long as I can eat I'm happy...don't wanna go back to the days when eating felt so horrible and nothing would go down.
And I know I won't be working out cause I'm just lazy as fuck. My only hope is that when I get off the pills the weight goes down to what it used to be. Actually I don't care so much about how much I weigh, I... kinda... care about how I look. I mean I'm not obsessed with the way I look nor am I depressed about it but just realistically, I look gross.
I don't have a low self-esteem or anything nor am I particulary self concious about some body part but just...yeah realistically speaking... I need quite a lot of work to look good again.

Anyway..here's a couple of pics from tonight:

Mmmm....meat!

Here are flowers my mother got for her birthday. I thought it was a rather sad sight.

Oh and I've been looking for James Franco books online. Thought of downloading them illegally. Found this story: click
Hahahaha...one bit made me laugh out loud. So I titled this post with the line.

If I can't have one I'll have the other

Teases! I want! Both! So bad!

 Dunno how it will affect my body when I take my pills aswell but...meh. I feel nauseous as it is.

Creating Deceptions

Põhja-Tallinn has got to be one of the best newer Estonian bands. I wasn't too keen on their first single but the other four I love. And now I love the first one aswell. This song is the bomb!