starving all day

Okay, felt sick til thursday. Bought probiotics then, Enterol. And also proper camomile tea in the pharmacy. Think it was a stomach bug or something. But when I started consuming the stuff on thursday, I felt tons better on friday and today was sort of okay too. Like the major nausea is gone but my ghrelin is soooo out of control. I'm constantly hungry. Like starving. Like I've had so many full warm meals today but have been starving all day. Told mum. She told me to eat properly then. :D Bitch, all I've done today is eat. When the hormone is out of balance, it's out of balance.

She's not a bitch though... it was her birthday last friday. I actually bought her stuff:

Her fave sweets, a cooking cloth and the cup. I thought maybe the cup looks too childish but it looks really spring-y and her birthday is in spring so. But the main thing is that the butterfly is yellow, that's her fave colour.
Yeah I also received a lot of the packages we ordered when she was at my place. I got new runners. When I use them I'll take pics. Don't wanna wear them just yet cause April this year is the worst let down. Sooo rainy, snowy and shitty. Boo!
Then I also went to the graveyard to clean up grandma and grandpa's grave:

Just a little view of our beautiful spring weather.

Then on monday I took my last iron pill and went in for blood work for iron:

 Yeah the blood person couldn't get to my vein, left a little red mark on this arm and...

...a bruise on the other.
Yeah I was hoping I'd get to go off the iron pill. Not quite yet.
In january my ferritin was 5,7. And now it was up to 9,2. The normal range is 10 - 150. And my hemoglobin was 120 in january and now it was 127, the normal is 118 - 150. So anyway, been taking iron pills again, will for another couple of months. Luckily these ones don't give me any side effects.

And then! My mum finally bought my cactus to town!

The pot looks crappy and the cactus itself too. But! I called the Tartu Loodusmaja we went to with work people a while ago where I saw the same type of cactus as I have. Turns out the gardener at that place is my old geography teacher. Anyway, we had a chat about this cactus. In estonian it's siilikkaktus. I wanna replant it, in better earth and see it thrive and have lots of babies. I've had it for about 20 years and it looks pretty crappy.
Turns out, it needs to be planted in sort of um...grainy earth that's not too dense. More gravelly than composty. It only needs to be replanted every five years. And I only need to fertilize it, once a month, if I want it to bloom. I'll replant it first and see how it likes the new pot and earth. My teacher/the gardener reccommended Biolan cactus earth but I bought this one:

Also, mum brought these stones but they're a little too big I'm afraid. You know, to put the at the bottom. Also the pot has to have a whole in the bottom so the water can drain out. And apparently watering the cactus once a week is enough. I have to set up a watring schedule and an alarm on my phone. I wanna take super good care of it. And I kinda ran out of money but I wanna buy the cutest pot for it. Also, the blooming period for this cactus is from march to september.
I will post pics or a video of the replanting proccess when I get the pot.

And THEN!!!! I bought a new laptop. Hopefully it will be delivered next week. It's an expensive gaming laptop and I put my 100 euro tooth fixing money towards that. Like, my life can't stall cause of my tooth. And the dentists can suck ass when they're giving out to me. Like, I got a bollocking for not fixing my teeth. Bitch, and I mean bitch this time, I don't live for my teeth! I have to pay for food, water, place to live in. Do I really gotta give all that up to fix my teeth? Like if you wanna be a cunt about people's bad teeth conditions then give out to the government for making dental care so expensive! I have to buy pills for other health issues and see other doctors. And it all costs money. Again, I do not live for my teeth only.
Anyway... I think that's it. This is all that happened this week.

no motivation or energy

Okay I started feeling super shitty Sunday night and Monday at work was a nightmare. I hope it's like a stomach bug or upset or something of the sort not anything to do with my anxiety or my pills. There's shit I wanna talk about but have no motivation or energy. Ugh.

Feels

Oh man the feeeeeels!!! SUCH a great tune.

little golden bell

A thing I love: tracking an online delivery item.
When mum was over we ordered a bunch of stuff. It's so exicitng looking at the tracker to see what is going on with the items.
Oh and the other day when I got Lembit's old laptop off of mum we went to town together. She bought me slippers, some underwear. And! I got a bell for my bike. A little golden bell.

I love it! It makes this really faint fairy tinkle. Better than nothing. Why I bought this particular one was cause it's easily removable. See the rubber sling. I can't have the ones that you have to screw on cause as seen people in my building like to steal things. So now I have removable lights and bell. Yay!
Oh and today was the last day I took iron. Called the doc today three times but no one answered. Will try again tomorrow. I hope it's normal. I don't wanna take any pills anymore. Oh and not to jinx it but Olanzapin tapering off is going great. :)

hardcore pms

Holy crap! Wednesday night I was hardcore pms'ing. I threw my external keyboard at my laptop cause it was not typing what I wanted it to type. And the fucking thing hit the screen!!! My laptop's done now. The screen is totally busted. Went to the shop in the morning to retrieve some files from the laptop. It works with an external monitor. But yeah a new one ia badly needed now. If it wasn't for my shitty tooth I would have bought a new laptop today.
Yeah been torturing my phone today.  Took my internet stick sim card and inserted that into my phone.

TS642017