college's been on for two days. And I've got a beautiful bruised and battered neck to show

So college's been on for two days. And I've got a beautiful bruised and battered neck to show.
Yeah, I know it's a form of self harm but whatever. It's been quite a ride, emotional and anxious.
Today was 8 hours long and I managed to stay at all of the lectures. Well, I fled once, said I was gonna go to toilet.
We had to do a bit of self introducing and I said never mind if I run out of the classroom all of a sudden, I'm only going to calm down cause I have bad anxiety.
I still don't have internet in my dorm room so...
I just got back to my mother's house. Man, it's so cozy and warm in here, I don't wanna go back to the dorm. I mean it would do if I didn't feel as strange and lonely in there. And the course sounds cool aswell if I didn't have my anxiety, it's very hard to concentrate on the lecture when my mind is preoccupied feeling weird feelings all over the body. Hence I've been self harming, pinching and scratching my neck, it's covered with bruises and scratches.
Had to ride in rain when coming back to mum's, hopefully I didn't catch a cold.

seen a lot of this kinda commotion in the garden

Okay, I've lost a followe. Bye and thanks for stopping by.
I've tried playing the violin but since I've been feeling slightly better I've stopped breaking my fingernails and it's hard to play.

Also seen a lot of this kinda commotion in the garden:

Gis a bite of that aaaaapplleeee!!!

Here's one more pic of me with the "mum haircut"


And two before pics:

big fat head

Anxiety is sticking it's big fat head in my life at the minute.
Ughhhhh.... I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO gotta be okay tomorrow.

My mum cut my hair

Plus, I'm applying for the disability benefit. Had to do a few tests with a psychologist. Again, she thought I wasn't Estonian and had brought Russian tests. Ugh.. plus she said I have an accent. I do not have an accent, I'm like... fucking one hundred percent Estonian!

Oh, please please please.... let my study, body!

Oh Goddess. I soooooooo hope I can study! My anxiety just needs to pull back  a bit. That's all I can think of at the minute.
Been cleaning out my closet for a couple of days now, getting ready to move out. Oh, please please please.... let my study, body!
I looked at my syllabus and I'm a bit worried about chemistry. Hopefully they don't expect us to remember anything from secondary school cause I don't.

Oh well... heh, this looks nice though:

I'm also about to finish my goddess symbol thingy so when I'm completely done with it I can meditate and hopefully things will pick up.

TE01092011