weak ass bitch's second coming

Okay, I dunno what my shrink is on but today she said it's okay to do 7,5mg one day and 10mg the next. Talking about escitalopram here. Today has been okay so far so I decided to do the pill thing. Maybe it won't be as extreme. The doc wasn't too empathetic about it when I talked to her. She just said kinda like "what did you expect". Well not literally but I know she meant that. I didn't really expect this extreme symptoms. Okay, weak ass bitch's second coming.

call me a weak ass bitch but...

Okay, call me a weak ass bitch but I'm upping my escitalopram back on to 10mg. Yesterday was so bad and the night was even worse. I kept waking up with a fright non stop, shooting up in bed. And my appetite is out of control. Like I literally eat a ton right and am completely full. Then after only about 2 hours I'm starving again. I don't give a fuck about weight gain I'm worried about feeling sick cause it's not the normal kind of hunger, it's insane hunger where you feel sick in stomach and in the rest of the body and can't actually eat cause you're that hungry. Plus the headaches then and anxiety. I'm done for now. Wanna get back to feeling normal. Once I'm that, I'll try to go off Olansapiin cause it felt more normal eventhough I had more withdrawal symptoms but they weren't as bad. Yeah and when I wanna go off Escitalopram again, I'll do it differently, 7,5mg one day and 10mg the next, not 7,5 every day. Doctor said doing it like that confuses the body but that's how I got off Mirtazapine and that's how I feel comfortable so...

do not laugh

toy with one's emotions

Okay, I think I also have a toothache now. Great!
Also a big fuck you to Facebook and Tumblr. They keep advertizing these beautiful cheap dresses and merch. I wanna buy the stuff so bad. If I had a fulltime job I could afford the stuff, the dresses are only like 12 bucks a piece. And I would buy all the Hayao Miyazaki film merch.
They just really know how to toy with one's emotions with those beautiful things :D

flithy rich

Okay, as per usual when I send out positive vibes, I send them all out and I'm left with only negative stuff. Ugh. I thought my escitalopram symptoms were subsiding but got the worst headache today. Took a painkiller, feeling a little better now.
Plus I'm looking at surrogacy options. Yeah... you need to be like flithy rich to do it. Plus I'd have to travel to another country which causes me anxiety so... would it be better than having my own kid myself and suffer from anxiety?

The world sucks today!!!