It's not about knowing your goal, it's about feeling it

23/07/2010

Hopefully today won't be fucked up and miserable.

Especially cause of some nurse.

Plus I might have a chance to go on the free walk-around.

Or just go and do things like draw and garden at the community garden.

I hope they trust me enough. I have no money, don't know how to get into the town, don't know anyone in town so hopefully they don't think I'll run away and let me get out of here for a while.

24/07/2010

Just gave some ginger pies the guys in here.

One of them said it felt like Christmas and that I was like an angel.

Speaking of the lad, he gave me flowers when we were out earlier today.

And the reason I'm mentioning it is that the flowers were blue.

I love blue flowers!

I think the plant itself was some sort of a moss.

But it looked real nice and the buds were tiny, cute and blue.

The guy himself, well... he's always singing.

He's name's Tuljo.

He travelled to France and England with no money.

Think he was either in jail or madhouse in one of the two countries and was flown back home.

He was even on some sort of TV show in Estonia.

He's a bit mad though.

As I said he's always singing.

He looks and sounds like one of the really cringe worthy contestants on those idol/pop star shows.

He's schizophrenic.

There's no way I'm interested in him, but he's not too bad of a lad. Just saying.

Oh and him and this guy called Rimmel are always fighting.

I had to step in today in the garden, cause Tuljo kicked the ball over the fence and Rimmel wanted to kick his ass for it.

Seriously like.

Another thing - is linden legal?

And smoking is sickening! (literally)

Everyone in here are always after smoking.

It's unreal!

The Tuljo guy even drank the water others put their cigarette butts in. Euww!

Some guys, on Rimmel's initiative, gathered some linden leaves and smoked them.

Is this legal?

As time went on and the smoking took place more often I got used to it.
In the end I was helping them gathering leaves and rolling the paper and all.
It was a way of bonding.

I've really liked being alone.

I do enjoy my own company but it's been fun hanging out with the men here as well.

So there was this Arno guy.

He's gone now, but he was after me and this another girl.

When he left, Tuljo started going on about how he likes me.

Then there was this old man who liked to smoke in the sunshine.

He would exhale the smoke towards the sun. He said he's been homeless and slept outside in winter and he's felt really bad frost.

And he genuinely smiled when smoking the sun.

He too liked me.

He serenaded me.

Then there was this guy among the tuberculosis people.

He asked me once if I'd fancy a cigarette.

Er... no.

With him though it's the second time I've felt a bit stalked.

One time I was rolling up the sleeves of my trousers and a woman told the guy - Toomas or Jaanus - that in Russian (the guy was facing away from me).

Then the other time I was walking around barefoot and the woman told the lad to give his shoes to me.

Well the first time this happened I was 19, playing volleyball.

There was this guy who apparently liked me.

He was hanging with two girls while I was playing.

He got one of the girls to come over and take my picture.

Then she ran to the guy to show the pic.

Stalkerish!

Well, luckily I'm all up to date with my diary business.
Hopefully I can keep coming back to this activity house and write straight onto my blog.

Speaking of men then there's one more.
I know, I know.
A buttload.

He's scaring me a bit though.
He's always after my phone number.
He used to be in jail cause he killed a man.
I'm not judging but I don't want to give my number to a person who's been in jail.
What happened though, there were three people, 1 woman and 2 men.
They planned to stage a rape and when someone came to rescue the woman the other guy would jump out a bush and attack the saver.
They would have robbed the saver and beat them up.
What happened though, the guy here went to save the woman, but the "raper" pulled out a knife and started attacking the saver.
So he got the knife in his hands and attacked the raper.
Confusing yeah...but the bottom line is I don't wanna give him my number.


In the garden yesterday, Tuljo came out with a really nice saying:
"It's not about knowing your goal, it's about feeling it"