Ughh! I have these crazy feelings right now. It's like derealization or dizziness or just a feeling of passing out. It keeps coming on all the time. No surprise though. It's been exactly two weeks since my last... hit of my antipsychotic. Crazy withdrawal. Will take the pill later. Ugh, feels so horrible.
The doc prescribed gabapentin instead of olanzapine. Just to see if I can go over to that. She said gabapentin should be a lot easier to go off of. Also normally she said, she would just replace olanzapine - a really strong antipsychotic, with a lighter antipsychotic. But said I don't actually have anything psyche wise wrong with me to be on those pills so the ebst idea for me would be to go off of it. I was only put on the pill for severe nausea induced by anxiety. The pill is also given to chemo therapy patients when they start feeling sick or get severely sick.
I mean, olanzapine is the only pill that has ever taken away my nausea but in general I'm a lot better so I don't need it anymore. Just gotta somehow get off of it. I don't have the time to ride out the withdrawal symptoms cause they get so bad I can't function but I need to work. So another way has to be found. And there's no telling how long the symptoms would last so I can't take time off work either for this.
Ughh...I'll just go off now to feel sick and crazy.
Sunday, October 29, 2017
Thursday, October 26, 2017
First snow
First snow right now. I got so excited. Probably not that excited tomorrow at work when I have to clean the mess.
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
soooooo much itch!
Aaaarrrgghh!!! I'm in soooooo much itch! It's fucking 6:30 in the morning and I'm up cause I can't sleep cause of the itch. Fuck!
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
feel the rage abrewing
Okay, if I have an STD I'm gonna kill a bitch! Not pointing fingers yet but feel the rage abrewing.
Just here for the shags
Long time no specific posting.
It's been about my health.
So can't remember if I blogged about this or not. So apparently, my gyno said I have a polyp tendency or something like it. Not totally confirming that I do. And she wanted to schedule a surgery. I asked for a second ultrasound to be sure that I actually have it. I don't. Why schedule the surgery when not completely sure?
Then my GP wanted to put me on antibiotics cause of "bladder infection". I literally had no symptoms. They said must be asymptomatic. I declined the antibiotics cause they kill me. I took some herbal paste thingy and cranberry pills. Went in for a urine test five days later and I was clear. Why put me on antibiotics first then?
Yeah and ever since I moved into my new place I've had back problems. Most likely cause of my bed/mattress. I took the mattress of my bed cause I thought it was the bed's fault. It's really a sofa that you can open it and when it's open it concaves in the middle and is uncomfortable.
I put the mattress on the floor and slept on that. No change. I literally cannot tell if the mattress is too soft or too hard or what the shit is wrong with it. I feel normal on it but my back gets fucked up.
Now I'm sleeping on this chair pillow that serves as a mattress. It's a little better but too hard.
At least I don't have belly aches anymore. I used to get them along with back aches.
Went to the GP with this. She didn't even want to do x-rays. She basically ignored my back problems. I left the office and met up with my therapist and she told me to call my GP and demand an ultrasound. I did. Got it. There's actual problems with my back. Like the discs are too close or something or wonky and my back is too curved and the spine is curved blah blah blah.
Seeind a neurologist this thursday and a physiotherapist in december.
And either mum or the appartment owner are gonna bring me a new bed. Will see.
Also, ended things with The Core Guy. He was too virginal for me.
And I slept with BFM again. This weekend.
Think I have yeast infection now. Hated texting BFM over this. I know I'm his second partner and he worships the ground his ex walks on. I asked him if he was sure he didn't have nay STDs. He said I'm his second. But I know he had unprotected sex with his ex. And I don't wanna be a judgy bitch but she's super young with a kid, in an abusive relationship with some other dude and apparently with a drinking problem so.... I'm not too sure. But I think it's just yeast infection. Cause... I'm on antibiotics.
The doc still thinks I might have Lyme disease so she put me on them. So far managing alright. Have to take them for 20 days.
Yeah so that's the update for now. Oh I'm talking to this Martin guy. But he's sexually inexperienced aswell. Like, why it's a big deal is cause those dudes are looking for sex but like... I want quality shit in a one night stand. I don't have the patience to put up with virginal erectile disfunctions.
The BFM is alright... he's got disfunctions but he...otherwise is better than almoist any other guy I've been with. Oh yeah and I'm not emotionally interested in him anymore. Just here for the shags.
Oh and I have three jobs now :D All janitoring. One every workday, the other twice a week and the third one once a week.
Done.
It's been about my health.
So can't remember if I blogged about this or not. So apparently, my gyno said I have a polyp tendency or something like it. Not totally confirming that I do. And she wanted to schedule a surgery. I asked for a second ultrasound to be sure that I actually have it. I don't. Why schedule the surgery when not completely sure?
Then my GP wanted to put me on antibiotics cause of "bladder infection". I literally had no symptoms. They said must be asymptomatic. I declined the antibiotics cause they kill me. I took some herbal paste thingy and cranberry pills. Went in for a urine test five days later and I was clear. Why put me on antibiotics first then?
Yeah and ever since I moved into my new place I've had back problems. Most likely cause of my bed/mattress. I took the mattress of my bed cause I thought it was the bed's fault. It's really a sofa that you can open it and when it's open it concaves in the middle and is uncomfortable.
I put the mattress on the floor and slept on that. No change. I literally cannot tell if the mattress is too soft or too hard or what the shit is wrong with it. I feel normal on it but my back gets fucked up.
Now I'm sleeping on this chair pillow that serves as a mattress. It's a little better but too hard.
At least I don't have belly aches anymore. I used to get them along with back aches.
Went to the GP with this. She didn't even want to do x-rays. She basically ignored my back problems. I left the office and met up with my therapist and she told me to call my GP and demand an ultrasound. I did. Got it. There's actual problems with my back. Like the discs are too close or something or wonky and my back is too curved and the spine is curved blah blah blah.
Seeind a neurologist this thursday and a physiotherapist in december.
And either mum or the appartment owner are gonna bring me a new bed. Will see.
Also, ended things with The Core Guy. He was too virginal for me.
And I slept with BFM again. This weekend.
Think I have yeast infection now. Hated texting BFM over this. I know I'm his second partner and he worships the ground his ex walks on. I asked him if he was sure he didn't have nay STDs. He said I'm his second. But I know he had unprotected sex with his ex. And I don't wanna be a judgy bitch but she's super young with a kid, in an abusive relationship with some other dude and apparently with a drinking problem so.... I'm not too sure. But I think it's just yeast infection. Cause... I'm on antibiotics.
The doc still thinks I might have Lyme disease so she put me on them. So far managing alright. Have to take them for 20 days.
Yeah so that's the update for now. Oh I'm talking to this Martin guy. But he's sexually inexperienced aswell. Like, why it's a big deal is cause those dudes are looking for sex but like... I want quality shit in a one night stand. I don't have the patience to put up with virginal erectile disfunctions.
The BFM is alright... he's got disfunctions but he...otherwise is better than almoist any other guy I've been with. Oh yeah and I'm not emotionally interested in him anymore. Just here for the shags.
Oh and I have three jobs now :D All janitoring. One every workday, the other twice a week and the third one once a week.
Done.
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
it's official
I'm not thinking of dying just yet but... have wanted to do this for a long time. Now it's official. Doing it out of positivity and hopefully good health for someone.
Sunday, October 15, 2017
gemini
Jesus fuck, why is every guy I talk to a gemini? I don't believe in astrology but like... what's the the constant overflow of gemini men?
TS8102017
TS8102017
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