Unsexy

I'm torn.
The thing is, Aksel doesn't want me cause I'm crazy and ugly. Can't say I'm surprised but I still wanna hang out with him and do shit. On the other hand, not that I'm hurt, I wanna tell him where to go cause he's not accepting me for me. But then again, he not supposed to.
I've covered the crazy bit but last night he said he can't bring me to his posse cause I'm not sexy (like his other sex goddess like ex's) cause he's afraid of the judgement. I find the thing so childish and not cause I'm biased. It's just such kindergarten stuff.
It's just blahh...

Maybe it was meant to be that when we first met I felt super sick. Maybe it was a sign I should never have met up with him? And then the only one good time we had together was all the good I could squeeze out of our situation?

I feel so insecure, almost hurt

Ughh, I feel so insecure, almost hurt. This thing won't end well. Not for me anyway. And when it all blows up in my face I'll only have myself to blame.

I'm a little worried

So I'm a little worried about myself right now. Mother will be leaving for China on friday. I'm scared I'll get the same kinda anxiety as I did when my ex went to Ibiza. Oh my god, that was definitely one of the worst nights of my life.
She will be going to Finland first and I told her to ring me from there to hear how her flight was. I hope it'll go well so I can be calm.
And then I'm worried about cooking. I came to mum's place today and will be staying here til she comes back, cooking and cleaning. I've had a couple of cooking crash courses.

loved loved loved

Ahh... had such a lovely date with Aksel. I loved loved loved the hugging. I could do without the kissing and sex (not that there was anything wrong with either of those) but the hugging was unbelievable!
He left a couple of hours ago but I already want to do it all over again.

Too bad I can't have him.

A withdrawal thing

Oh god, my stomach and bowel are going crazy. Feel so nauseous and just sick. Probably cause of my pills. A withdrawal thing.