If you ever wonder

If you ever wonder what anxiety smells like, buy valerian and spill it in your bedroom.
If you ever wonder what anxiety looks like, gain 30 kilos on antidepressants/antipsychotics and look at yourself in the mirror.

Matilda and Alen

Well, yesterday's poops were gone eventhough my stomach made a lot of weird noises. Anyway....

Mum called me early in the kmorning, that's 12pm for normal people and told me to go to Euronics and get this girlie! Ahhhhh, it's mine! I haven't been too excited about it since there's four years of after payment for this. I hope my health won't plummet again or I won't lose a solid enough income.
Haven't played Sims yet cause yeah I'm almost at 100GBs this month. Sunday night I will download Sims and play all monday!
Some films that I thought were quite high quality look really poor on this laptop though. I guess I have to mess around with some settings. Also the name Matilda sprung up in my head when talking about this beauty...so she's Matilda.

Anyway, what made me really really happy today was an email I received. Like, think it was last summer at my mum's that I heard this nice and cool song on the radio.
Went on Youtube to find it and listen to it. I knew who sang it cause he has a very lovely voice.
Yeah there was only sort of like a classical live version of it and this not so nice 90s disco version.
There was no "normal" studio version of it. So I forgot about it for a while.
And now, a few days ago I wanted to find the song. Checked Youtube again. Nothing, the same versions.
So I went on the dude's homepage. He had a playlist there and the song was on it. But I wanted the song on my laptop/other devices. So I checked which album the song was on. He had a few older albums, the song wasn't on them. One album had the "disco" version and I wasn't interested in it. There was a newer/last album that had no tracklist posted so I sent a message to the Contact and asked if the song was on the album or where I could buy the song. And...

The dude himself sent me the song file for free!!! :D
Made my damn day!

I will be dying

Okay, didn't I just say I don't want diarrhea? I will be dying tomorrow at work again.

bad shit always happens

Okay, so last week I had this upset stomach business or stomach flu or whatever and on thrusday I got in under control. And now I have all this gas in my stomach and aches again. Ugh.
Yeah I finished the probiotics yesterday. Maybe I have to buy them again. I don't wanna get diarrhea or nausea again. :(
Other than that I'm kinda excited about getting my new laptop. I'm too afraid to get overly excited and happy though cause bad shit always happens when I do. Or maybe I'll get this stupid stomach business again for getting the laptop. You know, nothing good can happen. I don't believe in karma. I feel like if you do bad shit, you will get bad revenge. And if you do good stuff then no good deed goes unpunished. That's just life. My life anyway.
Yeah and somehow I'm almost at my 100GB internet limit this month. Seriously!? How?

starving all day

Okay, felt sick til thursday. Bought probiotics then, Enterol. And also proper camomile tea in the pharmacy. Think it was a stomach bug or something. But when I started consuming the stuff on thursday, I felt tons better on friday and today was sort of okay too. Like the major nausea is gone but my ghrelin is soooo out of control. I'm constantly hungry. Like starving. Like I've had so many full warm meals today but have been starving all day. Told mum. She told me to eat properly then. :D Bitch, all I've done today is eat. When the hormone is out of balance, it's out of balance.

She's not a bitch though... it was her birthday last friday. I actually bought her stuff:

Her fave sweets, a cooking cloth and the cup. I thought maybe the cup looks too childish but it looks really spring-y and her birthday is in spring so. But the main thing is that the butterfly is yellow, that's her fave colour.
Yeah I also received a lot of the packages we ordered when she was at my place. I got new runners. When I use them I'll take pics. Don't wanna wear them just yet cause April this year is the worst let down. Sooo rainy, snowy and shitty. Boo!
Then I also went to the graveyard to clean up grandma and grandpa's grave:

Just a little view of our beautiful spring weather.

Then on monday I took my last iron pill and went in for blood work for iron:

 Yeah the blood person couldn't get to my vein, left a little red mark on this arm and...

...a bruise on the other.
Yeah I was hoping I'd get to go off the iron pill. Not quite yet.
In january my ferritin was 5,7. And now it was up to 9,2. The normal range is 10 - 150. And my hemoglobin was 120 in january and now it was 127, the normal is 118 - 150. So anyway, been taking iron pills again, will for another couple of months. Luckily these ones don't give me any side effects.

And then! My mum finally bought my cactus to town!

The pot looks crappy and the cactus itself too. But! I called the Tartu Loodusmaja we went to with work people a while ago where I saw the same type of cactus as I have. Turns out the gardener at that place is my old geography teacher. Anyway, we had a chat about this cactus. In estonian it's siilikkaktus. I wanna replant it, in better earth and see it thrive and have lots of babies. I've had it for about 20 years and it looks pretty crappy.
Turns out, it needs to be planted in sort of um...grainy earth that's not too dense. More gravelly than composty. It only needs to be replanted every five years. And I only need to fertilize it, once a month, if I want it to bloom. I'll replant it first and see how it likes the new pot and earth. My teacher/the gardener reccommended Biolan cactus earth but I bought this one:

Also, mum brought these stones but they're a little too big I'm afraid. You know, to put the at the bottom. Also the pot has to have a whole in the bottom so the water can drain out. And apparently watering the cactus once a week is enough. I have to set up a watring schedule and an alarm on my phone. I wanna take super good care of it. And I kinda ran out of money but I wanna buy the cutest pot for it. Also, the blooming period for this cactus is from march to september.
I will post pics or a video of the replanting proccess when I get the pot.

And THEN!!!! I bought a new laptop. Hopefully it will be delivered next week. It's an expensive gaming laptop and I put my 100 euro tooth fixing money towards that. Like, my life can't stall cause of my tooth. And the dentists can suck ass when they're giving out to me. Like, I got a bollocking for not fixing my teeth. Bitch, and I mean bitch this time, I don't live for my teeth! I have to pay for food, water, place to live in. Do I really gotta give all that up to fix my teeth? Like if you wanna be a cunt about people's bad teeth conditions then give out to the government for making dental care so expensive! I have to buy pills for other health issues and see other doctors. And it all costs money. Again, I do not live for my teeth only.
Anyway... I think that's it. This is all that happened this week.