defend and mend

I present to you my baby...

Yeah, it's just my left kidney. But, to me, by the looks of it, could be a sonogram of a baby. Well... the radiologist said I have "beautiful organs". No stones, thin walls, nice texture. Just a bit gassy around my stomach area and in lower abdomen. No sign of anything bad.
Called my GP to ask if I can go in straight away for a blood test if I start feeling sick cause if I wait a week again then they're not gonna find anything again. Well, I only talked to the nurse and she gave me the standard talk about IBS and stomach acid and told me to use Omeprazole next time. Basically, I'm back where I was before I was diagnosed with anxiety, "tests are fine" and "treat your so called IBS". Like I've had the "IBS" before and it was never like that. I never ever got this paralyzing exhaustion, lethargy and sore and stiff lower back or fever before. You really telling me this is IBS or stomach acid? Called my mum to tell her about my ultrasound. She said I'm "making up illnesses".
Fuck everybody!
If I start feeling sick again, I will be going to the doctor again. Like, fuck omeprazole, that shit doesn't help. The probiotics help a ton. I wanna get the probiotic and enzyme pills my therapist talked about. Although my GP said if it's stomach flu then the only remedy for that is symptomatic which I get but ugh...
The only thing making me feel better about all this is what my stepmum said. And she's a nurse so I believe her. Plus she's in the same position as me.
She used to have this co-worker, she's dead now. She had cancer. And her blood tests started to show something was wrong with her only a few months before she died. Stepmum said the body is, obviously, constantly trying to defend and mend itself so the blood tests are not always accurate. Plus, she has this "condition" too where something doesn't feel right but all the doctors she's been to tell her her tests are fine. She gets me.

Oh and just in case, I'm gonna post my blood test results aswell. Everytime I go to do the tests now I will ask for the results to be sent to me in detail.
 -- Uriini ribaanalüüs
09.06.2017 11:54: Glükoos Normi piires [norm ... - Norm (<2,0 mmol/L)]
09.06.2017 11:54: Ketokehad Negatiivne [norm ... - Negat.(<0,5 mmol/L)]
09.06.2017 11:54: Erikaal 1.025 [norm 1.010 - 1.030]
09.06.2017 11:54: Erütrotsüüdid Negatiivne [norm ... - Negat.(<5 E6/L)]
09.06.2017 11:54: pH 6.0 pH [norm 5.0 - 7.0]
09.06.2017 11:54: Valk Negatiivne [norm ... - Negat.(<0,25 g/L)]
09.06.2017 12:00: Nitritid Negatiivne [norm ... - Negat.]
09.06.2017 11:54: Leukotsüüdid Negatiivne [norm ... - Negat.(<10 E6/L)]
09.06.2017 11:54: Bilirubiin Negatiivne [norm ... - Negat.(<17 umol/L)]
09.06.2017 11:54: Urobilinogeen Normi piires [norm ... - Norm (<17 umol/L)]
*Hematoloogilised uuringud
Hemogramm
08.06.2017 11:36: Hemoglobiin 127 g/L [norm 118 - 150]
08.06.2017 11:36: Hematokrit 38.5 % [norm 37.0 - 47.0]
08.06.2017 11:36: Leukotsüüdid 6.3 E9/L [norm 4.1 - 9.4]
08.06.2017 11:36: Erütrotsüüdid 4.54 E12/L [norm 4.00 - 5.10]
08.06.2017 11:36: MCV 84.8 fL [norm 82.0 - 99.0]
08.06.2017 11:36: MCH 28.0 pg [norm 28.0 - 36.0]
08.06.2017 11:36: MCHC 330 g/L [norm 310 - 370]
08.06.2017 11:36: RDW 12.7 % [norm 10.0 - 15.5]
08.06.2017 11:36: Trombotsüüdid 293 E9/L [norm 150 - 450]
08.06.2017 11:36: Trombokrit 0.28 % [norm 0.10 - 1.00]
08.06.2017 11:36: MPV 9.7 % [norm 5.0 - 12.0]
08.06.2017 11:36: PDW  10.9 % [norm 11.0 - 20.0]
08.06.2017 11:36: Neutrofiilide % 39.3 % [norm 40.0 - 80.0]
08.06.2017 11:36: Eosinofiilide % 2.7 % [norm 1.0 - 5.0]
08.06.2017 11:36: Basofiilide % 1.0 % [norm 0.0 - 1.0]
08.06.2017 11:36: Monotsüütide % 11.8 % [norm 1.0 - 11.0]
08.06.2017 11:36: Lümfotsüütide % 45.2 % [norm 20.0 - 45.0]
08.06.2017 11:36: Neutrofiilide abs arv 2.5 E9/L [norm 1.50 - 6.70]
08.06.2017 11:36: Eosinofiilide abs arv 0.2 E9/L [norm 0.03 - 0.44]
08.06.2017 11:36: Basofiilide abs arv 0.1 x 10 9/L [norm 0.00 - 0.10]
08.06.2017 11:36: Monotsüütide abs arv 0.7 E9/L [norm 0.20 - 0.80]
08.06.2017 11:36: Lümfotsüütide abs arv 2.8 E9/L [norm 1.30 - 3.60]
08.06.2017 12:20: ESR 10 mm/h [norm ... - 20]
*Kliinilise keemia uuringud
08.06.2017 11:52: CRP <0.12 mg/L [norm ... - 10]
08.06.2017 11:52: ALAT 17 U/L [norm ... - 33]
08.06.2017 11:52: ASAT 21 U/L [norm ... - 32]
08.06.2017 11:52: Gamma- glutamüüli transferaas 10 U/L [norm ... - 38]
*Immuunuuringud
08.06.2017 19:22: TSH 3.26 mU/l [norm 0.40 - 4.00]
08.06.2017 19:29: Ferritiin 15.3 ug/l [norm 10.0 - 150.0]

getting back into the cycle

Okay, here we go again... my blood and urine test results came back... and they're fine! What the actual fuck!?
Urrrghhhh... I'm totally getting back into the cycle of feeling sick and doctors telling me I'm "fine" by their test results.
I have ultrasound tomorrow but I know it's pointless alreay now... the results will be "fine", I know.

Ugh

Ugh, okay. I think I have the "stomach flu" again. I don't feel nauseous yet but the immense exhaustion is setting in and the feeling of fainting aswell. What the fuck!? I don't understand what is wrong. I've never had something like this happen to me. Ever. I'm even too tired to type. My arms/hands literally feel like they have weights on them. And I've had a sore back for the longest time which is super fucking weird too. It was really bad last night, should have known it means a sleepless night. Ugh.

on fire

As per usual, I can't have a nice life. Couldn't sleep last night at all. I don't even know what I felt. Just sick and couldn't sleep. Body went crazy. Took diazepam just in case, didn't make a difference so must have been something else. Thought maybe it was the food I ate, the pork but didn't feel particularily nauseous. Then thought it must have been the iron pill I took right before bed. Ehh, who konws. Anyway, today I feel like death. Have absolutely no energy to do anything. Body feels like it's on fire, not hot but just so... on fire. A weird sensation. Maybe it's an olanzapine withdrawal symptom, who the fuck knows. But I kinda think I'd have the symptoms all the time then not random odd days. I just wanna take some pill to feel beter but don't know what to take. Diazepam doesn't help, have no pains so no use of painkillers, don't have particular nausea to take anti-nausea pills. Would drink coffee to get energy or even an energy drink but my body already feels jittery as it is. I napped for two hours and it made me feel worse. Great. I just don't know what to do with myself. How do I put out that fire in my body? I'm thinking of quitting the iron pills. I'll have the pork tonight aswell, if it makes me feel sick again then I'll know it's the food but if I feel okay I'll quit the pills. I only have three left anyway so... Will call the doc on tuesday for my blood test results. They checked early for iron aswell. I hope they find an inflammation in my body cause I dunno what is going on with me. But the tests will most probably come out fine and it is the good old anxiety/wonky brain making me feel like this, again as per usual.

Ah well, all is well

Wow, just cooked for about two and half hours. I fucking made pork for the first time ever! Ilme did guide me a little. Next time I'll know what to do. Basically you fry it a little at the start, then "boil" it for an hour. Then I added two packets of frozen string beans and one packet of chopped spinach. Oh and seasoned it with salrt, some Jamaican seasoning and soy sauce. Came out pretty nice.
But I royally fucked up the mashed potatoes. I forgot to salt the potatoes when they were boiling and for some reason they ended up super super super sweet. It literally tastes like I added sugar to them. I mean I salted them when I put the milk and butter in but it stills tastes gross. Maybe the milk had gone off lol.
Anyway, I cooked meat!
Oh and today was a cute day. I went to the doctor on thursday, did my blood test. You know, cause I have had stomach flu three times since the end of april. The doc said this year there's more stomach flu cases than normally. Just wanna make sure it's nothing else.
Yeah then on my way home from the doc I got a call from the receptionist saying I had left my ID card behind. So today I went to fetch it. Also took in my urine test. For some reason the doctor didn't want my poop sample. She even said herself she knows I have problems with the whole digestion thing, stomach flu you know, but she didn't want a sample of that. Weird.
Anyway, so later on mu m came to town. She had a day off. We went shopping and eating. Fuck it feels so nice to eat out like a normal person. I had some chicken feta cheese salad.
Yeah and she was looking for certain type of shoes which she found. Were cute enough. So, we looked at tons of shoes and I saw a pari of cute ones myself. Just little open sandals. Didn't take a pic of them on my feet cause my toes nails a manky. :D
Oh and yesterday I bought a sandwhich maker. Haven't used it yet. Bought ham for the sandwhiches though. Ate it all by itself.
Ohhhhh! And before I met up with mum I was on the phone with someone, put the phone in my bag and rode a little, maybe for a minute. Then for some reason I went to check my phone. It was gone! I took out all of my shit from my bag and checked all my pockets. Nothing!
I was freaking out a little and super annoyed with myself.
I went to Telia quickly to cancel my number/contract in case someone found my phone and started racking up my bill. Got to the shop. Told my story and the dude started the process. Then I was like, can you maybe ring my number, maybe someone who found my phone will answer. And the fucking thing started ringing in my bag!!!!!! Fuck! I felt so bad for wasting his time and being an idiot. Whatever though. I still have my phone. I was just annoyed as I'm still paying the afterpayments and I just got my cute new phonecase. Ah well, all is well.