Rerise

So yesterday was a big fat depressing day. Today's not much better.

Although, I really did feel like going crazy and killing myself yesterday. Stupid doctors.

I 'scared the shit out of'' my boyfriend - he doesn't like it when I talk about suicide, it does his head in.

Well, if I was to kill myself I'd do it in a really quick and non-painful way.

I wouldn't make myself suffer, the doctors do it more than enough to me.

And yeah, if I was to do it, I'd do it properly like, so I'd actually die - no half arsed suicide when after it failing I'd have to live with the same bad health and the feeling of  dissapointment or crippling myself as a result of hurting myself.

Yeah, looked at some family pics so, to make me consentrate on something else besides feeling like I'm about to burst.

Dad had posted his childhood/youth pictures on a website, made me happy.

How hot was my Dad as a young fella?

Looked at some videos of my holiday in 2007.

If I can get this video uploader thing working I'll post some more videos.

Also some clips from time when I went for a walk on the countryside and to Dublin with a friend.

I love buskers! Only if they're actually talented and pleasurable to listen to.

Anyways, so the trip to my GP got me really stressed out. Got new tablets - Protium and Colofac.

Went to see a shrink today - was supposed to be a psychologist. Had been waiting for 4 months to see one, but I mean what was I expecting, it's doctors I'm talking about. They're all fucked in the head.

Got really frustrated and upset there - agreed to take antidepressants - Z, hopefully they won't make me feel funny.

Yeah when I got all upset and stuff, the psychiatrist called in two more people. Maybe they'll do something this time. A woman is supposed to ring me on Friday to check how I am doing.

Other than that, I've been playing the violin. Getting better - didn't get to see the teacher on Monday though, spent money on GP and a film, My Sister's Keeper.

Yeah it is a sad film, but whoever the "director of The Notebook"  is, he just cannot bring out the sincere emotions, it's all too forced and depthless. I bet the book is good, though. My friend has it, so when she brings it over, I'll give it a go. I only really liked one bit of the film, where the girl says she gets the same seat now and the mother accepts her daughter is dying., but really...shame on the director. I hated The Notebook cause it was utterly fake and this story is nice but lacks real emotions.

I just had a big dinner/lunch - fried potatoes with eggs and frankfurters and warm milk with honey. If I didn't mention it before then I started taking fish oil. Stopped the iron tabs cause I need to take tummy tablets. Feel quite good.

Incidentally, I got yet another follower, Dianne .:

TE010310