paying my respects

Today I'm paying my respects to Raido. A lad I was in the same class with for quite a few years. Just found out he drowned. How horrible!

I'm meant to complain and suffer

Blah, so I won't be going to any universities which means I gotta start looking for a new job. Life sucks. And all of this is happening when I tried to be more poisitive and happy. It's impossible. I'm meant to complain and suffer!

Ah yes!

Ah yes! I got the appartment that I wanted. Can't say it's entirely what I expected but... meh.
And unfortunately I'm so so anxious. Like the lady I'll be living with had baked a cake for my moving in and I couldn't eat it cause I was so nervous. I felt I was being so impolite and rude.
My mother's man helped me to get all my things to the appartment and he said he thought it's gonna be a bit difficult living there cause of the lady. She is a bit old and in need of serious communication but I think I can handle it.
The only downer is I can't have men staying the night. She disallowed it. No more one night stands I guess. Maybe a boyfriend?!

it's... mad

Wah, I so hope I'll get the place I'll be checking out tomorrow. I'm so anxious about moving. New place to get used to and a new shop to get used to. Plus I don't know what's gonna happen in september. Like whether I'll be looking for a new job or going to university. And how I will cope with all that. Scary. If I didn't have anxiety disorder it would be an anxious time but with the disorder it's... mad.

good fun and lovely

The father's family came to visit us yesterday. Was good fun and lovely. Unfortunately they didn't spend the night since my brother was ill and they thought it was better for him to be at home.
And I think I found a new place for me to live in. Hopefully I'll get it.

I love everybody and everything

Ahhh, I love everybody and everything at the minute. Eventhough my stomach is paining me.

peanut butter isn't real

:D hahahaa

Luckily, today I feel a little better but don't think I'll be going in tomorrow either.

Whiiiiiinneee!

Whiiiiiinneee! Why do I feel like shit!? I don't wanna feel sick. At all. I'm too scared to go outside in case I get really bad anxiety. Gah, I don't have a fever either so I dunno what kinda pill to take to feel better.

TE16072012

feel like shit

I dunno what's going on but I feel like shit. Can't eat. Wonder if it's anxiety or something else. Didn't go into work today and won't go in tomorrow. Oh and I got into university. Think I have to take the course since I didn't get in anywhere else.

a bit more positive and happy

So I've decided to be a bit more positive and happy.

TS12072012

will not be having this bossing!

Today, I felt so fucking useless at work. This girl was bossing me around and I let her.
Tomorrow, I will not be having this bossing!
Oh and I'm so impatiently waiting to see if I got in to any of the colleges I applied for. I still have a feeling I won't get in. And this year even my mother wants me to get into college!

a blah day

What a blah day it was today. Didin't go in to work, went shopping with mother instead. Everything would have been nice if I hadn't had anxiety. Got a few things anyway. And my, is hot or what!?

a great day

The other day I had such a great day. Spent the evening out on town with friends. And it was so great cause I didn't get anxiety. And now I wanna work at a restaurant. Don't think I'm all ready for it but we'll see. Oh and I really wanna get into college!

I'm barefoot

Good girl, well done!

Woah, today has been pretty busy. First, I had to ride to town from the mother's place. And it so conviniently started to rain and I got soaking wet. Utterly saturated! Then I had to bike to the other end of the town to see a doctor. I got a shot in my arm last Thursday and had to go back today to get it looked at. It was some tuberculosis shot.
Then I totally broke my trousers cause I don't have the cover on my bike that covers the gears and the chain. So I went to a bicycle shop to get that. Had to bike back and forth to get money for that. Then I finally got home. Ate some (oh I nearly fainted at the shop when buying food. Cause of my anxiety and shit). And then I had to bike to work. I only worked for an hour and a half cause I missed most of my work day biking.
And when I thought everything, all the biking, was done my internet stick broke. I wasn't gonna wait til tomorrow to get it. And yes, I rode my bike to the shop to get a new one. Cost me 37 euros.

Blahh...so now I'm tired with aching legs. But eventhough I almost fainted I'm pretty proud of myself for going out in public with my disorder. Good girl, well done!