give college a try

Okay, I decided to give college a try. Tomorrow I will go to the bank and ask about grant stuff.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, please body, work with me now! I really need education and I'm getting older and older.

just simply love

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Love! I just cannot express my love for this song. It's so enchanting. I just simply love this song. Love love love love it!

On another, much sadder note, my health has hit rock bottom again. My anxiety is back just as strongly as it was before. I wouldn't mind if I didn't feel so nauseous. Think I'll take the next week off of work aswell. And there's definitely no uni for me this year. *blub*

no uni for this year for sure

Oh goddess... yesterday was a horrible day. Or the day before yesterday now. Major anxiety and nausea.
So I guess this means no uni for this year for sure. :(

in her cunt mode

Ugh, the mother's friend is over and she's in her cunt mode again. Bitch!

wish everyone good health

So today has been weird. Been watching Mystery Diagnosis and I just want to wish everyone good health. It's terrible what people have to go through. I'm not saying that my condition is nothing compared to those shown on the show but they're horrible nevertheless.

Oh and I think my anxiety hasn't got worse. I just started periods and that must have set it off. Will take a while to get my confidence back again. Shopping for food is soooo hard again.

TS10082012

Ugghhhh

Ugghhhh, why in the world do I have anxiety again!? Didn't go into work today cause of it. I just cannot eat outside home, and barely at home. I hope my mother is right and it's cause of university notifications. I've been accepting and rejecting some courses. Right now I'm in for English and literature. I have to pay for it though. Will see how it goes.

gone forever

So today was the funeral of my classmate. Luckily I managed to sit through the whole thing. I was too scared to look at his body at first but did it eventually anyway. I didn't cry but it was sad to see his mother attend the coffin.
It's still weird to think he's gone forever.

a strange room full of strangers

Wow, what a day. Left half an hour early from work to get to this second hand clothes shop to give them my CV. I went to print it out at my mother's work place (the shop is like a minute away from there). When I checked my e mail I discovered I had got into a university. Wow, I dunno what to do now. Like, if I'll get the job I don't know whether I'll take it or go study.
I'm just scared cause of the anxiety. Dunno if I'm able to be in a strange room full of strangers. Think I'd adjust to the work better.

no bitch can bitch

Well, I got my first bollocking in my new appartment. Guess for what! Windows!
What is up with people wanting the windows closed!? Like the old lady said nobody in Tartu has their windows open like me. Seriously, I just don't give a fuck how others have their windows, mine are supposed to be open. I like fresh air in my room.
She was saying how she continuously has asked me to close the window. Well, fuck, I continuously open my window cause I want it open. Why in the world is her wish more important than mine. I understand it's her apartment but it's my room, I'm paying for it.
Seriously when I have my own house or apartment one day I'm not building any windows in, I'll just have holes in walls so no bitch can bitch.

On another note, I might go to my classmate's funeral on Saturday. I found out today that I was in the same class with him, not for "quite a few years", but all of the 12 years. I just didn't remember it at first. Gah, it'd be my first funeral. I'll pack a pack of tissues just in case, although I think I won't be inside the crematory long enough to get emotional, my anxiety will kick in first. Ahh, nerve wrecking.

Annnnd, I'm looking for a new job since the one I have now is seasonal, til the end of September.