I hope my laziness won't kick in

So...yeah, I've lost a bit of weight over the last few months. Like a whiiiiile ago my supervisor told me I looked leaner. Then my dad's fam came to visit me at christmas, stepmom said there's barely left of me. And then my mum came to visit me this week and said it's not fair that she has to be the only fat one. And when I met up with the dude yesterday... well before meeting up he asked me how much I weighed, probably was scared I'd be super fat, and I said 70 kilos. When he saw me he said he didn't believe I weighed this much, that I didn't look like it.
Oh well. Good stuff I guess. I'm happy.
Yeah and I just got excited about going outside today :) Like to the town square to see the fireworks. I hope my laziness won't kick in!

hea naine

Kena naine meeldib silmadele, hea naine südamele.

Saw this on someone's profile on this dating website. Damn, so good. Wonder who said it.

edit: Napoleon Bonaparte said it. Well said, dude.

the other one was in september

Had another impromptu first date this year (from like 2:30am to 3:30am). Um yeah, the other one was in september. The guy was cute. But seemed a little serious. His name's Ingemar. Will see how it goes. Should meet up next week. He's working over the new year's weekend.

Fuuu-huh-huh-huh--uck!

OMG! Mum was just over. Was nice to see her and everything BUT!!! She was so nice and we ordered this thingy for me:

Fuuu-huh-huh-huh--uck! Yes! I cannot believe this will be mine! This will be better than the hoodie I wanted. Ahh, cannot wait to have my first drink out of it. Will probably buy cocoa powder, cinnamon and honey, plus milk and will have a nice hot chocolate. :)

I'm super stupid

Okay, I'm super stupid. Been having this annoying headphones saga. Ended up having two broken pairs and one working one. Yesterday I cleaned up my room a bit and THREW OUT THE NORMAL ONES!!! Now I'm left with two broken pairs. I even went out to the bin to fetch the working ones but couldn't reach for the bin bag.
Also, there was this basket in the shop where there was free bananas and apples. Yeah I got so confused and scared I didn't get them cause why would they give away free bananas and apples. Fuck!

You know what's orgasmic?

You know what's orgasmic when you're a bike rider/owner? Getting new batteries for your bike lights. Man, I cannot wait to go out tonight, to work, to use the newly beaming lights. Plus, the other week I got my tyres inflated. Shit, felt like a new bike. I have to get new break pads aswell. The back ones are absolutely gone, have some in the front. I'd say it's orgasmic to decelerate when you have the new pads. Yeah and it felt heavenly when I got a new chain.
And then maybe one day I can get new break/gear wires aswell, but for now it sort of works.

teary-eyed

such a retard

Men really are stupid part 2
To continue this topic... yeah this dude on this dating website, shit....think it's the same dude, yeah it is, commented on one of my pics. He was complaining about how I'm always online when he's online. lol Dude, don't come to the site then or come on at a different time. I'm not gonna change my internet usage times for you. You are not that important to me, or at all.
But what got me writing though, he said I have complexes cause I post my naked pics up there and that my personal life sucks cause I'm on that website. Oh dear. First, he's on there without any pics. Coward.
Second, bitch, if you don't like naked girls, go look at guy pics. If you like women's pics, then you're there to look at them. How is it okay to look at pics but not post them? He's such a retard I swear :D
Yeah then he also commented on how he doesn't like how I look. Not bothered by that at all. That's whatever, don't look at me. He doesn't have to like me. I don't care for your opinion dude, again, you're not important enough to me, so you can keep it to yourself.

they suck but he's good

Waaah, he's such a good singer. I normally dislike estonian singers cause they suck but he's good.

Ah so much power and sexiness.

my first and probably only

Okay, so it's Yule and I just had to pee desperately. Like, I've complained about peeing before and how I just hate it. I hate the desperate pressure when you need to go but I also don't wanna go before my bladder isn't completely full cause what's the point?
Yeah anyway, got my first and probably only present this holiday:

A very good present though, I must admit. From Ilme. I had this manky towel in the kitchen, cause I stopped using the paper towels and my mum forgot to bring the bag with clean stuff for me with her when she came to town this week, meaning she didn't get to bring new clean towels like I has asked her to (I only have one little one for hands/dishes and when it's in the wash I can't use anything) so Ilme had bought me a towel. The green thing. Yeah, it's nice but it doesn't absorb too well. Maybe I need to wash it first, dunno.
Then she got me bin liners. Hahaha, that's most likely a hint. But I really needed them anyway and don't have money to buy them. Was gonna steal a couple from work but forgot. So, nice.
And then she got me this oven cooked apple flavoured white chocolate which is one of my faves at the moment. Nice!

Yeah gotta put the bin liners into good use tomorrow cause I gotta clean up my place for sunday when my dad's family might come over.

I love my job

Oh my goodness! I love my job so much! :) I'm always so happy at work and it gets me out of the house. :) I could freely work through the holidays (I can't though cause the shop is closed, empty and there's nothing to clean up). I'm just so incredibly greatful for my job. No jinx!

Yule-y!

Okay, I don't celebrate Christmas but it looks like it'll be saved anyway. Like today, after work, I went to Selver and the cashier was a "relative" of mine. She's my father's wife's sister's daughter. Her name's Diana too. We had a little chat. She's in her first year in uni now. She's studying physical culture. She and her family live in the north of the country but she lives in Tartu now. Maybe we can get together sometime? She's probably busy with her young uni friends though.
And I thought that was all the family I was gonna get for the holiday weekend. Yeah, called my dad's wife to tell her I saw Diana and she said they might be coming over on sunday. Yay!
Oh and my supervisor at work wants to meet up quickly tomorrow so she can give me her homemade head cheese. Nice! And I've got blood-mixed dumpling sitting in the fridge aswell. Yule-y!

Cool cool

So yeah I was right about the P. Started on the 22nd. Cool cool. Ahh, it's the long weekend tomorrow after work. Will be in Tartu.
Then on New Year's Eve I wanna go down town to watch the fireworks. Will see how that plays out. Mum said the "relatives" from Finland (Moonika and Kalli) will be coming over though.

TS22122016

So now I'm like ???

Okay, I'm annoyed with myself. For days I've been feeling like my period is about to start. They got messed up last month, had them twice. The second time started like about 10 times early or something and I didn't write it down anywhere. So now I'm like ??? When the fuck can I expect them?

hey dude, we went to kindergarten together, wanna hook up?

Ok, so I had two little fails recently. First though, I have to see my psychiatrist from now on. They don't do prescriptions via phone anymore. What the shit like? The consultation costs 10 euros and the shrink only does monthly prescriptions which means I have to go there every month now and pay euros. And my pills actually cost about ten euros if not less. Like seriously!? Fuck that system!
In regards to that, I said fuck it, cancelled my appointment with my shrink and e-mailed my GP and asked if she can write a prescription for me. She did. But damn! I asked for the wrong pill! Fail one. Luckily, when I asked for the right pill she did another prescription. So that's sorted.
The second fail was on saturday at work. Fuck. I felt so embarrassed for myself. Like, the fave band dude I was talking about a few posts back.. when he came to the shop, it was closed. I was inside the shop and had to open the door for him. I dunno where my head was but I went to open the door with my chip. Yeah, you don't need the chip when opening the door from the inside, you can use the handle/lock thingy. I was so lame and didn't figure it out and for some reason the chip wasn't working. So I sent him to another door which I could open for him. God, I'm such a chowderhead.

Oh and I might have found this guy I was best friends with in kindergarten. I asked my brother, the one that lives with my dad, if he knew anyone around my age in the town. Like, my dad still lives in the town I went to kindergarten in. And my brother grew up in that town. It's a small ass town, everybody knows everbody. Yeah, he said he doesn't really know anyone. And the ones he does know just come and visit every once in a while. So I gave him a few first names and he knew on this guy called Tarvo. I looked him up on Facebook. Yeah I have no idea if he actually is the guy I went to kindergarten with or not. He looked a bit older yeah but he also like had a girlfriend and recent posts about her on his profile so I didn't bother sending him any messages. Like "hey dude, we went to kindergarten together, wanna hook up?" it would have been weird lol. Especially as he has a girl.
I might tell the story of our little friendship in one of my stprytime posts. Yeah I was meant to do them but I've only posted one so far. lol. Ooh, third fail! :D

men really are stupid

Ugh. I've probably talked about this before but whatever. So I'm still on this dating website. Shit, I don't agree with the fact that sex is something you have to pay for. But! It grinds my gears when men call women who take money for sex whores or losers or whatever. Like, dude, you are so pathetic you can't get a woman to sleep with you unless you pay her. Like, seriously, are you really someone who should be judging someone who gets laid and paid at the same time!? Jesus, men really are stupid.

My would have been Christmas presents 2016

Fuck! These are original Mononoke Hime hoodies. Shit! Why didn't I discover them sooner, I would have asked my mum to buy one for me. If not a hoodie then at least a T-shirt (cause it's cheaper). Ugh. Look at how cute they are.

A good day

So today I had to clean up the aftermath of the party. Thought it was gonna be awful. Yeah the catering people came early in the morning and took their chairs and tables away, said the music tech would come by in an hour to pack up the music equipment. Yeah, three hours passed and no one had come by and I was getting pissed. I was thinking I wasn’t gonna wait around for the guy to come cause I don’t wanna waste my saturday hanging around my workplace doing fuck all (I would have had to wait cause I had the chip and knew to security code to get into the building). Yeah and then finally, the dude came. And it wasn’t just any dude. It was a dude (Ilmar Madison) from one of my fave bands!! Shit, I love my job!!!! :D Had a very brief chat with him. A good day.

sleepland

Yeah I thought I'd have a problem going to bed early tonight to get up early tomorrow but I'm already feeling a little sleepy now actually. Will watch a film and then go to sleepland.

Keeps me humble

Okay, who says that working as a janitor in a car shop is not a glamorous job? lol In the last month I’ve seen this moderately famous actor/comedian (Tõnis Niinemets) while working cause he was filming a sort of an ad for the car company and today I met this very famous singer (Maarja) while at work. Like, I only got the soundcheck experience but that’s a thing too. She was there to perform at the car company’s christmas party tonight. Yeah, glamorous shit. Only tomorrow I gotta go and clean up after the party. Keeps me humble lol :D

windchime

So I watched some video about sex noises. Some idiot had posted a comment asking what noises do same sex couples make. Um, yeah dude, windchime jingles cause yous are too special for regular human noises. lol what idiots :D

chocolate flavour

Yeah, chocolate flavoured ice cream is gross. I'm not eating it nor have I had it, pretty much ever. I'm just going through some tweets on twitter and ice cream was mentioned and it reminded me how gross the chocolate flavour is lol

luxury of time

Ugh, I'm livid right now. Like, on friday my workplace has the christmas party. I have to go there like a little earlier and hurry to get the toilets, kitchen area and the floors cleaned. Today when riding home from work I was like, "please do not snow before friday cause then the floors will be a bitch to clean!!!" And what the fuck is that shit on the ground now when I look out the window!??!?! Fucking snow!!! I hope it melts by friday cause when it's snowy out the floors take forever to clean! I don't have the luxury of time on friday.
Yeah and they want me to go in on saturday at 10am!!! Who the hell is up at 10am on a saturday!? I mean I will do it but fuck...!

what choice do I have

So there's a christmas party coming up at my workplace on friday. Was hoping to get the day off. Yeah, just got a phonecall from my supervisor, I do have to work on friday. They will drive out all the cars in the shop and I just have to do the floors, on the first floor. Have to be there at 18:30 and the party will start at 20:00. Hopefully I'll be quick enough and gone before the guests get there.
Yeah and then, I have to work on saturday to clean up properly, the tiolets and offices. Ugh, okay I guess, what choice do I have. :)

It's time!

I think I’m lonely without realising or feeling it. Like, before my first boyfriend I used to get super lonely and sad and cry about it. Now I find myself looking up the guys I went to kindergarten with. Like… cause I hate dating and the getting-to-know-him period. And I hate being on a date as in being in a forced situation. I just want a guy I've met and got to know naturally. Yeah, the kindergarten business is worrying lol, I'm, we're too old, the guys are probably married with kids already by now. Ugh. Yeah I’ve been single for almost 7 years, I'm ready for the loving. So tired of one night stands. Yeah I'm not lonely as in feeling sad and desperate but yeah I want a man. It's time!

the first floor of the building

Oh goodness! Just had a panic attack. The nap I was talking about, yeah it really threw me off just now. I was legit thinking it was monday evening today and I freaked out thinking I had missed work. Fuck. It felt so bad. My stomach just dropped to the first floor of the building.

that's it

If I remember correctly then I haven't napped ever since I started working this year. And today I got sleepy and napped. I would have slept even longer but it was almost 12am so had to wake up. I woke up around 5pm and went to nap before 10pm. It felt nice though. Um...yeah that's it.

an organic crush

I think I'm developing an organic crush on this guy at work. He's short, dark haired. I noticed him when he started saying hello to me. Like, he doesn't seem to say hello in a nice way, just in a polite way but yeah...I noticed him. I say hello back and check him out. He doesn't check me out. I'm just glad I like someone other than a celebrity.
The bad thing is, I work in the shop part of the place, where they sell cars, he works in the garage part of the place where they fix cars. And I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend (cause...my luck!) and even if he doesn't he most probably wouldn't be interested in me.
I'm just happy seeing his cute face around a few times during the week. I wanna ask my co-worker, who cleans the garage part, for his name. She probably knows since she's been there for about three years. Although I only started noticing the guy like a couple of weeks ago. Maybe he's new?

our names sound alike

Hahaha, I laughed at and was embarrassed for myself today. Like, Lauri went on a school trip to Austria. Him and mum had a chat on Facebook. And mum told me about their convo on the phone. So basically she had told him to not get "us" anything but to bring back a chocolate for "Diana". And he was like,"will do". And I was all like "awwww" when mum told me the story. Then a couple of hours later I started thinking about the conversation again. Hah! I'm pretty sure mum meant not to bring us (herself, Lembit and me) anything but bring something back for Jaana, his girlfriend. :D I felt so lame after realizing that. It's not my falut our names sound alike.

vocalist

Yeah, Nicki Minaj is such a great vocalist.

waking up

Yeah so, I rang my shrink. Have to up my Olansapiin dosage. Just 2,5mg a day instead of 2,5mg every other day. Just til the end of year. She said other patients' health has suffered aswell, gone worse. She said it's cause of the season. Fuck! I knew it.
I had the worst night. I kept waking up after every half an hour, literally. And I started feeling like shit when waking up. Took Valium. Made it a little better but still kept waking up.
Man, I hope work goes well.

it's a tough life trying to be normal

Okay yeah. I gotta ring my shrink. I've been staying up til 8am (and actually falling asleep at 9am-12pm). I thought it was my Matthew Gray Gubler and internet obsession, which definitely plays a role in this whole thing, but now I'm sure it's cause of me going off of Olanzapine. Like, I've been sweating like crazy, in a horrible stinky way, my jaw clenching is still happening. And I'm sure my sleeping problems are cause of that aswell. I'm on 2,5mg every other day. I dunno if I should completely stop or if it's wiser to keep taking the pills. I've been lowering the dosage for months, gradually and slowly cause I wanna get off the pill for sure. So I wanna ring my doctor and ask her what to do. December's supposed to be the month where I was supposed to stop taking the pills all together but I dunno really...maybe I'll just take 2,5mg every two days. Argh, dunno! I read online that the withdrawal symptoms can last for months. Yeah it's a tough life trying to be normal again. :D

Noorkuu

Oh man! I just found out one of my all time fave bands turned 20 this year. Fuck yes! Been there since the start.
Two of the founding members are from my hometown, I think, well they lived here anyway when I got into the band. They also lived in the same street as me. And at one point they also lived in the same house as one of my classmates. So I was like, they're my band. :D
The summer before moving to Ireland I happened to catch one of the band's shows. It was glorious! Then I moved to Ireland in october, my birthday's in november and my mum sent me their album for me as a present. And the album was recorded in the summer and had the songs on it I saw them perform at that show. Fuck! Sentimentally, the best birthday gift ever!

do it the way I like it

So there was this video on YT on the topic of what mistakes men make in bed... here are my two cents:

Yeah this one person said, men can approach me the way they wanna. Um yeah they cannot lol. If they wanna have sex with me, they gotta do it the way I like it.

regressing

Haven't been to mum's house in about two months. Mum thinks I'm regressing. I think she's right. She says I'm on my way back to rock bottom. I hope this doesn't happen though. I feel alright, the only reason I don't go out now is cause of the damn season. I hate the cold! And it's just so shitty riding my bike in the snow. I just really gotta start going to bed earlier. That's the only thing that's really out of place right now. And yeah I only get out of my house when I need to go to work/the shop. I basically don't move or get fresh air at all.

The song about how much I hate winter

https://www.youtube.com/embed/iq0ExlC11a8
Waaaah, soo sooo so good! On repeat all day today. My exact feelings.