Absolutely ballistic

Right, today was the day that pretty much determined whether I will see tomorrow or not.
Had my first almost proper endoscopy today.
Was super nervous in the morning.
Watched Nemo all night and then slept for about and hour.
Got to hospital and started crying.
Usual stuff.
Cause of the nurses saw I was such a wreck I was given a bigger doze of sedation.
Felt my head go wheeeee...one of the nurses went, "You can feel it?"
I smiled and said, "Yeah" then opened my eyes and I was in the ward.
Neck was sore.
Asked a nurse if I had had it done.
She said no, cause I freaked out.
Was disappointed.

Didn´t feel to dizzy or weird.
Went to toilet, walked by a nurse.
Had four toasts with strawberry and orange jelly. Butter, tea, milk.
Later on the doctor came in to talk to all the patients about their sessions and results.
Think there was about 6, 8 people in the ward.
Doctor MD said he got in with the camera and all, but halfway through I woke up.
Said I went "absolutely ballistic".
And that I had mad strength and pulled the tube out of my stomach and that him and two nurses had to hold me down to control me. :D
I cannot remember any of it. Luckily.
Anyway, he said he only needed three more minutes to see the bottom of my stomach and because of me he didn´t see it.
He also said I really didn´t like something sitting in the back of my throat.
Damn right.
To be fair, before they started I told them I need to be fully asleep, cause if I see the camera or feel it go down my food pipe I´d freak out and have a panic attack.
So they were warned.

And I also had a little chat with the man next to me.
He had seen me brought in form the operation room.
He said that I was blabbing nonsense and wouldn´t lay down as the nurses told me.
Said I kept sitting up in bed and going bla bla bla...all drugged looking.
Can´t remember any of that either.
A bit embarrassing. :D

Anyway, think I finally had the thing done around 10 o´clock and I woke up conscious around 13:30.

Um, I don´t actually know now what I have to do or what my diagnosis is.
The doctor said stomach seemed to be okay based on as much as he saw.
He thinks I might have IBS like many other doctors before.
So he wants to check my intestines.
So around February I have to go back and have endoscopy simultaneously with colonoscopy.
Luckily I will have full on sedation then.
I´m not too nervous about it at the minute cause despite going mad during the session today I cannot remember anything, so I´m eagerly waiting for that appointment.


- Doctor MD said that when he was still learning to be a doctor he was put in a room with two other doctor students and the endoscopy camera and they had to perform the procedure on each other without any sprays or sedation. Like, once one was finished with you, they´d take the camera out and you´d do it on another student. Mad stuff.

- About colonoscopy. I was talking to a girl I´m living with about this and apparently they give you some powder for diarrhea the day before the procedure. And she said that someone she knows practically sat all day and night in toilet. :D Ooh fun times! Said the person had to go for a poop even after a cup of tea.

Nervous now

I´m up, cannot sleep.
Tomorrow, well...this morning is freaking me out.
So scared.
Endoscopy.
Fasting now.
I cannot wait ´til Tuesday when everything is over.
Creating different layouts for my blog with this one programme.
Hopefully I can buy the full thing and install the templates here.
And I´m really disturbed cause of Brittany.
That is so scary.
When Michael Jackson died, I just shrugged it off like...meh.
Cause he was sick looking anyway with his skin and face.
Brittany was a young chirpy woman, you wouldn´t think such a thing can happen.
And it made me worry about my health now as well. More than usually.

Brittany Murphy passed

Oh what sad news.
Hope it´s not because of some "funny stuff".

Scared senile man

Wow. At first when I saw this video, I got kind of annoyed. But the man just kept saying these well...mindless things, so eventually it gets really ridiculous. By his reasons you can see what makes him so hostile. He obviously hasn´t been treated well by white people. But his biggest enemy is his own mind. I´m sure his own up bringing and attitude have a lot to do with his bad experiences. There´s no way I want to kill a black person. In his case I´d like to send him to a madhouse or a psychiatrist. His wife obviously isn´t an adequate psychologist or in an appropriate state of mind to be leading some psychologist group.
And as for white people killing the black people...um did the white folks go to Africa and give the locals there AIDS? I think he makes out that black people are "the weak ones", on a lower intellectual level. Basically saying that they´re too stupid to survive and the only way to live is to get rid of the enemy on a very primitive level - killing the white people.
Not only is he unfair toward the whites, he also disrespects "his own kind".
Thank god he´s just a writer - the little engine that thought it could.
If Obama started to say things like that, then yes I might take up the hobby of killing black people, cause I too have a bit of racism in me, toward America, thanks to Bush. Yeah, that bastard is killing everybody, but he sure doesn´t represent every american or every white person in the world. As well as the white people treating that man or his friends badly don´t rule the minds of every other white person in the world.
Anyway, I think there´s plenty of successful and powerful black people in the world and the man should realise this. Why go back to the primitve level and kill everybody? I know that the levels he mentioned hurt people a lot worse than an actual killing killing, but it is on those levels that people get success and power as well as a lot of positive things without the stresses an worries. I´m not trying to do some crazy deep preach here, just saying the man is lost in his tiny angry black world. If you have a bad attitude toward someone on a personal level, then you´re gonna get back hurt on a personal level. And if he wants to call people names then well, he´s the nigger. White folks are crackers. Well, it goes like this by his definition. Anyway, I don´t really care about the colour of skin that much. There have been quite a few pricks at my work palce, customers. But generally I don´t even think about it. I so much rather dislike this other nation. :D Hahaha, okay I won´t mention anything here.
I swear I´m trying to avoid those people. I have a valid reason for not liking them, but I will never go on TV and start wondering out loud how to get rid of them. First, like the old man in the video I´m in no position to air something as hateful as him and it´s not gonna change anything in other people´s lives. You just make yourself look sad and idiotic, so...
I love everybody!

Nursing

Wow, what a day!
Boyfriend came over on Thursday night.
Was over on Friday and went out with work crowd.
Got back to my place last night around 3 o´clock.
Hammered.
Was weird and scary.
Had a bad hangover today.
But I loved it.
Couldn´t really take care of him cause there wasn´t much I could do, but it did feel nice to nurse him.
Well, I did go to the pharmacy to get him tablets for head and stomach.
And I loved the cuddling aswell, better than the regular cuddle.
Felt super sorry for him, cause he was so sick.
I even said sorry for the time I texted him "It´s your own fault, you brought it on yourself. I´m not gonna feel sorry for you" as an answer to his text "I have a bad hangover" he had sent some other time. It was very insensitive of me that time.
I guess hangover is a bad enough punishment, no need for someone to give out aswell.

Hmh, had me thinking about what I said about drugs and people who take them. Illegally.

R <3 xxx