a bit of a party day/evening

At my mother's place. Thinking maybe I should start taking omeprazole cause I feel like gagging when eating. Ughhhh...it's not like that just at work it's all the time, except when I'm in town. But in town I get anxiety when shopping for food. Total lose lose situation.
Anyway, tomorrow's supposed to be a bit of a party day/evening. We've got quests comin' over and shit. Everyone, except me are gonna drink and then there's sauna and everything. Oh I so hope I'm gonna have a nice weekend cause I'm back to work next Tuesday. Hopefully I won't get nausea at work. :(

At work. Feeling anxious.

At work. Feeling anxious. Should be going to mother's place today. Leavng work earlier than usually, hopefully I won't feel nausea.

I just can't live my life. At all.

Ughhh, just got a bollocking from the mother. I told her I wanna quit my job. Well, I don't officially even have it yet. But my anxiety is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. I get reeeeeeeeaaaaaaallllyyyy nauseous a work.
I want the job and all but the anxiety is making it really hard. Fuck my brain, seriously like. Why the fuck me!? Why me!?!! Why the fuck do I have to have the damn anxiety. Couldn't someone who stayed at home all the time have it instead of me? I just can't live my life. At all.

miss the good old days

Oh bother. Today has been one old crap of a day. Got anxiety at work. And that pretty much ruined my day. I just hate the feeling in my head when I get anxiety. I can feel something rising in my head and it feels like my head is gonna explode. Plus my stomach turns.
And then my bike broke. I can't even explain in my mother tongue what is wrong with it, let alone in English. Simply put, one of the wheels isn't moving like it's supposed to. So I cannot ride it, have to walk with it by my side. A man at my mother's workplace offered to give me a lift to the bike shop and I said I don't do cars. Then he offered to take the bike there on his car so i wouldn't have to walk with it and I said I don't do walking by my self. It's so hard to explain my anxiety to people. Plus the man at the bike shop said I can leave the bike there overnight and he'd fix it tomorrow. Yeah, had to explain my anxiety again. Not easy. Oh how I miss the good old days when I was normal. Seriously.

Dispatcher position

Gah, tomorrow's my test day at this taxi company. Dispatcher position. My anxiety has been really bad so I'm worried. I can't even go to the shop my anxiety is that bad. Ahhh... body, come on, work with me now!
It seems a pretty laid back job. Just have to answer the phone calls and give the taxi drivers directions. Well, the bad thing is, I don't really know my hometown. I mean they have papers to help me and all but I'm still nervous I get some kinda place that I don't know and then I don't know which taxi driver to turn to.
I hope I'll be good enough and learn quickly so I can get the job. It's not too far from home. Although it has a 12 hour shift on the minimum wage. I cannot wait to have the night shift! I hope I can bring my own laptop and spend the whole night on the internet... Mwuahahahaaa! :D


Oh and my internet connection has been painfully slow. I haven't even seen the latest Glee episode.