This is the first day in forever

My my. Long time no talking, posting. I guess life has been good. I mean I started this blog when my shit started to go south and now I'm posting less so...
Anyway, in July I stared my new job. Still janitoring but at a new place. I just like my job. I hope I will continue liking it.

The view from the window. The glass was mirroring so never mind that. Also the colours aren't the best in this pic but whatever. It's actually really pretty.

Also I had my first root canal done in july. Was alright. No pain during. Not much anxiety either. I actually started to fall asleep eventually. The only painful thing was to keep my mouth open for so long. My was hurting but the tooth... didn't even feel it. Ached for a few days afterwards a little. Nothing significant. An extraction hurts more and that doesn't even hurt lol.
Have my follow up next week. I think they'll be trying to kill my tooth one more time before wrapping it up.

Also mum is fine, talking about health. She had her gallbladder removed. Was apparently more serious than your regular gallbladder stone issues. She's already working and all.

And continuing with health talk, I went back on mirtazapine. Probably for no reason. A week before my mum went to hospital I started having headaches. And I never get them. I've literally had 2 headaches in my life, one period from iron pills and the other when I had the trigeminal nerve issue.
I had no explanation to the pains. Also had insomnia. I was thinking maybe the change of job gave me anxiety/stress and then the mum business happened. Didn't make sense though.
My blood tests came out fine as per usual.
So I started taking mirtazapine to be able to sleep and if it was a stress issue then it would have helped too. I dunno to this day what it was. Lasted about three weeks. I'm thinking it was some sort a virus cause I went to my therapist straight away too. I actually talked to my old psychologist, not the psychiatric nurse. And she kinda thought too it might have been some virus cause I had sore or dry, tired eyes too and anxiety doesn't really do that. My GP thought it's either stress or from having wet hair in the wind. Nowadays people swim and are out naked and wet. I didn't do it but I always had a shower before work and would ride my bike to work with wet hair so... that could have been it. It got bad again one day after getting better but it's been fine now. I dunno wether to go off mirtazapine or not. I'll see my psychiatrist this month too so I'll take it till I see her and tell her about it too. I know I self medicated but it's a tried and tested drug. I don't think my doc would have said no either. I got the prescription from my GP cause the shrink was on holiday.

Um had a fun day on wednesday this week. Dad's fam came over and we went swimming. My first time this year although it's been unbearably hot for over a month now I think. It's the summer of heatwave. Waiting for pics from dad.

No man still. Just talking to a guy on FB. He has depression and anxiety. I've always said I'd never date anyone with those but we'll see...

This is the first day in forever, like a month, when the heat isn't over 30 degrees I think. At least there was less direct sunlight but it was still hot.

my last week

Mum had an operation. Hoefully will feel better now and will make a full recovery.

Also what got me writing... :D My neighbour's singing All By Myself :D I can't tell if it's good or bad cause I can't hear it that well but... Shit, I wish I lived on the other side of the wall of Alison Krauss.

Also had to clean the fish tank at work today again. I hope the water/air pump will start working when the man who I talked to promised to go check it later. I really do not want the fish to suffer or die.

Oh this is my last week at my current work place. Had a woman and her friend come and look at the two objects I'm at right now. I hope she'll say yes. I'm so excited. I really wanna train someone to do my job well.

And I hope I can go and see mum at the hospital tomorrow. Hopefully she feels better.

this must be bad

So yeah. Mum's in the emergency. Not freaking out properly yet but ughhhhh.. Knowing she never goes to the doctor, this must be bad.

My life is a flower right now, with odd full moons

Fuck the moon! I had such a bad night last night. I had proper physical anxiety, nausea, tension, unable to sleep, yadi yada, the full works.
No cause to it on my part. I didn't freak out emotionally cause I knew there had to be an outside source. The moon. It's full tomorrow. Like any "scientist" who says the moon doesn't affect the health/human body can go fuck themselves. If it can affect the tides, it can affect the human body, okay!? I'm living proof of it. Probably gonna feel like shit tongith aswell. Oh well.
Wanna get a good night's sleep though cause I'm gonna go to the hospital tomorrow for a more thorough blood testing. My prolactin levels last time, um maybe January 2017, were 519 and now, last week they were 580 something. The endocrinologist said it could be from stress too. I have no stress, so please let's not go there. My life is a flower right now, with odd full moons.

At least saturday was good. Half good. Mum came to town and we went to the art gallery and the botanic garden. Art gallery had bad art and the botanic garden was too hot to view the plants. Like, the greenhouse parts and the outside part had gnats.

Yeah okay then... I'm off to eat brwakfast now. Tried to sleep as long as possible cause I kept waking up constantly.

9th of August, three years from now

Fuck I had a terrible dream. My dad was acting really weird. Like... suicidal and like a fucking Duracel bunny all over the place. It was disturbing.
He called me into a room and told me there was something he needed to tell me. He was still being super fucking weird. He said, "I have three years left:" I was worried. I thought he has cancer or something. Then he proceeded, "If I do not know how to play the guitar well in three years, that's it! Why is it so hard!?" Like, I got the impression he was gonna kill himself cause he couldn't play the guitar as well as his friends or something. He doesn't even play the guitar in real life!
And he specified the date, 9th of August, three years from now which would make it 2021 I think. But I did ask "Is it three years starting from this year's 9th of August or is the first year running already?" He kinda said, it was runnign already, so it's 2020.
I told me stepmum this in my dream. She didn't seem concerned. She said he had said it was 7 years from now. And she basically said he has a miflife crisis and is acting out cause his friends do not wanna spend time with him eventhough he turns the friends down himself. Fuck!
And then I wanted to call the police or ambulance or something cause at one point he was acting really really weird. We were walking outside and a fucking goat was running loose. It all happened in my dad's hometown in my dream. And then I had to fucking catch the goat so it could be locked up again. I did catch it.
It was a really disturbing dream!