God no!

Me: Ilme, are you religious?
Ilme: God no!

I think I have it now

I think I'm falling ill. Mother's sick with the flu and I think I have it now. Head feels weird. I dunno whether to drink flu tea or not.

I just don't understand my feelings. All I know is they're intense.

Okay my Franco obsession is totally full-blown like nobody's business. I don't even know why I'm so obsessed with him. I don't think I even fancy him. I think I'd rather be him than fuck him. Yeah that's not right, I'd totally fuck him. But I'm jealous of his success. Although I'm not a fan of him as an actor.
Or maybe I am...I just don't understand my feelings. All I know is they're intense.
Plus I read some place he's doing The Sound And The Fury. Ahhh...hope it'll be good.

cure for fun

Cate: CJ, is this party a total failure?
CJ: No, not at all. You've discovered the cure for fun.

*sigh* and *whine*

*sigh* and *whine*
I'm feeling like crap again. Can't eat and have constant nausea. Started taking Olansapin again and Omeprasol. Maybe it's cause I ate crisps everyday for the last week.

Teases! I want! Both! So bad!

Gahh, why do I have to take antidepressants!? My mother is drinking the most delicious beer:

It's a cherry beer. Click

And this is one of the most sensual pics I've ever seen:

And I can't have him either!
Blah! Yeah...anyway it's about time I take my antidepressants now. Teases! I want! Both! So bad!

freezing!

At mother's place. It's freezing! The wind really is a bastard.

First Jonathan, now James

Okay, I have so much love towards people tonight. :)

I think James Franco is awesome. He's so well educated and a busy man. I don't particulary fancy him, although he's sort of attractive I guess, but he's actions and personality make me like him. Plus I read the article where Seth Rogen said James doesn't smoke weed. Major turn on!
What is it with me liking older men!? First Jonathan, now James. Too bad Jonathan smokes...he's still my number one crush though.

super sore

Blah, it's the second day when I grit my teeth. They're super sore. I guess my anxiety has to show somehow. The 12th of March was pretty awesome in a way. I went to a ton of shops and didn't have any anxiety at all.
And now when I tried to eat dinner, my appetite was gone. Hopefully it's just tonight. I hope it's not cause of my not taking Olansapin. As I said in my earlier post, I'm terrified of getting a job. I hope, again, it's just something I can fix with a pill. Although, I kinda don't believe these last two amazing days could be the end of my anxiety problems. Yeah and I bought incense for my mother and I haven't even burnt it yet and it's making my room all smelly. Reminds me of this shop I want to work at. They sell all sorts of crystals and incense and burn it in the shop aswell. And that is making me anxious, what with me being scared of work.
Blaaaaahhhhh! And my internet is screwing me over and won't let me watch 8 Simple Rules. Guess I'll keep watching this Miley Cyrus film. Ugh, she is so pretty and talented...why has she lost her mind!?

I'm at home and feel terrified

Went down town today again. Went into a few small shops to see if they were hiring. Left one of my CVs in this one shop. Yeah when I was in town I felt super great and confident but now I'm at home and feel terrified about going to work.
Oh and they're tearing down the old mall:

a GREAT day

Ouch. I've been gritting teeth all day. They're so sore now. All in all, 11th of March 2014 has been a GREAT day.

I love it when I don't have anxiety

Just got back from down town. Ahhhh, was so nice. I love it when I don't have anxiety.
I got a book from the uni's library about two years ago, took it back today. Better late than never.
I love buskers and other street artists!
When I went to the mother's place on friday I forgot to bring my pills with me. I went to the pharmacy in Melliste to buy new pills. I got Escitalopram and Mirtazapin but they didn't have Olansapiin so I haven't taken that since friday. I don't have my crazy on just yet so I won't take it again until I cannot eat.
Yeah and for breakfast today I had coffee and crisps. I'm badass like that.
I dunno what the day will turn out like but for now I feel great. Too bad they promise snow for the weekend. *sad face*

Asian chef

I was looking at job offers. They were looking for a cook in an Asian restaurant. I obviously can't apply for that position but I looked at it anyway. Man! They do deliveries! Asian food and delivery! The last time I had that was when I lived in Ireland. Man how I miss chicken korma and that Thai pasta thingy with prawns and chicken. Yum yum yum! I was gonna eat a sandwhich today but looking at that menu online I got soooooooooo hungry I had to cook a full dinner. Don't have money for delivery. Well, I do but then I'd have to starve for the rest of the month.
Yeah when I get a job I will order something from that restaurant.
Asian chef


TS08032014

Craving caffeine

Bought this. It's a bit expensive, like over a euro but I was craving caffeine. It tastes so good.

I gotta see a doctor

Well today was productive. Woke up at nine in the morning and was working outside til about 4.
Was inside for a while there, doing the dishes and prepping for dinner.
Oh and we had the amazing mushrooms again with blue cheese!

Oh and I don't think my period started. Seriously, I gotta see a doctor about my weird bodily functions.

Plus the wind is a bastard!

I don't think my body knows what it's doing

Oh dear lordess. I don't think my body knows what it's doing. Looks like I started my period. Again.
I hope it's the real deal now cause that would explain why I felt so horrible yesterday. All of yesterday is forgiven then.

Payday

I got my disability money yesterday. Called it my payday. Told my mother I bought crisps and chocolate cause it was my payday. So before all the work and bullying drama (cue previous post) we were in such a good mood and kept joking about payday and money. The mother was waiting for her actual payday money which she never got. She gets a message on her mobile when money is lodged on her account but as of yesterday, nothing. So she went to the shop with my card and pretended it was her payday, meaning she bought a lot of crap. And so she did today aswell. Went to town to buy stuff with my money like it's her payday :D
I don't feel bad. Lucky I get to help out the family. I mean she will give all the money back to me once she gets paid herself,.

I admire that about her

Yay, Kesha's out of the rehab. I really like her. She seems slutty, I admire that about her.

I hope she's doing a lot better and that she won't come across people who bully her again.

On another note. Man, I've had terrible anxiety today...what with the work stuff and me going to the shop and shit. I still feel icky in my stomach.

No one can ever have a great day

No one can ever have a great day.
Had the most fun day with my mother.
Then...in the morning I went to sign the contract for the arboretum, then had the fun with mother.
Went to the shop with her, got anxiety and had to turn around and come home alone.
Then when she got home he was fuming. For one, my brother had been bullying someone in school and I got an email saying the arboretum doesn't wanna have me cause they were not satisfied with the work I did two years ago. What tools! Why didn't they tell me that when I was working there, I could have improved myself.
Ughhhh... now the mother's sleeping. And I have a feeling she will be giving me some sort of an ultimatum when she wakes up.
Rang the arboretum I worked at last year and they're not looking for anyone at the moment. Ughh ugghhh.

work with me!

*blub* I'm so anxious about my contract signing tomorrow. And then I'm anxious about my work on monday. Ughhhhhhh!
Please body, work with me!

anxiety won't ruin it

Well well, looks like I bagged a job. At an arboretum where I worked two years ago. Gahh, I hope the anxiety won't ruin it.
Tomorrow I'll go to sign the contract and will start work on monday.

I just love that girl

Oh my god! Amanda Fuller was on That 70s Show!? I just love that girl. I'm watching 8 Simple Rules and she is on that aswell. Damn... Last Man Standing has such great cast.

You're Mine

So Lea Michele's album came out. I obviously didn't buy it but I obviously, again, got to listen to it. You're Mine is the only good song on it. And it's very good!

Yeah and I'm still lactating. I swear... maybe I always have but... it's just weird.

And today, me and Ilme discovered that there's a graze type of thing on our tap and it's leaking. I have no idea how that kind of place can get a scratch on it that starts leaking but it's there. Ilme will ring a repairman tomorrow. And she has to go to the doctor herself so I have to do the entertaining. Hughh... we'll see. Have to go down to mother's workplace tomorrow myself so she can buy me Fairy washing up liquid and oil, plus a few snacks.

Yeah and I'm looking for a job at arboretums again. Will see how that goes. I'd love a janitor's position more.

credit is given

Wow. I dunno what is going on today but I'm tireless. I never got tired when riding to Tartu from my mother's place. On friday, when I went there, I was literally dying, so tired. I don't know if it's my bike or my body but credit is given. Well done, body-bike combo! Oh and I even managed to ride down to my mother's work place today. Super! Wish I had this much energy every day.

Talk about sugar rush

Okay, my brother is eating caramel ice cream with hot cocoa. Talk about sugar rush.

most amazing dish

Mmm... today I had the most amazing dish:

I knew about it before but never tried. It's champignons filled with blue cheese. Yum! Will try it again. It's sort of a bit expensive but if not before then I'll have it on my birthday.