good taste in women

me: why is he staring at me?
mother: he can't help having a good taste in women

:D

dead frog

Last night I felt this horrible stench near my bed. Couldn't figure out what it was so I ignored it. Just now, being on my bed, surfing the net, I could smell it again. I had this little plastic bag full of rubbish so I thought that was smelling. Picked it up. And there was a dead frog under it!!! It was all black and smelly. Now the thing is.... how the hell did it get into my room!? My room is on the second floor.
Weird.

It hit me a couple of days ago and earlier today but here it is, hitting me again.

Fuck. It just hit me again. It hit me a couple of days ago and earlier today but here it is, hitting me again. It's already august! That means autumn is on it's way, which is actually fine but that means winter is almost here! That's most definitely not fine!!! I so so so love the time we have now, okay maybe it's too hot, but I love how I can go outside in skimpy/short/tiny clothes. I hate packing myself in. And then I'll have trouble with moving around again on my bike. Ugh! Who likes winter anyways!?
Yeah...when it hit me earlier today, it was when I was eating this sweet apple. We have this apple tree which grows really really sweet apples. I don't ever really eat apples or even like them but I like these ones. When I was eating it I could smell it's...smell. And it reminded me of autumn and of how we rake all the rotten apples together that are laying on the ground.

Yeah and I'm thinking of deleting my Facebook page. Those "friends" I have there aren't really my friends. They're just people I used to know. Some people's behaviour really pisses me off on there.

Oh and I have this new lad... He's 20. Will be going to uni in Tartu this year.

Physical, with symptoms

So my anxiety comes up in conversations with people, randomly and not so randomly. Today when we were barbecuing I said something like "back in the day when I couldn't eat". And Lembit said, "Couldn't eat? We don't have teeth and you can't eat?"
Ughhhhhh!!!!! I know I'm ignorant myself but I just cannot stand it when people are ignorant to me.
The thing is...my anxiety used to really bad, so bad that I couldn't eat. The food just wouldn't go down, it felt like I was chewing on tasteless plastic. Everything was just revolting. My throat locked itself and I was unable to swollow. It's a common anxiety symptom.
And then Lembit was saying I have teeth so I should be able to eat.
I just hate hate hate how people treat mental illnesses. Even my stepmother who's a nurse says stuff like "you have your arms and legs, you can walk". Seriously!? I should be happy that I have arms and legs and can walk!? Should cancer patients be happy that they have arms and legs and can walk!? They mean that there is nothing "physically" wrong when you have a mental illness so you should not be complaining cause "physically" you're "healthy". Okay bitches, you want physical, you get physical. The receptors in the brain are not working properly, the chemicals in your brain are out of balance, that's the physical part of the illness, mental disturbances are just the symptoms. Should all the people with genetic, hormonal, blood diseases also not complain because they're "healthy" and they're "physically" okay!?
Why does Lembit stay home from work when he has a cold!? He has his arms, legs, teeth, he can walk, there is nothing physically wrong with him so why is he acting sick!?

Ughhhhhhh!!!! I just cannot stand this stupid idea that people have that mental illness is nothing. It's an illness, and can be a disability, like any other condition. Physical, with symptoms.


I got stung by a wasp today. Luckily didn't get a fever. :)

initiated and ended

Okay, I had this perfectly fierce rant in my head just now. Like... I love slutty women. I don't manipulate men with sex myself but I love the fact that I could if I wanted to. I have power over men with sex. I just love the sound of it.
Yeah... I just like... fucking. I'm not that much into sex but if I am then I just want to fuck not "make love". I don't believe in making love. I'll tell you what I believe in. I believe women who "make love" are with the wrong person. Love making is something human invented, fucking is a natural activity.
Like.... I just hate foreplay. What got me writing all this was a few letters...or should I say novels, some guys sent me on this sexy dating website. They describe the setting and stupid ass caressing, kissing and licking and shit. And I'm just like, dude you're barking up the wrong tree here. I cannot understand why anyone would need foreplay. Especially women. If you need foreplay you're with a wrong person. Like, what fuck!? Why would you need your "beloved" man to caress your leg for half an hour to get you into the mood!? If you love the man, you want sex any time, anywhere. It's so unnatural that the man has to set up this whole circus for his woman to have sex with him. Like, if he's so gross to you without foreplay, don't fucking be with him! Find someone you really want and love.
And I don't understand why slutty women are put down so much. Yeah yeah yeah... I know the whole double standard business of how men can do it and they're the man and when a woman does it it's bad, but that's not my point. Like....when you fuck someone, you're just giving them your body. But when you're in a relatiosnhip you're giving them your body, mind, soul, time, effort and everything else that goes into a relationship. So how is being slutty worse than being a serial dater!? Like, why is having sex out of a relationship worse than being in a relationship!? You give so much more of yourself being in a relationship than when you're having a one night stand. Like, I'd so much rather give my body to someone than be in random relationships that I know won't work out. I don't have the constant need to be with someone. I know I'm crazy but I'm normal enough to be on my own. I'm not that weak to have someone by my side the whole time. Women need to grow a spine and realise sex is okay.
Oh...and another thing that grinds my gears. I loathe it when women make out that it's the man's fault when they don't orgasm. The fuck!? Everyone is responsible for their own orgasms!!! Like, I don't cum everytime and it's okay. I can just fuck, I enjoy it. I didn't cum everytime I was with my boyfriend. That didn't mean I wasn't in "the mood" for sex or that he was bad. I just wasn't in the state to have an orgasm on...whichever level. Other times I came more than once.
So yeah...I mean I'm all about girl power but I love men too and I totally understand male carnality. Cut and dry. I'm like that myself. All natural, no made up shit about how sex is supposed to be initiated and ended.
I'm not saying "foreplay" isn't natural cause you see it in the animal world but to me, the way I see it, "foreplay" isn't a forced "romantic/positive" gesture, it's just the general happiness with the relationship, the sincere love and pure desire you feel for your partner and that is what should get you into "the mood" not fucking wine and candles (which by the way is bad for you. But it's okay, I like burining candles myself, not for sexual purposes though).

Phew! Got it off my chest and outta my pants! :D