Choose a miracle

 While I'm feeling a little courageous and not crippled by anxiety I came up with a few things. I want fake boobs. I thought I'd get bigger boobs if I get fat, well I'm fat and my boobs are still small. Not happening, for the rest of my life. At one point I will do something about it. I don't mind the rest of ym fat body... if only everything was in propoprtion, the boobs are the only things that "stick out" cause they're so small.

Yeah and I cannot wait til summer. I don't want winter anymore, I had enough of snow last year... oh and how I hope and hope and hope the anxiety would just FUCK OFF FOREVER! It gets in the way of everything. My mother wants me to see a psychologist but I don't. I don't wanna talk about the bloody thing anymore.

I better not be pregnant

Okay, my period is five days late. I better not be pregnant.

What went down yesterday?

What went down yesterday?
So I was wearing my pink flowery pj bottoms and a pink tank top and everyone had something to say about the outfit. It wasn't appropriate cause you could see too much flesh and it looked too much like underwear.
So I put on a dress that my mother suggested. Since I've gained so much weight it was very tight and short, so it was a no go again.
I ended up witht he same pj bottoms and a white tank top.
Yeah and then we had an argument with my mum's man. He said karaoke and parody were the same thing. Wherever he got that idea from.

Yeah and around twelve o'clock then... we had a little firework ourselves. Mother's man had these old army thingies..like from the '60s and they fell down real quick and were burning on the ground. Was scary.

No new year resolutions.

I stop being sad and be awesome instead

Ouch

Doh!

How positive!

No fuckin jinx now!

Well, for a while now I haven't been posting much. I guess the reason is I have nothing to bitch about and I'm feeling better. No fuckin jinx now!
The holidays were nice. We actually had a erm... Yule dinner and a guest. It was very nice cause I could eat. And yep, my weight keeps rising and rising... I'm nearly 70 kilos now :D
Yeah, I cannot remember a time we have celebrated Yule like that before so...was great.

Tomorrow I gotta go to town to get my disability benefit done. I'm 80% incapable of working so I guess my anxiety really is bad. In general nad during some certain moments.

Oh and I sent a job link to my friend and she got a call back. Hopefully she will get the job. And hopefully I will find something suitable for myself aswell.

Oh and I've been thinking...I don't think the medical biology course isn't for me. I've still received messages from teachers and stuff and it actually sounds very interesting. Will try out for it again next year.