really really small pieces

OMG, that goulash I just made is so yummy! And it's a little better than my mum's cause I cut the onion into really really small pieces.
And I've got the last load in the washing machine. So yay!

very very apathetic

Ugh, what a waste of a day. We were supposed to paint our little garden cottage with Lembit today so I got up early. He was gone.
He had set up the water tubes (we don't have plumbing here at mother's) for the washing machine. So I went to wash clothes. Yeah the instructions my mother left me didn't work. I couldn't turn on the machine. So no clothes washing.
Then I thought I'd rake the leaves. There was a storm outside during the night and there were a buttload of leaves all over the place. But I couldn't rake cause the wind was too high.
Yeah, then I rang Lembit (he's an electrician and was called out cause of the storm damage) and was hoping he'd come back soon. But I'm still waiting. I thought maybe he could get the washing machine working but it's too late now. It would have been a perfect day to dry clothes outside what with the wind and all.
Ugh I just feel so blahhh about everything.

Had a long talk about relationshipy stuff with Aksel last night. Think I've calmed down about our situation. Today I feel absolutely nothing. Talked to Roland today aswell. Yeah, he talks too little. We cannot get to know each other if he replies with one word to every question I ask. Anyway, I'm very very apathetic when it comes to men today. I just couldn't care less.

I'm hoping now to get dinner right. Will peel the potatoes soon and fry the beef. Or pork. Don't even know.

Oh and I rang mother at 3:30 am. She texted me saying she was in Beijing and everything is fine.

China time

Okay, the first day without mum has been survived. I cooked drumsticks in the oven and made rice with vegetables. It was actually eatable.
Tomorrow I have to make fried beef with gravy and potatoes. Scary stuff.

Yeah and mum survived her first flight to Helsinki. She's on her flight to China now. Will get there at 7 am China time (2 am Estonia time). I couldn't handle an 8 hour flight. Ugh. Hopefully she's able to sleep.

I have a thing going on

Okay. I feel like ranting about stuff one more time.
So apparently the reason why I cannot be in a relationship with A, is cause I'm fat.
I'm just so confused. Firstly, on my dating website profile I have pics of my body so he knew very well what he was getting himself into. I also had stated that I had a bigger body.
So the confusing part.... he says I'm nice and cute and what not and we had a very lovely evening together. An then he goes on to say his friends would not approve of me. Ugh... I just don't get it why anyone else's but his own opinion should matter!? Maybe it's some male status thing, I don't know. When I like a guy, I like him no matter what anyone else thinks. I've never in my life thought of anyone else's opinion but my own. So I don't get it. Plus, okay I know I'm not the most attractive person in the world, but I'm not morbidly obese or anything extreme.
Ugh, I just don't get it.

Anyway, I have a thing going on with Roland now. He said he didn't kinda wanna be a back up plan. And I kinda told him he wasn't but I flat out lied. I just really click with Aksel, what can I say.

Unsexy

I'm torn.
The thing is, Aksel doesn't want me cause I'm crazy and ugly. Can't say I'm surprised but I still wanna hang out with him and do shit. On the other hand, not that I'm hurt, I wanna tell him where to go cause he's not accepting me for me. But then again, he not supposed to.
I've covered the crazy bit but last night he said he can't bring me to his posse cause I'm not sexy (like his other sex goddess like ex's) cause he's afraid of the judgement. I find the thing so childish and not cause I'm biased. It's just such kindergarten stuff.
It's just blahh...

Maybe it was meant to be that when we first met I felt super sick. Maybe it was a sign I should never have met up with him? And then the only one good time we had together was all the good I could squeeze out of our situation?