Clean and clear poop

Wow, what mad few weeks I've had.
Was in hospital for three days.
Sat around forever - did urine test, blood tests and an x-ray.
Yep, everything came out fine as usually.
Was told I might have ulcers, gastritis or hernia hiatus.
First was told that ulcers are caused by H. Pylori bacteria.
Had to take two tablets of Klacid and another two tablets of Flagyl a day.
Plus Gaviscon three times a day and Zoton twice a day.
The two last ones didn't help at all.
The two first ones I took for one day only cause antibiotics make you very sick.
As I've said before - I feel sick as it is, don't need to take any medicine to make me feel bad.
Saw another doctor - said the ulcers could be caused by stress and not bacteria - but still made me take antibiotics that are for eradicating bacteria.
Spoke yet to another doctor - said I shouldn't be taking antibiotics if I don't have a proper diagnosis based on proper tests - at last someone with a little sense in their head.
Scrapped all the medicine.
Went to nature shop and GP.
Okay, if you're ever desperately sick, always turn to our lovely Mother Earth.
Bought two weeks supply of Mastika capsules (three capsules twice a day) and Manuka honey with them. Super soothing and no side effects what so ever.
GP gave me a PPI in a tablet called Pantup - not a natural thing so feeling sick and diarrhea are expected, but at least it's helping.
Anyway, been off work for about two months and nothing has been done by doctors to suss me out.
GP sent a letter to hospital about barium meal, endoscopy and told them it was urgent.
Yep, been waiting for two weeks...and will be waiting even more.
Okay, I received a letter about barium meal - that's the radioactive drink stuff - I was told to ring them up on the first day of my period to make an appointment. Okay!
Should be next week so.
Oh and yeah had a very low point aswell - tried to kill myself - felt too sick to live.
Talked to a psychiatrist in hospital - yeah, I've told the same story about my poor health about a million times and nobody gives answers. I don't need ears that listen to my problems, I need a clever mind to understand it and a kick in some doctor's arse to make things moving towards my good health.
Yeah, had been waiting for a few months for an appointment with a psychologist - for anxiety management.
Yeah, airhead me forgot about it. Well, messed up the date. Have to wait another two weeks now - not too bad.
Oh and got a call from another hospital - about an appointment for a breath test - they'll send a letter with the time and all. They just didn't have my last name and birth date.

So, in short -
*Have a barium meal coming up soon
*Breath test
*Anxiety management
*Gynecologist on Saturday (lower tummy and back aches during and for hours after sex aren't fun nor pleasurable)

On another note - my boyfriend moved out of my house, in with his college friends.
Hasn't been too bad - although today when he came over he said I looked 'terrible'. Thanks, I like you too.
Oh well, I hadn't slept all night - had a one off last night: felt sick again since getting a lot better.
Oh and I ran out of Clearasil's Blackhead Removing Scrub Yoke and bought some Clean & Clear poop (cause the pharmacy selling that was closer than the Clearasil selling one).
Meaning - my skin's a mess thanks to that clean and clear poop.
So yeah, I've been looking terrible, I know.

Sick

Right so.
Boyfriend returned at 2 at night - surprise!
He was sick with flu - me with...whatever.
Super sick - think it's hunger pains or something.
Can't eat - feel sick. Don't eat - feel sick. Eat - feel sick.
Today's better than yesterday.
Been really nice being with boyfriend, though.
Mm...:)
Think we're gonna watch Watchmen when he comes back from work tonight.
Heard it's good.:)

Money and disappointment

Right so - have had money 'flooding' in.
Social welfare illness benefit plus finished bank loan.

Mind has been taken over by personal...disappointments.
Boyfriend came back from holiday but is staying at his mother's house.
He picked up something while on his holiday.
After I had talked to him on the phone I rushed out to buy strawberry yogurt for him, orange juice (the Kelkin one), Lemsips, the film Watchmen (that we were going to see in cinema, but had been taken off before we got there).
Yeah, he was at his mother's house and I bought the stuff for him anyway.
God damn, when he was away I was missing him sick and since he's been back I've been worried sick about him.
Literally, like.
I haven't slept for...nights and been feeling super sick and been for walks in the middle of the night in the pissin' rain (that's to ease the sickly feeling).
Ugh, I swear, I'm missing my soul out.
Or whatever it is that makes the mankind function and alive.
He doesn't seem to be too fazed that I'm on the verge of obsession here.
Hopefully it's the illness that's causing the un-boyfriendly 'attitude'.

Oh, hung out with a friend a few days ago.
She brought me chicken-broccoli-leek-potato soup, sweets and medicine.


Been amazed by lovely Cara Dillon again. Cara Dillon is the voice.
Garden Valley
And ever so hypnotizing Fill fill a Rún Ó


I was super happy to find Fill fill a Rún Ó in my violin book. Yeah but playing it I start feeling super sad 'cause it has this heart wrenching sound to it.

I'll leave it at that for this time...

Boyfriend...

...went on a holiday. To Spain.
Sort of crashed his car - not good.
Had to pay for new parts with drinking money for holiday.
The car crash - not so bad.
If he's going to be steaming drunk and then badly hungover then he better be so over here - at home.
Anyway, when he comes back next Sunday, he'll be here for 3 days then leave, comes back for 5 days, then moves out.
Yay...not really.

Been eating waaay too much of crappy food - burgers, pizzas, crisps, sweets, chips.
Two days ago I had six packs of salt'n'vinegar crisps. Tsk tsk!

Been feeling a bit dizzy - periods today. Apparently other girlfriends don't show as much of their discomfort and talk as much about periods.

Been playing too much folk - forgetting the classical on the violin.
Saw an ad for Christmas sale in England!!! - got me playing Away In A Manger, Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, Silent Night and some other Christmassy ditties.

Yummy day.

Jesus, I've lost track.
Well, spent time with my boyfriend.;)
Got waaayy too hot for three nights in a row.
Must be ovulating.
Or somebody set up the heating for the wrong time of the day.

Watched The Shawshank Redemption again.
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.
Also recommend Platoon.

Spent time with a friend today.
Not the one who I borrowed money from.
(Oh yes, he gave me 500) :)
Went to Subway for the first time today.
Went to Pizza Hut for the first time today.
Had a bread yoke with turkey, pickle, cheese, lettuce and sweet onion sauce. Yum!
Took a bite off of friends Pizza Hut cookie. I swear, there's no cookie like Pizza Hut cookie. Yum yum!

Game Stop man said Mystery Case Files: Ravenhearst doesn't come for PC.
Of course it doesn't - I bought the game today.
Practising for Play TV now. ;)

Okay The Hypocrite sent me an email.
'Stick with your people. Call me.'
Um, yeah, The Hypocrite never supported me, especially when I needed money.
Not going to spend other people's money on ringing that 'three dots'.
Oh my Dad sent me money aswell. Yay. Good daddy.
Will pay him back though.
Not greedy, just needy.

Been listening to Disney pop, so my picks:

Demi Lovato & Selena Gomez - One And The Same


Miley Cyrus - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Been a few days

Right - went to my GP. Lovely man.
Got my certificates for work and social welfare.:)
Will do the rest next week.

Oh took an antidepressant last night, my first ever :
- blurry, jumpy vision
- nausea for the whole night
- shaky body
- strong pressure and pain in the head
Yep, feeling better already!
No need for the rest three packs of them.

Will have to drink some radioactive stuff for ultrasound instead of some doctor making me gag for half an hour by ramming a bloody camera in tube down my throat.
Supposedly it's like a salty smoothie.

Been doing fuck all.
Boyfriend's gone for the weekend.
I am getting better at my violin, though.;)

Oh and I'm absolutely out of money.
Asked a friend for a loan of 50. He was so nice and thought he'll give me 500.
Will see how that goes - meeting him tomorrow or Monday.:)