Terrible night

Seriously, this must have been the coldest little fucker yet.
I was shaking all through the night.
Had the electric blanket on, boyfriend next to me, hood and socks on - no use.
On top of that, I felt sick.
Started last evening.
Couldn't eat, although me and my boyfriend got a delivery - Thai food.
He was stuffed.
Oh I got some Christmas presents off him.
Didn't feel like receiving Christmas presents, felt more like birthday.
Anyway, I got three films, a Westlife album and a fragrance.
The films: Semi-Pro, which neither of us had seen before.
We watched it last night, but fell asleep. Will have to watch it again.
Then Old School Unseen, which he has seen and I guess he liked it. Haven´t seen that one myself.
And then Tropic Thunder, which we went to see in cinema.
I love watching films over and over so it´s good he got it. I liked the film a lot.
I had told him he can get DVDs for me or Westlife´s new album.
I haven´t listened to it yet, but I like What About Now and I´ve liked Westlife forever so... very pleased.
Plus, the fragrance is Versace Woman. I was actually kind of surprised by that.
Boyfriend was joking that I look really young and the fragrance is kind of...for older women.
"Late twenties" as my boyfriend said and he made out that I look young and Woman is for older women so it balances me out. He was only messing, but I´m thinking he could be right.
I think he said I look like a young woman and smell like an old one now. :D

I got actually kind of worried that I cannot afford that many presents for him and he said it´s okay, cause I´ve a lot going on with hospitals and stuff and I deserve to be spoilt.

Don´t think I will see him this year anymore. He will go home to be with his family.
Anyway, I have three films and some new music to consume. I´ll be okay.
Think I will light a fire in the fireplace though, cause the house is too cold.
Hell, I could see my breath 15 minutes ago in my room.

Yeah, I´ll just pluck up the courage to go out to the cold and buy me something nice to eat.
I´d actually love to go for a walk, haven´t left the house in weeks.
Oh that reminds me - I don´t like it when I have a boyfriend and friend type of people ask me to go out to meet some men.
And when I tell them I have a boyfriend they´re like "Oh, but he´s cheating on you anyway", "So what!", "but the new lad is as big as a horse". That kind of bribing is very disrespectful.
When I have a boyfriend I have A boyfriend!

Absolutely ballistic

Right, today was the day that pretty much determined whether I will see tomorrow or not.
Had my first almost proper endoscopy today.
Was super nervous in the morning.
Watched Nemo all night and then slept for about and hour.
Got to hospital and started crying.
Usual stuff.
Cause of the nurses saw I was such a wreck I was given a bigger doze of sedation.
Felt my head go wheeeee...one of the nurses went, "You can feel it?"
I smiled and said, "Yeah" then opened my eyes and I was in the ward.
Neck was sore.
Asked a nurse if I had had it done.
She said no, cause I freaked out.
Was disappointed.

Didn´t feel to dizzy or weird.
Went to toilet, walked by a nurse.
Had four toasts with strawberry and orange jelly. Butter, tea, milk.
Later on the doctor came in to talk to all the patients about their sessions and results.
Think there was about 6, 8 people in the ward.
Doctor MD said he got in with the camera and all, but halfway through I woke up.
Said I went "absolutely ballistic".
And that I had mad strength and pulled the tube out of my stomach and that him and two nurses had to hold me down to control me. :D
I cannot remember any of it. Luckily.
Anyway, he said he only needed three more minutes to see the bottom of my stomach and because of me he didn´t see it.
He also said I really didn´t like something sitting in the back of my throat.
Damn right.
To be fair, before they started I told them I need to be fully asleep, cause if I see the camera or feel it go down my food pipe I´d freak out and have a panic attack.
So they were warned.

And I also had a little chat with the man next to me.
He had seen me brought in form the operation room.
He said that I was blabbing nonsense and wouldn´t lay down as the nurses told me.
Said I kept sitting up in bed and going bla bla bla...all drugged looking.
Can´t remember any of that either.
A bit embarrassing. :D

Anyway, think I finally had the thing done around 10 o´clock and I woke up conscious around 13:30.

Um, I don´t actually know now what I have to do or what my diagnosis is.
The doctor said stomach seemed to be okay based on as much as he saw.
He thinks I might have IBS like many other doctors before.
So he wants to check my intestines.
So around February I have to go back and have endoscopy simultaneously with colonoscopy.
Luckily I will have full on sedation then.
I´m not too nervous about it at the minute cause despite going mad during the session today I cannot remember anything, so I´m eagerly waiting for that appointment.


- Doctor MD said that when he was still learning to be a doctor he was put in a room with two other doctor students and the endoscopy camera and they had to perform the procedure on each other without any sprays or sedation. Like, once one was finished with you, they´d take the camera out and you´d do it on another student. Mad stuff.

- About colonoscopy. I was talking to a girl I´m living with about this and apparently they give you some powder for diarrhea the day before the procedure. And she said that someone she knows practically sat all day and night in toilet. :D Ooh fun times! Said the person had to go for a poop even after a cup of tea.

Nervous now

I´m up, cannot sleep.
Tomorrow, well...this morning is freaking me out.
So scared.
Endoscopy.
Fasting now.
I cannot wait ´til Tuesday when everything is over.
Creating different layouts for my blog with this one programme.
Hopefully I can buy the full thing and install the templates here.
And I´m really disturbed cause of Brittany.
That is so scary.
When Michael Jackson died, I just shrugged it off like...meh.
Cause he was sick looking anyway with his skin and face.
Brittany was a young chirpy woman, you wouldn´t think such a thing can happen.
And it made me worry about my health now as well. More than usually.

Brittany Murphy passed

Oh what sad news.
Hope it´s not because of some "funny stuff".

Scared senile man

Wow. At first when I saw this video, I got kind of annoyed. But the man just kept saying these well...mindless things, so eventually it gets really ridiculous. By his reasons you can see what makes him so hostile. He obviously hasn´t been treated well by white people. But his biggest enemy is his own mind. I´m sure his own up bringing and attitude have a lot to do with his bad experiences. There´s no way I want to kill a black person. In his case I´d like to send him to a madhouse or a psychiatrist. His wife obviously isn´t an adequate psychologist or in an appropriate state of mind to be leading some psychologist group.
And as for white people killing the black people...um did the white folks go to Africa and give the locals there AIDS? I think he makes out that black people are "the weak ones", on a lower intellectual level. Basically saying that they´re too stupid to survive and the only way to live is to get rid of the enemy on a very primitive level - killing the white people.
Not only is he unfair toward the whites, he also disrespects "his own kind".
Thank god he´s just a writer - the little engine that thought it could.
If Obama started to say things like that, then yes I might take up the hobby of killing black people, cause I too have a bit of racism in me, toward America, thanks to Bush. Yeah, that bastard is killing everybody, but he sure doesn´t represent every american or every white person in the world. As well as the white people treating that man or his friends badly don´t rule the minds of every other white person in the world.
Anyway, I think there´s plenty of successful and powerful black people in the world and the man should realise this. Why go back to the primitve level and kill everybody? I know that the levels he mentioned hurt people a lot worse than an actual killing killing, but it is on those levels that people get success and power as well as a lot of positive things without the stresses an worries. I´m not trying to do some crazy deep preach here, just saying the man is lost in his tiny angry black world. If you have a bad attitude toward someone on a personal level, then you´re gonna get back hurt on a personal level. And if he wants to call people names then well, he´s the nigger. White folks are crackers. Well, it goes like this by his definition. Anyway, I don´t really care about the colour of skin that much. There have been quite a few pricks at my work palce, customers. But generally I don´t even think about it. I so much rather dislike this other nation. :D Hahaha, okay I won´t mention anything here.
I swear I´m trying to avoid those people. I have a valid reason for not liking them, but I will never go on TV and start wondering out loud how to get rid of them. First, like the old man in the video I´m in no position to air something as hateful as him and it´s not gonna change anything in other people´s lives. You just make yourself look sad and idiotic, so...
I love everybody!

Nursing

Wow, what a day!
Boyfriend came over on Thursday night.
Was over on Friday and went out with work crowd.
Got back to my place last night around 3 o´clock.
Hammered.
Was weird and scary.
Had a bad hangover today.
But I loved it.
Couldn´t really take care of him cause there wasn´t much I could do, but it did feel nice to nurse him.
Well, I did go to the pharmacy to get him tablets for head and stomach.
And I loved the cuddling aswell, better than the regular cuddle.
Felt super sorry for him, cause he was so sick.
I even said sorry for the time I texted him "It´s your own fault, you brought it on yourself. I´m not gonna feel sorry for you" as an answer to his text "I have a bad hangover" he had sent some other time. It was very insensitive of me that time.
I guess hangover is a bad enough punishment, no need for someone to give out aswell.

Hmh, had me thinking about what I said about drugs and people who take them. Illegally.

R <3 xxx

What a boring day!

Yeah, haven´t done anything since I got up at 12.
Oh, bought more Motilium.

Been perving over Kevin - found some nice pics.








(If anyone can tell me what he has in his hands in the water pic, I´d be glad to hear it :D)

Mm. Yum.

Oh and here´s a song I like at the minute:
Buckcherry - Anything

Load of bollocks

Gah, so I tried my best to stay super calm.
Started fasting since 3 at night.
Waited until something past 5 this evening to see the doctor.
Was told that endoscopy is only done on Mondays.
Um yeah, I was sent 2 letters with today´s date, time and endoscopy on it.
What kind of idiots work in that hospital?
Was prescribed Nexium tablets, that are very very expensive.
That reminds me that I have to get my medical card done.
Okay, as of now, my next endoscopy appointment should be on next Monday at 8:45.
Just took a Motilium tablet the doctor prescribed aswell.
Waiting a few minutes and then I can finally eat!

Today´s the day

Yeah, I´m worryingly calm.
We´ll see what I´m like once I get to the hosptial.
Think I´m relaxed cause I have a bit of self control, over myself aswell as the situations I get into.
I don´t have to do anything I don´t want to and noone can do things to me I won´t let them do.
I know I need to do it, so...hopefully it´ll be okay.
I´m starving though. Been fasting since 3 o´clock at night.
Boyfriend just texted, wished me best of luck.
Said he found Nemo. :D
Well, that was my DVD and it was missing. He had it, packed away in some bag.
Oh well, hopefully I´ll get out of it alive and when I do then hopefully not scarred for life.

Okay so, off to take shower and get ready for my endoscopy.

Kevin

Oh, I meant to talk about this quite a while ago, but here I am only now so...here goes:
I think Kevin McHale is hot. I know I have a boyfriend but it´s not like I´ll ever do anything with Kevin, you know like...meet him, see him in person. Besides I happen to know my man likes Rihanna and Cheryl Cole and I believe some other people with boobs, so...

Anyway, Kevin McHale is super hot: short, kind of dark haired and from what I have seen - decent bodied.
He´s an American actor and a singer.
Been on some TV shows and in a band.
His latest piece of work is on Glee.
Yeah and the show got 4 Golden Globe nominations today, so woooo! Congratulations to the people working on the show. Maybe it gets even better and they win. ;)
The show is about secondary school pupils and their problems and songs and dances and other people´s problems. :D
In very short so.

Glee on Youtube - check it out, Kevin´s singing there. Somewhere.

And the first glimpse of him I got was in this little number:
Ahh...wub!

Anyways, I´m always going on about him, but I´ll try to leave it within this post only.

I think I did a pretty good job at keeping it clean, cause he sure is a handsome citric acidic and fructose sugary of an oxytocin bomb.

Tomorrow.

Right, haven´t been updating for a while.
Life has been boring.
Been stuck in the house and turned 24.
Did nothing on my birthday, maybe felt sick.
Got money from bf and father and socks from a friend.

Been out of money as usual.
Couldn´t afford to pay for the course.
Did go a few times, very...powerful experiences.

Have had reiki done on me. Also powerful.
Lovely Lady C is a very warm person and makes me feel nice, after the cramps in legs, waves all over the body, sharp pains in certain body parts, sicky feeling in stomach from all the energy, of course.

Been surviving on Ulcid tablets. Woo hoo!
Who doesn´t like taking pills every day?

Anyway, what got me writing today is the fact that I have gastroscopy tomorrow.
Hm.
Scary.
But will see.


And another thing, I´d like to dedicate a special thank you to Virgin Mary and Ixchel.
I´m so not a religious person, but wow! I can feel the loooove.
And my lovely crystals aswell. Everyone and everything that has been nice to me. :)
It came out naturally although I was kind of told to send out love and positive energy.

Sincerely.

TSD7