such determination and drive

What the...? My body seems to think it's better than it really is. Like I know I couldn't even do an easy peasy janitor's job and for some time now I've been having dreams that I'm a boss of a shop. I keep having dreams about opening a second hand clothes shop. And in my dream I feel such determination and drive.
Oh and last night I dreamed I was Ellie Goulding and had a sister in the form of Isla Fisher. Yeah my sister wasn't too keen on me opening the shop, we had a fight. Weird ass shit.

Oh the interview on friday went well... as in I didn't get anxiety. But I'm pretty sure I won't get the job. My anxiety talk puts everyone off. :D
Yeah and I came to my mother's place, eventhough I didn't plan to....I came here in such a rush I left my pills behind. Hopefully I won't go crazy over the weekend.

have to go there all week for most of the day

*blub* Nervous about my job interview tomorrow. Think I could take the interview but I'm scared I'll get the job and then I have to go there all week for most of the day. I have this thing cause of my anxiety where I cannot eat outside home. And while at home I cannot eat with anyone else in the room.

Plus men are giving me headaches. People wanna meet me and shit. I don't think I'm ready for a monogamous relationship. I'll settle for an open one.

Me me me

Yeah...had to do system recovery twice last night cause my internet stick wouldn't work. Anyway, while I was doing it I got bored and messed around with my camera (need technology in my life :D). Here's a pic of me I took last night:

I know I look scary but meh... I had to back up a lot of stuff when doing the recovery and found a bunch of pics of myself, maybe I'll post those aswell sometime.

all clear now

Yesss! I'm starting all clear now with my laptop, hopefully this means I can play the Sims again.

restore or recovery

Okay...I'm gonna do system recovery to my laptop cause yeah I cannot play any games or do some other things.
Hope I know how to do it. I'm not even sure whether it's restore or recovery.
Anyways, I'm gonna lose all of my accomplishments on Minesweeper:

My brother's at it again

Oh god. My brother's at it again. Listening to Miley's Wrecking Ball. Doesn't he grow tired of this song?

I REALLY need the money!

Have a job interview on friday. Hopefully the job is okay and I can do it with my anxiety. I REALLY need the money!
Am still at my mother's place. Have my window open. I swear one of the birds singing outside sounds like Jossu's whining.

naked in the nature

Well...I had a pretty good day. Went swimming with the whole family, dogs included. Skinny dipped. Man I love being naked in the nature.
Then after swimming...we have this shower type of thingy outside...I took a shower...felt good to be naked again. :D
I won't go to town tomorrow. We're building a new chimney to the house. Jaan (my mother's man's sister's man) will come over tomorrow to build it, have to help him.

Damn son!

Damn son! Looking good. I won't be jumping on the Bieber-wagon just yet but he looks good in this pic.

Ughhh, I need a job so bad. I really really need a new laptop. I miss playing Sims. It won't play on my laptop anymore :( And Sims 4 will come out in September or around that time so... I need to buy that. And I have my James Franco books that I need to buy aswell. Yeah...money is needed here!

the first swim of the year

Yeah I decided to come to Melliste afterall. Already mowed the lawn today.
When I arrived here, mother was out by the lake swimming the dogs. I drove to the lake and me and mother went swimming aswell. Was super lovely and warm. Yeah, it was the first swim of the year. :)
Have more mowing to do tomorrow and hopefully I get to go swimming again.

anxiety and guilt

Okay this hot weather is giving me anxiety and guilt. I feel guilty for spending the days inside when it's so nice out. Thing is...I have nowhere to go when I'm in town so I stay inside.
Plus I won't be going to Melliste this weekend cause it's too hot to ride my bike on the motorway.
And then I was supposed to meet up with this lad but can't be arsed. Mostly cause I don't want anxiety and I do get it when someone comes over.
And then I had a missed call from an unknown number...probably some workplace. Didn't ring back cause the idea of working gives me anxiety aswell. Yeah...life sucks sometimes. Or most of the times for me.

a bunch of actors

Ahh good old days when watching a film with my ex resulted in me falling asleep or us getting jiggy:

Ahhh, my ex....he so gets me:

A blonde moment:

Asked my ex

Asked my ex to look for Franco's books in Ireland. He found one online and sent it to me. Yay! Like a pdf one. But I'd still like to buy one aswell.

Hotter

It is.

I'm a sad unemployed bunny

Ugh ugh ugh... I'm so disappointed I didn't get my Franco book. I checked other pages for his books and they're so much more expensive elsewhere.
I've tried not reading the poems people post on the net but I think I'll start reading them now since I might not get my book.
Yeah and I really need a job. If I can pay for the things myself things are alot easier.
I'm a sad unemployed bunny.

...and let the bullshit continue

...and let the bullshit continue.
Okay, I'm having troubles with my book order. Ughhhh...they're saying there's something wrong with the bank or something. I don't even know what to change in order to make it work. Maybe I'll ring some place tomorrow to sort it out. I also contacted Katriona, my former housemate in Ireland, and I'll get her to go to a bookstore for me and maybe they have the book for sale in Ireland. And maybe I'll get her to buy it for me and send it to me. :)

let the bullshit begin

Ugh...let the bullshit begin. There is some misunderstanding with my James' book order. Ughhhhhhh!!!
The upside is I had my very first sexy dream about Mr Franco this morning. Was super nice.

And the weather is ridiculously hot so I didn't go to town today.

Yes. This happened today.

Yes. This happened today. My dear mother paid for the thing. I didn't think I'd have to wait for it so long. I actually wanted other books by him but this was the cheapest so... Directing Herbert White it is. When I get a job and his poems are any good I'll buy the other books aswell. I just hope there won't be any bullshit with my order.

Yeah today was the worst fucking weather ever. Too hot and humid. And it's supposed to be even worse tomorrow. I don't think I'll be going to town tomorrow cause I don't wanna ride in this weather. I'll either get sun stroke or heat stroke. Blah...I'm ready for thunder, lightning and heavy rain tomorrow evening.

Oh no you didn't!?

I didn't get to dye my hair last weekend. Did it well, yesterday. This is the outcome:

I wanted to go lighter but whatever. Maybe next time.

Oh and I told my mother about meeting a nice guy. She told me to "take things slowly". And I was like "Well..." and she was like, "Oh no you didn't!?" and I was like, "Yes I did". She then shook her fist at me and warned me about falling pregnant.

Oh and we had people over tonight. Had a BBQ. Was quite nice. Nobody had a fight. Although I don't like how... handsy...my mother's man gets when he's drunk. With me like.

Now I'm paranoid

Okay..the guy I went to school with asked me to sleep with me again. Told my mother about it and she says he must be taking the piss. Now I'm paranoid.

I also asked my mother about her buying me the James Franco book...she didn't say yes or no just yet. Will try again tomorrow.

get a kick out of

Oh god. I haven't been this tired in ages. I pretty much started mowing the lawn as soon as I got my mother's place. My legs were all sore and shit and I got anxiety from being too tired. Had to take Valium drops. More lawn mowing..today..when I wake up in the morning.
Will go to bed now and watch a film before I fall asleep.
And I'll try to get my mother to buy me a book off the net tomorrow. I want James Franco's Directing Herbert White. Hopefully she agrees. I really want to read James' work. I've downloaded a bunch of his films but I haven't been bothered to watch them. I've also downloaded other films but I've been too lazy to watch those aswell. I just get a kick out of downloading them. Plus the other day I got a message from my internet provider saying I get 60 GBs this month for the price of 30 GBs. I will never use it up unless I download films.

Blue

Got these from a lad who I've been meaning to meet for months. We finally did today. Poor thing was so nervous. But he was very cute. :) He remembered I like blue flowers!

new mattresses

Oh I forgot, I got new mattresses for my bed...er...yesterday.
Was gonna have a lad over to test them but as always....we had to postpone it.

Yeah and I found this pale fat mug on my computer :)

Mother goes to China

Fuck. I'm jealous. My mother will be going to China in October. It's a work trip but still. She'll stay there for a week.

Nice

Just had my father and my stepmum over. Was nice. Plus they bought be yummy stuff and gave me a bit of money. Then my stepmother told me my anxiety could be a sequela of the depression I had. Meaning it will never go away. Nice.

He's everything I hate

Fuck Austria. He's everything I hate. He's such a fake. I loathe the way he acts like he's representing the LGBT community when in fact he's exploiting it.

Sweden might just

Okay, I'm watching the Eurovision song contest. I'm happy Estonia didn't get through to the final cause the song sucks.
Anyway, I'm really liking the following countries: Azerbaijan,  Germany, Denmark, Finland, UK, Iceland, Malta, Poland, Sweden. I can't remember if all of them are in the grand final but I'd like one of them to win. I kinda have a feeling Sweden might just.

This weekend

the worst period ever

I'm having the worst period ever. Blahhhh...
Downloaded a bunch of Simon Pegg films, hopefully they'll make me feel better.

I just do

Dear goddess! It's probably my hormones talking (since I started my period today) but James Franco is just so incredibly hot. I just can't with him! I wanna shag him so bad! If I could fuck him once I'd go happily without for the rest of my life. I don't even know what I like about him but I just do. Oh I know his voice is sexy.


TS07052014

gotta love them corn balls

Bleurgh!
If anyone ever wonders what my brother's feet smell like, buy a pack of Cheetos Nacho Cheese crisps. The smell is so bad but gotta love them corn balls.

I owe people money

Okay, as guessed in my previous post, today was the day of the first lawn mowing. Gosh, we worked so much this weekend. Next one we'll be celebrating Lembit's birthday so we won't be working. Yay! I'm so there! Good food, relaxing and a cherry beer just for me!
And I just remembered I owe people money:
Ailen - 10 euros
Evelin - 20 euros
Lembit - 25 euros
Taavet - 500 euros
Blahhh! I really need a job to start paying off those loans. Plus I really need other stuff:
a new laptop
new underwear (if I get enough money I'll buy nice lingerie sets)
the Tiv Me set (I broke Lembit's)
more/better food
get my teeth fixed (if I'm super rich I might get braces)
The Sims 4 (okay I might download it illegally)

Yeah, that's about it. I don't have a lot of stuff I need

wish I could watch some films for the first time again

I wish I could watch some films for the first time again. Like I'm in the mood for Year One or Frozen but I've seen both of them about a hundred times and know everything that's about to happen.

three types of peas

Oh deary me! I'm actually tired today. From working.
I got up at about 9.15. Ate breakfast, a sandwhich.
Went working in our park, flattening the mole heaps.
Then at around13.00 I drank this diet drink. Like it's supposed to make you feel full and help you lose weight. And it actually worked, as in I didn't feel hungry til seven in the evening. Ate fried potato and two fish burgers.
Yeah...when the mole things were taken care of me and mum stacked logs together. Was fun, we talked about dying and ghosts.
Then I planted three types of peas!!! Ahhhh...cannot wait til summer to eat them. Mother said it will be a hot summer so we have to take extra care of the plants.
Tomorrow might be the first lawn mowing day.

Straight up throbbing!

Fuck! What did I just say in my last entry!?
I gotta admit, the first minute I saw this pic I got tingles in my pants :D
Straight up throbbing! So hot! My vagina surely liked what my eyes were seeing. But I'm afraid this kind of exposure will come around and bite him in the ass one day. Or suck on his dick. But it will come around.

Oh men!

Okay, some shit went down today.
Was supposed to meet up with this lad I have been chatting to quite some time and we've always postponed the meet up. But today it really seemed to happen. Thing is, it was pissin' out. And he was gonna come over on foot. And I was like "wanna push the meet up to next week?" and he said yes.
While talking to him I received a message from this another lad - click - and he said he really wanted to meet up. I asked him if he was really horny and he asked me to help him out. So I was all done up and shaved anyway so I wasn't gonna let it go to waste so we met.
Ugh, the thing is I quite fancy him. I'd like something more than just a sex relationship. But he only wants sex. Which is totally fine but not when I might get deeper feelings for him.
Yeah we're talking about our next meeting and what we're gonna do and shit. Ugh...dunno what to do about it.
Yeah and James Franco continues to be sexy as fuck which isn't making me feel any better.
Oh men!

True true

I'm on this sexy dating website. Normally I find the forum there really childish and annoying but found this little piece. True true. I put up with crap though cause it doesn't bother me really.