a hurtful motherfucker

Okay. Good news. I can go off Olanzapine. Saw my doc today and she said it would be a natural next step. But I wanna make sure I can stay off of it so I'm gonna leave four days in between taking 1,25mg. And when I can live like that for a while, I'll stop. Ahhhh, I'm excited! :D
And why I'm happy about is cause when I go off of it I can get pregnant. I still have escitalopram but apparently that's safe enough pill for pregnancy. Like I don't even have a man and it's my 7th or 8th single year running but whatever. When I actually get to planning one day, if it happens at all, probably never, then I'd like to be off all pills. But olanzapine is a hurtful motherfucker to fetus so I'm glad if I do get to go off of it.
Ahh.
Oh and dunno if I already elaborated on this on my blog but I'm so out of energy and motivation ever since stopping my iron pills. I wanna buy natural iron when I get paid. This synthetic stuff is horrible. Makes me feel so sick.
My mood is fine but I've lost all motivation about school and looking for a new place or a new/extra job. Ugh! I really gotta get my iron back up. Like when I wasn't feeling the side effects of the iron pills, I was on fire! So much energy and positive motivation. Like, no antidepressant has ever made me feel as alive as iron did. Wow. Weird thing is when my iron was at 5 something in january this year I felt fine. Started iron, got mad energy cause the iron went up. Then the iron started making me feel sick so I stopped when my ferritin level was at 15 and now, about two weeks later, I feel soooooo much worse than I did in january with extremely low ferritin levels. Like, I don't believe my iron dropped below 5 in two weeks from 15. Maybe just coming down from the high the pills gave me is really drastic and the change is really noticeable.
I dunno. Like I asked my mum already if she can pay half of my laptop after payment next month cause I wanna buy the super expensive natural iron. Maybe it won't be hard on me.

TS2662017