Baby, just break down!

Okay, my heart aches a little for my bike. I hope its chain drags out, I hope the gears completely stop working, I hope the break pads keep going against the wheels so it's annoying to ride, I hope the fucking wires go loose and they won't be able to break or change gears at all, I hope the saddle falls apart. Baby, just break down! Don't serve those cunts!