the tradition continues

*sigh*

And the tradition continues... I wished my mum a happy mothers' day today, on the 8th of May. I never fucking learn!

Õu ja ai

I wanted to tell Hedi about the courtyard and garden we had when I was a kid and how my cats had a big territory to explore.
Started the whole thing with "Meil oli õu ja ai".
It's that "Russian dialect" of mine again!😄

Time to get a cat

The other day I realized I've been single for a decade. Told Hedi. She said, "Time to get a cat. To celebrate the old maid status. Woooo!"

Felt stupid

lol

The neighbours upstairs are still "renovating" heir appartment.

This morning I was asleep as they were drilling and hammering upstairs. The hammering woke me up. Through my sleep I thought it was my flatmate knocking on my door. :D I woke up like, "Yeah, come in". When I fully woke up I realized it was the neighbours and the flatmate had gone to work already.

Felt stupid. :D

Also we were looking at all sorts of board games online and talking about them. At one point I said, "Ma tahan kumm olla." :D

I meant to say "vaim" but ended up going for "kummitus", then half way through the word I naturally cut it short to fit the "vaim" vibe. Yeah.

Other word-y things

Had a conversation with Hedi the other day. She couldn't remember the word "kuninganna" and said "nais-kuningas". :D

And a couple of weeks ago we were playing a board game with questions and stuff. I had to name a certain German composer.
I said Beethoven, the only one I could remember.
And Hedi said, what I heard, "Boduku".
I said, "Oh, I don't know that one. Never heard of him." :D
What she had actually said was "Paned lukku (vastuse)?" :D Shit. Things have been fun in quarantine.

We also Google translated some songs. One song said "Piiks, piiks, lits liigub". :D

Oh and the ventilator on my own laptop is making noises so I am using my mum's man's old laptop. Can't, don't want to take my own to get fixed right now.

WTF Russian!?

Губка Боб Квадратные Штаны

If I ever have a kid, this will be the first thing it ever says. Gonna raise a genius.

.com or .ee

Me and Hedi reading and talking about news on our phones while she  gives me throat lozenges

Me: See on komm vä?
Hedi: Ei, delfi.ee

:D

the skin wtihin

Fresh cauliflower and cheese&garlic dip is making me cry. So good.

And a health related update... looks like it's some sort of allergy or something. Basically, my breathing is compromised and some muscles in the body that are not supposed to work for breathing have been working. And they just tense up and I get headaches from them.

My ears still ache, get blocked, ring and get whooshing sounds. My nose is pretty much the same as ears, minus the whooshing. Luckily my headaches are rare and not as bad. I dunno how the spring and summer will affect it all.

Went to the ENT and neurologist again: hearing tests went great. Got a brain scan too, all fine there. So... I'm just going to get massages from the physiotherapist and... that's that. Trying to rinse out my nose with saline water and use whatever I can to moisturize the skin wtihin my nose.

Also been taking iron pills since october?, maybe. And have the blood doc next week. Wow, I hope my ferritin levels are way up now cause if not then... I'm gonna have to have blood transfusions which I never wanna have.

he's my baby brother

Me, calling mum: What are you guys up to?
Mum: Me and my man are eating cake, Lauri's downstairs aching his tooth and his girl's comforting him. Dunno how he's gonna get through the night. He has to go to the emergency tomorrow.
Me: I know he's 19 but is it a milk tooth aching? Cause if it is they can just pull it out.
Mum: *laughs at my stupidity*
Me: I wasn't sure cause I don't know any 19 year olds and he's my baby brother.

Yeah I fail at biology.

handle it

Okay yeah. I'm old.
Thought I'd start dating older men. Like not older than me, god no! But older than 25.
I'm really looking old these days and thought I'd opt out of dating young hot dudes myself, before they start rejecting me for being too old cause then I'd feel way too old.

Oh yeah and it's theatre week. Will see how I can handle it.

be right all along

Yeah, I just realized I'm way too fat. I hate how I've left the gym thing til now. I'd hate to go in there and look like a resolutioner. I planned to lose weight way in august okay!? Just my health plummeted horribly first. And I'm only now starting to feel better. And I think this is as good as I'm ever gonna feel for now and for a long time from now too.
So I guess the concensus is it's either from low ferritin but most likely from some annoying allergy. So my GP seemed to be right all along.

Went to town with Hedi

Me: "Mis asjad need siin maas on?"
Hedi: "Käbid."
Me: "A, ma mõtlesin, et porgandid või viinerid."
Hedi: "Keegi viskab viinerid maha: "Kasvage!""

Me: "Lähme sealt maja tagant, tiigi äärest."
Hedi: "Sauna taga, tiigi ääres..."
Me: "Mida see Miku Manniga seal tegi?"
Hedi: "Mängisid. Konni püüdsid."
Me: "Ma ei mäletanud enam. Nii need kuulujutud tekivad."

Kell on kaksteist, I sleep

So my brother and his gf are in town for new year's again.

Mum and her man are in town too but visiting someone else. We all saw the fireworks. Was nice. There was too big of a crowd though so I was too scared to react to anything thinking I might get anxiety. It was okay. Was super nice to be in town with my whole mum's side of the family!

Just got back home with the brother and his girl. On our way back, some woman slipped and fell flat on the ground and the brother said, "Kell on kaksteist, I sleep". :D What a dumbass! :D

Pointless, useless

Yeah, rode my bike to my mum's house for the holidays.
Fucked up my head and body again.

Have constant headaches and pressure in ears. No physical strength. Buzzing, trembling legs. Mild nausea. What the hell is this!??! I still haven't recovered from the ride on tuesday.
This is insane! I have no clue which doc to go to.

The only thing that seemed to help right away was antibiotics in september. This is what made me feel a little better til tuesday. I'mso fucked I can't even believe it.
Have neurologist in january or february and I know they won't do anything about it.

Pointless, useless.

shirtless

lol you know when you're a woman and have boobs... yeah I can't relate.
If my top were to be naked I wouldn't be topless I'd be shirtless... just like a man.

"something else"

Ughhh, I'm so sick of these damn bats beeping outside!
One of the fuckers flew into my room a while ago and me and Hedi had a long evening trying to get it out.
Had to buy a net for my window cause it's still kinda warm out and I wanna have my window open. But it being warm out also means those damn things are still awake and flying around. Why the hell are they in town!? You can always and forever hear them beeping outside.
And the net in front of my window is too thick for all that good fresh air to poor in and I cannot remove the thing when the bats are still awake!

Plus I think the whole health thing I have going, since february this year and especially bad since august, is cause of allergy. Like for sure.
Apparently, when talking to a doc, my ears have some pressure problems. The doc wasn't an ear specialist but this is something I believe in so I agree. My ears are always popping, my head is a mess and the back of my nose is irritated. I have hives all over my head and arms and sometimes legs. Fuck! I still have very little energy but it doesn't seem to be as bad as it was in august and september.

Apparently I am allergic to some trees/pollen and some grass but my shit started in february and is still going on now in october. The whole of spring and summer were dreadful too.
It is annoying when the allergist doesn't believe I have allergy problems. She sees my levels elevated but says if my nose isn't dripping and my eyes aren't watering then it's not allergy. Fuck! What!?
My eyes are dry, irritated, tired, itchy. My eyelids get red and swallen. So just cause they go dry instead of over watering it's not allergy.
Just cause I do not cough constantly or have tons of runny mucus I do not have allergy apparently. I have lost my voice on countless occassions since february. Every evening I spend with Hedi and we talk and laugh I lose my voice very very very very easily. And it's not just from talking, I just wake up in the morning and my voice is gone and my throat irritated. But no, it's not allergy.
When I do not get a runny nose I do not have allergy. It doesn't matter apparently that the back of my nose has been irritated since october last year, it doesn't matter my nose gets blocked and dry instead. It doesn't matter shit swells up in my head. It's not allergy.
My head is constantly feeling like shit, it's mix between a headcold and high blood pressure. My ears still have intense pressure in them, with shooting pains from time to time. I've had really bad headaches from my sinuses being inflamed. The swelling inside my head/face/ears is driving me crazy! I lose appetite and physical stamina.
It is not allergy when I get hives with increased levels of IgE.

No, it's not allergy. It's always "something else", "psychological". So yeah I'm back on escitalopram, plus pregabalin.

Dunno if I blogged but in september I was on antibiotics, klindamütsiin - another one I can handle, plus an allergy/rhinitis medication Cirrus.
After that I started the psych meds.
Allergist is an ass but put me on Montelucast for a month. Plus prescribed another allergy med for after. Says if this Montelucast med doesn't work then it clearly is not allergy cause "if the meds aren't working it's not allergy". Why don't you go tell that to cancer patients!? "If the meds and therapy aren't working and your cancer won't go away or comes back it's really not cancer, it's "something else", it's "psychological"."
What the fuck kinda logic is this!?
And it is beyond bizarre how when the meds prescribed by docs do not work they don't even start investigating any deeper but just say it's all in your head and that they can't help you. Well fuck! Maybe change jobs then if you're so incompetent!
Blah!

Home Is The New Improvement

So I'm trying to branch out a little and watch Orange Is The New Black. It was between that and Home Improvement and I decided to watch HI but said I'm gonna watch Home Is The New Improvement.
Yeah... I think you can tell I'm not in good shape right now :D

I hate this!

I pulled my neck this morning!
I hate this!

Plus my head still feels like shit!

We laughed

lol

Also me and Hedi asked each other trivia questions for fun today. There was a question about some american president with the initials W.W. We didn't know of this person and the only "unknown american president" (self-proclaimed, ahem) we knew about was Kanye West. And we called him Wanye West to fit the initials. :D We laughed.

And also a question about "Mexican Hairless" turned into a hairless mexican :D We laughed.

Also, a question for Hedi about Santa's reindeer. The ones whose names start with the letter D. She said, "The only one I know was Dixon. That one's for sure, don't know the rest. Maybe Dingo". :D Who the hell is Dixon?!

Oh and there was a question about the mistletoe plant. The colour of it's berries. Hedi said they're red. They're really white. We were both surprised. I said, "It must be some other plant then not holly with the red berries". She said "Yeah, Robert Plant". I said, "Yeah he's white". :D

Ah so much laughter and my head kills me. I am as stress free as I can be without my health problems. This fucking head thing just is never about stress. It must be something else.

they make it so easy

lol you just gotta laugh at the ridiculousness of gen z.
This chick was like, "I don't care, you can call me a snowflake but people get hurt by what people say".
And I simply said, "funny how you mention not caring about what someone calls you but post the rest of your novel about how people get hurt by what other say. It does sound like a snowflake".
And you know what that body positive, empowered female did?
She told me to get fucked and blocked me. :D 
I mean... shit, they make it so easy, for others to see how idiotic they just are :D 

Other than that, my headaches are in full throttle mode. I feel like there could be something serious going on by now. It's not normal to have headaches for two months straight.
Cute how doctors never did any tests. Literally none. No blood tests, no brain scans. They must be of gen z.