Gone to nowhere

So today was supposed to be the day when I was supposed to meet up with some girls from my forum. But since I hurt my legs yesterday, I'm not going anywhere. The scar on my foot is really bad and I cannot really bend my knee and I would've had to bike to Tartu. Oh well, maybe it's for the better this way.

My mother and her man and some relatives went to Latvia for the day. This is the randomest thing. They thought of going yesterday and they went today. If I were okay with travelling I would have gone along.

Yeah so I'm pretty uch finishing up the new look for the forum but I keep chaning the tiny icons and it's taking me forever to choose the right ones. Luckily the forum isn't too busy in the summer.

Anyway, been listening to the lovely Cara Dillon's album Hill Of Thieves. And I l o v e Verdant Braes Of Skreen:


And Spencer The Rover:

Saving Donna

So today turned pretty horrible. Sort of.
Went swimming with the whole family and our three dogs.
The place we went to has this deck. It's like... made of planks and they have gaps inbetween them. So what happened was that our dog Donna slipped and one of her hind legs went inbetween two planks, into the gap. The front of her slipped into water, off the deck. The sight of it was horrifying! Plus she was whimpering really badly. So the sound of it wasn't the nicest thing to witness either.
She was in this really awkward position flapping her front legs all over to place to find some balance.
My mother was sitting on the deckat the time, my brother was standing by, mother's man was far in the water and I was in the water, near the deck.
Everything happened really quickly but I was the closest to her to push her out the water, the front of her, or give her balance.
So I tried pushing her up and back on the deck but she was so heavy and panicky. My mother on the other sice, on the deck, was pulling her back. And at one point I know I pulled her leg out.
While I was trying to keep the front of her up I fell quite a few times.
The bottom of the water, lake wasn't sandy or anything, at the shore there are these horrible big stones underwater and they're so slippery.
And since everything happened so quickly and I rushed over to Donna and fell several times when trying to hold her up, I hurt my legs pretty bad.

There isn't that much blood but my knee is swollen and it doesn't show in the pic but near the little scar on my right leg there is a long red scrape up and down my leg. Plus two of my toes were bleeding and have an open scar under my left foot and a big bruise.
Luckily Donna seems to be okay. She stopped yelping as soon as she got her leg out of the gap.
It was horrible anyway. I totally thought she was gonna break her leg. She isn't limping or anything and the leg doesn't seem to bother her at all.
The whole thing was enough to set off my anxiety though. Just the sight of her in that awkward position and the whimpering. Ughhhhhhh, so horrible. My mother was scared that Donna might bite me when I went to push her up/on the deck cause she was really panicky.
Yeah so that was the end of the beautiful swimming day. My knee was bleeding quite a bit at first and I thought I might need stitching but the scar itself isn't that deep but the blow itself was bad.
The mother said this will make me and Donna closer so... I guess that's a good thing :)

You fucking shine through it all!

Woah! What's happened on blogger?!
Will take some time to get used to it.

Anyway, just wanted to post something. Today, I appreciate being a sister, having brothers and not being the only child.
That's the positive thing.

The bad thing is... I hate it when people tell me I've lost my "shine" or that I'm "not what I used to be at all". Okay, I'm sick, I get it. You wouldn't go up to a person who's had chemo therapy and go "wow, you don't look like you at all now that you're hair has fallen out" or "you look so sick and different".
Like, today I showed my mother videos and pics of the time when I lived in Ireland and she kept going on about how I had "such positive aura" back then and how I've lost it.

Well, fuck! You try to be positive when you are literally a prisoner in your own body that you don't know how to fix. When all minute everyday things become like the fucking grandest obstacles in your life. And I'm not even gonna talk about your damn dreams, career, education, relationships. You fucking shine through it all! I don't fucking have to please anyone nor do I have to listen to this positive aura crap!

so many little images and they're all wrong

Ughhh.......so many little images and they're all wrong! I swear I have created about a thousand images for my forum's new look. Only about....a little over 200 will be used though. Ugh, my head will explode if I have to do this one more day.

Other than that, went swimming twice today. Even my mother's man swam. And well, my brother didn't. He just stands in the water or outside the water and complains, making up excuses why he cannot swim. And then when everyone else is done and ready to go home he decides to go in the water. This kid!
I swear I care for him but he is really mouthy and hard to get along with. Mum says he's hitting puberty.

Oh and I bought a new Sims game - Generations. Will see how it fucks up my game. :D

knowing them properly

Okay, so there are bitches who  have disappointed me without me knowing them properly, some who I just cannot stand without me knowing them properly and some who just annoy me without me knowing them properly.
Some I've bitched about and some I haven't.
So right now, I'd like to say to all, suck it bitches and know I don't like you and no, I don't wanna get to know you properly. You suck, end of.

And as for men...well, it doesn't really matter cause I don't value your opinion, feelings or thoughts anyway.

Plus, I want a baby. Damn my anxiety! I'd so start working on it straight away if I wasn't on my pills and shit.