Super snowy

So I woke up one morning and it was snowing. I literally jumped out of bed, ran downstairs to the backgarden to film the snowfall. Pretty.



I went for a walk today, since it was super lovely and snowy out.
Met up with a friend. Took some pictures.
(Yes, I know, I'm a very charismatic and expressive poser)

This one is taken right outside my door


This one is in the park


Also in the park


In the park, by the river


Saw five swans


Two Swans

Thought about it before...

and why is sex so complicated. Why can't you just do it and enjoy it?
I'll never be able to take pills and I really don't like condoms and I cannot afford a baby right now.
Nevertheless, yesterday was great!
One of the greatest if not the greatest.
Today wasn't as fun cause I was giving myself a headache with...noise.
Think I have a cold. My nose feels funny as well.

Right, other stuff.
Didn't see my boyfriend since he gave me the presents.
Came over last night. I swear my legs are so sore. :D
Out of practice.

And I came to realise why I hate the idea of marriage so much.
It's because of my mother.
Growing up, my mother always and always told me to ring my father and ask for money.
They divorced when I was 5.
And now I realised that for the reason why I hate marriage I always say, "because that's buying stuff together, physical stuff, it has nothing to do with feelings".
I guess it's true, but there just might be something more to that.
Anyway, becuase of all the chanting, "Call your father! Call your father!" I find it really hard to be dependant on any man. And I cannot imagine having a house and all the things in it that's been bought with our shared money.
Blahh.

Other than that, I'm seriously addicted to crisps, E621.
I get very nervous and giddy when I haven't eaten crisps for a day.
Bad.


TS030110

Terrible night

Seriously, this must have been the coldest little fucker yet.
I was shaking all through the night.
Had the electric blanket on, boyfriend next to me, hood and socks on - no use.
On top of that, I felt sick.
Started last evening.
Couldn't eat, although me and my boyfriend got a delivery - Thai food.
He was stuffed.
Oh I got some Christmas presents off him.
Didn't feel like receiving Christmas presents, felt more like birthday.
Anyway, I got three films, a Westlife album and a fragrance.
The films: Semi-Pro, which neither of us had seen before.
We watched it last night, but fell asleep. Will have to watch it again.
Then Old School Unseen, which he has seen and I guess he liked it. Haven´t seen that one myself.
And then Tropic Thunder, which we went to see in cinema.
I love watching films over and over so it´s good he got it. I liked the film a lot.
I had told him he can get DVDs for me or Westlife´s new album.
I haven´t listened to it yet, but I like What About Now and I´ve liked Westlife forever so... very pleased.
Plus, the fragrance is Versace Woman. I was actually kind of surprised by that.
Boyfriend was joking that I look really young and the fragrance is kind of...for older women.
"Late twenties" as my boyfriend said and he made out that I look young and Woman is for older women so it balances me out. He was only messing, but I´m thinking he could be right.
I think he said I look like a young woman and smell like an old one now. :D

I got actually kind of worried that I cannot afford that many presents for him and he said it´s okay, cause I´ve a lot going on with hospitals and stuff and I deserve to be spoilt.

Don´t think I will see him this year anymore. He will go home to be with his family.
Anyway, I have three films and some new music to consume. I´ll be okay.
Think I will light a fire in the fireplace though, cause the house is too cold.
Hell, I could see my breath 15 minutes ago in my room.

Yeah, I´ll just pluck up the courage to go out to the cold and buy me something nice to eat.
I´d actually love to go for a walk, haven´t left the house in weeks.
Oh that reminds me - I don´t like it when I have a boyfriend and friend type of people ask me to go out to meet some men.
And when I tell them I have a boyfriend they´re like "Oh, but he´s cheating on you anyway", "So what!", "but the new lad is as big as a horse". That kind of bribing is very disrespectful.
When I have a boyfriend I have A boyfriend!

Absolutely ballistic

Right, today was the day that pretty much determined whether I will see tomorrow or not.
Had my first almost proper endoscopy today.
Was super nervous in the morning.
Watched Nemo all night and then slept for about and hour.
Got to hospital and started crying.
Usual stuff.
Cause of the nurses saw I was such a wreck I was given a bigger doze of sedation.
Felt my head go wheeeee...one of the nurses went, "You can feel it?"
I smiled and said, "Yeah" then opened my eyes and I was in the ward.
Neck was sore.
Asked a nurse if I had had it done.
She said no, cause I freaked out.
Was disappointed.

Didn´t feel to dizzy or weird.
Went to toilet, walked by a nurse.
Had four toasts with strawberry and orange jelly. Butter, tea, milk.
Later on the doctor came in to talk to all the patients about their sessions and results.
Think there was about 6, 8 people in the ward.
Doctor MD said he got in with the camera and all, but halfway through I woke up.
Said I went "absolutely ballistic".
And that I had mad strength and pulled the tube out of my stomach and that him and two nurses had to hold me down to control me. :D
I cannot remember any of it. Luckily.
Anyway, he said he only needed three more minutes to see the bottom of my stomach and because of me he didn´t see it.
He also said I really didn´t like something sitting in the back of my throat.
Damn right.
To be fair, before they started I told them I need to be fully asleep, cause if I see the camera or feel it go down my food pipe I´d freak out and have a panic attack.
So they were warned.

And I also had a little chat with the man next to me.
He had seen me brought in form the operation room.
He said that I was blabbing nonsense and wouldn´t lay down as the nurses told me.
Said I kept sitting up in bed and going bla bla bla...all drugged looking.
Can´t remember any of that either.
A bit embarrassing. :D

Anyway, think I finally had the thing done around 10 o´clock and I woke up conscious around 13:30.

Um, I don´t actually know now what I have to do or what my diagnosis is.
The doctor said stomach seemed to be okay based on as much as he saw.
He thinks I might have IBS like many other doctors before.
So he wants to check my intestines.
So around February I have to go back and have endoscopy simultaneously with colonoscopy.
Luckily I will have full on sedation then.
I´m not too nervous about it at the minute cause despite going mad during the session today I cannot remember anything, so I´m eagerly waiting for that appointment.


- Doctor MD said that when he was still learning to be a doctor he was put in a room with two other doctor students and the endoscopy camera and they had to perform the procedure on each other without any sprays or sedation. Like, once one was finished with you, they´d take the camera out and you´d do it on another student. Mad stuff.

- About colonoscopy. I was talking to a girl I´m living with about this and apparently they give you some powder for diarrhea the day before the procedure. And she said that someone she knows practically sat all day and night in toilet. :D Ooh fun times! Said the person had to go for a poop even after a cup of tea.

Nervous now

I´m up, cannot sleep.
Tomorrow, well...this morning is freaking me out.
So scared.
Endoscopy.
Fasting now.
I cannot wait ´til Tuesday when everything is over.
Creating different layouts for my blog with this one programme.
Hopefully I can buy the full thing and install the templates here.
And I´m really disturbed cause of Brittany.
That is so scary.
When Michael Jackson died, I just shrugged it off like...meh.
Cause he was sick looking anyway with his skin and face.
Brittany was a young chirpy woman, you wouldn´t think such a thing can happen.
And it made me worry about my health now as well. More than usually.