unravelled

Oh dear. Some shit unravelled at work today :D
Oh man. All this time I've been conversing with my co-worker about my crush and she has been telling me about him. Today we found out we have been talking about two different people all along. For months.
Argghh, I'm back to square one on that front again. I can't even remember how it unravelled but she said he had broken up with his girlfriend and was looking for some new ones. On facebook apparently. And she told me to hit him up on there. And I said I don't even know his last name. And then she said they have name placards on desks. And I was like, "What!?" Cause my crush works in the garage part fixing cars. Ain't nobody got any desks or name placards over there. And then we realised we have been talking about two different guys all this time.
Like, she had previously told me to talk to him and I was like I can't, cause I never see him. And she today said she thought it was really weird I don't see him cause we work in the same part of the building.
Oh and he doesn't have a daughter either. My co-worker is russian and she messes up words like "tütar", "tütarlaps" and "tüdruk".
Fuuucckk! :D What a crazy fucking day! Starting with my tooth and then I learn I know absolutely nothing about my actual crush and know shit about this other dude. Like this other dude my co-worker was talking about I've talked to him quite a lot, especially when I started working there and I have no feelings for him whatsoever.
Also if I understood this correctly, apparently I added the dude's girlfriend to my friend list on Facebook. I have old family members there and about 4 friends. Who of them dates him!? One of them must have dumped him. I wanna ask him tomorrow. Cause I do not add random strangers to my friend list on there.
Also all I know about my crush now is that he is "the intelligent type" and "a good chap".

you bitch tooth

Just got back from the dentist. Man, I was trembling soooooo much. Anxiety was through the roof. I kept apologizing for shaking so much. It was very visible and I struggled to keep my mouth open cause my body was jerking all kindsa ways and I had no control over it. Fuck!
And it turns out, the tooth isn't a wisdom tooth. It's a necessary one so I'm gonna do the whole 350 euro treatment to it. Fun times. :D I don't even know if I have a job in June when I have to go there next so...dunno if I even have the money at that time. This will be my first root canal.
Also I was prescribed antibiotics. Okay, you bitch tooth. You better not start inflaming or aching again. I got a little treatment to it today to stop the pain but I probably have to buy the antibiotics too. Have no clue how I'm gonna take them cause they fucking kill me. Ughhhhhh.
Anyway, I'm starving now but not allowed to eat. Think I'll just try to sleep a little. I'm too scared though cause I just know I will get the pain again.

You cause me so much pain

Craps! Why is it that every time I start feeling sleepy early, go to sleep and wake up feeling like shit a couple of hours later. It's ALWAYS like that. This time it's my tooth. Won't let me sleep. Now will stay up and go to the dentist for 8am. Have to pull that shithead out. Fuck you, bitch! You cause me so much pain! And what's weird is that, it doesn't hurt as much when I'm up. It only goes unbearable when I'm laying down or trying to sleep. I'm so done with this damn fucker. Think it's a wisdom tooth anyway.

health wise and also money and comfort wise

Okay, today was... a day.
I actually went over to the big car shop boss and asked him if he decides to decline the cleaning company's offer whether I could still work in the shop for another cleaning company. He told me to leave my name and number. I did. Just in case.
I told my supervisor that I feel like health wise I wanna stay in the car shop. I didn't tell her I left my name and number with the boss.
Like I feel a little like I betrayed the cleaning company but I mean, I am working for myself. So I wanna work where I can and want. Just hope if I get transfered those people are as normal as my current cleaning company's people. I have no problem whatsoever with my job company but I don't wanna clean another object cause of my anxiety. Gotta do what most suitable for me, health wise and also money and comfort wise.
I just hope nobody gets mad at me and that it doesn't come back to bite me in the ass somehow.

We good? Okay.

Ah, just noticed I haven't blogged in a week! How!? lol
Well, don't wanna jinx it but I'm doing a lot better health wise. No effing jinx, okay body!? We good? Okay.
I got prescribed even smaller dosage of Olanzapine. Right now I'm taking a quarter of 10mg every other day. Will buy the 5mg one and take a quarter of that every four? days.
Like this.
2,5mg
no pill
1,25mg
no pill
And then 2,5 again and so on
I just slowly tapering.

Yeah and my disability money business should be sorted. Get good money from there.

But my job stuff is still uncertain. Dunno if the car shop and the cleaning company can compromise. Should find out this week. If I understood correctly if the car shop doesn't accept our offer then this should be my last week at work. Or maybe a little longer then so they can find a new cleaning company.
If they don't accept the cleaning company's offer and call off the contract I wanna stay in the car shop. And not with the cleaning company. Like, the people at the cleaning company are super nice to me but I gotta think of my anxiety and money.
It would be healthier for me to stay there. I'm just thinking of asking them what new cleaning company they're going for, the car shop, then contact the new company and tell them I already work at the shop and would like to keep cleaning there and if it would be okay to switch cleaning companies and work for them. Hopefully it will be as easy.
But maybe the car shop accepts the offer and all is good. I just hope they won't make me work on saturdays cause I'd like to go to mum's place in summer at the weekends.