Fez: It's called jazz, you Philistine.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Crazy bongo music
Fez: It's called jazz, you Philistine.
I've had enough of those Y chromosome motherfucking retards
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So my father was lovely enough again to come and preach.
I'm so sickened by his repulsive chauvinism and sexism!!!!!!
I'm forever asking my stepmother to tell me what to do in the household to help her and she says she'll tell me when she needs help. And here is my father again telling me to help her. I told him I wasn't gonna do anything because he tells me to, I only do things the stepmother tells me cause she is the boss no matter how much the father believes he is. He really is the typical man that comes home from work and does fuck all. And then complains how my stepmother has to do everything. I told him she goes to work aswell and doesn't get to sit and relax at home cause nobody does anything. And that very same thing he told me aswell, plus he once said (about me) when there's a woman in the house the place has to be spotless. So I asked him why isn't he doing anything and he was like "I'm not doing anything? I'm not doing anything!?" And then he went on to rant about how everyone gets food and shelter with his money. And I was like okay but the stepmother does exactly that, goes to work but when she comes home she doesn't get to relax. And my father thinks I'm supposed to help her cause I'm a woman. I asked him what would happen if I didn't live here, would she have to do everything herself. And he said no, then we (him and my brother) would help her. Seriously, fuck him with his sexism and chauvinism!!! I'm never gonna do what he tells me to do (or in his words he asks me).
Ugh, I just hate how everyone's stuck in this stupid stereotype of people, like when you're a woman you're a fucking housewfie with no personality, opinion and mind. A woman is just a machine men fuck when they feel like it. And you fucking have to shag the prick cause you're a woman. And when you're 25 you have to be half way through your big successful career, have a 30 000 acre land, a 5 million euro house, 5 kids and a fucking king who you fucking worship while he sits on his pricky throne and bosses bitches around and farts his damn ass off and picks on his bellybutton fluff. FFFFUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WILL NEVER EVER GET FUCKING MARRIED OR DO ANYTHING FOR ANY MAN. EVER!!! EVER!!!! NEVER FUCKING EVER! They can all suck one another's cocks and fucking die, shitty pricks! I swear my next partner will be a woman, I've had enough of those Y chromosome motherfucking retards.
So my father was lovely enough again to come and preach.
I'm so sickened by his repulsive chauvinism and sexism!!!!!!
I'm forever asking my stepmother to tell me what to do in the household to help her and she says she'll tell me when she needs help. And here is my father again telling me to help her. I told him I wasn't gonna do anything because he tells me to, I only do things the stepmother tells me cause she is the boss no matter how much the father believes he is. He really is the typical man that comes home from work and does fuck all. And then complains how my stepmother has to do everything. I told him she goes to work aswell and doesn't get to sit and relax at home cause nobody does anything. And that very same thing he told me aswell, plus he once said (about me) when there's a woman in the house the place has to be spotless. So I asked him why isn't he doing anything and he was like "I'm not doing anything? I'm not doing anything!?" And then he went on to rant about how everyone gets food and shelter with his money. And I was like okay but the stepmother does exactly that, goes to work but when she comes home she doesn't get to relax. And my father thinks I'm supposed to help her cause I'm a woman. I asked him what would happen if I didn't live here, would she have to do everything herself. And he said no, then we (him and my brother) would help her. Seriously, fuck him with his sexism and chauvinism!!! I'm never gonna do what he tells me to do (or in his words he asks me).
Ugh, I just hate how everyone's stuck in this stupid stereotype of people, like when you're a woman you're a fucking housewfie with no personality, opinion and mind. A woman is just a machine men fuck when they feel like it. And you fucking have to shag the prick cause you're a woman. And when you're 25 you have to be half way through your big successful career, have a 30 000 acre land, a 5 million euro house, 5 kids and a fucking king who you fucking worship while he sits on his pricky throne and bosses bitches around and farts his damn ass off and picks on his bellybutton fluff. FFFFUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WILL NEVER EVER GET FUCKING MARRIED OR DO ANYTHING FOR ANY MAN. EVER!!! EVER!!!! NEVER FUCKING EVER! They can all suck one another's cocks and fucking die, shitty pricks! I swear my next partner will be a woman, I've had enough of those Y chromosome motherfucking retards.
Happy birthday "in advance"
Okay, talked to my mother today and thought it was the 12th. My mum's birthday is on the 13th, today.
But since I thought it was the 12th I wished her happy birthday "in advance". Oh well, at least she found it funny.
But since I thought it was the 12th I wished her happy birthday "in advance". Oh well, at least she found it funny.
Card Of The Day - Guinevere
Pic on the way, the father's recharging the camera
Okay, this card is about finding love. True love, romantic love. I can't say there is actually anyone who I have my eye on but...maybe once I go to Tartu things will stir up a bit. I was very surprised to get the card cause...I just cannot relate to it at all. At all!
Although I've been listening to Biebs' Somebody To Love. I love that song! It's my jam! It's my love jam! I like the Justin only version, yeah even thte Glee version with sexy Kevin McHale isn't doing it for me as much as my love jam. But I do love Kevin's bits in the song but they're like totally out of context, in their own McSex juice, that's why they're hot.
Anyways, today I spent most of the day on my bike. I need to excerice cause I'll be going to Tartu in a couple of weeks time cause my first exam is on the third of May and I gotta give myself some time time to get used to Tartu, with my aniety and all. Yeah, I rode about 30 kilometres today, so I should be good for the day cause my first stop on the way to Tartu will be after 30. And then it's another 60 km. It took me about 2 hours to cover 30 km but I didn't feel to tired and could've gone longer but afterwards my legs were a bit weak and shaky.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Living in fear. Wet potatoes laying on the ground, drying in the sun
It turns out I'm living in fear. I kinda always knew it but things get slightly better when I admit to it, out loud.
Back when I lived in Ireland and was seeing my psychologist and I was whining about life and always feeling sick. I said the always feeling down and sick business was taking up so much of my time, energy and life and everything pretty much revolved around it and my life was shitty. She then asked me what good things I could name when it came to feeling sick, what were the benefits. I said I hated my job at the time and when feeling sick I didn't have to go to work. So....it wasn't like I stayed home and felt super great and did fun shit, I still felt sick but I guess it was a benefit, not going to work.
So now I'm thinking what do I benefit out of feeling sick now. I've been unable to eat for about three/four weeks now and that stops everything else cause I cannot do anything besides concentrate on feeling sick and weak. Anyway, today when talking to my stepmother about it I asked myself what are the benefits of feeling sick now. Everything seems to be fine and I just cannot eat. The only thing I have to do right now is study for my exams. So it's only logical that my mind got fucked up and messed up my stomach so I would feel sick and wouldn't be able to study cause studying and exams make me nervous and anxious. I swear, this body!!!!
I'm most definitely not going back to hospital cause they'll just force me to eat there and chant "eat, eat, eat, quicker, quicker, quicker" and it won't help at all. And I'm most definitely not seeing any psychologists either cause they don't help. At all. Not me anyway.
What I'm doing is I'm going...really for real now, back on Xanax and see what that does to me. Plus I'm also taking Omeprazole for my stomach.
Yeah...oh and I hung out with my father today. He managed to piss me off in the morning but...meh. And think it was yesterday when he walked into my room in the morning and closed the window! And later on during the day he walked into the room again and said my room was cold and he closed the window! It also happened this morning and later on he walked in again and I said, "I'm not cold, leave it open". Ughhhhhhh. THE WINDOW AND MY FATHER!!!!!
Anyways, he got out his own bike today which means me and the stepmother can go riding together! Whoop!
I peddled down to our garden where he was already working. Well, kinda. We just stood there and looked at wet potatoes laying on the ground, drying in the sun. We have a basement in the garden and now that the snow is thawing there's puddles everywhere, bodies of water overflowing and basements flooded. Well, since it happened last year aswell the parents took most of the stuff out before the snow started melting. Only one box of carrots drowned.
Yeah so we were just standing there and talking. I had taken one Xanax so I was pretty chilled when he started preaching. He also told me about his tough life in the Russian army in the seventies. He said he was almost killed two, three times. And that he was at the Chinese or Japanese border with his...military group. Whatever those things are called. He said there were many people killed amongst the army men. I was really surprised, like how are you supposed to trust your life into those people's hands when they can't even cope amongst themselves, let alone in a battle/war with some other country. Oh and he was in the army for two years.
Then after the chat he chopped some branches and twigs off of trees while I tried to hide from the cold wind and warm self in the sun.
When he was done I sawed the branches and twigs into smaller bits while he was walking around assessing the land. Then we cycled home and went for a little drive around town. In a car like. It freaked me out so much. I swear it took like two minutes and I was weeping. I just cannot be in any form of machine with an engine. Blah.
Back when I lived in Ireland and was seeing my psychologist and I was whining about life and always feeling sick. I said the always feeling down and sick business was taking up so much of my time, energy and life and everything pretty much revolved around it and my life was shitty. She then asked me what good things I could name when it came to feeling sick, what were the benefits. I said I hated my job at the time and when feeling sick I didn't have to go to work. So....it wasn't like I stayed home and felt super great and did fun shit, I still felt sick but I guess it was a benefit, not going to work.
So now I'm thinking what do I benefit out of feeling sick now. I've been unable to eat for about three/four weeks now and that stops everything else cause I cannot do anything besides concentrate on feeling sick and weak. Anyway, today when talking to my stepmother about it I asked myself what are the benefits of feeling sick now. Everything seems to be fine and I just cannot eat. The only thing I have to do right now is study for my exams. So it's only logical that my mind got fucked up and messed up my stomach so I would feel sick and wouldn't be able to study cause studying and exams make me nervous and anxious. I swear, this body!!!!
I'm most definitely not going back to hospital cause they'll just force me to eat there and chant "eat, eat, eat, quicker, quicker, quicker" and it won't help at all. And I'm most definitely not seeing any psychologists either cause they don't help. At all. Not me anyway.
What I'm doing is I'm going...really for real now, back on Xanax and see what that does to me. Plus I'm also taking Omeprazole for my stomach.
Yeah...oh and I hung out with my father today. He managed to piss me off in the morning but...meh. And think it was yesterday when he walked into my room in the morning and closed the window! And later on during the day he walked into the room again and said my room was cold and he closed the window! It also happened this morning and later on he walked in again and I said, "I'm not cold, leave it open". Ughhhhhhh. THE WINDOW AND MY FATHER!!!!!
Anyways, he got out his own bike today which means me and the stepmother can go riding together! Whoop!
I peddled down to our garden where he was already working. Well, kinda. We just stood there and looked at wet potatoes laying on the ground, drying in the sun. We have a basement in the garden and now that the snow is thawing there's puddles everywhere, bodies of water overflowing and basements flooded. Well, since it happened last year aswell the parents took most of the stuff out before the snow started melting. Only one box of carrots drowned.
Yeah so we were just standing there and talking. I had taken one Xanax so I was pretty chilled when he started preaching. He also told me about his tough life in the Russian army in the seventies. He said he was almost killed two, three times. And that he was at the Chinese or Japanese border with his...military group. Whatever those things are called. He said there were many people killed amongst the army men. I was really surprised, like how are you supposed to trust your life into those people's hands when they can't even cope amongst themselves, let alone in a battle/war with some other country. Oh and he was in the army for two years.
Then after the chat he chopped some branches and twigs off of trees while I tried to hide from the cold wind and warm self in the sun.
When he was done I sawed the branches and twigs into smaller bits while he was walking around assessing the land. Then we cycled home and went for a little drive around town. In a car like. It freaked me out so much. I swear it took like two minutes and I was weeping. I just cannot be in any form of machine with an engine. Blah.
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