it's a dorm

So I went to see my therapist today. Looked at job offers together. Found one, sent a CV straight away. And got a call a few minutes later to go there...I guess for an interview or something.
It's a janitor position but full time and for 700 euros. Like what!? And the woman said only kitchens and bathrooms need to be cleaned. Oh it's a dorm.
No toilets or hallways.
It's a 5 storey building, with 2 bathrooms and 1 kitchen on each floor. And they're looking for two janitors. For some reason the length of the workday is supposed to be 9 hours but like...What are you gonna clean there for that long?
She said the current workers work for 6 hours and do everything - kitchens, bathrooms, toilets, hallways. So why the fuck would you need 9 hours for less things to clean?
She said they were not happy with the current workers as they didn't make the rooms clean enough, that they were struggling with time and to get everything done. And apparently their pay wasn't too motivating. The workers so far have been a cleaning company workers. Now they're looking for their own, that's why they wanna pay this much. They want really good janitors who keep stuff clean.
I really liked it there. And the pay is good. I hope i will get it and that I can handle it, anxiety/health wise and also everything else wise aswell. Should find out on monday if I got the job or not.

Yeah and then I shattered my phone at work:

It seems it's just the toppest screen.The phone itself seems to work fine and I can see enough. Thank goodness I had the case around it. The kicker is, the afterpayments for the phone end in February next year. Will have to go and see if I can get a new screen.

And then on my way home from work my bike tyre broke. Well, it went completely flat. Ughhh. Have to go sort that one out tomorrow, no doubt.

so far

Okay, I don't wanna fucking jinx it but so far the new place has been really good. Sooo much better than my last place.
I have a feeling though that I might be struggling to pay the rent. I am actively looking at new or extra places to work at. I even went to a place. It's like old folks home or something. To be a janitor. They also offered me a carer position lol But I turned everything down. Cause of mum. She said don't og, people are sick and die there, it's basically like a hospital. I think I might have tried it The work would have ended at 4pm and I would have made it to my current workplace in time for 6pm. But the problem was I was gonna be a "replacement janitor". As in if some other janitor goes on a vacation I would have been the subsitute. Like, I'd have work all the time but if someone went away I'd replace them. Meaning I'd have to work all over the place in the building. That doesn't sit right with me. I need my tiny area to clean. I need stability and routine.
Will keep looking.

I wanna cuddle

I saw a cute guy today while riding home from work on my bicycle. When I went past him I was like, "Shit, I wanna turn around and see him, talk to him, do him, etc". And then thought, "Too bad I look like a troll, he'd never look at someone like me". Then I realised he did look at me, but not like look look but like "Hey look, there's a troll on a bicycle".
Yeah I'd like to get closer to the dude I met on sunday though. We talked a little. Found out we noth like sci fi and comedy films. Said my fave was The Core. He said he has never seen it and I said we can watch it together sometime if he wants to and he said, "jep, why not ". Hopefully next weekend then. I wanna cuddle. Shit, I think it's the 8th single year running already for me.

Used it

Oh my goodness. I feel so poorly. I actually have sort of a headache. Couldn't sleep last night. Tried to take a nap just now, woke up feeling worse.
Have little problems eating, gagging and throat locks. Get anxiety in shops a little. Can't sleep long or well. Feel sick in general and in pain (abdomen and head). Oh and I have itchy hands.
Oh the funs of a pill withdrawal.
I'm pretty sure I could handle being off the pill cause my health is a lot better but the withdrawal period is super hard to overcome.
Just had to take more Olanzapine. Last time I took a pill was last sunday. Can't go over a week wihout it.

Yeah, also met the guy I was supposed to meet. First time since I dunno when. What, January?
He was super nice. I hope he liked me too. I could really be with someone like him. Like... I was gonna say in a relationship but I'm not gonna be desperate and say I could just spend time with him some more. :)
Like I had super anxiety when meeting up with him but I took loadsa Valium so I calmed down eventually. Oh and I also broke out the mascara my mum had bought me months ago for the first time. Used it. It was all nice, nothing lovey dovey yet or anything sexual so yay! Hopefully he wants to meet up again. He said we should but he jsut could've been polite.
Yeah, I'd hype more about it but I feel too sick. Shit, might even take a painkiller for the head.

Might get confusing

Okay so I'm pretty much off olanzapine. Been having no appetite whatsoever. But not feeling sick. This appetite thing was kinda expected so I'm not freaking out.
Last night though... I had the gagging/locked throat experience again after years of not having this symptom. I haven't eaten today yet but shit! I hope I won't have that symptom for life again. I guess I can almost deal with it for a short period of withdrawal but not for ever and ever again. A little worried.
Also, I might be seeing a guy on sunday. He's names Lauri lol. Same as my bro.
So if I start going out with him it'll be Lauri and Diana and my borther's Lauri and his girl's Jaana :D
Might get confusing in familial context and situations. Yeah I'm supposed to go over to his place to play xbox or something :D I know I'm 31 but I still think an xbox date is better than sex date. I think he's 23.