the sky turned pitch black and the moon appeared to be torn to shreds

Oh dear. This unbearably hot weather is causing nightmares.
Last night I had a dream of the end of the world.
I remember seeing it very vividly when the sky turned pitch black and the moon appeared to be torn to shreds. It was weird cause the sun seemed to become "extinct" but it's the one illuminating the moon.
I remember I just kept on rambling about killing myself cause I was too scared to go through the whole thing alive.
Hm, I think the feeling and situation can be applied to my current feeling about life and situation.
Speaking of applying... I'll be applying for some university courses later on today. Will see how all that goes.
I don't understand why it's so necessary to put singing abilities as crucial everywhere. Singing can hardly be associated with music. Fuck, I wanna do traditional music and instruments and I have to fucking sing!
I. do. not. sing.
It's like, say you wanna be a chef and the university tells you to kill a lion with your two bare hands. Like, lion is meat and it's food and you wanna be chef. It's exactly like that with doing music and singing. Not everyone's a fucking singer but might be really good at playing some instrument or composing and they cannot do it cause you have to fucking sing.

I'm scary, bitches!

Ugh, what a horrible day it was. Well, most of it. The rest of it was great.
It was too hot for me. I couldn't breathe properly for the most of the day.
When the sun was setting it got a bit better. I even mowed the lawn and hung out with my brother and his friend. Took the dogs swimming and then went for a bike ride.
Man, I saw this frog belly up on the road. I went over to check on it and it was still alive. My heart broke.

Oh and my mother forgot to buy me pills. She was so scared of me giving out to her she didn't come up to my room to say hello as she usually does when she gets home from work. Ha! I'm scary, bitches!

My mother's been looking at flats in Tartu.We might be moving soon since the mother and her man are... pretty much over and done.
Even my brother asked the mother today when this how-d'ye-do is gonna end. We'll see.

something that looks like a dandelion but is not

Had I known better I never would have been stung by a bee. I was walking in shamrock and didn't think it has flowers. Well, I was wrong. My mother loves shamrock so much she didn'tmow the lawn where it was growing (the tiny bit at the left side is the mowed lawn):

Yeah and had I known better I wouldn't have eaten strawberries that give me hives. I'm quite convinced that my immune system is a lil weak cause of the antidepressants I'm taking and that's why I had the fever when the bee stung me and the allergic reaction to strawberries.. I've quit eating the ones growing in the garden but I gathered some wild ones today and I just had to eat them:

Took the dogs for a run and saw this pretty yellow flower:

I'm thinking they're all weeds but the flowers are nice, like the purple ones. I didn't recoginse it while taking the pic but on the left side there's a flying bee:

This is an old farm building I believe.

That's our old shed/garage. My mother's (ex-)man says it's only matter of days before the thing collapses:

I dunno how my body will react to all the berries you can eat in the summer butI'm gonna eat them anyway. These ones here will go red soon:

And then something that looks like a dandelion but is not:


Yeah... so July is gonna be a bit boring since my doc is on her holiday. I don't really have any reasons to go to Tartu now. Although I'm thinking of meeting up with some girls on my forum. Dunno whether I'll go or not.
Speaking of... ugh, I cannot wait to be done with the pink look for the forum cause I've been doing it for forever. At least I've been able to stay away from the place for quite a while or... for limited activities.

Ughhh, I feel so uncomfortable cause of all the drama in the house.
I totally feel like getting away from it all cause I can't handle any kind of unnecessary negative emotion at the minute.
I didn't even feel this depressed when my grandparents died.
I need positive energy from somewhere.
Think I will ring my stepmother later on.

The ever so beautiful cornflowers

Well, other than crazy drama and man-hating that went down yesterday, it was a lovely enough day. I totally miss going to Tartu on bike so I thought I'd just go down there for no reason one of these days. I went for a bike ride yesterday so. I came across these little cuties:

Snail baby


Frog baby behind


Frog baby front

Oh my god, the lil frogs are so cute.

And I managed to get a half decent pic of the "labrador" we have:


And here's the pup in front of this pretty bush

And here are my fave flowers:


The ever so beautiful cornflowers